Livery Yard Advice

cornwallexracers

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Ok, so a couple of months ago I moved my horse to a livery yard, I didn't have any facilities at my old place, and we're now at a place which has everything I want, but we have an issue.

Originally my horse was turned out with some others and one horse in particular (who I've since discovered has a reputation) cornered him and kicked the living S**t out of him. Other liveries have come to me and said that this horse has done this previously and a few previous liveries left because of it, I've since seem him attack other horses that he's been with for quite some time, without any warning at all. I shall refer to him as 'Horse A'

I had a chat with the YO and said I wasn't happy to put my horse with horse A, which they were absolutely fine about, and put him in with other horses who are as docile as he is. So things there are fine. However, this horses owner is a bit of a bossy boots to put things mildly and is always in your face telling you how to do this and that. She has her little gang who seem to do what she says, because she has what I will be polite and call a 'forceful personality'

I was out riding yesterday, and came back into the yard and passed this woman and another livery going out for a ride, I said Hello, and all they completely blanked me. Now bare in mind that there was about 5 feet between us as we passed so absolutely no way they did not hear or anything like that, and I just thought it was a bit odd.

Did my horse yesterday evening and saw the other livery but not the owner of horse a and she spoke and was as nice as pie as though nothing had happened. Went to the yard this morning, and saw her with the owner of horse A and yet again both blanked me when I spoke.

Now don't get me wrong, I've been on my own for the last 15 years with my horses so I'm not fussed about not having people to ride with and that kind of thing, it would be nice but it's not essential and if the owner of horse a doesn't want to speak to me that's fine by me. To me it seems a bit childish, but it is what it is, just because our horses don't get on I didn't think it would mean that we can't, we're all adults!

I don't think I've done anything wrong in asking the YO that my horse is not turned out with hers as I came there to ride and enjoy him not have him permanently on box rest with one thing or another, the YO certainly didn't mind and just said 'if they don't get on, you can't force them to'.

The question is what to do about the being ignored, I feel as though I should carry on saying hello, so I'm not the one being petty, but my OH says I'm being a mug and should either ask them what their problem is with me or just not bother speaking to any of them in the first place.

Thoughts??
 

Horsemadsmother

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Its a difficult one. I think it depends how much it bothers you.

You are well within your rights to want your horse to be kept safe as thats what you are paying for.

I wouldn't bother even saying hello if it were me, just get on and mind my own business. Its their loss x
 

Honey08

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I used to have a DIY livery that had a horse like that. In the end I separated it from the others into an adjoining paddock as it and my gelding would kick each other to bits. My groom used to tell me that she was in floods of tears because I was being so mean to her horse not allowing it out with the others. Finally she moved and has never spoken to me since. When I see her at shows I say hello and sometimes get a blunt hello back, other times nothing. What can you do! She truly thought as her horse as an angel and couldn't see what was right in front of her (I'd stood with her when her horse attacked another and ripped its rug, she thought it was an accident).

I would just get on with your own thing and say hello, if they want to be silly they can carry on! I wouldn't have much time for someone that could be nice one minute and blank me the next.
 

sandi_84

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Don't bother with them. If they are going to be rude why should you be the one constantly starting polite conversation only to be ignored? Also it makes you seem like a push over if you keep saying hello and they ignore you :(
 

Gazen

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It is a horrible situation to be in. Going to a new yard where cliques are already established is hard anyway. If you feel strong enough just smile and say 'hello' in passing and then get on with keeping yourself to yourself. Very few people can resist a smile.
 

Shysmum

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first things first here - WHAT YO would put a new horse in with a known kicker - I am dumbfounded :eek:

sod what the owner of this horse thinks, that's her problem, it is the YO who is out of order here, and if she doesn't think so, I am afraid it would be leaving.

I'll explain - my first riding pony was in a field with a known serious kicker. Except to me, I was 13. That horse kicked my pony's leg right off. When I got there it was just hanging by skin. He was too far gone for my local vet to inject him, we had to get someone with a gun out.

And Tequila Sunrise was grazing happily, covered head to foot in blood.

I would think very carefully about this yard, and if you do stay and this owner has an issue, just think about my pony Tally. And stand up to her. x
 

PolarSkye

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People can be very funny/blind about their horse's behaviour . . . and I can sort of understand it . . . it can be hard to admit that the horse you love and adore is a bit of a bully . . . personally, I think you should hold your head up, enjoy your horse and rise above. You have done nothing wrong in wanting to keep your horse safe.

P
 

Theocat

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It is a horrible situation to be in. Going to a new yard where cliques are already established is hard anyway. If you feel strong enough just smile and say 'hello' in passing and then get on with keeping yourself to yourself. Very few people can resist a smile.

I agree with this. If you just keep being polite and friendly it will pay off , at least with the other livery. If you ignore them things might get worse! You shouldn't have to, but it sounds like you're the bigger person anyway.
 

Mardy Mare

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You are right, she is being very childish and if she is deliberately ignoring you, don't let it bother you! She is obviously doing it for some kind of reaction. Just ignore it all, I'm sure it will pass and as soon as she knows her forceful personality has no effect on you, things will be back to normal. Some people are just weird!
 

caileag

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Sounds like being back in school! Bossy/ bully types often have their hangers on who will take their lead from her when she's around. Assuming you don't want to move again, I would just stick it out for a bit - there's bound to be others who find her equally annoying that you will probably gravitate towards ( including some of the hangers on probably).
 

PolarSkye

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Sounds like being back in school! Bossy/ bully types often have their hangers on who will take their lead from her when she's around. Assuming you don't want to move again, I would just stick it out for a bit - there's bound to be others who find her equally annoying that you will probably gravitate towards ( including some of the hangers on probably).

Wise words - and I speak from experience.

P
 

Bestdogdash

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I would go with a cheery 'Hello! Lovey morning isn't it ?' Quite apart from anything else, it would irritate the hell out of them, and you get to keep the moral high ground ! Win win as far as I can see !
 

PolarSkye

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first things first here - WHAT YO would put a new horse in with a known kicker - I am dumbfounded :eek:

First yard I moved my boy to after I bought him . . . YO put him in with the (known) yard bully . . . no'one told me until said horse had kicked mine in the jaw, twice . . . luckily the wounds didn't need stitching and there was nothing broken, but lesson learned and (to YO's credit) he was moved immediately. I now ASK about any horse mine will be put in with on arriving at a new yard.

P
 

LadyRascasse

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I know what I would do (which is very chidlish) I would say hello as I pass and if they ignore me I would just laugh very loudly and walk away.
 

JennBags

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It is a horrible situation to be in. Going to a new yard where cliques are already established is hard anyway. If you feel strong enough just smile and say 'hello' in passing and then get on with keeping yourself to yourself. Very few people can resist a smile.

^^^Don't resort to childish game-playing, just stay pleasant & rise above them, be the better person.
 

Achinghips

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Sounds like the type of yard where the weak yo has allowed this behaviour to go on. Cut your losses and move. If it's not this, next month it will be something else .... Leave the witches to plot around their cauldrons and get the hell out of there to a place where bullying is not permitted

Good facilities aren't worth putting up with this. Put a higher price on your self worth and go
 
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JCW

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You haven't done anything wrong, you have just acted in the best interests of your horse. I wouldn't bother about her ignoring you, sounds like she is not worth knowing anyway. Try not to let it spoil the new livery yard for you. I am sure it will all blow over and she will be ignoring someone else in the next few weeks x
 

NativePonyLover

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I'd honestly, just ignore them. By all means, smile and say hello if you like, but leave it at that - they don't sound particularly nice people & they will most likely get bored when they realise they aren't bothering you.

There's a clique like that at my yard, but quietly getting on with and enjoying your own horse without any drama annoys them far more - as well as keeps your sanity.

The joy of livery yards, eh?!
 

Honey08

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Sounds like the type of yard where the weak yo has allowed this behaviour to go on. Cut your losses and move. If it's not this, next month it will be something else .... Leave the witches to plot around their cauldrons and get the hell out of there to a place where bullying is not permitted

Good facilities aren't worth putting up with this. Put a higher price on your self worth and go

I don't think that its that bad, or particularly bullying, just someone being childish that can be ignored. Certainly not worth moving over.
 

paulineh

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Manners don't cost anything. Bad manners cost friends. Always be polite and just pass the time of day. Get on and enjoy your horse.

As for the YO knowing the other horse was a kicker. Nothing happened to your horse so as he has been moved and is happy I would just leave it. As long as you are happy in that yard I would leave things alone and get on with life.
 

cornwallexracers

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Thanks for all the replies, to be fair to the YO they're not the most horsey minded person and I think they've been a little hoodwinked by the owner of Horse A, as to some people she can be absolutely delightful (she was to me initially, until she realised I wasn't as naïve as her devotees). I don't think there would be any benefit in moving, this place is perfect for me and my horse (now the 'situation' has been sorted), so I'd be the only one loosing out, which would delight her no end I'm sure. It's just difficult when you're the new person and with no experience of being on a livery yard before, and feel like you're the one upsetting the apple cart.

I think I will continue to say hello if and when I see her on her own or with others, if she feels the need to be childish then that's up to her, but at least I can hold my head high and hopefully others will realise who the fool is.
 

olivia x

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It absolutely blows my mind that there is any person out there who would get insulted personally because you do not want your horse to get kicked to shreds by theirs. I think the advise you have been given to just be pleasant at arms length is the right thing to do. Frankly it doesn't sound like you are missing much by not having this person as a barn buddy. Just say hello and be pleasant and do your own thing.
 

NativePonyLover

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Thanks for all the replies, to be fair to the YO they're not the most horsey minded person and I think they've been a little hoodwinked by the owner of Horse A, as to some people she can be absolutely delightful (she was to me initially, until she realised I wasn't as naïve as her devotees). I don't think there would be any benefit in moving, this place is perfect for me and my horse (now the 'situation' has been sorted), so I'd be the only one loosing out, which would delight her no end I'm sure. It's just difficult when you're the new person and with no experience of being on a livery yard before, and feel like you're the one upsetting the apple cart.

I think I will continue to say hello if and when I see her on her own or with others, if she feels the need to be childish then that's up to her, but at least I can hold my head high and hopefully others will realise who the fool is.

I always ask myself 'is this someone I'd be friends with in the 'real' world?' - if not, then it's much like a work colleague I don't have much of an opinion of. We can smile, say hello & occasionally comment on the weather, knowing we are not missing else on much else! :)
 

Achinghips

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It absolutely blows my mind that there is any person out there who would get insulted personally because you do not want your horse to get kicked to shreds by theirs. I think the advise you have been given to just be pleasant at arms length is the right thing to do. Frankly it doesn't sound like you are missing much by not having this person as a barn buddy. Just say hello and be pleasant and do your own thing.

If this nasty one is Queen Bee as the livery owner is green, and this queen bee is the rotten apple, affecting the whole set up, who are blindly following her,it's a no win situation. I've seen this many times, it's sickening. Even if this blows over, it will be something else soon ....
 

skint1

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I always ask myself 'is this someone I'd be friends with in the 'real' world?' - if not, then it's much like a work colleague I don't have much of an opinion of. We can smile, say hello & occasionally comment on the weather, knowing we are not missing else on much else! :)

This is pretty good advice, this very idea dawned on me over the winter, I have been much happier since it has
 

castella

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And this is why on a big busy livery yard with lots of horses coming and going I prefer individual turnout, I know I will get shot down in flames for saying that but unless you have a stable herd, horses are going to get hurt and in most cases of individual turnout they can still say hello to each other over the fence and have company, just not kick s**t out of each other.
 

PerfectPony

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I have had owners of bully horses before... Their horses don't kick... although the farrier and other owners don't agree! Look at my bruise, where he kicked me... he doesn't kick? After it kicked my other livery's lame horse, and then tried to 'double barrel' my miniatures I told her to 'jog on!' I have a youngster and he is a 'mosher' I wouldn't subject any livery horse to that and sometimes want to separate him off from my others. I'm a big girl and understand that although we love our 'furry babies' they can be horrible... How many owners don't have this understanding?
 

Cinnamontoast

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first things first here - WHAT YO would put a new horse in with a known kicker - I am dumbfounded :eek:

sod what the owner of this horse thinks, that's her problem, it is the YO who is out of order here, and if she doesn't think so, I am afraid it would be leaving.

I'll explain - my first riding pony was in a field with a known serious kicker. Except to me, I was 13. That horse kicked my pony's leg right off. When I got there it was just hanging by skin. He was too far gone for my local vet to inject him, we had to get someone with a gun out.

And Tequila Sunrise was grazing happily, covered head to foot in blood.

I would think very carefully about this yard, and if you do stay and this owner has an issue, just think about my pony Tally. And stand up to her. x

OMG, you poor thing :( I cannot understand why a YO would allow this, horsey or not.

I would go with a cheery 'Hello! Lovey morning isn't it ?' Quite apart from anything else, it would irritate the hell out of them, and you get to keep the moral high ground ! Win win as far as I can see !

This, absolutely! Massive grin, hello at the top of your voice, then blithely trot on, ignore their stupidity. It'll blow over and the bully will realise you won't be bullied.

Why are livery yards so nasty sometimes?! I'm finally on a yard where there's no drama, no biatching, nada. It's flipping lovely to just go up there and not dread the thought.
 

Toby_Zaphod

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On many yards there is a 'Queen Bee' who has a bunch of weak willed followers who hang on her every word. Many of then rarely ride, they go to the yard to sit around, drink coffee & hold court.

I would continue to say good morning & goodbye & leave it at that. If they reply then fine, if they don't then so what, you have remained cordial with them & they can never turn around & say you've ignored them or been rude to them. Just continue to enjoy your horse.
 
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