I'm so cross with myself... I feel like I failed

Splish & Masons mum

Splish & Masons mum

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Yesterday I took my 5yo out for a hack at one of our fairly local XC courses, I went with a few friends, one of whom is also my instructor.
We had a lovely hack, and they jumped a few fences (I didn't!) but I wanted to have a play in the water complex. (walk in/walk out complex)
Should be easy I thought, as Mason had been bought from a puddley field, and had been round our gallops at home when they flooded knee deep in Feb this year.
Well, it wasn't straighforward at all. He walked right up to the edge, put his head down, snorted a bit, then refused to go in.
I tried following another horse, nope.
tried a few more times to get him to go in nicely with no luck.
I eventually got really cross, growled at him, and gave him some big pony club kicks, and used my whip, but all he did was back up, try to spin, and mini rear with me. The more he did this, the less confident I got, so in the end I tried to get off and lead him through while I went round the edge, nope, he jumped up and joined me on the ledge round the edge.
After about 20 minutes, (with everyone else going in and out merrily) I gave up, and my instructor got off her horse, got on mine, and proceeded to ride him through the water with only minimal protest from him.
I got back on him, and he went through fine, even trotted through, but I'm so cross that I couldn't make him do it straight off and she could. I feel like I failed somehow, that I lost my first battle with him yesterday :(

Am I being too hard on myself? How do I make sure I win the next battle? did I wait too long before getting cross - my friend said I asked him nicely too many times, by which point he'd wound himself up into a tizz.

thanks for reading x
 
I would try not to refer to it as a 'battle' that was won or lost.. more of a learning curve for you both.

I wouldnt worry, you will have more curves along the way you can both work on together.
 
You're being too hard on yourself! :) The important thing is he did it in the end, so next time he'll be even more confident and won't have an excuse. And ditto above, don't think of it as a battle you have to win or lose, the more you fight him and force him, the less willing he will be. Just be positive and encouraging! And be proud you actually tried - I wouldn't have, I'm a wuss when it comes to XC! xx
 
I understand how you feel, but as others have said, don't think of it as a battle, but as a learning curve for both of you. If we were all born brilliant and perfect riders, we wouldn't need instructors :D. Plus, sometimes it's just a different rider that is needed; it could just of easily been the other way round. One of those days hun. Lesson learnt. Just go on and enjoy your lad :)

Hot choccy!
 
Don't be cross with yourself - he did it in the end and there was no harm done. It's easy to say and really hard to do, but 'getting really cross' is often the worst thing you can do with a horse - you will ride less effectively, be less clear headed, and transmit tension to your horse. Even if it's actually yourself you are cross with not the horse, you have to put that to one side and calmly proceed with the job in hand. Asking firmly is very different to asking angrily!

I think you did exactly the right thing in asking your instructor to hop on rather than letting the situation escalate until he had a bad experience. As it is, it sounds like he didn't have a bad time, so you haven't lost anything.
 
As others have said, the important thing is he did it. Most young horses will refuse to go in water but eventually, when they learn to trust you that it isn't in fact a bottomless whole they will get confident and go in no probs.
 
I would say difficult to do i know as i had this the other day with my 3 yr old and water but dont let yourself get wound up so easily/quickly. admit that if it takes 3 hrs to get him to walk in then so be it. be firm and keep getting him to follow a friend if he will and also try and be confident in yourself and belive in yourself and stay with him. He is trying it on as he went in with your instructor. he is looking for confidence from you but also testing you to see if you really want to make him go. stick with it. not easy i know as i have one just like it but they do give up qucker once this process starts.
 
I don't think it was a bad result at all - at least he went in in the end! What does it matter whether you or your instructor was the first to do it?
 
thanks for all comments, they have all made me feel better!
I guess the fact that he was so good for my instructor, but not for me made made me feel like I am a failure.
I think the reason I felt so cross was that I know he's been in water with me before, so I couldn't understand why he wouldn't do it again - I guess horses minds work in mysterious ways!
anyway thanks again, I knew I could rely on you guys to tell me I was being silly!
xx
 
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