Lack of confidence / over thinking

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HoHum

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Long story short
Been riding 40 years ish, broke my back hunting in Feb, back on board in May, lots of hacking, little bit of school work, been out on a couple of hound exercise, a show or two, dressage and hunt ride.

BUT.. I seem to worry about everything.. other horses, going down hill, horse tripping, jumping, rough ground.. all things that never used to cross my mind.

Horse is a saint, he might jog, little buck when everyone getting going, or want to go a bit faster, but is generally a gem.

yet I seem to be over thinking every situation and adding to his adrenaline level.
Will it pass or any ideas how I can stop worrying and making days out less fun?

Thank you...
 
yep, i know the feeling...i broke my back twice (in 1997 and 2006)...
i dont think its self-doubt but kind of self-preservation...
its that feeling of "oh, if i fall off now, i won't be able to work, then all this bad things would happen as a result, etc..."
if you are not careful, it could manifest itself to the extent where it limits what you can and can't do...
my advice is: (a) take it slowly, (b) get yourself a body protector (i know it could be useless but its just some kind of assurance you can tell yourself...) and (c) may be take some lessons with an instructor (or ride with her)...
i am totally back now!!! happy to jump again!!!
 
Good advice, thank you. I have now got an air jacket which i wear nearly all the time. But I do need some jumping lessons, as I am purely a passenger at the moment. An instructor is what I need!
Think full scale hunting may have to wait.. but want to some how get past over worrying....
 
HoHum said:
Good advice, thank you. I have now got an air jacket which i wear nearly all the time. But I do need some jumping lessons, as I am purely a passenger at the moment. An instructor is what I need!
Think full scale hunting may have to wait.. but want to some how get past over worrying....
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haha, i got an air jacket too!!! as i said, its something u can tell yourself u have done everything humanly possible to protect yourself (its a self-preservation thing). the funny thing is that my instructor doesn't like me wearing it as she says "it would give the horses a fright if it went off"!!!

speaking from my own experiences, u need to wait until u totally forget this fear...and then riding will become second nature again...
just my thoughts...
 
I know exactly where you are at. I have hunted and point to pointed and done all sorts of mad equestrian stuff ,but almost a year ago I got bashed up very badly . I am on a very long and slow road to recovery and the psychological road to recovery is every bit as daunting as the physical one. I could never have imagined that my horse ,happy to have me back after a long enforced rest ,demonstrating that he had finaly learnt to buck (rather patheticly actualy) could have me clutching his neck almost in tears. It is all coming back slowly, my horse is a saint and now understands that dad is no longer able to cope with high jinks. Part of my injuries is that my right lung no longer operates (nerve damage in spine)so I get very short of oxygen very quickly . Bob ,bless him ,seems to have learnt that when I start gasping ,to slam on the anchors and do a sort of equine emergency stop. It is all about taking small steps forward ,and what might seem trivial to someone else ,is a mountain to you. I have just started to do some very small showjumping ,with the help and support of old friends with a BHS approved riding school next door. They knew me before the accident and have been fantastic in helping me gain confidence again. I so often feel such a wimp because a 2 ft six showjump seems so big now. Four fences and I am gasping for breath, but on the other hand it is so good to be back amongst friends who understand. I wish you all the best and remember that most riders will not understand how you feel .It is not their fault ,and I am sure that you would not wish your fears on them either. But please remember that those of us who have been where you are at ,DO UNDERSTAND,and also reccognise your courage. All the best, Mike.
 
Mike007 said:
I know exactly where you are at. I have hunted and point to pointed and done all sorts of mad equestrian stuff ,but almost a year ago I got bashed up very badly . I am on a very long and slow road to recovery and the psychological road to recovery is every bit as daunting as the physical one. I could never have imagined that my horse ,happy to have me back after a long enforced rest ,demonstrating that he had finaly learnt to buck (rather patheticly actualy) could have me clutching his neck almost in tears. It is all coming back slowly, my horse is a saint and now understands that dad is no longer able to cope with high jinks. Part of my injuries is that my right lung no longer operates (nerve damage in spine)so I get very short of oxygen very quickly . Bob ,bless him ,seems to have learnt that when I start gasping ,to slam on the anchors and do a sort of equine emergency stop. It is all about taking small steps forward ,and what might seem trivial to someone else ,is a mountain to you. I have just started to do some very small showjumping ,with the help and support of old friends with a BHS approved riding school next door. They knew me before the accident and have been fantastic in helping me gain confidence again. I so often feel such a wimp because a 2 ft six showjump seems so big now. Four fences and I am gasping for breath, but on the other hand it is so good to be back amongst friends who understand. I wish you all the best and remember that most riders will not understand how you feel .It is not their fault ,and I am sure that you would not wish your fears on them either. But please remember that those of us who have been where you are at ,DO UNDERSTAND,and also reccognise your courage. All the best, Mike.
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sounds like u have had a terrible time.
glad u are back
:)
 
Thanks ,it definately your friends that get you through this sort of stuff, Like YO,s husband (an old army buddy) who kidnapped me from the hospital for the afternoon to visit Bob, and of course the ward sister who fended off some rather aggressive reactions from other staff , and confided in me that she had had a dog in India and in my place would have done exactly the same thing to check he was OK bless her>
 
Mike, you sound like you are conquering and moving forward from something much more serious than my injury..Well done..
I have greatfriends and a very supportive and tolerant OH, but they do look at me oddly when I now would go round the jump every time rather than over it.. I really wanted to be that gung hoo person who was back out hunting this season like nothing had happened
Feeling like a wimp isn't new to me ( can't swim and hate being in water) but the feeling now when faced with a new challenge out riding is one of "I'd rather run away" than tackle it.
Perhaps Noodles you are right and it is just more time that I need
 
I am exactly like this now. My mare tripped in canter and fell with me and since then I tense up every time I am cantering her, petrified it's going to happen again. :-(

I am having some lessons now which is helping, but still really need to conquer this 'what if' mentality.
 
You are probably still suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. The medics reckon you can be a least 2 years getting over it and you displaying all the symptoms. I know because I was three months in a wheelchair 4 years ago from a bad fall (on my own feet running across a concrete yard) and even now I get the odd grip of cold fear. It is simply nature trying to protect us. Be patient and very, very gentle with yourself.
 
It sounds to me like you are doing amazingly.

Prehaps rescue remedy would help? I've never used it but my sister swares by it for exams and as she has a first she clearly isn't going to pieces.
 
i think as long as u are physically capable, the rest is all in your head...
also be mindful that everything u do in the saddle, your poor horse feels it first hand. any tension and self-doubt from you, he/she is the first one to know...
i used to tense up whenever my instructor started to put up some jumps. sometimes i told myself "i used to jump well and i can still do it now". after a few jump, my instructor said something like "you are folding at the right place at the right time, there is nothing wrong with it..." then u know u are back...
:)
 
You see, riding is really a confidence trick (literally!), in that we convince our bodies that nothing is going to happen. But after learning from experience that this is really a lie, and that very bad stuff can happen, our bodies override our conscious minds and start imposing self preservation behaviours all over our desire to get back on board. You have to oppose the unconscious! Very hard to do, but best of luck (the unconscious is WRONG!)
 
And I think that age may play a factor as well..I've fallen off before ( more than once!) and injured myself but never had such an ongoing problem with confidence afterwards
 
It does get better. I broke both ankles really badly about 5 years ago and once I was able to start riding again it took me a while before I would even ride without someone walking round with me. I do still have some confidence issues at speed (was bolted with) but in general am much better.
 
Wow - all 3 of you - noodles, Mike and HoHum - are real inspirations. To even get near a horse after having a bad accident like that shows huge courage. I am sure I would not have as much! I am quite nervous being old and a crappy rider anyway... and spend a lot of time on 'insurance' like protective gear and protective people round me in more testing situations. I heartily recommend RS-Tors and Acavallo Gel Out seat savers (sticky you know!) and I also have a wonderful RI who knows exactly the right balance of stretching me and keeping me safe. Good luck to all of you - you are obviously the stuff that the Empire was made of! :)

ETA sorry missed MyNutmeg - you are in the roll of honour too!
 
tobiano said:
Wow - all 3 of you - noodles, Mike and HoHum - are real inspirations. To even get near a horse after having a bad accident like that shows huge courage. I am sure I would not have as much! I am quite nervous being old and a crappy rider anyway... and spend a lot of time on 'insurance' like protective gear and protective people round me in more testing situations. I heartily recommend RS-Tors and Acavallo Gel Out seat savers (sticky you know!) and I also have a wonderful RI who knows exactly the right balance of stretching me and keeping me safe. Good luck to all of you - you are obviously the stuff that the Empire was made of! :)

ETA sorry missed MyNutmeg - you are in the roll of honour too!
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:D
Whats mad is that I was only really half heartdly horsey mad before I came off but the first thing I sorted once I was working again was a horse ( the boy I came off went on loan as he was way too much for me but not a bad horse, bit of miscommunication :p)
I went way more horse insane after my accident - I was on my sister's cob the day I got my last cast off, while still on crutches. Walked round being lead shaking and have built up from there. Def helps having a fab girl now who I trust and who looks after me when I get scared.
The biggest problem I have now is that as my confidence starts to really come on I have 3-4 months off riding for a surgery but hopefullu am about to start again following what should eb the last surgery for a few years :D

One thing I found really helped was kelly mark's book 'perfect confidence' as it has tools for dealing with the nerves and confidence issues aimed at horses and is sensible, easy things to do
 
I was going to suggest trying hypnotherapy as that worked for me when I had lost my confidence. However it happened gradually due to my new horse being very difficult, several falls and finally a broken arm. Added to that and probably as much to blame was incredible stress at work as well as a very bitchy competition yard. Someone gave me a Paul Mckenna cd to listen to - it really did work, also coupled with a yard move!
BUT as your accident was so serious, it could be as someone suggested that you are suffering from PTSD which I have also experienced after birth trauma. It is like a very heightened anxiety sometimes leading to a panic attack. It was like a very intense version of the fear you feel when you're on your horse and you're overthinking everything and not being able to get out of a walk. I was given cognitive behavioural therapy to overcome it. It was 6 weeks of counselling and it did work, and I went on to have my 2nd baby without any anxiety or stress so I can recommend it highly. You may be entitled to this counselling via your GP if you have had a serious accident so it may be worth asking.
 
Quick update, today was Opening Meet.. I stayed out five hrs..coblet was a saint, albeit a bouncy and slightly frustrated saint. Lots of people were totally wonderful in checking on me and keeping me company as I kept to the edges, but at least another hurdle crossed.
Thank you for many of the comments above, I have re read several times and taken much on board
 
Well done HoHum :) Totally understand the loss of confidence :( I had a crashing fall about 18 months ago whilst having a jumping lesson at a local RS and ended up going between the horse's front legs and him coming down on me and standing on the back of my thigh as he stood up. Had cracked ribs and some spectacular bruising but no more serious injuries luckily.I was off riding for about 6 or 7 weeks and the first horse I got back on was my older mare who has a reputation for being a rearer (has done it twice and gone over backwards both times due to rider error) and I felt so safe on her. I have jumped since . . . . if you count a 12 inch cross pole as jumping that is, on a friends horse.
I will jump again . . . I am determined about that . . . but regaining the confidence to do it is a long slow road
 
Op i know how you feel! I have been riding 25 years and im an instructor used to ooze confidence, then i had a bad fall a couple of years ago (although not as bad as yours) My mare tripped in canter and somersaulted with me on injuring us both took me a while to recover and then to build up the courage to even canter again, and a 2ft jump reduced me to tears! i was just starting to get better had popped a couple of small jumps and done 2 hunt rides on my headstrong mare(although having to go down a ditch nearly finished me off!) without having a panic attack! then the worst thing possible happened i lost my mare who, i trusted with my life and my confidence died with her!

I now have a lovely Irish cob who is a gem but has his moments, i have had him just over a year and i am slowly starting to trust him but then last weekend he was a bit on his toes jogging and being silly and it set me back a step i was a nervous wreck again, thing is i know i can handle it its just the "what ifs" that do me!

I did have a breakthrough yesterday had a lovely schooling session and popped a few jumps only 2ft but massive to me lol! I to need to stop over thinking things and just do it! I also could do with more time to ride which doesnt help! i am lucky to have good support from my mum and sister :)
 
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