Livery Help

N

Notanewbie

New User
Joined
26 November 2013
Messages
2
Visit site
Hi All, Ive set up a new account so I can ask this question anomalously (sp?) Sorry this might be long!
This year due to work I have had to put my horses on livery, I have one on grass and one on 5 day. The yard I went to is a friend of mine (about 5 years now). We are pretty fiery people and tend to say what we think, rather than let things bug us. We tend to do each other favors rather than add onto the bill, ie I will clip a few for her (she hates clipping) and she will do a weekend cover for me. Although I tend to end up doing more favours, yard is so close to home and horses settled that I didnt see the point in rocking the boat and making a fuss.
One of the liveries asked if I could help their daughter out with a few lessons as she was having issues with getting her pony to canter on the right lead- they had asked the YO and she said she didn't want to teach, so I didn't see the harm in doing it for them. After the first lesson she text me to say that "you can pack that right in, im not having it", ok apologised said hadn't realised it was a problem and haven't taught since.
All the liveries have had a few moans, about turnout and bedding. Ive agreed that my horse doesnt seem to have a big bed (I have to pay for my straw so I dont mind her bedding up more!), and that she is turned out for a short time each day (sometimes just in the school L) and that I would like her to go out more, equally she has been bought in at the weekend when I have left her out so she can least at the weekend she gets a day out in the field. I also seemed to be going through feed very quickly, though now I only bring up a bag a week that seems to have stopped (once was 40kg in 10 days). And most annoyingly when ive called or text to ask not to feed in the eve so I can ride, half the time she has been fed and I then can’t ride.
Livery who I gave lesson to asked if I would clip as I clipped their pony last year, said no problem couldnt do weekend but could do Monday eve. Livery was fine with that. Today I get an abusive text from YO saying to stop doing stuff behind her back, that I am pushing my luck, in future to tell her everything and anything I am doing at the yard and that she is fed up with me complaining all the time to other liveries. Apologised again saying that as I had clipped the pony for the last two winters didnt see it as a problem, but would tell her in future.
I’ve not been on livery for over 10 years, just had them DIY I pay £250 a month for 5 day livery where I still have to pay hay & feed on top. Am I just over stepping slightly as DIY yards dont care what you do among yourselves and you control your own turnout so can do as you please, or is it a bit harsh on her side?
I dont want to move the horses now, and where I am I would struggle for grass livery for my other horse. There are only 4 liveries on the yard and I now feel like I dont want to talk to anyone incase they pass anything up the line so to speak. Other than walking on egg shells for a few weeks any suggestions?
Healthy salad and herbal tea for lunch!
 
Sounds like a nightmare. Is it possible for you to communicate face to face with her instead of by text messages? It is quite easy to take texts the wrong way especially if you know you both are so blunt. I would arrange to see her and have a chat about what she finds acceptable. It could be a simple communication problem, though it does sound a bit off to be denying your horse bedding and turnout and using your food up!

Think these things are better discussed in person if necessary with witnesses. Just tell her that you're concerned she's unhappy with you and you don't see why and then ask for your horse to have more turnout and bedding. Try not to get emotional about it during the discussion, just matter of fact.
 
I don't know is the answer, unless the YO is offering a paid clipping as a service I don't see the problem, and she had the opportunity to tell you before the event.
I think your friendship is falling apart, personally I do not like texting with anything other than general information, she should come and talk to you if she has a problem.
Re giving lessons, if you are charging this seems to put it in a different category [insurance etc], but essentially if not I would say it is normal practice for one experienced person to assist someone who needs a bit of help.
 
Is it possible she feels that you are taking over the running of the yard, and she resents it................ I am sorry that your private conversations have been relayed to YO, this is exactly the problem with such yards. Politics.
 
My first thought is that one of the other liveries must be 'bad mouthing' you. Why else would she think you have been slagging her off? Possibly jealous of your 'friendship'. Certainly someone seems to be stirring things. Personally, I would ask for a chat with the YO and lay your cards on the table, but be prepared to move if things don't go too well. Sounds like a very uncomfortable situation to me.
 
I know she is the yo but, if she can send you texts like that she is not much of a friend, I would have a face to face conversation about the situation and find out what the problem is, its not like your taking business away from her if she is not offering this kind of service anyway, tbh I would be a bit miffed being spoken to like that from a so called friend and would tell her so too.I hope you manage to sort it out it could just be someone telling tales and windong her up, Good Luck x
 
Well every yard has different rules, and I know of yards where even though it's DIY, you can't enlist the help of another DIY'er, you have to use the yard's services (even if they're given bedgrudgingly :roll: ) Maybe this is the type of person your friend is?

To be brutally honest, you shouldn't be discussing your horse's care with anyone unless you would be happy for the YO to hear. If you have a problem with the way in which your horse is being looked after, you need to speak to YO - especially as she is supposed to be your friend - if I were her, I would be really cross if I heard you'd been complaining to another livery and not me - whether you were just agreeing with the other livery or making a separate complaint, it amounts to the same thing. The conversation between other livery (OL) and YO could have gone:
OL: I'm not happy with the amount of bedding, please can I have more
YO: Well I can do, but noone else is complaining
OL; That's not true, I was talking about it with Notanewbie and she's also fed up with it, and how much feed of hers you're getting through etc etc etc

Sorry but I think you're both in the wrong here - you certainly should not be slagging your friend off, and she should not be communicating her rules to you in an ad-hoc manner by text. FGS pick the phone up & speak to her - does noone SPEAK to each other anymore?
 
Def think that face to face is key here, can u suggest meeting off the yard for a chat? Have often seen old liveries use new liveries as a way to air their issues. Good luck
 
Never say anything to someone about somebody else that you wouldn't say to their face. I would avoid discussing your feelings about YO or things you don't don't like with other liveries. Just discuss them with YO, be upfront and honest but polite.

I think the way she has spoken to/texted you is out of order. If my YO texted me saying to 'pack it in' or she's 'not having it' (unless of course I was breaking rules or endangering myself/horse/others etc etc and deserved a telling off) I would be outraged. Especially as she has texted me and not told me to my face!

End of the day, if people are asking you to clip their horse or give them a lesson, that's their choice. But if it were me and I was accepting payment for these services, I would seek permission from YO first out of courtesy.

Follow her rules, but don't let her talk to you like *****! You're a paying client, after all. Friend or not.
 
Thanks all,
To answer a few q's
I haven't said anything that I wouldn't have said to her, I guess tho I haven't been able to control the delivery of the words
The "lessons" were a favour no money changed hands
YO does not offer clipping services/teaching
My horses are very happy and its only these little blips that has caused issue.

Ive been on yards where when I arrived had a full contract, with rules etc etc but have none of it here, slightly worried that she will just say if your not happy you can leave type thing- which I def don't want!

I will try and arrange a drinks off the yard with her I think, different setting no pressure and try that tact.
 
A conversation away from the yard sounds a good idea, you can reassure your YO/fried that you and your horses are happy there and you want to agree when and how you can offer to help other liveries not for money but as a mentor with more expience.

Good luck!
 
You don't want to move so your only option is to talk to her and find out what is acceptable for her and toe the line.
All yards are different so there's not a single set of rules set in stone.
 
amymay said:
Tell her to do one and move. Shw sounds hideous.
Click to expand...

Totally agree. I hate yards like that, it's not very enjoyable walking on egg shells. I was once at a yard where YO was meant to provide a schooling service but she refused to ride one womens horse because she was scared of it. So when the girl asked me to ride it, I assumed she couldn't have a problem with that. I'm not an amazing rider but always really liked the horse in question and so got on quite well with him. When YO found out I was riding this horse she went similarly psycho on me. I think some YO are control freaks that get a bit jealous and see this sort of thing as 'taking over'. I think these events say more about her than about you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top