January blues or something else

[Waxwing]

I bought a five year old old in the middle of last year as a mother daughter sharer in the middle of last year. I had some initial doubts after we brought her but by last October felt we were bonding and doing ok.

As we brought a horse younger than anticipated we have had her schooled two to three times a week and she has progressed well. I had started hacking out regularly in the company of friend with a very steady horse who was happy to go at a pace I felt comfortable with and had done a couple of short walk and trot solo hacks. The horse is good in traffic and apart a very occasional small buck going into canter and the odd spook hasn't done anything particularly silly, and certainly nothing dangerous. The horse has been taken to a couple of small evening shows and for her age has been pretty good, she jumped clear at the first show and at the second showed coped well with another horse bucking their rider off next to her. She was a bit spooky but again given her age we felt she had done well.

We have been mindful of her age, and our experience , and made sure we have a good level of support; she lives out, usually coming in for few hours in the middle of the day and this appears to work well. She is a horse that needs regular work and is calmer living out; she has adlib hay in her field and a handful of balancer with Oestress and does very well on this.

I missed several weeks or riding, due to having Covid, followed by minor surgery; my daughter only really rides her if I am there so also didn't ride her. (My daughter has weekly riding lessons separate to us having the horse.) When I did start riding again, just before Christmas not the horse's fault she was spooked by someone driving a van to fast and to close to her, but since then my confidence has been really knocked.

I've ridden a couple of times in the school but not enjoyed it greatly, my daughter also rode her yesterday and ended up in tears, not through anything the horse did but said she felt nervous. I have booked a lesson on her tomorrow and arranged for my daughter to have one at the weekend.

I have started feeling that she is not the right horse for us, and we the right owners for her: I can rationalise some of these feelings, based on recent events but haven't been able to move forward. I am trying to get back into a routine, but wonder if she would be better in a more experienced possibly competition home, she's a talented jumper, and buy a 14.3/15h for my daughter (well built enough for me to hack a couple of times a week). I don't have any experience of selling horses but she is a well bred 15.3 ISH rising 6 without any major quirks or issues, other than being 5 so I presume finding her a new home would not be a major issue. She hasn't had any health concerns since we brought her. She lives out with two other mare and isn't particularly dominant and is good to catch.

I've just read what I've written and realise what a good horse she is, but despite us doing everything "right" it currently feels very wrong. Equally I am not sure if she is not "right" what would be .
I am not expecting any solutions; I have mainly written this to try to unpick how I am currently feeling. I am wondering if rather than having a share I need to focus more on something for my daughter and maybe think again about what I want for me in a couple of years time . She is about 5ft 5 and I am 5th 10 so anything big enough us for her should be ok for me to do a hack on once or twice a week

 

[Miss_Millie]

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't enjoying your horse.

I am currently looking for a horse myself and I have ruled out youngsters because I know that I don't have the experience for one at the moment. I want a horse that I can go out and enjoy more or less straight away, without needing to put a huge amount of time into training or having to rope in other people to help me with riding it.

She sounds like a perfectly good horse, but perhaps just isn't the right horse for either of you at this time, with your current level of experience. I once saw someone on this forum say that horses are far too expensive of a hobby for you not to enjoy them most of the time.

I wouldn't rush a decision, but I don't think there would be any shame in selling her if you feel you are over-horsed. It sounds like your daughter needs a confidence giver, and a youngster needs a rider who can give them confidence, so perhaps not an ideal match.

Best of luck, whatever you decide to do.

 

[southerncomfort]

I know you initially had some misgivings about this horse but then things seemed to improve and you were both enjoying her.

I winder if she is just one of those horses that needs to be kept in work just to keep a lid on things.

If it helps, my youngster had a few weeks off work due to ice and snow and my neck injury. I recently brought him back in to work and he's being an absolute twit and just wants to go everywhere at warp speed! I love his enthusiasm but it's not very relaxing!

If she came good for you before then I'm sure she will again, but it's whether you want a horse that needs to be kept in full work all the time.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

Sorry to hear you're still not 100% happy on your horse. I'm sure with work and perseverance everything will be well again but I can't help feeling you're over horsed and somewhere out there is a more suitable mount for both you and your daughter to share and enjoy. Hope it works out whatever you decide.

 

[PurBee]

I get your confidence was knocked due to the fast driving van spook - thats seems to be the turning point of you feeling this maybe isnt the horse for you.
Your nervousness has transferred to your daughter without her having had a problem riding the horse…probably because of your van spook experience, and now she’s more on guard for the horse spooking and isnt enjoying riding her anymore.

Due to any incident, we project the horse will do it again, we tense ride and set the horse up to fail and confidence further tumble.

Break down the spook incident. For a 5yr old horse, a big blob driving fast towards and close to it, will cause some tension. Especially if un-used to traffic. Heck, even experienced hackers can spook if a vehicle is really inconsiderate in their speed and distance, as theyre not used to it.
So, understand that the spook was rational for the horse, it wasn’t a spook out of the blue that you cant figure out the cause.
(Are you able to use a non-road hacking route? Do you wear hi viz Etc so drivers clearly see you?)

Many threads mention road hacking these days to be challenging due to inconsiderate drivers.

Confidence can get knocked with horses, of any age/ability. We have to learn to train ourselves to be calm and centred, as it transfers to the horse easily if we’re nervous. It can happen with any horse, unless a complete dope on a rope type!
I would personally push on with the horse and me and daughter work on /train my own state of calmness and witness if we and the horse get on better.
If not, then i’d seriously consider selling.

In reality, 1 spook incident has put you off, despite many months of riding well and the horse, despite age, handling other fairly high stress environments.
I guess im saying, its easy for 1 incident to cloud all the bonuses, especially when confidence is affected. Try to recall in your mind all the stressful moments the horse behaved well. It helps affirm to our mind more objective truth, to see the ‘whole’ history of your experience with the horse.

However, youre feeling that a young horse is possibly too much and i get that. We have to go at whatever pace we know we can handle. Theres your and your daughters individual preferences to consider...trying to satisfy both in 1 horse.
Sounds like a lovely horse to sell-on should you decide to go that route.

 

[I'm Dun]

Do you want a competition horse? You are spending all this money having her schooled, is that what you want? Or would you be happier on a smaller, easy going horse who doesnt have as much scope and doesnt need a huge investment of time and money? I suspect the latter in which case sell.

 

[Red-1]

I sold my lovely, young, competition type mare in 2020 as I wasn't enjoying her. Not even really her fault, I had other stuff going on in life that had made me far less resilient.

She sold to a teen who had her out eventing within 6 weeks. They are blissfully happy.

I got a cob. He was just what I needed, at that time. It was a relief to have a horse that I simply found... fun!!!

I am less pressured this year and have gone back to a (different) youngster and am enjoying it.

It doesn't sound like your daughter is completely comfortable on this horse either. It is meant to be fun.

 

[Upthecreek]

If you buy a young horse and you are relatively inexperienced you need to be prepared for the first two years to be a rollercoaster. You will go through periods when you think everything is going fine and then something will happen that will make you question whether you are compatible. So either accept that or sell. With young horses you need to have confidence for both of you until they gain experience and develop their own.

 

[LEC]

If you don’t enjoy riding the horse sell it. Life is too short for the horse and for you. There is no point winding yourselves all up to ride the horse as it will just make the horse more anxious and it’s behaviour deteriorate.

 

[Ratface]

As above. Horses are an expensive hobby/lifestyle. I would recommend selling your current horse and finding one that doesn't, generally speaking, frighten either of you.
I've been around horses for 70+ years. I've got a wicked oldie with an advanced sense of humour. I still ride him, he still spooks and I always keep a finger under the neckstrap!

 

[flying_high]

It depends if you think it is the time of year, or the horse itself. I have typically found across 5 different horses, that they are a bit too lazy in July and August and a bit too sharp in January and February. I wouldnt automatically assume wrong horse if they were okay before Dec/ January. Winter can make horses and people grumpy and unpredictable especially is there is less turnout and less exercise, and ground muddy, I would consider lowering expectations in winter.

 

[Polos Mum]

I had a lovely horse that I really enjoyed - but he needed riding 7-8 times a week. Which was fine by me. Several years later I changed jobs and could only ride 4 (sometimes 3) days a week - nothing else changed (same full livery yard). I went through 2 months when he threw me off EVERY time I rode ! in the school and out hacking it was not good.
I sold him to a teenager (he did a massive spook in the school while she was trying him and she and her parents just laughed!) - she had him hunting and thought he was perfect.

Horses for courses is a good phrase and your course can and will change over time.

My only word of caution is how expensive the nice solid dependable safe types can be. Probably because there are more of us now wanting that sort than the 5 yo competition type that needs careful management. You could spend a year searching and £££'s on failed vettings - and in that time she might mature into just what your looking for.

It's a really hard decision if she's sound and nice to deal with and really is just young.

 

[Antw23uk]

I think you should sell this little mare and gt something older and wiser that you can pick up and put down as you like and it wont change the horse under saddle (I have one, he is a godsend)

 

[Annagain]

Have a look at some of my recent posts. I'm in a similar situation right down to the odd buck going into canter. The difference is I know Charlie isn't wrong for me I'm just struggling with my confidence for no good (horsey)reason. I'm convinced mine is menopause related. I did have someone schooling him during lockdown but she was on furlough from her job and is now back in work so can't do it. I've started having more regular lessons (with the right instructor - finding her was the issue) and that is helping me a lot. At the moment, I'm not hacking in big open spaces (nothing's happened just the "what ifery" in my brain) and I'm enjoying my hacking again and cantering happily on fairly enclosed paths in the woods. Don't put pressure on yourself, do what you want and you'll start to feel more comfortable soon. And if you don't, you'll have your answer. Maybe she's the horse the young girl in the Irish Horse Imports needs?

ETA - this time of year doesn't help. We have a school with a (singular) floodlight. It lights about 2/3rds of the school so we're either going into or out of the light and it's spooky as a result. To make sure I get him ridden at least once during the week I take a longer lunch break and have my lesson at lunch time. If I ride without it being a lesson I ride at 8am for half an hour then get home in time to start work at 9. If I wasn't working from home and on flexi, I couldn't do it. I work until 7 pm that night to make up the time. We try to hack or go to riding club at the weekend.

 

[Waxwing]

Thank you for all your responses; Annagain I was interested in your comments about impact of the menopause on confidence as I am starting to go through this. In October I had got to the point where I could arrive at the yard and go out for a spontaneous hack with another livery and was hacking up to four times a week and had a couple of successful short solo outings. I would love to get back there. I am going to try to ride her on more regular basis for a few weeks and then see; if I continue to feel as I do now I will need to give serious consideration to selling her as I want to ensure in the longer term that we have the right horse for us, and equally importantly that she has the right owners for her.

 

[Annagain]

Thank you for all your responses; Annagain I was interested in your comments about impact of the menopause on confidence as I am starting to go through this. In October I had got to the point where I could arrive at the yard and go out for a spontaneous hack with another livery and was hacking up to four times a week and had a couple of successful short solo outings. I would love to get back there. I am going to try to ride her on more regular basis for a few weeks and then see; if I continue to feel as I do now I will need to give serious consideration to selling her as I want to ensure in the longer term that we have the right horse for us, and equally importantly that she has the right owners for her.

I've pretty much sailed through other hormonal times in life (I was the world's most laid back teenager and have never had PMT until recently) so I didn't expect it or even register that's what it was/could be for a long time. I'm also a little bit young (but not so young that it's unheard of) so wasn't expecting this for a couple of years yet. Since understanding that that's what it could be (still early days and as I say, I'm a bit young for it) I feel so much better - that it's not 'my' fault but my hormones'. The first couple of total cry-fests I had coincided with bad days with Charlie so I thought it was all to do with him but I've had a few (always exactly a week before my period - whenever that may be, they're all over the place) more unrelated ones since then, which weirdly made me feel better. I've also read a bit more and found stories from women who lost confidence just in one aspect of their lives - one had to give up driving for a while and another couldn't speak to strangers - while the rest was relatively unaffected. Before reading those, I struggled to believe it was the perimenopause as it only affected my confidence when riding, not the rest of my life.

I had a lesson today that had the potential to be a total disaster - there was a horse in the 'box rest' paddock right next to the school who was so excited at having company he was dancing about right next to the fence and trying to start a play fight as we went down the long side - but it wasn't. We didn't achieve as much in terms of schooling exercises as we wanted (or even canter, but that was due to my very bad back making sitting to the trot impossible) but we did achieve keeping focus on me when the world was going to $h1t around us so I'll take that as a win. Celebrate the small victories and the rest will come.

 

[Waxwing]

I haven't actually sold yet but had looking at adverts for other horses and have decided to go and view one as it is pretty local to me. Its a 15.2 cob she is young but looks very sweet and I do have good support. Horse quest 273170. Its probably a bit mad to go and view but she looks very sweet and sensible in the video and potentially more suitable than our currently lovely but probably more in need of a busier home than we can offer.

 

[Annagain]

I haven't actually sold yet but had looking at adverts for other horses and have decided to go and view one as it is pretty local to me. Its a 15.2 cob she is young but looks very sweet and I do have good support. Horse quest 273170. Its probably a bit mad to go and view but she looks very sweet and sensible in the video and potentially more suitable than our currently lovely but probably more in need of a busier home than we can offer.

My friend bought a (now 6yr old) cob in January. He was younger than she wanted but it's like he's been here before. He's so chilled and even if he's not sure of something, he lets you reassure him and then goes.

Charlie the boy I mentioned above has had some physical issues so he's off work at the moment. A friend is going to bring him back into work for me (starting next week) and depending what we get now that he's (hopefully) pain free, I have a choice to make. I love him dearly but maybe something a bit less sensitive would be better for me considering my current confidence issue if we continue to have the bucking. He's very jolly at the moment, I'm not sure if that's the time off or the fact he's pain free but I'm very glad I won't be the first one back on him! If it is just jolliness and we don't get the bucking I can cope with that but I can't be dreading going into canter every time 'in case he bucks' for the rest of my riding life.

 

[wills_91]

I'm not sure buying another youngster is the right way to go if you are unsure about the one you already hav, especially as this one is even younger.

Someone with more knowledge than me will no doube be along, but I'm not keen on the confirmation of those legs.