Is it worth getting yourself reposessed to keep a horse?

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chrispy38

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My sister has my neices' first 2 ponies plus the x race horse she now rides (with little success). She hasn't had a holiday in 12 years. Her house is equally neglected & looks like it's about to fall down. Her poor husband is selling his guns next month to pay the mortgage! But she has threatened to leave him if he makes her sell the horses! And my younger neice never gets a mention, she just gets dragged around the shows

And all for what? My neice is never going to be an olympic rider. Last week the went to Coventry, paid £200 for the entry fee and came last!

My daughter rides, and would love her own horse, but it's not going to happen. She's just got herself a Saturday job with Mark Corbett, and loves it.

Any ideas on how I can drum some sense into her (she's 42, so old enough to know better!):(
 
I doubt you can drum anything into a mature woman who chooses her own choices in life.
It may be a case of her making her bed and possibly lying in it until the point comes where she realises that things need to change.

harsh but a reality for alot of people.
 
That's terrible. Sorry, I have real issues with people (and it seems to mostly be women) who use emotional blackmail to get what they want. What a nasty thing to do. Doe she not work and, if not why not? If she does work then does it not pay enough to pay bills etc? She should look at getting a new job, working more days (if she only works part time) or getting an additional job to support her hobby. She shouldn't expect others to pay for her hobby and it is certainly not worth risking losing a house over.

If she doesn't work then she bloody should be working if she wants to lead this sort of lifestyle!

To be honest, i think her husband needs to put his foot down and maybe call her bluff on the whole "I'm leaving you" rubbish! Who'd pay for the horses if she did that??!
 
I adore my mare more than anything. But, as much as I love her and would do anything for her, a roof over my head (a cheaper, smaller one in a less nice area if needs be) I'm afraid comes before a roof over hers! It sounds from what you say that some of the costs she is racking up aren't really essential 'keeping a horse' costs. As a first step towards saving money shows and trips out would be one of the first things to go or at least be cut back. Perhaps if you point out to her that she can keep and enjoy her horses for less that might help. Also, if her house does get repossed, how in the world would she expect to be in a position to look after her horses?! Does she pay for the horses herself or does her husband? The one who pays the bills gets the say tbh. If she doesn't pay for the keep of the horses then that would be a good first step too!
 
let her get on with it. Try not to get mixed up in her mess, you will end up in tears and wont have changed a thing in the meantime. She needs to touch bottom to then grow up. Im sure her husband and children will cope, one way or the other. As for her horses, maybe it would be better if she sold them, for the moment.
 
I love all of our horses to bits, but if it came to it, and we had to sell them to survive - we would...... We would try everything under the sun to NOT have to sell them, but if it was that or be evicted or not be able to eat (and therefore not able to care for them as they require) then they would go.

Thankfully with 27 or so horses, (actually I think we have 44 properties at the moment (spread over 3 of our 4 properties) it wouldnt come to having to part with all of them!!!

We have often looked at what we have and what we could part with to cut down on the work load and cost.....
 
Happened to my friend. She had 3 ponies and a cob. She and her husband split up because he wanted her to sell them and she wouldn't. Their house was reposessed and she and her husband were given a council house each. I loaned one of the ponies for two years, and the two other ponies were loaned out for quite a few years after I gave up loaning the one I had, so she only had two to keep for a few years. Even though she was in debt, the ponies were still shod and they were all stabled every night in the winter, even though they were all more than capable of living out.

Atfer ten years apart, she and her husband got back together and managed to buy a house and five years later they re-married. Still has two of the ponies (both in their thirties) and the cob.

Not having holidays doesn't bother me, I have only had one in 17 years, but I would not sacrifice my house for the sake of my ponies, It would not be fair on my family. Your friend and mine are rather selfish and need to get their priorities right.
 
Well I don't work either and keep a horse :eek: although I consider bringing up a family for over twenty four years and working part time for most of that worth something, and my husband is quite happy to pay for the horse and numerous other animals. However if we were in the situation that the house was to be reposessed, then I would certainly either get a job or lose the horse. Family has to come first and foremost and even though I love my horse to bits you've also got to consider the needs of the other family members.
 
Get a job (if she does not allready have one) and get rid of the horses-simples.
Why on earth would you put your childs home at risk over a horse?

However,if she is 42 there will be nothing you can say to make her see the light,but you will be expected to help pick up the peices when it does all fall down.
 
Slightly different situation but I had to do this last year. I broke up with my boyfriend so was going to be living alone again so simply couldn't afford a house AND a horse. So I chose a roof over my head rather than my expensive hobby. I hate not having a horse and am hopefully going to get one with a friend again next year but family and a house are more important than a horse. If she doesn't realise this I'm not sure what you can do. And she needs to grow up - I was 27 when I got rid of mine, plenty old enough to be mature enough to make these decisions. At 42 if she still can't see this I'm not sure if there is anything you can do.
 
I love my horse so much, but if I no longer could afford him (if i was deterring on bankruptcy) I would give him up.
Obviously I would do everything possible before getting to that stage though.
What a sad situation :(
 
Thanks for your advice.

She does work full time, but her husband was made redundant a couple of years ago, and as he's nearly 60 has had trouble getting permanent work, but he does anything going.

I think he should call her bluff, then I can tell her to bog off when she comes looking for somewhere to stay!

I think she's being really selfish, she's always asking my mum and grandmother for money, but they won't help until she gets rid of the horses.

The thing I most disgusted with, is she's waiting for her husbands 90 yr old father to die because they will inherite his house:mad:
 
OH and I have always said we would live in a tent/caravan to keep our animals. To us a house is just bricks and water and we could get another, we couldnt replace the animals.

I am very lucky in that OH feels the same.
 
fizzer said:
OH and I have always said we would live in a tent/caravan to keep our animals. To us a house is just bricks and water and we could get another, we couldnt replace the animals.

I am very lucky in that OH feels the same.
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It's fine for a couple to make that choice,but not when they are parents.
The OP's sister has young children,risking their home for her hobby is selfish in the extreme.
 
Well I am the other way round. I pay the bills (house and horse). The other half makes a small contribution to help out a bit but its all mine and my work.

His "hobby" is drinking. If he doesn't sort out his hobby onto a more sensible level he will be gone. He already knows this and is working on it. I am not having my hard work and effort being widdled up a wall, would rather ditch the man and keep the horses! But then I am not very nice to live with and can be very black and white about alot of things.

All that said we live cheaply. I am in debt, have been for a LONG time and am just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have worked hard for what I have and to keep my horses. Everything is done well, but cheaply. The bills come first. I have 3 jobs. 1 full time, 1 weekender and 1 occasional. If I find more work I take it and save the money for a rainy day (there always is one!).

To be honest I think your sister is being a bit stupid. If her husband looses his hobby (selling his guns I see) then he will become less of the person she fell for and that will eventually break them up anyway. She doesn't need to go to all these competitions and she could reduce her spending on the horses drastically so Hubby could keep his guns, horses stay and morgage still gets paid.

It is her life though and if she doesn't see it there is nothing you can do. People have to make their own mistakes sometimes. Be there for her but do not offer advice unless its requested and do not "tell her so" when it all goes boobies up. Perhaps just let her know that you are worried about her.
 
chrispy38 said:
I think she's being really selfish, she's always asking my mum and grandmother for money, but they won't help until she gets rid of the horses.

The thing I most disgusted with, is she's waiting for her husbands 90 yr old father to die because they will inherite his house:mad:
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Now that has actually made me very angry.

Good on your Mum and Grandmother for sticking to their guns. If its that bad then your sister needs to really sort her priorities out and start living in the real world.
 
I am a parent, my point was we made the decision together.

I would say I would be very selfish if I was in OP sisters shoes. Ours is a joint family decision.
 
sounds as if your sister is used to getting her own way,and expects others to go without for her. Your family have the right idea to refuse to help as they no that money would go on ponies.She needs to face the situation like an adult and sort out her responsibilities ,family FIRST
I am a single parent and my family came first before ponies
re- appeared,then worked two extra jobs to pay for them,NEVER would I have put my children after a horse how ever much i loved it.
Luckily I have had a horse for the last 10 years,still working second PT job which is used for horse/ponies as main job pays the bills.
If she found them homes there is nothing to stop her getting another when there finances pick up. I went without for years,even though it was hard,it was my choice to have a family and when got divorced I grew up.
 
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