I've booked my horse in with the vets to be PTS

[Birker2020]

I feel totally and utterly devastated. I have booked her to be pts for Tuesday morning.

I can't sleep at home or concentrate at work. I constantly feel sick and keep getting waves where my breathing in constricted and my legs are like jelly. I keep getting teary and its not helped by my friend at work (Turkish lady) who clearly doesn't understand and keeps saying 'I will get over it and there is no point in being sad'.

All I want to do is be there for her and spend as much time as I can with her. I am glad we have the time together over the weekend and bank holiday Monday. From me saying if I made a decision I'd have to carry it out immediately to going a number of days is a real surprise.

She is on 3 bute a day now. When I got her in from the paddock this morning because she had been standing chatting to her bud on the other side of the fence she was really very stiff and ouchy when I called and she moved towards me. I am glad I saw this as I know I am doing the right thing.

So she clearly can't cope out all night, so I have decided to turn her out for four hours after work (once the sedalin & bute have kicked in) and go back up at 9pm to get her in and give her a third feed with another bute in. She can have slightly longer Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday nights as I won't have to be constrained by working hours. I've spoke to the vet and he is happy with this.

Once the bute has kicked in she is comfortable and is eating her grass, rolling and pulling me over to patches of grass when I hand graze her and being her cheeky self pulling all the things out of her manger last night and trying to sit on the shavings bale outside her stable. Gosh am I going to miss her. She's been a wonderful friend and companion to me for 17 years, I always used to joke to my Dad that when he got to heaven to remember to give her her snak-a-ball she is addicted to. I never thought Dad would go first but at least he will be there to welcome her over the bridge and that is a real comfort to me.

I've told her that she won't need her silly legs once she is given her angel wings.

 

[Enfys]

I think making an appointment and counting down the days is very hard, different from having to make an instant decision.

Always a sucky decision to make, but I do feel relieved when I have made it.

Thinking of you and I hope that you enjoy your days with her, and that all goes peacefully.

 

[Cortez]

Of course you're feeling sad and wobbly, it's a horrible thing to have to do, but it's also the kindest gift you can give your dear friend. Best wishes to you, and strength for the journey ahead.

 

[Birker2020]

Of course you're feeling sad and wobbly, it's a horrible thing to have to do, but it's also the kindest gift you can give your dear friend. Best wishes to you, and strength for the journey ahead.

Thank you

 

[tinselbobs]

I think one of the hardest things is waiting for the appointment as it hangs over you although it is lovely to be able to spend the last few days with them and not have to make a decision in an emergency.

Wishing you all the best on Tuesday. It will take time to heal, but you know you are making the right choice.

 

[Sandstone1]

Im very sorry, its such a sad time.

 

[IrishMilo]

Sounds like you're doing the right thing 100%. I couldn't even make the appointment - I had to get someone to do it for me. It will take a long time to feel OK, but the waiting is - IMO - the most difficult part.

 

[paddi22]

that is so tough, take care of yourself, everything that you are feeling is to be expected.

 

[ITPersonnage]

Just wanted to say I've been where you are and it sucks. But you know this is the right thing to do, what about upping the bute if she's still not quite comfortable over the weekend ? My girl was on 4 a day for the last fortnight once we knew she was on her way...

Really sorry, but well done for putting her needs above yours.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I'm sorry it's come to this but you know you are making the best decision for your horse. Those of us who keep our horses for life know that it is the last thing we can do for them. Your colleague is correct you will get through it but you will never forget the good times. Try to concentrate on those memories.

 

[Carrottom]

It is a horrible time but you will get through it. Often other people don't seem to understand although no one can really say anything that will help, you know you're doing the right thing.

 

[Baywonder]

I am so very sorry. You are making the right decision for your horse. <<Hugs>> XX

 

[Tiddlypom]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You really have explored all the options for this horse, so if they could have been fixed, they would have been.

I would be bringing the appointment forward though - once the decision is made, I want it done, the waiting is the worst part.

 

[splashgirl45]

so sorry, the waiting is the worst part IMO, Hope all goes well on the day and that you can spoil her until then. HUGS xx

 

[Birker2020]

Just wanted to say I've been where you are and it sucks. But you know this is the right thing to do, what about upping the bute if she's still not quite comfortable over the weekend ? My girl was on 4 a day for the last fortnight once we knew she was on her way...

Really sorry, but well done for putting her needs above yours.

thank you.

I was surprised but when I asked the vet if she could go up from her usual two to three bute he hesitated and then said it should be okay for a week but no longer.
She is a good 700kg so I was surprised by that statement as she's never had any reaction from bute other than a single mouth ulcer and she's been on it, in some form for about 10 - 12 years now.

 

[Birker2020]

Has anyone had a horse pts by injection that has had quite a pronounced heart murmur and or 2nd degree heart block? Does is make any difference?
This is worrying me a bit, it would be awful for it not to go to plan.

 

[MuddyMonster]

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you both. X

 

[PapaverFollis]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, Birker. The wait is horrible, but you will treasure your last few days, as hard as they are. Lots of mints and nice scratches for your beautiful girl. x

 

[Birker2020]

I'm so sorry to hear this. You really have explored all the options for this horse, so if they could have been fixed, they would have been.

I would be bringing the appointment forward though - once the decision is made, I want it done, the waiting is the worst part.

We are on a really busy yard and both Saturday and Sunday there are constantly people using the school and people visiting especially with it being Bank holiday on the Monday.
I have an interview on Friday afternoon for a 2.5 year contract and it's just what I want and so near to the yard I would be a fool to reject it. I have a really good chance, the agency bloke is convinced its in the bag. This is my future and I need the money to pay off my bills. I can't lose her before - I won't get through the interview - I need to have a clear head. The interview can't be moved as there are two people who want to see me so they have had to move things around so they can interview me together.

It couldn't have come at a worse time tbh but it will be my new future and a source of finance for another horse one day although I can't bear to think about that just now.
Why can't they just go peacefully to sleep and not wake up again?

 

[ycbm]

You're doing the right thing, B, stay strong. We will all be thing of you on Tuesday, the waiting is the worst bit.
.

 

[AandK]

It's so hard making that decision, but it is the last kindness we can give them. I only waited 24hrs when I decided to have my 29yo mare PTS 18 months ago, but it was the worst 24hrs of my life... Be kind to yourself, of course you will be sad to loose your horse once she is gone, but it is a relief knowing they are no longer in pain.

 

[ycbm]

And good luck for the job on Friday.

 

[Ownedby4horses]

So very sorry for you being in this situation, forget the colleague at work, some people just don’t get it. When we lost my hubby’s mare suddenly I was in work the next day and a colleague asked me why I was upset as it was only a horse! Some people are just so bizarre!

I’m afraid things have a tendency to all come at once but I’m a great believer that things happen for a reason, a new job will give you something to focus on and help I am sure.

Horrible time for you but you are being so brave and so selfless. x

 

[Birker2020]

I was always happy to retire her even if it meant I couldn't ride her again and was hoping she'd have a long and happy retirement but it wasn't to be.
I couldn't bear the thought of having a limping horse and always said that if that was the case if would have to stop. But for all this to happen so quickly with the abscess and everything is so strange but its just snowballed out of what seems like know where. But of course it only takes a little more arthritis to tip it all over the edge.

I am glad we had the xrays and I had the videos to show the vet.

Thank you for your kind words all.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

You're doing the right thing - I know how it feels, and it's awful but you can get through it. Come on here if you need a bit of support, and stop talking to your work colleague for a bit, she isn't being helpful at all. x

 

[Reacher]

I've been there too and know how hard it is but as others have said you are doing the best thing for her. I don't know about the heart murmur aspect but I'm sure the vet can reassure you.

try and ignore your insensitive colleague

 

[Dyllymoo]

Such a tough decision to make but sounds like you are doing it unselfishly and purely for her which is the last thing we can do for them. x

 

[vmac66]

The waiting is the worst bit. Stay strong, you're doing the kindest thing for your horse.

 

[EllenJay]

You are doing the right thing by your girl. It totally sucks - but it will be lovely for you to spend time with her over the weekend.

With regards to the job interview, can you advise your agency that you are going through a bereavement (you don't have to go into details) but they can then tell the people that are interviewing you that you may seem upset

Good luck on Friday

 

[Bernster]

This is so sad, I’m sorry xx