It's irrational but I feel so useless.

Molly'sMama

Molly'sMama

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It's been a year since I gave up my long term loan mare.. YO was a witch with a capital B, and the horse had destroyed my confidence jumping [I still can't jump or hack out].

Yet she had the sweetest personality and was a darling on the ground so I WAS super sad when it came to giving her up.

Now, a year on, I'm sharing a fabulous dressage horse.
Old mare, Molly is being ridden by niece of the owner [bit of a brat].


Now here's where the sick stomach feeling comes in.
I could not get that mare to jump. Refusal after refusal after refusal.

Now the current rider has made a collage on FB about their successes and how they're jumping 1m together and how shes 'so much better than she was' and it's... ruined my day.I just remember hitting the ground so many times and A&E and all that stuff.

Made me feel completely useless as a rider, when I *now* I'm not .. just.. why couldnt I get her to do that?

IDK. It sounds so bratty to write it out. She was 5 and a half ,unschooled green and silly when I got her, and I had to teach her everything. BUt...

I just feel really inept.
 
The horse has probably grown up a fair bit in a year. Just don't look at her fb page and enjoy everything you are doing with your horse now. No good looking backwards and making yourself unhappy:)
 
You are human and of course to see someone else doing well where you 'perceive' that you failed will make you feel bad. What you need to consider is that;

a) Your handling and ground work will have had an enormous benefit to the horse in all spheres of its life
b) The work you put in with flat work and early jumping may have set the new rider up for her current success, despite the refusals and tumbles
c) You had the horse during what is usually the most tantrum-my teenage phase (not sure how long you had her), its possible that she has just got over this now
d) New rider may just 'click' with this horse, particularly with jumping, that doesn't make you any less a rider.
e) New rider could possibly be exaggerating!

Try not to dwell on it and feel glad that the mare is doing well. If that fails unfriend the new rider so you don't have your nose rubbed in it.
 
FB is only any good for making you feel completely and utterly useless. Remember that mostly people only post the good stuff on FB so that girl won't be posting the times she's fallen off or when the mare has stopped. IME it is used primarily for telling the world what a wonderful life you have, how perfect your horse / job / education / partner / friends/ body etc etc all are. A few weeks ago I was having dinner with some friends and one commented that when she looks at my FB, my life is perfect. Apparently from the stuff I post, I make it look as though everything is wonderful all of the time. This is completely untrue but just goes to show the facade that FB creates. Read mine and it would look as though me and my horse are probably a step away from replacing WFP in the GB eventing squad - I don't post the times I fall off, the times he stops at fences, when I do idiotic things (like having no outside aids then wondering why he ran out at a corner), when I school for over an hour and can't get any sense out of him yet my YO gets on and he goes like he's the next bl00dy Valegro (slight exaggeration ;) )within 2 mins... you get the picture ;)

Ignore it, block her so you don't see her in your news feed and enjoy the horse you have now.
 
As in your other post - Suck it up. Plenty of us have ridden horses we can't get a tune out of - or who are generally ridden better by others. It really isn't anything to get hung up about.
 
chestnut cob said:
FB is only any good for making you feel completely and utterly useless. Remember that mostly people only post the good stuff on FB so that girl won't be posting the times she's fallen off or when the mare has stopped. IME it is used primarily for telling the world what a wonderful life you have, how perfect your horse / job / education / partner / friends/ body etc etc all are. A few weeks ago I was having dinner with some friends and one commented that when she looks at my FB, my life is perfect. Apparently from the stuff I post, I make it look as though everything is wonderful all of the time. This is completely untrue but just goes to show the facade that FB creates. Read mine and it would look as though me and my horse are probably a step away from replacing WFP in the GB eventing squad - I don't post the times I fall off, the times he stops at fences, when I do idiotic things (like having no outside aids then wondering why he ran out at a corner), when I school for over an hour and can't get any sense out of him yet my YO gets on and he goes like he's the next bl00dy Valegro (slight exaggeration ;) )within 2 mins... you get the picture ;)

Ignore it, block her so you don't see her in your news feed and enjoy the horse you have now.
Click to expand...

This, exactly!

Have a hug & don't dwell on it. I sincerely hope I've never made My pony' s old owner like this, as I know they didn't click.
 
Thanks guy.
amymay, I know I'm being pathetic. It's just after an emotionally draining week , it's just a bit of a salt on the wound.
 
As amymay said we have all been insituation where we couldnt click with horse etc. It can be demoralising but it just happens. My daughter could get far more out of the Big lad thsn me and i rode him all time. just went like cart horse for me :( but a big hug cause you are down :) x
 
Don't take it personally, it doesn't reflect on you at all! These things are so unpredictable, with any animal but most especially with horses. That's part of their magic but it can also be pretty painful when that connection just doesn't happen. Look at it this way, you're building a real partnership with a horse you're truly suited to now :) That's worth so much more.
 
Maybe instead of feeling useless and inept you should view the horse's transformation as a journey, to which you were a part of. I, personally, am always pleased and happy for people who finally click with their horses and start getting a tune out of them so I'd enjoy seeing these photos if it were my friend.
 
I wouldn't worry about it.. i know what you mean about how it makes you feel but as previously said, some horse you can get a tune out of and some you can't. Its the dame for us alla and yes as the horse is young it may have grown up alot in the last year or so. Look forward and enjoy the horse you have now.. :)
 
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