juggling horses and other halves?! Any tips!!

[karenjj]

Just a silly post really but have been with my boyfriend a long time and had my horses since before I was with him and everything used to be fine he was good, came down yard and was understanding when I was out on a long hack or at a show but since we've moved in together it's all gone a bit pear shaped! He's still good with the horses but has started moaning that he's cooking all the time and cleaning and I do do these things but probably not as much as I should!! He also said the words "everything revolves aorund the horses!!!" I feel slightly bad because I suppose it does really, I don't make much of an effort to do other things and I've never been that fussed about ironing etc. but I'm finding it hard to do everything and working too and think he maybe expects too much!! I'm not sure just wondered if any of you lovely ladies had any tips?!!!!

 

[Hippona]

Yes...ignore him, he'll come round

My OH bought a horse of his own, as it was apparant that the horse wasn't going anywhere and now we have matching wheelbarrows

.

 

[MontyandZoom]

My OH sometimes says the same thing.........and he has a point! Unfortunately the ponies are here to stay so it's like it or lump it. I do try and make time for him, setting aside a day every so often to go out and do non-horsey things all day.

Not much use I know but it's love me, love my Monty!

 

[ironhorse]

My OH has got used to the house looking like a tip, but did insist that the horse went on full livery when I started my own business (fortunately he pays!)
Just have to be a bit flexible and plan ahead - especially for things like preparing meals etc if you are going to be back late from the stables.
Presumably your horse has at least one day off a week - can you allocate what would be your riding time to food shopping or housework.
Also make an effort to be involved in his hobbies and to involve him in the horse - its worth playing the feeble female card and asking him to help with mending something/driving to shows or maybe even a DIY project at the yard.
Men are very trainable, just takes a bit of hard work!

 

[mtj]

get very organised on the food.

most blokes are pretty relaxed about house work ( or lack of), but grub matters.

if i know i'm going to be playing ponies all day, i try to do casserole/hotpot etc night befor and then reheat.

otherwise stir fry/pasta recipes are brilliant for getting tasty grub on the table swiftly.

if you haven't got access to a good cook book selection, take a look at some of the womens magazines such as easy living etc. most of them do recipes that can be prepared and cooked in under 30 mins

do you want some cook book suggestions

 

[Baileyhoss]

Nip it in the bud. Explain gently but clearly that your horses were there before him and they will be there after him.

Make an effort to do your share , but if he wants to be looked after then he can pay for full livery or get a cleaner! (a cleaner works out cheaper

) My oh & i split the cost of the cleaner and it was great.

 

[Slinkyunicorn]

Yep - find someone to do the ironing and or a cleaner!!

Get a freezer and keep it filled up with all his favorite food - either home cooked or otherwise. Feed at regular intervals.....

If you want him to start suggesting you spend more time with the horses talk through football/rugby/golf etc on the tv, arrange to get 'involved' in his hobby - will soon be suggesting you go back to the stables.....

 

[Hovis_and_SidsMum]

Get another OH...........
only joking! I'm lucky as mine is into horses although wasn't when i met him. As I'm working away at the moment he's looking after and riding both of them, doing all the house work etc.
Other than that you could be strict with yourself and have a night thats for you both and not horses, do some weekends doing his kind of thing etc.
Have your food delivered etc - everyone is right - the food thing is a biggy. i forgot this weekened so had to swiftly do my tescos order on the train last night to make sure he had food!

 

[BigRed]

I would be very wary of telling him the horse was there first and will be there after, you are basically saying he is not important. That is fine if you plan on being a lonely old woman one day.

You need to make some time for your OH. It is only fair and reasonable. Next time you are at the yard chatting idly, remember you could be at home with your bloke, cuddled up in front of the TV.

 

[mizzymoo]

pointless but i felt i needed to reply !

Oh dear this doesnt give me much confidence..
me and my boyfriend are looking to move in together and my life revolves around my horse (had her 10yrs and she's not going anywhere) and i work full time.
my boyfriend gets very jealous and is always asking what takes you so long, i find it hard fitting him around the horse the thought of throwing in house chores etc oh dear...
i do think as he has no hobbies (his own choice) he will be doing most of the house chores.. and this will cause arguments
but like others say i have to tell him the horse comes first.
i never really thought about this just thought i'd move in with him and he'll be happier cos he'll get to see me more..
never thought about the up keep of the house lol!!

 

[Lollii]

My OH is the same, moans about things like cleaning and ironing and lack of food! he likes beef casserole though which is what he gets most days from the slow cooker, they are great as he can help himself when I'm busy outside!

Our time together is spent fixing fences or shopping in Tesco's/Feed Shop!

I have a further problem tho now - which is this forum, I am spending more & more time on it and not doing any chores!

 

[Chico Mio]

[ QUOTE ]
I have a further problem tho now - which is this forum, I am spending more & more time on it and not doing any chores!

[/ QUOTE ]

This is my main problem! OH has actually been out all day helping build stables at a friends farm and, apart from tending to poorly ned, poo picking out the pens and making some pizza dough I have done sweet Fanny Adams since I came back from town this morning except cruise HHO and have a flick through facebook!

One thing: Ironing. Work of the devil the iron. If your OH's stuff needs ironing, let him get on with it and don't let him touch yours. Does he 'do the chores' becuase he wants a clean house or to make you feel bad? I can't stand vacuuming so OH does that, he can't cook and, like all men needs his grub, so I do the cooking. I bulk cook and freeze stuff like chili, bolognese sauce, casseroles. Let's face it, it takes as long to make the stuff for one meal as it does to make it for four, so always cook more than you need and squirrel it away. I even do this with rice. You can peel enough potatoes to last the week if you keep them under water in the fridge.

Food wise, a cunning plan is to list out all the meals you are going to have for the week and stick the list on the fridge (takeaways included) OH then gets the idea that you are actually thinking about housewifely things. You do have to stick to the list but somehow it's easier when the decision is made and down in black and white. I've managed to build this up to two weeks at a time now. Also helps with the shopping.

I am the ultimate short cut slut when it comes to housework, but I've had years of practice

 

[ironhorse]

[ QUOTE ]
Our time together is spent fixing fences or shopping in Tesco's/Feed Shop!



[/ QUOTE ]


It was pointed out to me recently that any weekend not spent at shows revolves around doing the horse and going to Tesco! Oops! Still I did go with him to visit his son, daughter in law and grand daughter this weekend so that has to be a few brownie points!

 

[MrsMozart]

A non-horsey hubby. A house in the process of being tweaked to get it ready to sell. Three neds. Four dogs. Two children. I often work away.

Soooo, now the neds are done by midday, so's I get home to do some work! I potter round and tidy up etc. as I go (children are now big enough to hoover, etc.).

Saturdays are Famiwy Day. Nothing at all to do with horses: they're out and someone looks them over for me. We go out/stay in/watch a movie.

Sundays we can go to horse shows, so long as it's not dressage

. Hubby and non-horsey like taking piccies and likes seeing the big jumps.

 

[jaynedoc]

GET A DOG!!.

My OH always moans about the horse saying I cn't cope and I will have to get rid of it if I can fit it all in, oh and he moans that i am tired all the time and that of course is the horses fault too.

My husband does work after all, he tells me regularly, i have to stuff my fist in my mouth to prevent me from say...

well i work full time too...
I look after the kids...take them to school, pick them up...
Tidy the house..
Clean the house...
wash his clothes
and iron them
and put them away
do the weekly shop alone.
Cook the evening meal...
oh and he has generously allocated all the gardening to me too.

BUT he has always wanted a DOG so i have brought him one....tu chay!!!

now he cant moan at me cause if the horse goes ...SO DOES THE DOG!!.

RESULT!!

 

[k9h]

[ QUOTE ]


My husband does work after all, he tells me regularly, i have to stuff my fist in my mouth to prevent me from say...



[/ QUOTE ]

I thought you were going to say to stop you from putting your fist in his mouth!

Shows how I think!

 

[jaynedoc]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


My husband does work after all, he tells me regularly, i have to stuff my fist in my mouth to prevent me from say...



[/ QUOTE ]

I thought you were going to say to stop you from putting your fist in his mouth!

Shows how I think!

[/ QUOTE ]

Ha Ha I like the way you think!!

 

[Slinkyunicorn]

[ QUOTE ]
I am the ultimate short cut slut when it comes to housework, but I've had years of practice

[/ QUOTE ]

You and me both!!

 

[Nickijem]

Get a OH that has an equally time consuming hobby!
My hubby shoots, plays golf and fishes - all of which mean disappearing for most of the weekend, leaving me free to play with the horsey!
We don't have children though, we wouldn't have time for them as well, and the house is usually a tip!

 

[AmyMay]

[ QUOTE ]
everything revolves aorund the horses!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

Unfortunately when you have horses, everything does revolve around them.

If he gets his own hobby, he may feel a bit differently.

 

[LauraWinter]

Mine has got his own nearly as expensive and time consuming hobby so its great! We both do our own thing then make arrangements to spend days/evenings together when neither of us is busy. I think we would get bored of each other if we spent more time together anyway LOL !!!

 

[tasel]

Mine sometimes does complain about things being juggled around my schedule a lot. But hey, I juggled my life around his PhD thesis, too!!!

He loves my pets though (incl. horse), and he does understand... especially as he now quite fancies a horse for himself one day!!!

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

This is a real toughy. I guess it depends on how much you are prepared to 'give'. Relationships call from compromises at times and its about how much you want to compromise one way and how much he is able to compromise the other. I thankfully have a wondeful, supportive (non-horsey) husband who, in the 19 years we have been together, has let me be my own person and do my own thing and vice versa. Thankfully, whilst I am horsing around he makes the most of his time in front of the telly with a beer watching anything football related or generally relaxing at home. He doesn't mind cooking a meal or doing the washing when I'm not there. I do it too when I can and between us we won't starve or have to wear dirty clothers. OK the house might get in a mess but its clean and we reach our common goal of a happy life, happy children. If I had been or god forbid was ever in a position where I wasn't able to be 'me' and it made me unhappy then the question would have to be asked 'was I with the right person'. This is so difficult because everyone's relationship is different and what is right for one is wrong for another. Go with your instincts. The only tip I can offer is 'don't settle for anyone or anything less than what you want'. Be reasonable though, its not a one way street. xxx Hope you can work things out. xxx

 

[pottamus]

It is a time consuming hobby and there is no getting away from that but there are things you can do to ease the troubles. I make big pots of food (bolonaise, chilli, casserole, marinated chicken, shepherds pie etc) and freeze them into portions and that way when we get home from work it does not take forever to prepare a meal. I can then safely get out of the house to do my horse in peace.
The housework does not get done much and as he never does any anyway he cannot moan when I do not do much either. Ironing..I do mine and he does his...only fair when we both work. Dishwashers are great even for lazy busy people...washing of cars - we take turns mostly.
I do not spend hours messing about with my horse either as he is in a rented field on his own so there is none of the chatting or taking forever gossiping that goes on at some yards...it takes me about 1 hour in the evening at a leisurley pace..which is tolerable to my oh.
I ride before work in the summer when it is light enough to hack safely so I am up and out of bed at 5am to do this leaving him in bed so it does not affect him. In the winter I cannot ride in the week with work and darkness so it is just weekends then.
There has to be some compromise somewhere though if you are in a relationship for the long term...horses are time consuming and a commitment but they should not completely dominate everything..in my opinion.

 

[Amaretto]

Don't know if this has been mentioned already as not read all the posts, apologies!

But, if you have had horse before the other half, and it is part of your make-up, then there is no compromise IMHO. When they met you, they took you on and everything that comes with it, which means your horse too!

A couple of years ago, I was at a BE comp, and a girl was on the phone to her boyfriend. He was complaining that she was going to be late home for a night out, to which she replied 'This body is down to the fact that I have horses to keep me fit, so be bloody grateful - you don't complain when we are in bed!' Fantastic!

 

[Chumsmum]

1. Encourage him to get a hobby - fishing in particular takes up hours

2. Get a cleaner - even if it's only for a couple of hours per week the money you pay is well worth the peace it brings

3. Get a dog - my OH dotes on our puppy and has made him realise how much our animals can mean to us and take up our time plus he brings her out on hacks occasionly

 

[karenjj]

Hi Thanks everyone! ChicoMio love your list idea! I'm going to start that! I think maybe the secret is a bit more planning! I'm quite disorganised I think so will start trying to plan in advance! Last night we went to B+Q which is where he wanted to go and he seemed happy about that so am hoping to keep him busy with DIY!! It's good to know other people have the same problems but also have solutions! Thanks!

 

[BeckyD]

Always make your OH believe he's the most important to you. Imagine how you would feel if he said he had a hobby that was more important that you. I work full time but do 99.9% of cooking, shopping and chores. My OH puts the rubbish bins out each week and he does his own ironing (thank god!) - I do "joint" ironing i.e. duvet covers, pillow cases, napkins etc. And I do everything else - washing, washing up, hoovering, cat litter tray, food shopping, cleaning, mopping, tidying, changing the beds/towels etc. You just have to be very disciplined and try not to get annoyed when he spends all morning in bed

He does help out from time to time which I'm extremely grateful for as I'm permanently tired.

Plan whole days which have nothing horse-related i.e. get someone to do your horse for the day.

Good luck!

 

[AnnaJ]

My OH works shifts so it's not too bad for me. When he's been on nights, I tend to see to Athena whilst he's in bed catching up on sleep! Although sometimes he does join me at the farm and keeps Athena occupied whilst I'm pottering around