Loan issues?

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lferguson977

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I have had my mare on loan for 2 years, to a girl who is now one of my closest friends... I just got a new pony, we stable on the same yard, so it's generally great. Now, I have the issue that this friend, X, isn't riding my mare, and is spending more and more time riding the stallion pony, which I have primarily for driving...
I just dont know how to approach this with her... she should ultimately be focusing on the mare, but she has ridden her maybe 10 times this summer, and I have hacked her out about 2-3 times a month as well... I just cant help but feel that the mare deserves a lot more than that... today she was going to ride the stallion, but when I asked her to let me know how the mare went, she said, "oh I will maybe just lunge her"... now this mare has arthritis, and isn't supposed to be lunged and I said as much to her... I later found out that she DID lunge the mare, because she was "too spooky" to ride... well obviously an animal that is only ridden 4 times a month will be hot...

Am I wrong to be annoyed? I just think that she is ignoring her "old toy" to play with a new one, and when it comes to my horses, Im not ok with that. Any advice on how to deal with this would be great... I cant take the mare back, I cant afford two livery bills, and she knows this... I *would* send the stallion back, but I *REALLY* dont want to.. I love him so much already... the wee mite got colic on Friday, a night spent sleeping in the stable fairly bonds you!
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Tell her. If she is loaning the mare, then she's loaning the mare, not the stallion. Tell her that you're pleased she gets on with the mare(!) because the stallion has stolen your heart. If she's any sort of friend she'll understand.

If, however, you think she'll stop the loan and you don't have someone else, then maybe you'll have to half loan both horses?
 
How about having a chat with her about keeping the mare mobile but that she seriously cannot lunge her or else you might have to terminate the loan (and really from what you have said, you can't risk her being lunged much at any cost). Hopefully this will shock her back into shape, or else i assume she wouldn't still be paying for the loan. Otherwise how about suggesting a sharer to hack her out a few times a week? Sounds like everyone might benefit from that?
 
everything your saying is right you must tell her you want the mare rode and tell her youl be doing the stallion from now on so she has to focus on the mare and point out the mare hasnt to be lunged and its no wonder she is spooky shes geting no work be honest and straight with her i find if im not i just start geting wound up and end up realy telling it how it is so talk to her and tell her what you want from her
 
sounds like she may have developed a bit of a worry about the mare - could you set things straight with her and say (practice in front of a mirror, you have got to keep it unemotional, and not put her on the defensive. Keep any hints of sarcasm or anger out of your voice):
'Look, the stallion is my project, so thank you, but I don't really need your help with him, valuable though it has been. As regards the mare, it seems to me that maybe you are putting off riding her because she is getting a bit hot, and that's making her even hotter, and we have developed a vicious circle. Can I help you to resolve that? If I hack her out on ?Monday? and make sure I really take the top off her, will you then undertake to take her out on ?Tuesday and Wednesday? - Then I'll take her out again ?at the weekend? - and you do her next ... can we make a sort of timetable? Lets write it down, as a proper programme. I'd like you to enjoy 'your' horse, and I'm willing to invest some effort to help you do that.
She really mustn't be lunged, but we can work through this without lungeing, if we work together to build your confidence.
And just to give you the incentive, if you stick to the plan for ?a month? you can have a ride on the stallion, and what's more, I'll stand you an expensive coffee/a bottle of wine/a box of chocolates.

That would be my plan. I think she scared herself out of riding the mare, and needs a confidence boost and some accountability.
 
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