I've never felt like giving up... until now!

S

Shoei

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 February 2011
Messages
1,474
Visit site
I'm seriously considering giving up! I never thought I would after being involved with horses all my life, I had a couple of years break when we first bought the house but I've had my ridden horse over 10 years. 3 years ago I decided to up my game and buy a dressage foal, who is fabulous, the best character I could wish for.... I feel like I have lost my mojo the last 6-8 months. To top that, we have had a family feud which impacts on the grazing I have on the family farm and various other yard politics. I could move to livery but it will cost a lot more and there aren't many locally that could take 2.
I'm at the point where I'm not sure if the stress level balances the enjoyment!
I'm contemplating either selling up altogether, selling the older ridden one who has less potential and keeping the youngster to see if my mojo comes back, or selling the youngster.

Emotionally this is heart-breaking but if I think 'how would I feel if I just didn't have horses' at this point with all the connected stress, I don't think I'd be miserable.

Not sure of the point of my post really, it's just hard to speak to my friends, who will all think I have lost the plot... or my husband who thinks people with horses have lost the plot!!!
 
Do you have any DIY options where you could turn them away for a bit, simplify your routine, and see how things work out? Any stressful situation will block out the pleasure side of things, and doubly so if family are involved. Do you need the horses to help you de-stress or are the horses a big part of the stress? Hugs. Hope the way forward becomes clearer.
 
This has been such a horrible year, a lot of people are fed up atm
Could you just sit tight for a bit, and see how you feel when the weather isn't so miserable?
You need to be sure that you really do want to give up horses (if that's what you eventually decide) rather than just being fed up because everything feels so unrewarding right now
 
That's what made me think... I'd never even contemplated it before, I always assumed horses would always be part of my life. And I certainly would miss them, there have been lots of tears whilst contemplating, but actually if that part of my life was deleted right now..... I'd manage
 
Its so difficult, This winter and the relentless rain has been hard for the toughest horse owners.
I'd Imagine in your situation that its mainly the family and keeping side of things that is the real issue. I'd maybe not be too hasty but take a step back and maybe see if you can work out the root of problem. I wouldnt go into it and sell both straight away, I think you my regret that.
I'd as someone has mentioned above see if there is somewhere, anywhere, maybe just a field you can turn them away in for a few months and see how you feel with the family out of the question.
 
If the stress is greater than the enjoyment you get out of having horses it is time to walk away.
That is exactly what happened to me. For various reasons the stress just kept increasing and I ended up selling my youngster and retiring my old guy. It wasn't an overnight decision but by the time I made it I was ready to give up after many, many years of having horses. And I don't regret it at all.
 
I know the feeling this winter has been relentless and shows no signs of improvement.For various reasons last year I decided to hang up my boots and retire all 3 horses from riding .
I must admit in many ways that took a lot of pressure off me as I do morning and evening routines and fuss and groom them and don't feel pressured to do anything else
Two are in their twenties and the other is 17 and they don't seem to mind at all.
We are lucky the horses are at home and I can just do my own thing.
Can you put the 2 somewhere where they can be out 24/7 and then do the basic care each day taking the pressure off you.
You may feel better if the weather improves.
We have already decided these are the last and when the 2 oldies go the one left will go on retirement livery and we will sell up downsize and step away from horses.
Horses have become much more expensive even at home the cost of feed bedding vets bills have all rocketed and we pay nothing for stabling and grazing.
Hope you can sort something out
 
It's not like you couldn't ever have horses again is it? I've "given up" completely several times over a long number of years and sold everything from horses to buckets. I have gone back to having horses after several years out very happily and with renewed enthusiasm, energy and focus*.

*Not this time though; I'm done, and happy to rest on my laurels.
 
Last edited:
This is the worst time of year to make a decision. Everyone is fed up right now, I know I am. If you can put them on grass livery somewhere for a few months, that would give you a break and see how you feel when the weather improves. Younger horses always benefit from some downtime and I’m sure your older one wouldn’t mind either
 
Shoei said:
That's what made me think... I'd never even contemplated it before, I always assumed horses would always be part of my life. And I certainly would miss them, there have been lots of tears whilst contemplating, but actually if that part of my life was deleted right now..... I'd manage
Click to expand...

Thats how I felt. The old git is still mine but out on loan, and I sold up finally in August. I miss my horses sometimes, but there is a life outside of them if you want it.

I'd sell the older horse and send the youngster off on youngstock livery and reevaluate in 6months.
 
Im another who would suggest thinking about a halfway house option of putting them on full grass livery. That gives you space in your life to assess truly how you feel without them in your life day to day.
If you already know the answer to that, and dont feel maybe you’d regret it, then move forward with plans of not owning.
You could always do a share or loan in the future if you miss it, without full responsibility.
Have you considered loaning out the older ridden and selling the youngster for someone else to develop? If you change your mind you’d still have the option to end loan and have your ridden one back.

I agree with the sentiment said in this thread when the stresses outweigh the joys, with anything in life, its time to change things. Theyre like life nudges to get us to evolve/develop our life path. Often afterwards we’re thankful of the ‘stress’ causing change, despite it being a challenge to actually live through.
 
Giving up owning horses is not the end of riding. Riding schools and shares are the answer for lots of us.

Having a riding horse of one's own was always an expense and something of a luxury. I had a legacy which I set aside to buy a horse if I ever needed to. But I have never needed because a particularly nice RS horse or a share has always turned up with other riders to keep the horse fit. For some years I shared an elderly mare who needed nothing more than the gentle 2 hours a week that I hacked her. But most horses can and need to do far more. The RS horses I hacked or shared may hack for 3 hours every day and there is no way I ever had the energy or time to provide that level of exercise to keep a horse fit.
 
i'm not sure where in the UK you would find grass livery after the winter we have had, so I'd be looking around to make sure its an option before deciding to go that route.
 
It's very expensive and time consuming not to be having fun.

Can you have a good think about what's not fun ? Family stuff, waiting on the youngster, pressure on yourself to be 'good enough' for youngster.

I would try changing a few things before selling (which can't be undone!) loaning the older one out, youngster on young stock livery, getting a sharer in to ride older one (like minded company and help with chores)
All worth considering.
 
I think you need to make horses your happy place an again. Sell the youngster, move the ridden horse to a livery and see if having to go away from the family yard (and stress it brings) brings horses back into your happy place. If it doesn’t you can then sell the ridden horse too.

ETA in my head the foal was foal so this would work either way around, if the youngster is ready to “start” as livery for one will be a lot easier. Also if you sell one you’ll need the other to be somewhere anyway as I doubt they’ll be sold together.
 
As much as it will likely cost a lot more, I wonder if it is worth trying a livery yard? If family politics are impacting your home yard, I imagine that's hugely stressful. In a new location, you might enjoy things again?

But also, as others have said, this is a terrible time of year to make any irreversible decisions, especially as it's been so wet. Maybe try and get through to Easter and reassess then?
 
I have given up due to a combination of circumstances and my boy is on permanent loan. Whilst I do miss having horses and competing and hunting I enjoy the freedom and having more money. This winter I have loved not having to go out in the wet and mud. It isn't easy but I have no regrets.
 
Last edited:
I gave up when it was clear there was going to be a clear cost of living crisis because I was already struggling a bit with the horse costs

I'd actually already lost interest prior to that, but kept plodding along

The costs were a huge part of the loss of interest, each time I'd get a month where I thought I was doing ok, he'd need something

I don't regret giving up at all. I'm able to contribute more to the increased bills/if house costs crop up. I'd like to start a family in the not too distant future and would never have been able to have afforded it with horse costs too. My mental health is so much better without the dread of horse costs impacting everything and having to go to the yard

I initially thought I'd do the odd special experience riding wise once I gave up/posh lesson somewhere. I've ridden once since, I don't even want to ride anymore - it could be a route you could go down if you still want to have a bit of involvement however?

It's ok not to enjoy horses anymore and want to give up.
 
I often think the worst way to make a decision is to do so looking backwards, so to speak, rather than looking forwards. So just "I am leaving because" never works for me. It has to be "I am leaving because I am going on to do ............"
What are you going to fill your spare time with? Is it something you have been wanting to do for a while?

Family disagreements are also sounding warning bells for me - if things are ultimately resolved, how will you feel having given up something you have loved because of others' actions?

Just lots of other angles to look at the problem from.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top