Lack of riding buddies

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frankieduck

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Does anyone else have this problem and can help with any suggestions?

Feeling a bit glum lately and feel I've got myself in a rut and struggling to motivate myself alone. It's definitely not helped by the ground conditions this year meaning I have barely gotten out competing, I'm normally very 'goal' focussed and driven by keeping my horses fit or working towards our next comp so don't mind doing stuff alone but this year it has felt like a bit of a waste of time.

But I'm definitely feeling a bit well.... lonely! Before I sound like a complete loser, I do have friends, honest 😁 but I'm lacking anyone who wants to do the same things as me. I like to get out and about, XC schooling, hunter trials, show-jumping, eventing and other liveries on the yard like to go for a hack up the road and back once a week :confused: My other riding friends who like to 'do stuff' are competing at a few levels below me (purely due to horse limitations, that sounds an awfully snotty comment but I don't mean it like that at all) so it's pointless us heading to a comp together as we'd have hours between our classes.

Friends are supportive but obviously don't want to sacrifice hours of their time every week just to come and support me at stuff, and I'd never ask them to, OH is totally uninterested and won't go anywhere with me.

I'm just feeling a bit 'stuck' - fed-up of competing alone which is a logistical nightmare with a horse that won't stand on the lorry, find myself paying £££ for lessons just so I have someone to accompany me XC schooling (a lot of venues here don't allow you to go alone for H&S), feel like the clock is ticking over my head and I'm not out doing what I should be with my horses.

I think in the past I've been on more competitive yards where there were plenty of people wanting to go out and about and do stuff, now on a much more laidback yard but it suits me and my horses and we are happy there.

How do others cope without a trusty sidekick/support group?
 
do you have a local facebook horsey group? you could try posting on their for anyone who might want to buddy up! or might be worth posting a general location on here in case anyone is local to you?

i feel your pain though, i go to lessons/gallops etc alone but dont really have anyone to do other things with!
 
I could have written your post word for word! I have a lovely group of horsey friends from previous yards but we're all spread out and mismatched in terms of ability/goals/budget etc. so I end up doing most things alone or dragging in a long suffering family member.

I'm on a really quiet yard which suits my horse down to the ground but I get lonely as there's no one to ride out with who likes a bit of organised chaos!

I've spent most of this past year virtually retired from any kind of meaningful riding as I lost all motivation. This month I've booked loads of horsey things (shows/arena hire/HOYS) to give me some energy back and it does help!
 
I just crack on tbh, my horse my passion so I don't expect anyone else to come with me! I moved from a comp focused yard to one where I'm the only one going out and about

I've met plenty of people at comps and clinics and other s are willing to lend a hand and me the same to anyone that needs it :)
 
When I moved to keep my horses at home, I made a decision to not let a lack of company ever put me off. So, I'll jump alone at home, hack out, go to competitions etc.

I did that happily for years.

When Mr Red died, I lost the drive. I have done very little. But, this year I have gone on a few hunt rides. I go alone but don't feel so alone once there. Could you fancy some hunt rides to jolly along your drive?
 
By chance I saw an ad a couple of years ago from someone who had lost her mojo and was looking for training and outing opportunities. At the same time i was a bit like you, wanted a bit of like minded company (the people at my yard aren't really into the same things as me, much as I enjoy their company daily). I answered suggesting we find stuff to do together, and in the process found a good friend and outing buddy. Might be worth a FB post.
 
Definitely put on a Facebook post!
When I moved 200 miles away to have my horses at home, I knew that as antisocial as I am, I needed some friends. I posted on FB and made some local friends. Various of likemindedness and riding level but I’ve got more company for hacking and shows now than I ever did on a livery yard.
 
I'm not feeling it! The roads around here are rubbish and I have really started to dislike hacking - especially going out alone. Pony is a great listener, but not a great conversationalist 😄 I have no facilities, other than a flat spot in the field and I have to take the horses to the lorry, not the other way round, so that's not practical.

And now they're all super unfit, so I'm stuck going around the same route solo until they get fitter, then I can go somewhere just as boring for a bit longer.

It's boring and lonely.
 
I always hack on my own and I go to most competitions on my own although other half does come to some. I don’t find the motivation any issue, although I sometimes find the physical side of it harder but then I’m not in the first flesh of youth. Do you belong to the riding club as in do they have any teams or people you can meet through that and I think there is if you do affiliated showjumping a Facebook page for people on their own. It is a pain if your horse doesn’t stand in them and we had a period of that with mine and fortunately my partner came with me. I hope you find some like-minded people.
 
I didnt ride as an adult till I was 60. I met a few people who rode but that is now all long ago. I still have forum and internet contacts who ride but most of my riding has been hacking solo. There is something quite pleasant and consoling about being alone with a horse.
But I think that if I had had people to ride with I might have ridden more often this year. I became quite frightened of mounting,
 
frankieduck said:
Does anyone else have this problem and can help with any suggestions?

Feeling a bit glum lately and feel I've got myself in a rut and struggling to motivate myself alone. It's definitely not helped by the ground conditions this year meaning I have barely gotten out competing, I'm normally very 'goal' focussed and driven by keeping my horses fit or working towards our next comp so don't mind doing stuff alone but this year it has felt like a bit of a waste of time.

But I'm definitely feeling a bit well.... lonely! Before I sound like a complete loser, I do have friends, honest 😁 but I'm lacking anyone who wants to do the same things as me. I like to get out and about, XC schooling, hunter trials, show-jumping, eventing and other liveries on the yard like to go for a hack up the road and back once a week :confused: My other riding friends who like to 'do stuff' are competing at a few levels below me (purely due to horse limitations, that sounds an awfully snotty comment but I don't mean it like that at all) so it's pointless us heading to a comp together as we'd have hours between our classes.

Friends are supportive but obviously don't want to sacrifice hours of their time every week just to come and support me at stuff, and I'd never ask them to, OH is totally uninterested and won't go anywhere with me.

I'm just feeling a bit 'stuck' - fed-up of competing alone which is a logistical nightmare with a horse that won't stand on the lorry, find myself paying £££ for lessons just so I have someone to accompany me XC schooling (a lot of venues here don't allow you to go alone for H&S), feel like the clock is ticking over my head and I'm not out doing what I should be with my horses.

I think in the past I've been on more competitive yards where there were plenty of people wanting to go out and about and do stuff, now on a much more laidback yard but it suits me and my horses and we are happy there.

How do others cope without a trusty sidekick/support group?
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I got same issue, no one to ride out and mare hates it on her own more spooky.
 
I have my horses at home and noone locally to ride with but I counteract this with going out with the bloodhounds, hunt rides and another group that does fun social rides , so manage to keep going by doing this as it's social as much as the riding. It's the one thing I find hard about having the horses at home is no one to talk to.
 
Thank you all, I feel a lot better just knowing I'm not alone in this predicament! 🥰

I don't mind doing stuff on my own but I definitely miss the social side of it, I'm not one to take it all TOO seriously and I'm there for a good time, not a ribbon. So I enjoy having a friend to laugh with about the disastrous round we just jumped or to high-five each other when we do well, doing it all alone just feels a bit glum! :confused:

I think I will try a FB post thank you. I had considered joining a riding club but I worry I don't have the time to commit to a lot of stuff due to working long hours, a lot of the organised events seem to start late afternoon/early evening on a week day round here.
 
frankieduck said:
Thank you all, I feel a lot better just knowing I'm not alone in this predicament! 🥰

I don't mind doing stuff on my own but I definitely miss the social side of it, I'm not one to take it all TOO seriously and I'm there for a good time, not a ribbon. So I enjoy having a friend to laugh with about the disastrous round we just jumped or to high-five each other when we do well, doing it all alone just feels a bit glum! :confused:

I think I will try a FB post thank you. I had considered joining a riding club but I worry I don't have the time to commit to a lot of stuff due to working long hours, a lot of the organised events seem to start late afternoon/early evening on a week day round here.
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Where in the world are you? Maybe one of us isn't a million miles away!
 
Totally get where your coming from. I keep mine on my own little place and I get lonely sometimes. I'm not a social person really but winters are generally long and lonely. I've had a livery here and there along the way (you get good and bad) but they have worked different hours to me so it's not made to much difference really.

I've also started driving the lorry myself so I'm often heading off to shows alone too, which I really wanted to do, but didn't realise you could feel lonely in a field full of people. I do have a friend who often joins me if needed.

I've had a freelancer come to our place to help with the youngsters and done some arena hire at a local yard. I do have a friend in the village I could ride with but I don't enjoy hacking with her (rude to car drivers and a bit arrogant, and I'm the opposite).

I spend a fair bit of time on here to get my horsey people fix usually.
 
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I totally sympathise.
When I got my little horse my cousin was still riding her old pony and we’d go hacking together and it was great. Galloping whenever we could like we did when we were young.
I made friends with a woman who lived along the road and she would take me to riding club things and lessons and meet up for hacks. My pony loved her horse so would run onto the trailer ans we’d have great days out.

My pony went lame, neighbour moved away and cousins old pony (who is my pony’s field mate) got retired with just not being worked consistently, being small and older.
So now I don’t have anyone to ride with really and my pony so much prefers doing stuff with other horses as she’s such a social butterfly. I find it so much more enjoyable when I know she’s finding it fun so once she’s fit enough I don’t know whether it’s worth trying to take her to stuff alone.

I didn’t realise how much I enjoyed having company until I got this pony.
 
I’m in a similar situation. Lots of horsey friends but my horses have been taught to walk on. It’s a nightmare trying to ride and chat with people who dawdle. So I’m always out on my own.
I’ve always competed up to three horses on my own with no issues, however current horse won’t stand on the lorry even with company. He’s generally difficult at events so have to arrive, compete and leave again asap. No chance to watch or have a coffee. Only time he’s ok is when I’m actually sat on him.
Hard ground and current injury to me has spoiled any fun rides I planned for this year.
Considering entering my retired horse just to have an enjoyable day out!
Sorry for the moan but feeling your pain.
 
I haven’t found my horsey tribe yet either, we were on a livery yard for 2 years with daughters share cob and coblet when he was ridden and the other liveries were a nice enough gang of odd bods who largely only hacked short distances, and I had no transport. then share pony was PTS and Coblet went lame! Coblet has spent 6 months on a private owners property on grass livery and she’s been ace! Even letting us ride her own horses hacking and in a couple of endurance events but we’ve felt like imposters a little bit on occasion.I’m a bit of a loner though and very busy so kinda looking forward to the move to our own field, looking for a new ridden horse and then I’ll make more effort to find a good riding circle of chums!
 
Lucky Snowball said:
I’m in a similar situation. Lots of horsey friends but my horses have been taught to walk on. It’s a nightmare trying to ride and chat with people who dawdle. So I’m always out on my own.
I’ve always competed up to three horses on my own with no issues, however current horse won’t stand on the lorry even with company. He’s generally difficult at events so have to arrive, compete and leave again asap. No chance to watch or have a coffee. Only time he’s ok is when I’m actually sat on him.
Hard ground and current injury to me has spoiled any fun rides I planned for this year.
Considering entering my retired horse just to have an enjoyable day out!
Sorry for the moan but feeling your pain.
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It's hard isn't it! Mine is exactly the same, once tack is on and I'm on board is the only time he takes a breath, the rest of the time he's an idiot. Competing these days feels like a very stressful chore rather than an enjoyable day out. I either try to go it alone and juggle everything like a whirlwind with stressy horse equally stressing me out, or I drag a very miserable OH with me who moans the whole time and then I have the added stress of trying to keep him happy and rushing to get finished so he can go home! :rolleyes:
 
I feel your pain too. Keep mine on my own land and have to work hard to keep up riding buddy arrangements because if people are at yards, then they already have buddies and plans. Over the years I've realised that riding buddies come and go as their and our lives change, and we have to adapt and find new buddies over time.
 
Earlier in the summer I lost all my hacking buddies so started doing fun childish things in the field to mix it up and entering online dressage (no transport either). I also have a thoroughly uninterested husband and no regular transport. I am super excited now though as a horsey friend has moved to the area, I'm not sure she knows what's going to hit her 😅.
I do think it's challenging when you get older and everyone has kids and time pressures is there a way of pairing up with someone at a clinic or something to co-ordinate comps?

I helped a lady at shows in exchange for hacking and cheesy chips when I was a student. Would you be prepared to offer someone who has not got opportunities to spend time with horses something like that? I loved it! I got a break from studying, spent time in the fresh air, videoed her rounds and held her horses etc. we even ended up doing multi day camping shows and going dancing.
 
Long-term lurker here, I created an account so I could come on this thread and say I have exactly the same dilemma! and it's comforting to know I'm not alone 🙏

I just read another thread further up on the forum from someone considering moving yards due to lack of riding company too, seems to be quite a few of us with this problem :(

I wonder if we should start a 'lonely riders' thread where we can find people in our area who might want to meet up and ride with us - like a H&H Lonely Hearts 😁
 
frankieduck said:
It's hard isn't it! Mine is exactly the same, once tack is on and I'm on board is the only time he takes a breath, the rest of the time he's an idiot. Competing these days feels like a very stressful chore rather than an enjoyable day out. I either try to go it alone and juggle everything like a whirlwind with stressy horse equally stressing me out, or I drag a very miserable OH with me who moans the whole time and then I have the added stress of trying to keep him happy and rushing to get finished so he can go home! :rolleyes:
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Yes, exactly the same. OH goes under protest but isn’t horsey and adds to stress. I travel horse in tack for my own safety. Drive in my riding gear and just unload and get on.
 
I don't have a single horsey friend who does the same thing or at similar levels, but we do have a good system of mutual support. I will go help them with whatever they are doing, they will come help me when I need it. It is often hours of sacrifice for everyone but it balances itself out

I love being boots on the ground/ support staff for people though. I can have a fabulous horsey day out with mine happy in the field at home 😂
 
Alibear said:
No answer for you but I'm in the same boat.
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I'm the opposite, I'm a very independent person who has always preferred to go to comps and fun rides on my own, and as a rule don't enjoy hacking out with others. Maybe that makes me unsociable but I do or should I say did, love just me and my horse as I could chat, sing, and find him far easier to understand than human company which is too complicated for me to relax with.

I really enjoy my own company lol

But for those that do like company, I hope you all find someone to ride with soon.
 
I feel the same some times. I'm generally rather independent and don't mind, riding, hacking or even going to competitions on my own (Little Madam will happily stand tied to the trailer all day if hay is provided). But sometimes, I'd just like some company, which somehow seems hard to come by.
My own horses are at home and currently unridden, though Little Madam is starting the journey out of maternity leave at the moment. But I also ride two at the riding school, one of which is exclusively "mine", if I don't ride her, she doesn't get ridden. But my hours are such that I'm generally arriving as everyone else is finishing up and leaving, in winter it's desperately lonely being on a dark yard on my own. I'm finding getting someone to hack with me difficult, and get lots of excuses, "can't hack with Enormosaurus as she's too unpredictable" (she's absolutely fine out hacking), "my horse won't hack with Enormosaurus as her shod feet are so noisy and it upsets him". So if I want to hack with someone, I have to take Green TB. I also get told people are not hacking the next day and then strangely meet up with them coming back from a hack as I'm leaving for one. "Oh, it wasn't planned...". I live a 5min drive from the yard, they could have sent a message.
I also get "forgotten" for a lot of things, simply because I'm not around at the same time as everyone else. I asked if there was a reason I wasn't invited to the games night that everyone then kept talking about in front of me. I was told "euh, not really, I don't know, you weren't around when we talked about it". That hurt. It's not as if I'm not at the yard 5 to 6 times a week and that people don't have my phone number, FB, WhatsApp... I'm apparently unrememberable, until someone wants their horse holding while they sort out an abscess, or a lift to a competition. I'll be popular again when I'll be able to hack unflappable Little Madam and people are starting to ride their young horses.
Sorry, no real suggestions as the proximity of people doesn't necessarily mean company. Also that turned into a bit of a rant.
 
Titchy Pony said:
I'll be popular again when I'll be able to hack unflappable Little Madam and people are starting to ride their young horses.
Sorry, no real suggestions as the proximity of people doesn't necessarily mean company. Also that turned into a bit of a rant.
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100% been there with the previous lad. Lots of people were all bosom buddies and i never got invited to hack out with them, but when they were suddenly without a 'nanny' my horse was an ideal bombproof hack!

I did go on somr hacks with one other person of a similar age to me and we got on well and also did a few fun rides with someone - I lost a horse due to a fun ride accident so really felt I was better on my own but then one day agreed to go with this person and we had a such a scream as like myself she wasn't precious, or up her own ar*e ao (I'm certainly not) so we were very similar personalities and the horses loved each other which helped.
 
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