just need to let this out.

I

itsme123

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I hope no-one minds, i just need to get my feelings out. because it hurts so much. I've lost pets before, and i recall crying, but he really was my baby.

I was offered to leave the room when it happened, but chose to stay with him, i couldnt leave him with strangers. But all i see now is that last image, of him laying there, not breathing. I hugged him and cried, sobbed my heart out, how sorry I was to have ended it, because afterwards I felt immediately terrible, And now praying i could change things and have him here with me.
It seems to unfair. He hadnt even seen his first christmas. Our new garden at the new house remains un played in. it was perfect for him.
I can't stop crying, it hurts so so much, and all my family and OH kep saying is 'you did the best thing' which maybe true. but why does it feel like I've snuffed his life short?? why do i feel so terrible if i did the right thing? all i want to do is curl up and die myself and just be with him, he was my best friend and companion through all the times we've had this year. I lost my 18yo spangle this year and cried, but he was old, and it never hurt a tenth of what this does. We'll be moving in the coming days and I feel terrible about that too, leaving to start a new life when i have so many memories of him here.


sorry, i just needed to get my feelings out because I have the kids here who are devastaed themselves.
 
I lost a very special lady 3 years ago and talk to her every day. It still hurts even now and occasionally I have Holly moments where I cannot stop crying.
You have to know that he could not go on as he was. In your heart you know it but you are grieving for a young life cut short. Let your emotions out and try to remember his good times and try to see the end as him being at peace.
It's hard but it will get easier with time. Huge hugs to you. J x
 
It's always hard to say goodbye though when they're old it's the natural and kindest way to thank them for their companionship. When it's a young life and there's some sort of trauma involved it's even harder to bear and it's probably the shock combined with your sadness that's making it so difficult. I'm so sorry for you and I know how bad you feel but it will get easier and knowing you saved him from further pain is what will get you through it. xx
 
Big hugs _Charlie_
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I have just had a flick over your recent posts and realise how quickly this has all happened for you. I'm sure you are devastated about the loss of little Jack but the extra emotions may well be down to shock aswell. Take it easier and think about the good times x x
 
I am so desperately sorry to read your posts.

I had a Border Collie who started having fits when she was 9 months old, they progressed rapidly to the point where she would have a massive fit which would leave her partially deaf and blind, confused, incontinent etc, it would take several weeks for her to get back to normal and just as she seemed herself it would happen all over again - it was terribly distressing to witness these attacks and it felt like I was living with a time bomb, waiting for her to go off.
She had loads of tests and was on medication, but nothing seemed to work, and then finally the vets found the right combination of medication and for about three months she had no fits at all. Then one morning I came down and found her dead, and she had obviously been fitting continuosly for hours, judging by the mess everywhere - I was devastated, she was 18 months old, and having said my goodbyes to her on numerous occasions, I finally thought she was going to be ok - so it was a terrible shock and I was literally heartbroken.

My thoughts go out to you.xx
 
I'm so sorry for ur loss. Your story brought back memories of lossing a young dog.

My mum had a Boxer who had his 1st fit at 9months old and we had a friend come over and wlak the dogs and put them back in the garden didnt shut the get properly and both dogs got out (Molly said on drive waiting for us) and Hooch ran to where he was walked and had a heart attack down the alley way and died at 18months old. I broke us all up and took my mum a very long time to accept his death and it took 5years to get another boxer which is also a very special dog.

We had a liter of pups and kept one so had mum and daughter and last yr we lost both as daughter has cancer and eaten her kidneys she has a 5% chance of pulling through and operation so sadly decided it was better to pts, this was so sudden and I found it difficult to deal but we had a wonderful 7yrs. Mum died 3 months later at a wonderful age of 16yrs but making the choice was a lot easier as she had liveda full life. Its horrible to go through and I never thought we'd get another boxer like Hooch but we did hes totally different but still very perious. Once we lost both mum and daughter we decided 2 get a gsp puppy for our boxer and he has his own qualities which make hims special.
 
Thnakyou so much sprout (and everyone else for their support too).

We don't know if it was epilepsy, or possibly a bleed to the brain.. or what. But painkillers didnt work, and there comes a point where you sit and watch your dog in that state and think "how's this fair on him?". Last sunday I watched him in pain, he didnt want me to cuddle him because his face had swollen and it hurt, and it broke my heart.

I took him to a new park yesterday and let him off, and he ran off, i called him and he spent ages looking for me, confused. I was standing right infront of him waving my arms
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last night he was quiet and very tired, but still begging tit bits from me. Today, completely downhill.

The first thing the kids said was 'can we get another?' is that a normal reaction for kids? (of course I've told them no, because it'd be a complete betrayal to Jack)

I found one of the kids sitting in his bed cuddling his toys and crying. I think it;s just sunk in for them that he isnt coming back.

Hats off to the vets, they were so good. I asked that his teddy, the one he came from his litter with, which smelt of his mum, be cremated with him. I hope and pray they do that and treat his little body with dignity. I wanted to bring him home, but have nowhere to bury him. The vet told me that the ashes wont be his, so I'm not sure what to do? wether it's worth me having them if it's not 'him' ? how much of them would be 'him'?

and of all the stupid things, I'm now sat here thinking I must go and pay the final bill (I hate debt) because they told me to just leave and pay the bill later... and I havent a clue how much it is. They said £100 for the ashes, but I guss theres the consultation and the euthanasia, which I havent a clue how much. Stupid how we worry about such trivial things.

His family said 'oh well, blessing in disguise'
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thankfully my family have been understanding, they're doggy people and loved Jack as much as I did.
 
It's so hard to lose a dog, but even harder when they've not been able to live the full life they deserved.
Reading your posts as an outsider, even your most recent one, it is clear that he was in pain and confused.

Looking at your most recent posts, it would have been easier on you (and harder on him) to keep him alive, you have done a very selfless thing and wherever he is now, in his own way, I think he would thank you for that.

xxx
 
It's probably too late but in most places you can request a seperate cremation so the ashes you get back will be his. This is what I'm doing with Indie when she goes as the thought of getting random ashes back makes it seem a bit pointless having them as you said. Whatever happens at the end of the day he's gone but even without a grave you can remember him. Plant a tree in your new garden and maybe do what I did when I lost my cat, write a letter to him and place it under the tree before you plant it. It might sound mental and it probably is but it helped me.
 
I would potentially reconsider not getting another dog - its not a betrayal as such, and without being cliched Jack would rather you guys were happy!

Obviously I would wait until you feel ready but dont feel its a betrayal xxxxx
 
Respectfully, I would actually leave it for now, Charlie, while I don't think getting another dog wold be a betrayal - you have your cats and ponies, so the kids are not without pets, and they have to learn that death does not mean immediate replacement.
When J died, I was six or so, and I just said to Mum 'it's OK, we can get another one' - that is how young kids think.
We did and it was not a good thing, to be honest.

Also, this is a time of upheaval for your family, because of the circumstances surrounding wee Jack's passing (the trauma of his condition etc) feelings are running high and your judgement may be coloured in terms of what type of dog would be best suited to the family, and what with the move and everything else going on and your OH's mentioned misunderstanding/distrust of dogs, so I think it would be wiser to wait until everything else has settled down before you start to consider another dog.
 
Sorry to hear he has been pts, poor little dog
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.....and agree(hope u don't take this the as rude) but by your posts your OH does not sound like a doggi person and did not sound overly keen on the little one you had and was not very supportive of what was a very confusing and possibly painful time for the dog and upsetting time for you, so I would not consider another at all at any time and just cherish the little one u had in your heart/memories.
R.i.p little puppy
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I don't want another dog, am not intending to. Nothing could replace Jack. Ever.

as for OH, yes he's a prat. But even he misses him and is in bits about it. He might be a big oaf who just doesnt 'get' dogs but he's still got a heart and was signed up to take him back to classes himself when they started after xmas. He was willing to learn.

You know what makes this harder? jacks brother is in kennels because his owner decided they didnt want him. OH's hinting that we go get him, because his friend's aunt (or whatever) owns the place, he's been there weeks now, and me having to say no... that's cutting me up
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it;s cutting us all up, because weeks ago, before all this we were going to have him as a friend for jack but decided to wait until jack was better, and now... well... I just can't.

still so raw
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I always said I'd not have another dog after Jasper. He was my first dog and I simply couldn't imagine having another dog that wasn't him.

Even though he had lived a full life, until the last five days, losing him like we did was still a shock. He didn't see old or doddery and I'd never have believed he wouldn't be here for this Christmas a couple of months ago.

Strangely, just a few days after he died, I found myself missing the routine of having a dog about so much that I felt I actually did want another dog.

Didn't want one in the house straight away....hence why we went for a puppy that had yet to be born. It's given us time to grieve for Jasper and time to focus attention on our new puppy arriving in a couple of weeks time.

Don't rule it out completely Katy, so long as you OH is totally on board. Maybe a slightly older dog (and perhaps Jack's brother fits the bill) would suit as your OH hopefully won't have to go through the complete "mess" of starting the house training off.

The only thing that would worry me about that is whether Jack's problems were hereditary or as the result of trauma. Would hate for you to get another dog that suffers the same issues....that would be so distressing for you.
 
I'll be speaking to his breeder tomorrow to let her know whats happened and hopefully she can contact the owners of the rest of his litter, because if this has happened to any of he others (it was the first time she;d used this paricular young stud dog) then she needs to know.

Also, his brother is the spit of him, minus the coloured ears. I dont think I could hack that. I'm donating all the leftover food and stuff to that dog home anyway, so hopefully he'll eat well and have a good home by xmas with a family that arent gieving and who can give him the time he deserves.

I was just saying to OH that I'm going to miss having him following the hoover around and he said he's already missing not having him jumping on his knee each night wanting to play tug of war with his toy ferret. walking into the place seems so wied and quiet. But strangely, I feel like a weight's gone and I feel terrible for that.
 
That is a good plan and I advised another user something similar when her pup was diagnosed with epilepsy (I believe that in proven hereditary epilepsy that the carrier, if not both parents should be not bred from in future both they and offspring neutered, how often does that happen, eh?) - and while it is worth informing the breeder, bear in mind the potential that it was caused by head trauma from his accident in the house when he was stuck in the stair gate and he got himself in a panic.
 
Don't feel terrible Katy.

When Jasper had his first stroke and was left walking with a shuffle, head tilted awkwardly (and it looked very uncomfortable) to one side, I was a bit shocked when the vet said he could carry on like that for a year or so with ease. I didn't want Jasper to not be happy, healthy and as fit as a flea. He'd gotten to 14 years, a damn good age, still acting like a pup. The last thing I wanted was to remember him like that.

After the second stroke, he had to be carried outside and upstairs. Couldn't get on the bed, which he disliked and had the odd whimper. Again I took him to the vets and again I was told he would probably rally in a few weeks.

I was almost relieved when he had his final stroke the next day and it was plain to see he needed to be PTS. He could no longer walk. He didn't move from his basket in the last 12 hours and panicked if you tried to pick him up. We had to take him to the vets in the basket, carrying that. My only regret is that the vets wouldn't come out to PTS that night and he had to endure a night of distress. That said, it did enable the children to all say goodbye to him before we took him to the vets.

As much as I didn't want to lose him, I didn't want to keep him alive without the quality of life he'd enjoyed.

I completely understand your emotions. I adore Cockers and did think of having another breed briefly, but couldn't. I simply sought a Cocker that wasn't the same colour as Jasper to help avoid comparison.

See how you feel in the new year. Give yourself time to grieve.

I would also probably inform the breeder, but again, it might not be hereditary. It's just something you can't rule out completely, especially as I believe JRT's are prone to seizures. What Jack had seems really extreme. As I said to you before, Jasper had mild seizures for 12 years and they never did him any harm.....although it's a fair assumption that somewhere along the line they may have contributed to his strokes at 14.
 
Just a quick update: 2 days on.

A HUGE HUGE thankyou to those who have listened to me these last 48 hours. You know who you are and your support and understanding means the world to me. It's made SUCH a difference. And my OH and terribly patient family who put up with hours of non stop crying
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and most of all to my newly aquired JRT fanatic friend and her collection of dogs who have given me loads of cuddles and some hope for the future.

This morning I braved Jack's area, and cleaned the blankets that needed cleaning and decided it was time I stopped sleeping with his teddies nuzzled up to my face (they smell of him) because OH was pretty peeved to wake up with a squeaky ferret in his eye this morning. So I've packed it all into a huge box, and washed down where he fitted last.


I'm now about to phone the vets and see about his ashes and pay the bill etc. Initially I wanted them, but now not so sure, beause I know they won't be all his? I have his photos and 'things' and I'm wondering if his ashes will hinder my grieving and be a negatve thing? but then I can't bear the thought of them being thrown away? Unsure... if I'd been in any fit state the other day I'd have had him buried up in the fields, but there and then straight after his death, I wasnt thinking straight.

Not sure if it's normal to grieve worse for an animal than i ever have for a human (I always did prefer animals to people) but my family telling me i need to move fowards and think straight else I'll make myself poorly.

we're moving properly tomorrow, handing the keys to this place in, so it'll be hard to leave the place he lived in and where where smells of him
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but then again maybe that'll help me move on a bit?


edited to add, just spoke to vets.


They still have him there.... I'm shocked and it's upset me so much
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ut I guess they realised that I wasnt thinking straight. I've chosen to have him cremated with the other animals and for his ashes to go to the local garden of remeberance. He'd like that, he loved other animals so much. I've got to go down later today and take down his wee coat and I think I might write a letter and let th kids draw some pictures for him too. So they can all go together and he'll have his things. I discussed having his body back, but mum thinks it'll just make me worse... and having his ashes would make things hard too. This way i know he's not on his own.
 
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