Is this cheeky or should I be grateful?

[Expo]

I own a very safe, easy going horse who is a lovely forward going ride and as bomb proof as any horse ever is. He’s a joy to own and I know I’m lucky to have him. My friend at the yard owns one which is just about the opposite - to be frank, it’s nappy and bad mannered and (in my opinion) just plain dangerous in the way it behaves on occasion. As such, she rarely rides it (and I can’t say I blame her).

I have occasionally let her have a ride on my lad and she always says how nice it is to ride a horse without feeling like you’re lucky to be alive when you get off!!!

I’m going on holiday in a couple of weeks. My horse is on full livery and will be well cared for while I’m away, but friend has asked when I’m going and coming back, and “informed” me today that I’m not to worry about my lad while I’m away as she’ll keep him well exercised while I’m gone and how much shes looking forward to riding more. It seems she’s just assumed that, as she’s ridden him before - she hacked him out a couple of times when I had the flu, for example - he’s now her official second ride. Her own horse is fit and sound. The fact that she scared stiff of it and won’t get on it is by the by apparently. I’m a bit lost for words. I really need to man up and tell her she’s being a cheeky mare don’t I?

 

[{97702}]

I would most definitely tell her she is being totally presumptuous and would arrange for someone else to ride him while you are aware - someone who can improve him and bring him on? I would never tolerate anyone making assumptions like this

 

[SusieT]

Probably - if you want to keep the peace you can always say that actually you were going to give him a week off while you're away to give him some down time?

 

[Goldenstar]

Just say no I don’t want my horse ridden while I am away .

 

[DabDab]

This kind of thing can escalate quite quickly if you let it. You don't want unwittingly agree to this being the status quo with her deciding to ride you horse whenever you're not around, so I would find a polite way of saying thanks but no thanks

 

[silv]

Yes it is very cheeky and needs nipped in the bud.

Just tell her you are giving your horse a holiday whilst you are away.

 

[Pinkvboots]

Yes it is very cheeky and needs nipped in the bud.

Just tell her you are giving your horse a holiday whilst you are away.

This

 

[AmyMay]

Yes it is very cheeky and needs nipped in the bud.

Just tell her you are giving your horse a holiday whilst you are away.

And make sure the YO knows that no one has permission to ride your horse when you're away.

 

[skint1]

i had a lot of this kind of nonsense before I lost my beautiful, perfect mare, and most of them couldn't have given a flying fig about her- and were certainly doing me or her any favours. I think silv is onto a good idea, just say your horse is having a holiday too, or that you've got someone else riding, or he's tweaked something and you think he'd benefit from a few days off... take your take home too, I would.

 

[henmother]

Nope , he's your horse, yes offer him if you like, but nobody should assume.

 

[PapaverFollis]

"Thank you for offering to ride Neddy while I'm away but I actually think he deserves a holiday too so I'm giving him the time off instead." Or "I'm not comfortable with anyone riding him while I'm not at hand in case something goes wrong".

The make sure your YO knows she doesn't have permission and take your tack home for good measure.

 

[Dave's Mam]

"Thank you for offering to ride Neddy while I'm away but I actually think he deserves a holiday too so I'm giving him the time off instead." Or "I'm not comfortable with anyone riding him while I'm not at hand in case something goes wrong".

The make sure your YO knows she doesn't have permission and take your tack home for good measure.

This. Take your tack home.

 

[little_critter]

Agree, take your tack home and tell her he’s having a holiday.

 

[McFluff]

Yep, I'm another one in the give him a holiday camp. I always give my mare time off while I'm away and I think she's better for it. So tack home, make sure YO/YM knows and nice wee holiday for the boy. I'd also be thinking it may be time to support my friend to make changes to her current set up - either through lots of lessons, or getting horse to a bootcamp, or selling and finding another that suits her lifestyle better. It's never nice having to be tough with a friend, but sometimes a bit of tough love is the kindest thing you can do. If you do let her ride your boy, she will continue to bury her head in the sand, and you may end up resenting her reliance on you and your horse.

 

[Red-1]

Yes, while I am away my horse deserves a holiday too. Let the YO know, and take the tack home.

Also echo that friend needs to have a plan with her horse. A horse you daren't ride is no fun.

 

[Expo]

Yep, I'm another one in the give him a holiday camp. I always give my mare time off while I'm away and I think she's better for it. So tack home, make sure YO/YM knows and nice wee holiday for the boy. I'd also be thinking it may be time to support my friend to make changes to her current set up - either through lots of lessons, or getting horse to a bootcamp, or selling and finding another that suits her lifestyle better. It's never nice having to be tough with a friend, but sometimes a bit of tough love is the kindest thing you can do. If you do let her ride your boy, she will continue to bury her head in the sand, and you may end up resenting her reliance on you and your horse.

Thanks for the opinions everyone. I think it’s fair to say a lot of people have tried to make her see sense over the belligerent horse. Friend has moved yards because a previous YO was a bit too “honest” with her opinions on its character and behaviour! She’s had loads of lessons: her instructor refuses to get on it and has advised her to get rid. It really needs a lot more work with a stronger, more confident rider: I think that’s part of the problem. But it’s her problem at the end of the day and no amount of telling her seems to make a difference.

But as far as my own issue is concerned, I think I can see my saddle coming home while I&#8217;m away and a quiet word being had with YM. That&#8217;ll teach me not to politely mutter &#8220;no problem, any time&#8221; when someone thanks me for something. <sigh>

.... goes off to look for brave pants ......

 

[Red-1]

Thanks for the opinions everyone. I think it&#8217;s fair to say a lot of people have tried to make her see sense over the belligerent horse. Friend has moved yards because a previous YO was a bit too &#8220;honest&#8221; with her opinions on its character and behaviour! She&#8217;s had loads of lessons: her instructor refuses to get on it and has advised her to get rid. It really needs a lot more work with a stronger, more confident rider: I think that&#8217;s part of the problem. But it&#8217;s her problem at the end of the day and no amount of telling her seems to make a difference.

But as far as my own issue is concerned, I think I can see my saddle coming home while I&#8217;m away and a quiet word being had with YM. That&#8217;ll teach me not to politely mutter &#8220;no problem, any time&#8221; when someone thanks me for something. <sigh>

.... goes off to look for brave pants ......

I would say you need to speak frankly with her as well as telling the YO and bringing the saddle home. Otherwise not only may your horse be ridden while you are away, but it may be with someone else's saddle!

 

[Expo]

I would say you need to speak frankly with her as well as telling the YO and bringing the saddle home. Otherwise not only may your horse be ridden while you are away, but it may be with someone else's saddle!

AGH!! Good point!! Thanks for pointing that out. I'm pretty certain friend's saddle wouldn't anywhere near fit my horse. He's a cobby, flat backed type, her's is a warm blood/TB cross with quite prominent withers and narrower than mine. (Brave pants located at the bottom of the knicker drawer ..... !!!)

 

[webble]

I would say you need to speak frankly with her as well as telling the YO and bringing the saddle home. Otherwise not only may your horse be ridden while you are away, but it may be with someone else's saddle!

Yes good point, defnitiely speak to the 'friend' firmly and YO and enjoy your break

 

[Red-1]

AGH!! Good point!! Thanks for pointing that out. I'm pretty certain friend's saddle wouldn't anywhere near fit my horse. He's a cobby, flat backed type, her's is a warm blood/TB cross with quite prominent withers and narrower than mine. (Brave pants located at the bottom of the knicker drawer ..... !!!)

You will feel sick before you tell her, but it will be liberating afterwards.

Honest.