Lessons and the things instructors say to you....

sarahann1

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Last nights stand out statement from a new instructor "I can see why you chose to be a librarian over horses".....with a "whaaaa?" look on my face I responded with "yeah, I know my riding is not really up to it" he tried to get out of it by saying "you know, because of working outside in all weathers". I genuinely don't know if he meant because I was riding so badly (I really was, it was terrible at times) or if he was trying to make conversation?!

My regular instructor has been known to ask my if I've had Gin before the lesson because it's all going so wrong!

So, make me feel better folks, what things have your instructors come away with when it's all going wrong?!
 

milliepops

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We both regularly laugh at Kira and her little outbursts in my lessons.. it's the best approach tbh because if you get cross with her she puts the shutters down. I'm pleased to train with someone with a good sense of humour :D
There are often people sitting in the arena watching and they sometimes make a remark about how cute Kira appears with her blonde barnet and white feathers... until he sets them straight about her little antics. Poor Kira. She IS cute.... Usually :p
 

Red-1

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My ambition since being a very small child, has been to compete at Chatsworth. The lowest the do is Novice, and that was my ambition.

I had already done one Novice BE on a previous horse, then a good season of Novice, mostly clear XC on my current horse of the time. It was winter, and Chatsworth - my big goa l- was fast approaching.... so I got this new trainer to help me.

Quote after the first lesson... "I don't see how you can compete at Chatsworth!"

Hmmm, I thought, well if you can't see how I can do it, then you are obviously not the trainer to help me do it!

I sacked her, got another trainer, and did go to Chatsworth. It was great. We went through the golden gates. It was a childhood dream, and it was emotional.

Unusually, we did not go clear, but it was excessively hot and the girl before me fell and needed scraping up by ambulance. We had 40 minutes stoppage 2 jumps before the water, my horse switched off and just did not get going again in time. Still, only one stop and a great day fulfilling an ambition.

Strange thing for a trainer to say! I thought it was just her job to see how we could achieve it. We were clear in a Novice 3 weeks before and went on to do CCI* the next month, so I don't suppose we were too far off target.
 

milliepops

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Quote after the first lesson... "I don't see how you can compete at Chatsworth!"

Hmmm, I thought, well if you can't see how I can do it, then you are obviously not the trainer to help me do it!

Fab story :) I had similar with a now ex-trainer, who kept telling me I had the wrong horse and needed something better. Well... you know, this is the one I've got, so... :eek: Dread to think what she'd make of Kira!!
 

Sandy200

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Always remember the comment which made me laugh by Yogi Breisner from a lesson on my old pony - "your horse is too excitable, you are too excitable and together you are FAR too excitable!" Maybe he wanted us to go towards the jumps straight rather than sideways?
 

tatty_v

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My instructor said on Sunday that she'd like to tie a helium balloon to my wayward inside hand to stop me absent mindedly dropping it - quite a good image :)

In one of my friends' jumping lessons the instructor calmly said "I'd like you to slow down now please" - had us in fits of giggles as we knew that was going to be hard to achieve!
 

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Since getting my own horse I have worked with an eventer for my lessons but I do quite a bit of showing so I booked a lesson with a locally reknowned showing instructor. The first thing she said on arrival was "you need to take his shoes off, he's probably lame if you take his shoes off" :-0 So why do I want a lame horse?
Then during the lesson she got her phone out and said, "oh, you have to see how dreadful you look. I'll send you the video later!" And she flipping well did send it over. It took me about a year for my confidence to recover from that one.
My actual instructor is great although does tend to roll her eyes and say "oh - kayyyyy" when I announce my latest plan for equine world domination that is far beyond both of our capabilities! Then she rapidly follows it up with, "we just need to get him working a bit more consistently but I don't see why not."
 

milliepops

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He does, doesn't he!
He is the man who affectionately referred to me as "Wobble and Flop" about 25 years ago. I've forgiven, but I've never forgotten!!

hahaha! I think the best laugh I had was when I was there for a course shortly after the horsemeat scandal. He was teaching someone with a particularly awkward-minded horse, and renamed all the arena letters to a theme fitting the whole affair.
'change the across the diagonal to F for Findus' etc. Had us all in fits of giggles.
 

scats

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I remember my old instructor telling me, "Your horse is an absolute idiot."

She was right!

She came to see him last year and the first words out of her mouth were, "God, he's even more of an idiot than I remember."

She's still right!
 

muddy_grey

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My old horse was quite strong to school. After riding her for the first time "She feels so much worse than she looks!" I choose to take it as a compliment that my riding made her look better ;)
 

teapot

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'If you don't let go of that outside rein I'm going to take it off and beat you with it. LET. IT. GO.' and then started a rendition of Let It Go from Frozen. I was laughing so much the horse in question went beautifully after that.

Yesterday I had 'you're riding like you've had three coffees, two Red Bulls and a can of Monster'. It wasn't a compliment.
 

Casey76

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I've had my instructor for the better part of 10 years (so she knows me really well) and I can still only understand about half of what she says! which leads to lots of eye rolling and "where are you going..." or "your *other* left" as I go sailing by "sooooorrrry!!!"

I laugh out loud most lessons with some antics I manage to get myself into.

Some days I find it *really* difficult to get my left and right in the proper order, especially if we are doing exercises such as haunches out demi circle, change the rein into the circle haunches in demi circle. I usually end up looking like a bretzl with a very confused pony!
 

First Flame

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I had a XC lesson with Blyth Tait...I'm only 5ft and was on a 16.2hh 5 year old and coming into a water jump he shouted " now Sarah, like me you weren't blessed with the longest legs in the world so what you've got, I suggest you uuuuuuse them". Needless to say this just made me giggle and not sure my legs did get working, lol :)
 

FfionWinnie

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"Now come again and this time ride towards it like you actually want him to jump the fence"

"Look how well you can do it when you stop being a fanny!"

"You've got him operating at about 20% in the canter now, think how good it will be at 100%"

"What I like about you is you try to do proper horse things with cobs. Not many people do that" (I took it as a compliment!)

I'm sure there are many more which will come to me. SJ coach has a rather sarcastic witty temperament. Good fun tho.
 
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sarahann1

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' I hope you don't mind me saying but your riding like a fanny!!' I didn't and I was!!

Oh dear! :D

We both regularly laugh at Kira and her little outbursts in my lessons.. it's the best approach tbh because if you get cross with her she puts the shutters down. I'm pleased to train with someone with a good sense of humour :D
There are often people sitting in the arena watching and they sometimes make a remark about how cute Kira appears with her blonde barnet and white feathers... until he sets them straight about her little antics. Poor Kira. She IS cute.... Usually :p

Cute and fluffy can be so deceiving, but so much fun!

My ambition since being a very small child, has been to compete at Chatsworth. The lowest the do is Novice, and that was my ambition.

I had already done one Novice BE on a previous horse, then a good season of Novice, mostly clear XC on my current horse of the time. It was winter, and Chatsworth - my big goa l- was fast approaching.... so I got this new trainer to help me.

Quote after the first lesson... "I don't see how you can compete at Chatsworth!"

Hmmm, I thought, well if you can't see how I can do it, then you are obviously not the trainer to help me do it!

I sacked her, got another trainer, and did go to Chatsworth. It was great. We went through the golden gates. It was a childhood dream, and it was emotional.

Unusually, we did not go clear, but it was excessively hot and the girl before me fell and needed scraping up by ambulance. We had 40 minutes stoppage 2 jumps before the water, my horse switched off and just did not get going again in time. Still, only one stop and a great day fulfilling an ambition.

Strange thing for a trainer to say! I thought it was just her job to see how we could achieve it. We were clear in a Novice 3 weeks before and went on to do CCI* the next month, so I don't suppose we were too far off target.

Well done on getting there! I sacked off on instructor who screwed their face up when I said I wanted to get to Elementary Dressage with my wee hairy cob, you have to have instructors who believe you can get to where you want to go, or at least do their damnedest to get you some of the way there!

Always remember the comment which made me laugh by Yogi Breisner from a lesson on my old pony - "your horse is too excitable, you are too excitable and together you are FAR too excitable!" Maybe he wanted us to go towards the jumps straight rather than sideways?

Hahaha! That's brilliant! :D

My instructor said on Sunday that she'd like to tie a helium balloon to my wayward inside hand to stop me absent mindedly dropping it - quite a good image :)

In one of my friends' jumping lessons the instructor calmly said "I'd like you to slow down now please" - had us in fits of giggles as we knew that was going to be hard to achieve!

I like the Helium balloon idea, I could do with this myself....

He does, doesn't he!
He is the man who affectionately referred to me as "Wobble and Flop" about 25 years ago. I've forgiven, but I've never forgotten!!

I once had a lesson with an instructor that reminded another lass that her bosom was not 'a bag of ferrets' he's been teaching her for years, she laughed!

Since getting my own horse I have worked with an eventer for my lessons but I do quite a bit of showing so I booked a lesson with a locally reknowned showing instructor. The first thing she said on arrival was "you need to take his shoes off, he's probably lame if you take his shoes off" :-0 So why do I want a lame horse?
Then during the lesson she got her phone out and said, "oh, you have to see how dreadful you look. I'll send you the video later!" And she flipping well did send it over. It took me about a year for my confidence to recover from that one.
My actual instructor is great although does tend to roll her eyes and say "oh - kayyyyy" when I announce my latest plan for equine world domination that is far beyond both of our capabilities! Then she rapidly follows it up with, "we just need to get him working a bit more consistently but I don't see why not."

Oh, that's the worst thing you can have from an instructor, how mean! Glad your usual instructor is more amenable!

I remember my old instructor telling me, "Your horse is an absolute idiot."

She was right!

She came to see him last year and the first words out of her mouth were, "God, he's even more of an idiot than I remember."

She's still right!

Haha, sure he has his good moments!

My old horse was quite strong to school. After riding her for the first time "She feels so much worse than she looks!" I choose to take it as a compliment that my riding made her look better ;)

I'd def take that as a compliment!

'If you don't let go of that outside rein I'm going to take it off and beat you with it. LET. IT. GO.' and then started a rendition of Let It Go from Frozen. I was laughing so much the horse in question went beautifully after that.

Yesterday I had 'you're riding like you've had three coffees, two Red Bulls and a can of Monster'. It wasn't a compliment.

My regular instructor regularly sings Nelly the Elephant at me in a bid to get me and my mare into something resembling a rhythm in canter, always makes me laugh!

I've had my instructor for the better part of 10 years (so she knows me really well) and I can still only understand about half of what she says! which leads to lots of eye rolling and "where are you going..." or "your *other* left" as I go sailing by "sooooorrrry!!!"

I laugh out loud most lessons with some antics I manage to get myself into.

Some days I find it *really* difficult to get my left and right in the proper order, especially if we are doing exercises such as haunches out demi circle, change the rein into the circle haunches in demi circle. I usually end up looking like a bretzl with a very confused pony!

Oh this sounds so familiar! I'm glad it's not just me who ties themselves up into knots of confusion! I think that was one of the many reasons said new instructor was getting frustrated with me!

I had a XC lesson with Blyth Tait...I'm only 5ft and was on a 16.2hh 5 year old and coming into a water jump he shouted " now Sarah, like me you weren't blessed with the longest legs in the world so what you've got, I suggest you uuuuuuse them". Needless to say this just made me giggle and not sure my legs did get working, lol :)

Brilliant, I can't imagine arguing with someone like him!

'Come on, get a grip!' and then muttered 'Poor pony.' I didn't mind my riding was so bad that day I felt sorry for my girl too ahaha!

Ouch, hopefully it's all improved since then!

"Now come again and this time ride towards it like you actually want him to jump the fence"

"Look how well you can do it when you stop being a fanny!"

"You've got him operating at about 20% in the canter now, think how good it will be at 100%"

"What I like about you is you try to do proper horse things with cobs. Not many people do that" (I took it as a compliment!)

I'm sure there are many more which will come to me. SJ coach has a rather sarcastic witty temperament. Good fun tho.

I wonder if we have the same trainer?! That all sounds familiar!

Thanks folks, glad it's not just me who gets these kinds of comments!
 

Fidgety

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My old instructor once described my old boy as

'if he were a bloke he'd head off for a hard game of rugby in the afternoon, spend the evening in the bar drinking heavily with his mates afterwards and then sleep all day Sunday'. he also said (of his spooking)

that he was 'just like the naughty boy who sits at the back of the class and pulls the pigtails of the girl in front just to amuse himself'

He also said 'you've got the TV, now just plug the thing into the wall!'

He was a fab instructor! :D :D.
 
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Michen

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"I wish that pony would stop eyeing me with disgust and flexing his under neck at me"

Poor dressage trainer taking on basil!
 

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I like this thread!

I have just been thinking about Gerry Simnott, who was our jumping trainer at Talland, many moons ago.
He had a disconcerting habit of standing by cross country fences, and saying "You're going to die" when you were a few strides out, and getting it all wrong. Funnily enough, it was like a red rag to a bull for most of us - made us absolutely determined to prove him wrong! I remember hissing "I'm bloody well not" at him, on several occasions
 

showjumpingharry

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I like this thread!

I have just been thinking about Gerry Simnott, who was our jumping trainer at Talland, many moons ago.
He had a disconcerting habit of standing by cross country fences, and saying "You're going to die" when you were a few strides out, and getting it all wrong. Funnily enough, it was like a red rag to a bull for most of us - made us absolutely determined to prove him wrong! I remember hissing "I'm bloody well not" at him, on several occasions

I had a trainer who said this to me going into a 1.10 Xcode fence on my 148 connie...I ended up having a rotational fall with three broken ribs, cracked collarbone and bone studs through by hand. Was the last time I was told that and I learnt to ride that day
 

FfionWinnie

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The very same instructor! It was the first line of your post that gave it away, he said something very similar to me last night! :D

Ha ha ha 😂

I had a lesson with Ernest Dillon once who also teaches him unbeknown to me, and he said to me you've got really good ideas about warming your horse up I really like that. So I said well to be perfectly honest they are not really mine they are DHs and ED said well that makes a lot of sense dear, they aren't really his, they are mine :D
 

vallin

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I've yet to beat 'well I guess your horse isn't *completely* useless' after finally being allowed to leave the ground on my third lesson with a new SJ instructor :p
 

rachk89

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"You are making me nervous" said to me during a jumping lesson. The man is well known for being tough on people and I think fear of jumping combined with a slight fear of him just ruined my nerves. He did actually say though I can do it and do know what I am doing, I am just so crippled with fear I freeze as soon as you put me in front of a jump.

I do want to get over it though, just need to be a lot more brave. Or shut my eyes as we get to the jump.. :p
 

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"This is why I prefer to teach adults!". My instructor running round the arena chasing my son's lazy pony with a lunge whip trying to help him to get her to canter.
 

Destario

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The first time I jumped my mare I had a lesson with the amazing event rider who broke her in. I'd seen her pop her round some xc the month before whilst I was out of control on Bop at the same time. And seen some video of her jumping sj and loose and terrified myself. She has an incredible jump.

Instructor comes to meet me at the arena, I'm warming the mare up and she's being sticky in canter (I'm dying slowly inside) so we work on the canter. Get to jumping and I get told to 'forget everything you do with Bop and the other ponies you work with. Just do nothing.' to which I'm more terrified. How on earth does one do nothing into a jump?! So I sit there, keeping the canter and we fly over the jump. Do it a couple more times. Instructor is being very nice and helpful about everything. Sticks it up to a nice 90cm oxer without me noticing until the run up (which needs to be short - 5 strides max) I forget everything she's been teaching me the previous half hour and put a whole lot of leg on in the last 2 strides instead of keeping the canter and the mare says 'oh you want more?' and proper leaps the thing, I get unseated and slip the reins, look like a crazy jockey on a flier, convinced I'm going to die, and distinctly remember seeing the wings underneath me. We land. I'm not dead, mare is happy as Larry and instructor is in stitches.
'the problem with a horse that has no concept of not being able to jump something, is that if you kick on and aim at the wings, that's exactly what you'll jump. Especially when you have a horse that really can jump whatever you point it at. Bit less leg next time? ' I was told that we had actually jumped the wings and I had pony clubbed the take off. And then she put it up and made me jump it again as she continued laughing at me. Never been told to use less leg before!

My seriously blunt instructor gave me a jump lesson last year on an old schoolmaster that liked tanking into jumps. She repeatedly reminded me this was training so circles etc were fine to get a good round. I got him round with no circles, and was pleased with how I'd done it only for her to say
'well you got round, but that's not how I would have done it' nicest telling off I've ever gotten from her.

One and only lesson I had with a tall bloke was 'well it would work better if your legs were longer'
 
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