Jealousy in the equine world

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sam_

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An opportunity has recently come up for me and i'm really excited by it, it's basically an owner offering me one of her horses to start competing on and it's a real nice horse!

There's one person in particular that isn't so happy and hasn't been shy on hiding the fact, they have been going round other members of staff with quite nasty remarks saying i'm not good enough to ride her etc. Normally i let such childish comments go over my head but this is really getting to me as the said person used to be a good friend of mine :(even when i'm around they still have there snidey remarks so it's not even all back stabbing!

Has anyone else had any similar problems? Trust me, i know this happens alot in the horse world but when it comes from someone close to you it's a bit of a kick in the teeth, why can't they just be happy for me!
 
MadBlackLab said:
unfortunately this the horsey world where people are jealous of other peoples achievements or horses
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And unfortunately i'm all to aware of that and it doesn't bother me normally but when its a supposed friend it caught me completely off guard! They basically think anything decent should go to them to ride. It just puts me under pressure to go and do well on her now as if not i can just imagine what will be said!
 
Happens the world over, some people just can't deal with jealousy. It happens a lot with children - something my daughter has experienced a lot of - but sadly also adults who can't control their immaturity. You have to just feel sorry for them: they are just jealous and it must cause them a lot of stress if they spend valuable time worrying what you are doing. Smile, take a deep breath, ignore and good luck with your new ride!
 
If you can muster up the nerve, say to her "I thought a friend like you would be pleased for me, but instead all these comments are really upsetting me..."
 
Going through something similar myself. So know how you feel being put down by a close friend. Sadly you just have to let them get on with it and ignore it.

I'm sure your more than good enough for this horse otherwise the owner wouldn't give you the ride. It'll give you the chance to improve your riding and do well competing. Enjoy it!! May not get another chance.
 
Jericho said:
Happens the world over, some people just can't deal with jealousy. It happens a lot with children - something my daughter has experienced a lot of - but sadly also adults who can't control their immaturity. You have to just feel sorry for them: they are just jealous and it must cause them a lot of stress if they spend valuable time worrying what you are doing. Smile, take a deep breath, ignore and good luck with your new ride!
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This is generally my thinking of it all as well. Normally. It's just difficult at the moment as i thought we were to be good friends but oh well i guess not and thankyou!

MadBlackLab said:
Sorry I wouldn't be her friend any more.
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Oh i'm not, it's just getting to the point that i don't think i can keep my mouth shut but really don't want to lower myself to there level!
 
Honey08 said:
If you can muster up the nerve, say to her "I thought a friend like you would be pleased for me, but instead all these comments are really upsetting me..."
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I did say this when i first heard about the b****y comments and that's when she turned around and said the horse is to good for me and i was completely taken aback by it!
 
We all have to start somewhere!

Many people when I got my cob used to talk behind my back saying "it would never get very far...." Then after a string of lessons (which I was having anyway just fortnight instead of weekly), we were out kicking butt! Never came away without a rosette, always consistently placed in the top three SJ/XC/dressage/games.

I personally, was just happy to get round on board in one piece! ;)
 
BethanT said:
Going through something similar myself. So know how you feel being put down by a close friend. Sadly you just have to let them get on with it and ignore it.

I'm sure your more than good enough for this horse otherwise the owner wouldn't give you the ride. It'll give you the chance to improve your riding and do well competing. Enjoy it!! May not get another chance.
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It's not nice, at the moment it's rather difficult but i'm sure i will get over it all eventually!

Thanks, this is what i try and tell myself and she's quite excited about getting her out to shows soon, so i need to hurry up and stop letting the comments bother me as don't want the added pressure of her stood watching me at shows criticising every stride!
 
Maybe the horse's owner sees the petty jealousy and that is a good reason not to let that person anywhere near their horse.

I had a lovely horse that I let people compete, but it was so that we all had a good time, me, them and my horse. If someone had a sense of righteousness I would not have let them within a mile.

Not that I am saying your friend is "better" or "worse" as a rider, but the owner certainly seems to think that you would work out better for them.

I would go for it, and forget the "friend" as they do not seem to me to be very friendly!
 
Maybe, she is a livery at the yard i work at and to be fair she doesn't miss much lol! It's a 4 year old so just starting out and she's hoping to take her for her first british novice this weekend, the horse does have alot of potential i just hope it all goes to planand i don't let the pettiness get to me!

My 'friend' has been doing it alot longer than me but we are competing at the same level, she has just had more experience with starting out youngsters than i have and generally has a more superior attitude!
 
Oh, that's not nice :(
I've also experienced jealousy! From both sides.

When Ned was lame, I was HORRIFICALLY jealous of all the others at the yard who got a long and happy summer of shows, fun and beach rides...and I got a lame, badly behaved horse and an unfriendly YM :( I honestly wanted to cry! However, I'd never be so mean as to make harsh comments!! I made myself join in by being photographer!

And I remember a few people being jealous when I started to do well with Ned. Some people took great joy when Ned was naughty, but didn't seem particularly happy when he was going well! Odd!!

I hope you get it sorted and continue to be the bigger person, I know how hard it is.
Go out and win!! :D
 
Chan said:
Oh, that's not nice :(
I've also experienced jealousy! From both sides.

When Ned was lame, I was HORRIFICALLY jealous of all the others at the yard who got a long and happy summer of shows, fun and beach rides...and I got a lame, badly behaved horse and an unfriendly YM :( I honestly wanted to cry! However, I'd never be so mean as to make harsh comments!! I made myself join in by being photographer!

And I remember a few people being jealous when I started to do well with Ned. Some people took great joy when Ned was naughty, but didn't seem particularly happy when he was going well! Odd!!

I hope you get it sorted and continue to be the bigger person, I know how hard it is.
Go out and win!! :D
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That's a different type of jealousy though, i would be jealous to if mine were lame and everyone else was out enjoying there horses! Thats a pretty normal feeling i would think! It is the malicious remarks that theres really no need for!

I have had jealousy from other people especially when i got my new horse and started doing really well with him, but they people don't bother me it's when it comes from a so called 'friend' that hurts!

Thankyou!! :)
 
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The only pressure is what you put on yourself. It's not like the owner has attached the condition of you must win. Everyone starts somewhere, you can only get better. Enjoy your chance, pity the other lady as she is unhappy, & can only express this by her comments. They wont hurt you, just put some distance between you & have fun. Leave her to sit in a mire if that is her choice. Many yards other people are only happy when things go wrong for you, because they want to do what you are doing but something (such as confidence or ego) is stopping them. You just let them get on with it, they are only making themselves miserable, & don't let it affect the fun you have on your new ride. It doesn't matter what this lady thinks of your riding, the horses owner has made her choice for a reason & must have confidence in you. That is all that matters.
 
Such horrid people about

Of course if you really just want to take the pressure off you could always use a very different tactic
You could say to 'friend' that you are over the moon at the opportunity if a little surprised owner didn't ask her as she obviously has more experience. But it's nice that owner is giving you the same chance that someone gave her 'friend' at the. Beginning of her career
 
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