Just help!

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Kirstd33

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I really don’t know where to start with everything - just menopausal, overwhelmed and really low and need to put it all down and someone tell me what to do please.

Coblet - on his last legs literally, after getting through the winter and us hoping he’d have a nice last summer has really deteriorated quite rapidly . Had the vet out 10 days ago thinking she would put to sleep but she actually discouraged us that day saying it wasn’t an urgent need yet as the wind was 50mph and lashing it down so encouraged us to up his danilon, add paracetamol and do it on a nice day. So we moved him to his summer grazing early, and he’s moving round comfortably enough but his spark has gone and I’d do the deed tomorrow BUT teen daughter turns 18 on Thursday and is 5 weeks away from her a levels.

Then I’ve ridden Standie today for the first time in 10 days due to work commitments and me being poorly last week and we had a great hack UNTIL we went for a little canter, one of his flex boots must have got stuck in the mud, come off, flapped round his fetlock so he did an almighty buck I hit the deck and he galloped off down the road. I managed to catch him, pop the boot back on and tried to remount but hadn’t even got my ass in the saddle and he bucked me off again. Didn’t try again solo so walked the mile home, calmed him down and did remount at the yard with someone holding him. He was very tense but ok so I turned him back out with his friends. I’ve cut my face, not entirely sure I haven’t hurt my ribs and am starting to ache already.

I’m just totally fed up and need a break from them I got Standie to do some pleasure riding but he’s a lot spookier , greener than we thought and dare I say a bit unpredictable. His gaits are also HUGE and agrivating my back which is fused at L5/S1. Teen daughter has that much going on with college, exams, job, lambing, boyfriend that she isn’t that interested in riding at the moment either although she’s a god send with the day to day care.

I am thinking we’ll have Coblet PTS next week and maybe I’ll loan Standie out as he’s a lovely boy but I can’t be falling off, I’m just too old. I wanna walk up some mountains with my friends and paddle board take a break I think.

What should I do?
 
Firstly rest up and look after yourself as best as possible, you can't do it all when you're under the weather
Then book coblet in to be PTS, if he's been declining your daughter may well have mentally prepared somewhat and won't take it as hard as you think - she also I'm sure, if she understood how you feel, would agree it's the best thing to do for the both of you.
Thirdly I would either sell or loan Standie and take a break if you want one, it sounds like you do. Someone out there will love him and coming into spring is a great time to sell.
 
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Deep breath. You've both got a LOT going on and this is supposed to be a hobby we do for fun!! Stop putting pressure on yourself to ride, it doesn't matter.

Can teen daughter deal with coblet being pts now or wait until after a levels? I would pts now if she can cope with it


Groundwork with standie for now, see if D's riding mojo comes back after a levels, if it doesn't loan him out or sell. I would want vet (/bute trial?)to ascertain if tension is behavioral or pain as you've had lameness issues with him iirc? Though I would be leaning towards him not being the horse for you right now...., sorry
 
Did you have a nice time with Standie last summer? Or has this been going on for a while? It's a horrid time of year IMO. We had this conversation riding out yesterday, it's 'Spring' so you feel like having survived winter everything should be fine but I actually find it the worst time of year for riding - you get a nice sunny day and just want to enjoy it but the horses are all absolutely wired and behaving irrationally. I didn't even dare canter mine yesterday on his first time out on grass since winter, he was an absolute fruit loop and would have decked me. I'm gritting my teeth until we get properly into summer and everything chills out a bit.

So sorry to hear about Coblet, it's bound to be weighing heavy on your mind knowing what's coming, so try to give yourself some breathing space until you've dealt with one awful thing before worrying about everything else.
 
AShetlandBitMeOnce said:
Firstly rest up and look after yourself as best as possible, you can't do it all when you're under the weather
Then book coblet in to be PTS, if he's been declining your daughter may well have mentally prepared somewhat and won't take it as hard as you think - she also I'm sure if she understood how you feel agree it's the best thing to do for the both of you.
Thirdly I would either sell or loan Standie and take a break if you want one, it sounds like you do. Someone out there will love him and coming into spring is a great time to sell.
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This.

You've been trying to get cob right for a long time, he and my late B Fuzzy had their damage at a similar time. Yours had op, mine didn't, mine had field rest and did come right for 6 months hacking before she mullered things in the field and I needed an emergency pts.

I think whenever you pts him, it wont be the right time for you or daughter.
Life gets caught up, but if he's on meds to keep him ok, and is not himself, then its probably time to call it a day.

You could also just park standie and give him and you a break till after daughter's exams.
 
Firstly hugs. You are thinking along the right lines yourself. So trust your judgement. As spark gone but moving comfortably then coblet COULD wait until after daughter birthday. Are you able to have a chat with her about it? You may find that her head is already in the right place and she'd be comfortable with him being let go even sooner. Perhaps even welcome the relief of not having it hanging over her birthday. At times my 15 year old daughter has surprised me with how sensible and practical she can be over things like this, though she's very sensitive and is devastated by it.

Standy doesn't sound like the horse for you at the moment. Perhaps he still has some physical issues/pain which resulted in the over reaction to the boot coming off? I have an extremely sensitive and reactive Arab mare who wears boots but even she wouldn't react so explosively once boot replaced. So I suspect there might be something more going on with him? Worth bottoming out particularly as if remember correctly you've had recent physical problem with him?

It's meant to be a fun hobby. It's a very expensive way to be miserable and or scared. You have my sympathy. I hope you're not too sore yourself
 
1. I’m furious on your behalf that the vet guilt tripped you into not doing what you knew was right. I had a vet do that to me quite a few years ago now and I still kick myself for getting sucked in. If you know he needs to go on his next journey then book it in as soon as you have spoken to your daughter. The knowing is the worst part.

2. The standie. Ouch! Let yourself heal. Hopefully he just frightened himself, but before you get back on I’d get a quick vet check, limit his access to spring grass and pop someone experienced/confident on him for a week or two and give him some consistent/harder work before making any future decisions
 
Sending you hugs. Pop a few paracetamol and have a warm bath - being decked is no fun.

If you feel your old boy is ready to go, make the call. Your daughter sounds like a lovely, supportive girl and I'm sure will back your decision as she won't want her furry friend to suffer.

Re: the standie. Any reason you can't just put shoes back on? I'm all for barefoot where possible but it sounds like it's all just a bit of a drama at the moment and if shoes keep him sound and comfortable, it would seem sensible to pop them back on, at least for the summer. All the horses are fresh at the moment with the longer, warmer days and new grass growth but hopefully once you're feeling a bit more comfortable and can work him more - long trots maybe to start with rather than canters? - he'll return to the lovely, even-tempered potential endurance horse you bought and you'll be able to enjoy the summer with him.

Good luck 🤗
 
Kirstd33 said:
I really don’t know where to start with everything - just menopausal, overwhelmed and really low and need to put it all down and someone tell me what to do please.

Coblet - on his last legs literally, after getting through the winter and us hoping he’d have a nice last summer has really deteriorated quite rapidly . Had the vet out 10 days ago thinking she would put to sleep but she actually discouraged us that day saying it wasn’t an urgent need yet as the wind was 50mph and lashing it down so encouraged us to up his danilon, add paracetamol and do it on a nice day. So we moved him to his summer grazing early, and he’s moving round comfortably enough but his spark has gone and I’d do the deed tomorrow BUT teen daughter turns 18 on Thursday and is 5 weeks away from her a levels.

Then I’ve ridden Standie today for the first time in 10 days due to work commitments and me being poorly last week and we had a great hack UNTIL we went for a little canter, one of his flex boots must have got stuck in the mud, come off, flapped round his fetlock so he did an almighty buck I hit the deck and he galloped off down the road. I managed to catch him, pop the boot back on and tried to remount but hadn’t even got my ass in the saddle and he bucked me off again. Didn’t try again solo so walked the mile home, calmed him down and did remount at the yard with someone holding him. He was very tense but ok so I turned him back out with his friends. I’ve cut my face, not entirely sure I haven’t hurt my ribs and am starting to ache already.

I’m just totally fed up and need a break from them I got Standie to do some pleasure riding but he’s a lot spookier , greener than we thought and dare I say a bit unpredictable. His gaits are also HUGE and agrivating my back which is fused at L5/S1. Teen daughter has that much going on with college, exams, job, lambing, boyfriend that she isn’t that interested in riding at the moment either although she’s a god send with the day to day care.

I am thinking we’ll have Coblet PTS next week and maybe I’ll loan Standie out as he’s a lovely boy but I can’t be falling off, I’m just too old. I wanna walk up some mountains with my friends and paddle board take a break I think.

What should I do?
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Ooh, dear. Definitely call time on the old cob, it will be far more distressing for all of you if he goes down and needs emergency euthanasia right in the middle of her exams.
What was the vet’s rationale for not doing so before? Why should an already miserable pony endure more 50mph winds, driving rain and the rest for any longer than necessary? It’s March, still time for vile weather, puffs of snow here this morning.
Your vet obviously knows he’s suffering since she’s dishing out extra painkillers to ‘cope’, and obviously agrees that is the imminent result anyway - who’s supposedly benefitting from a delay? Not impressed.
If your ribs are hurting, really should get that assessed, and generally take things easier. Most horses are more reactive with a bit of spring grass, especially when rarely exercised, so the standardbred’ll likely settle again, but if you find him painful or intimidating to ride - loan /sell on, in both your best interests - no guilt trips!
 
totally understand where you are, I was dithering over a year about the best time to PTS my 32yr old cob and the relief when I just went for it was almost the hardest bit. It’s a while still to the exams so time to process and move forwards.
Re Standie, I’m not sure what sort of horse but if fetlock boots are the trigger, I just wouldn’t use them, get the farrier to round the inside edges of the shoes if you get any cuts. Also the grass is just starting to flush and they are all feeling a bit important ATM - you could get a sharer, loan or sell and get something more suitable or take a break from horses- only you know what will bring you joy
Lastly I had no idea that hitting this meno time of life was going to flatten me as hard as it did 😞 I thought I was going mad as my symptoms are far more mental than physical - after a melt down at work and being signed off, I looked into the help out there, went on several webinars that were more about selling stuff rather than fixing me but I did find one, menominds which was completely free, funded by Nebosh with no sales pitch or talk about hrt permitted and that was an absolute game changer (in conjunction with black kohosh, saffron and magnesium)
 
ihatework said:
1. I’m furious on your behalf that the vet guilt tripped you into not doing what you knew was right. I had a vet do that to me quite a few years ago now and I still kick myself for getting sucked in. If you know he needs to go on his next journey then book it in as soon as you have spoken to your daughter. The knowing is the worst part.

2. The standie. Ouch! Let yourself heal. Hopefully he just frightened himself, but before you get back on I’d get a quick vet check, limit his access to spring grass and pop someone experienced/confident on him for a week or two and give him some consistent/harder work before making any future decisions
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Absolutely, recently been some thread about exactly this, and it is unprofessional behaviour - prevention of suffering is part of their remit, not prolonging it, causing additional stress all round and running up bills.
 
I came up against needing to PTS in a month where we had a run of important birthdays, anniversaries etc. With vets agreement we piled him full of bute and he had a fabulous month as high as a kite (weather was good too). I'd made the appointment but there was no changing it anyway as the hunt came through the day before without warning and that totally knackered his bad leg. But he was doped to the eyeballs so for a short time if it would help then don't hold back with the bute - it is hardly like you need to worry about his gut / liver etc. You have gone above and beyond trying to get your little cob sound and healthy and I'm really sorry the operation didn't work out.

You aren't the only person to get flattened by a boot getting stuck - my friend had her horse in cavellos and they fell after he tripped on one and she was hurt. If they aren't a good fit then personally I prefer shoes. Could you find a sharer to help with the exercise?
 
Thanks all, so would you believe Coblet made the decision for us this afternoon, I’d been watching him on his field camera and he was looking uncomfortable and getting up and down every few mins, I dashed out to the field after posting my first message and he was really struggling so lay with his head on my lap for an hour whilst I called the vets and my daughter to come out. They agreed and he was pts about an hour ago. We’re Absolutely heartbroken but like his life lived everything was on his terms even right up to the end. He had such a strong personality. We loved him so much xx
 
Sorry to hear this, he must have known you were struggling with the decision so made the decision to ease you of the burden. Sometimes the build up to PTS is the worst part, now you can take comfort that he is pain free and will be galloping in a better place. Sending hugs.
 
Thanks again all, just feeling a bit lost and absolutely numb still. I’m off work (school) so have the perfect excuse to just veg and mope which indulged in yesterday. LIttle bit better today as I have jobs to do in prep for daughters 18th birthday tomorrow so will do those but struggling to raise a smile. Went to see Standie last night and just felt resentful that he was still here and not Coblet. Been talking to a fairly local woman about her loaning him for a while but worrying I’m making a knee jerk reaction after coming off and losing Coblet?
 
So sorry for your loss its heartbreaking isnt it. Sounds like you need a break from it all & if you have an offer of loaning him for a while maybe just what you both need & it will give you time to recharge your batteries & get a better understanding of what you want to do in the future. Sounds like youve got a lot on your plate atm so take care.
 
Kirstd33 said:
Thanks again all, just feeling a bit lost and absolutely numb still. I’m off work (school) so have the perfect excuse to just veg and mope which indulged in yesterday. LIttle bit better today as I have jobs to do in prep for daughters 18th birthday tomorrow so will do those but struggling to raise a smile. Went to see Standie last night and just felt resentful that he was still here and not Coblet. Been talking to a fairly local woman about her loaning him for a while but worrying I’m making a knee jerk reaction after coming off and losing Coblet?
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You’re bound to feel like that, and actually a relief the conclusion didn’t occur right in the middle of daughter’s birthday or her exams - which easily could have been the case, and far more traumatic for everyone. He was well loved and cared for, for a long time, of course it’s a huge wrench.
Could the local woman ride him from your place, or maybe share some riding with you for a little while, to avoid any more big changes right now?
 
I would take your time to make a decision, but a loaner might be helpful to take the pressure off. I see in your first post that you hadn't ridden Standie for 10 days and some horses do get spooky if they do not have consistency. I can always get straight on mine, but might have to go in the school for my first ride as he gets spooky. It does seem that the boot genuinely spooked him, and he probably wasn't 100% back down to earth when you tried to remount. So I wouldn't judge him too much on that. I would put it down to an unfortunate turn of events. Horses never show you their best in winter. I would think you will have a nicer time in summer, and it will give you chance to get to know each other.

Really sorry to hear about Coblet I lost my horse of a life time and immediately after, I found it extra hard when my other horse was a twit
 
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