JOKES

[Judgemental]

What this forum needs is some cracking good jokes to whip up a chuckle or two, to jolly folk along.

A couple checked into a hotel and the reception said, "would you like the Bridle Suite" (sweet), "no need" replied the wife, "I will hang onto his shoulders".

Come on fellow posters you must all have a wonderful array of jokes connected with horses and hunting?

 

[PorkChop]

"what did the zero say to the eight?"

"nice belt you have there"

 

[Alec Swan]

J_M,

there's already one in the soapbox section, some are very good, some perhaps, not!!

I'll resurrect it, just for you. Have a read!!

Alec.

Ets. and the thread title is, "I think that it's hight time....." a.

 

[QUICKFIRE]

Working people frequently ask retired people what

they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I

went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,

how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an “*******”. He glared at me and started

writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Mary called him a “**** head”. He finished the

second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it

and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age.

 

[soggy]

Paul McCartney is already considering divorce since he found out his new wife is spending twice as much on shoes as his last wife.....

 

[soggy]

A London lawyer runs traffic stop sign at some road works down in the west country and gets pulled over by a local copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the local boys in blue because he is a lawyer from LONDON
and is certain that he has a better education than any country copper. He decides
to prove this to himself and have some fun at the coppers expense!!

The policeman on getting to the drivers window of the lawyers Chelsea tractor he asks the lawyer for his driving license

London Lawyer says, 'What for?'

Copper says, 'Yous di'nt stop back there at them there road works stop
sign.'

London Lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

Glasgow cop says, 'Yous still din't stop. Driving Licence
please.'

London Lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

Glasgow cop says, 'The difference is, yous huvte to come to
stop, that's the law, Licence and insurance, please!'

London Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slowing
down and stop, I'll show you my licence and insurance, and you can give me
the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

So the copper says, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir.'

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The west country copper takes out his truncheon and starts beating the ******** out of the
lawyer and says,

'Dos you want me to stop, or just slow doon ???

 

[Judgemental]

Two very knowledgeable horses looking under the bonnet of a V8 Range Rover.

One says to the other, "how the hell are we going to get 375 of us in there!"

The other says, "lucky it's not the Turbocharged V8, then I really don't think there would be room for 510 of us".

 

[Judgemental]

Once upon a time deep in The Blackmore Vale and hounds were running very fast.

An immaculate gentleman in pink coat and topper - yes, topper in the vale, really - was standing viewing the proceedings and observed two very smart and most attractive ladies struggling with a gate.

Standing on the ground beside him was a farmer - wellies covered in cow ****, old coat done up with binder twine, had'nt shaved for a few days and a cap that looked as if he was going to breed from it.

The gentleman looked down at the farmer and said, "I say my good man, I don't suppose you would be very kind and go and help those ladies struggling with that gate".

Clearly from the farmers body language he was not too keen on the idea.

The gentleman said, "look be a sport and help them, in normal circumstances I would, but you see one is my wife and the other is my mistress".

The farmer looked up at the gentleman and said with a broad Dorset burr, "ah it be a small world ben-it, sur".