Light-hearted: Times you've impressed strangers with your [in]'competence'

jkitten

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Just thought this might be a fun thread in the run up to Christmas! To get the ball rolling, here's the story of how 20 years ago I, a very average teenage riding school student, convinced onlookers that I had horse-whisperer blood (or horse-teller-offer blood, anyway):

This was when I was about 14, trying to mount in the yard before my lesson. This was a fairly large riding school, with two full-size schools on either side of a smallish yard. On weekends, both schools would be taken up by group lessons of between five and ten students each pretty much continuously. Since no horse could be ridden for more than two lessons a day, the small yard got pretty busy during changeover time, not to say chaotic, with up to twenty students trying to mount and enter their respective schools, while at the same time another twenty were leading their horses out to go back to the stables.

On this occasion, I was one of the more senior students, and riding a very smart and fairly spirited (by riding school standards) cob. We didn't use mounting blocks, and several of the horses were prone to side-stepping when you tried to mount from the ground, especially this one. Being the spry children we were, we could usually just hop after the departing horse and get up anyway, but on this occasion my cob was making himself unusually difficult. Try as I might, I could not get close enough to bounce up, and so finally, exasperated, I took my foot out of the stirrup, held onto my horse, and told him loudly and firmly to 'stand still!'

I was purely venting my frustration, and expected nothing but total equine contempt in return, but miracle of miracles! On my next attempt immediately after my outburst, he didn't move a muscle, but stood like a marble angel while I mounted with consummate professionalism. I would say no one could have been more surprised than me, but as we turned to enter the school, I saw the father of one of the younger kids. He was holding onto his child's scruffy little pony and looking up at me with something like awe on his face, evidently imagining he had just witnessed a feat of true horsemanship. I'll admit I did not disabuse him!

Suffice to say, whatever it was he witnessed, it was a one off. I was never able to repeat it, and was forced to revert to the rather less dignified one-legged-bunny technique the following week.
 

Pippity

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My first share horse enjoyed hacking but would occasionally get bored and start looking for things to spook at. She made it very clear when she was about to spook, but there was very little you (well, I) could do to stop it. Her saving grace was that she spooked big but extremely slow, so it was easy enough to sit to.

However, non-horsey people tend to look on in awe when a 17hh coal-black mare launches herself ten feet sideways, neck arched, tail bannered, snorting like an Arab stallion, with 5' nothing me perched on top, barely shifting in the saddle.
 

laura_nash

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When I was a teenager I once hacked my pony over to my house from the livery yard. I stopped to talk to a neighbour, we'd finished (I thought) so I walked off and they said something like "oh, is she ready to carry on" so I stopped, reined back and said "sorry, I thought we'd finished". They were totally shocked and amazed. I'm still not totally sure if they had previously thought that we just sat on the horse while it did whatever it wanted, or they thought any control required huge kicks and visible yanks on the reins, but by stopping and backing up I had apparently convinced my neighbour I had some kind of magic / psychic control over my pony.
 

Celtic Fringe

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Years ago when I was a teenager I hacked a friend's horse the 5 miles to a show (horseboxes were not such a common thing then!). Off we tootled through town, stopping neatly at red traffic lights. Unfortunately just as the lights turned green the horse decided it had an itch that really couldn't wait. So I was stuck trying to kick her on to absolutely no effect while the bus queue next to the lights all fell about laughing their heads off :D

As far as I recall she did really well in the showjumping and we hacked the 5 miles back without further incident!
 

rextherobber

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I was doing some rehab in hand work and the horse was being an utter knob, a family came along the path and the kids wanted to make a fuss of the horse, so I was telling them what I was doing etc. pretending he was supposed to be behaving like that, sort of thing , and in the course of conversation it turns out the mother is a relatiive of Ros Canter, they pretty much grew up together...
 

Not_so_brave_anymore

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Not horse related: my eldest child went through a phase as a baby of making this horrible, weird, hissing/growling noise. Literally the only noise he made. So, I just did what any other awful, competitive first-time mum would do- I took him down the lakes every day to see the geese, and made a big point of saying very loudly "yes! Clever boy! That's what a goose says!"

(I lived in an area full of similarly awful, competitive first-time mums, and honestly I LOVED the look of total panic on their faces when they thought my 3 month old baby was doing animal noises already ??)
 

Keith_Beef

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The horses where I ride are sometimes grumpy or difficult, but I've got to know them over the past few years and know that it is just for show.

There's a mare who will put her ears back and snap her teeth a couple of inches from my arm. Even though she could easily bite me if she tried, she deliberately stops short of making contact.

There's a gelding who often refuses to be brushed or have his feet picked out unless he has a head collar on and is tied, and he often resists when a teenager tries getting the head collar on him.

There are others that are fine some days, and difficult on other day; some that are difficult until they get on a head collar and then it's like a switch has been flipped and the horse goes into "obedient and ready to work" mode.

So almost every week I get a nervous teenager or a parent asking me to help out (being the only adult in my class, most weeks)... I take the child into the box with me, talk to the horse, calm it down and either the horse comes to me and puts its head in the head collar, or lets me approach it, touch its shoulder, neck and finally head, and then I can put on the head collar.

For a non-horsey story, I was in town one day last week. Leaving the butcher's shop, I walked past a bank and an elderly lady asked me for help "my card is stuck in the machine, I can't get hold of it firmly enough to pull it out, I'm worried it's going to swallow my card". And it's true, there was barely any of the card sticking out to get hold of; I couldn't have got a good grip on it, either. But I have a Leatherman on my belt, all the time; out came the pliers, gripped the card easily and pulled it from the machine no trouble at all. There was profuse thanks from the lady, and looks of astonishment from the young man who was waiting for the machine.
 
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Mustard

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When I was in my teens (50 years ago) I lived near 100 acres of common land that an ex traveller had grazing rights over. He had a herd of ponies, and acquired a group of horse mad girls. Every day the horses came up to be checked in the field. They were used to the routine and came on their own, but one day a mare and her foal didn't come up. I offered to get them and got onto my favourite, a just backed 3 yr old, with a headcollar and no saddle. I found them and headedthem towards the field, but suddenly the mare took off in the opposite direction, closely followed by her foal and my mount, who I suddenly remembered was also one of hers. We galloped the full width of the land, before the mare turned round and trotted back to the field. An American couple watching told me how wonderful it had been to see me chase after them and bring them back. I didn't like to say I had been totally out of control the entire time.....
 

PurBee

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I once had a group lesson at my usual RS, on a larger chunkier horse than i was usually given. He was lovely, called Gremlin.
Anyway, we were doing work without stirrups and in trot, his trot was so long, slow yet bouncy, i made it for half the length of the school straight fine, but around the bend, in 2 paces, managed to unbalance and silently slip off and plonk in the sand in a neat sitting position!
The instructor at the time this happened was looking at another rider and suddenly spun around the school looking for me when she sees Gremlin calming trotting by her without me on board!
”goodness!” She said “i’ve never known such a silent fall!”
Being known for my falls rather than my riding was a persistent theme! “You fall well!!” Never sure how to take that!?
 

soloequestrian

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Many years ago when I was young and invincible.... new job at a big equine college. I was bored at the weekend and asked for something to ride. Horse I was given had a horrible saddle so I just took it off and rode him bareback. While cantering around some students came into the school. Didn't think anything of it.
Turned out the horse had a reputation for no brakes in canter. I don't know if he was comfy or in shock but he was fine bareback.... meant I got instant street cred though. No way would I do that now!
 

ycbm

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A neighbour of mine, a rider herself, was amazed that i could make my horse move sideways so she could pass me in a narrow road in her car.

The owner of a livery who was a dodgy dealer but I didn't realise at the time, got me to show a horse she had for sale to a potential buyer. The horse spooked, dropped a shoulder and I fell off at the feet of the prospective buyers, who promptly did a runner ?
 

Meredith

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Not my story and this happened before I knew the rider.
XX is learning to ride as a RS and is eventually deemed competent enough to take a horse out alone for a hack. I suppose that wouldn’t be allowed now.
XX decides to ride down a narrow alley way, reaches the far end to discover a set of railings to stop access for bikes etc. It was then he realised that horses need width to turn around!
He then asked for rein back without knowing what he was doing, successfully reversed out and then basked in the praise given by people walking nearby.
Why there were no railings at the other end he never discovered.
 

NightStock

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I used to ride on the cliffs above a surfing spot, one day on the ride out we passed a camper van parked on the grass. This obviously was highly suspicious and resulted in lots of snorting and side stepping.
On the way back I had to ride fairly close to the van and as I got to the otherside of it, realised the surfers were back with their van. My mare decided to stop and face one of them who was half naked, with a towel wrapped around his waist. She was pretty close to him, stood facing him and she was frozen to the spot. I felt a right idiot and made some joke about 'she really likes you' or some other idiotic remark. Several painful moments passed with him just standing there waiting for me to get control of my wretched mare! I was single at the time so my friends reckon she thought he was a good match?!
 

9tails

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Just a couple of weeks ago, my mare decided to push her door open while my back was turned and strolled off towards freedom. Just as two liveries came running to save the day, she'd gone about 10 metres, I went to the door and said "Where do you think you're going?". She reversed smartly and turned herself to walk backwards into her stable. I now apparently have the most obedient horse they've ever seen.
 

nikicb

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Something that still makes me laugh 30 years on..... I was hacking my rather spooky mare through the forestry commission near to where we were at livery. I was cantering along a path, approaching the apex of a triangle of paths, but there was a clearing between the paths, so both were visible - hope that makes sense, I can still picture it!! Anyway, there was a chap walking his dog towards the apex on one path, as I cantered along the other. My mare spooked at something and shot 6 foot to the right. I came off, but literally landed next to her shoulder standing upright. Within 20 seconds, I remounted, popped her back into canter for a few strides, walked before we got to the apex, said good morning to the dog walker and carried on. He was completely and utterly bemused. I still don't know how I managed to do it all so gracefully, but I know that I did!! xx
 

JennBags

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Well you all sound terribly competent to me.
I was out hacking on my 17.2hh ex hunter with my friend when we got to a field with donkeys in. My big brave bold horse was too terrified to go past them, wouldn't even follow my friend, so she had to turn back, grab my reins and lead me past the donkeys. Just as a group of runners turned up of course.
To add insult to injury, one of the runners was an old friend of mine who shouted out hello as she came past.
 
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