Looking for shares / loans on FB. No response, think I might know why?

[horseForce]

So I've been frequenting the usual local horsy FB groups hoping to find something I can share or loan a few days a week. I must say, the response has been pretty dismal. Meanwhile, I can't help but notice others making similar posts and getting a fairly good response on the whole. Why? It's bizarre but as time goes on I can't help but think the reason is fairly simple. I'm a bloke. Any thoughts on that? Be as blunt as you want, I'd rather that then some sort of song and dance about how some women might feel this or feel that and the stranger-danger narrative kicking in.

Similarly, I put an ad up on Preloved. Had a woman get in touch (my username there is gender neutral) and suggested I call her on here mobile. She sounded quite bemused and shocked if I'm honest hearing this deep voice of mine. Mid sentence after telling me it's her daughters horse she tells me she's actually at work and she needs to ring me back. Well guess what? No call back...

 

[Midlifecrisis]

No idea as don’t know how you are presenting yourself but how about joining a mriding club as a non riding member...be helpful and get to know people and then you ll have a network to help find the right kind of loan or share.

 

[Flicker]

I can only speak for myself but I wouldn’t care whether a potential loaner was male or female, as long as they knew what they were doing and took good care of my horse. And paid what they owed on time. And weren’t impossible to deal with. And were reliable.

 

[Myloubylou]

As long as you were a good match for my horse I wouldn’t mind if you were male. Our yard is all female riders bar one but as long as you didn’t mind company of mostly women that’s also fine. Sharing a horse is a trust thing in any circumstance, you will find the right one.

 

[dorsetladette]

The only thing I can think is that most men are heavier built than women. If I were looking for a sharer I would want a lightweight rider as mine are ponies.

 

[Bernster]

I was thinking the same as above - maybe you are posting for something different (heavier weight)? Gender wouldn’t bother me and I’ve had men and women share riding in the past.

 

[meleeka]

The only thing I can think is that most men are heavier built than women. If I were looking for a sharer I would want a lightweight rider as mine are ponies.

I think this could be it. I think some people would also worry if their horse had only had women riding them. One of mine is definitely a man’s horse (having always been owned by men). It wouldn’t bother me either way if I was looking for a sharer.

 

[stormox]

Sex of rider wouldnt bother me if my horse was able for the weight/height. But even a man and woman of equal height, the man is likely to be heavier. Also tack - men are usually longer hip to knee than a woman, so in my own case I dont think my 17" saddle would fit a man.

 

[horseForce]

The weight comment is fair enough, but I'm only 11 stone

I've tried to put all these details into my ad's but apparently to little effect. I just can't help but feel there must be some sort of discrimination happening gender or whatever.

 

[Leandy]

Assuming you are appropriately matching you height, weight and riding abilities to the horses you are enquiring about I'd be surprised if the issue is that you are a man.

 

[southerncomfort]

Wouldn't bother me either.

Have you put your height and weight in the ad? Might just be that you need a taller/heavier horse to ride and their might be less of them about.

 

[conniegirl]

I can only speak for myself but I wouldn’t care whether a potential loaner was male or female, as long as they knew what they were doing and took good care of my horse. And paid what they owed on time. And weren’t impossible to deal with. And were reliable.

This exactly

The only thing I can think is that most men are heavier built than women. If I were looking for a sharer I would want a lightweight rider as mine are ponies.

This is a very good thought, mine is only 13.2hh but is happy to be ridden by anyone of appropriate height and weight, that said if height and weight of a bloke were not stated in an advert then I would assume he would be too big for mine and not waste his time offering him my pony!

 

[criso]

It wouldn't bother me, I had a male sharer and when my horse went lame my ym poached him immediately.

However I wouldn't dismiss your gender as a factor.

Be as blunt as you want, I'd rather that then some sort of song and dance about how some women might feel this or feel that and the stranger-danger narrative kicking in.

Except that could be what is happening. Alot of people have overestimated perception of threats and there is a whole narrative about predatory males on the internet so I think the woman with her daughter's horse may have been questioning your motives. Years ago when I was a kid, the riding stables I was at had lots of girls coming to help at the weekend. The owner wouldn't allow boy helpers.

As long as you were a reasonable rider, I'd let you share mine.

 

[Karran]

Where abouts are you and is there a link to your advert? Maybe one of us might know something through the grapevine?

 

[Jellymoon]

You could share your post with us and we might be able to spot why?
But yes, perhaps it is because you are male, which is obviously completely wrong but could well be the reason. The perception might be that you would be too heavy, or as a woman myself on a yard on my own, I might feel strange about having a man I don’t know there when I’m alone.
I would keep trying though, perhaps say you are male though so people don’t get a shock on the phone! There might be a perception that you somehow deceived them into assuming you are female, which in this day and age might ring alarm bells. I had a young lad who helped me poo pick who managed to find a horse to loan, and also a friend had a male sharer for her horse. That went well for a while but he did hammer the horse about a bit, so that fell apart.

 

[JFTDWS]

Judging by the response to male posters on here, I'd have thought you'd have women jumping at the chance to have your masculine breeches polish their saddle

 

[SpringArising]

I'm having the same problem but in reverse - great horse but no response!

 

[TPO]

I'll go against the grain but I think you're right that the fact you're male is a factor.

Immediately, as shown by responses here, people assume that you will be heavier and/or taller. I don't know if you have already but it might be worth putting your weight in the advert to alleviate that concern. I'm not 11st but plenty of people offer me their horses to ride and I'm 99.9% certain that they wouldn't offer them to a male and part of that assumption would be that males are heavy.

There are also misconceptions that men aren't as empathetic and/or are rougher and heavy handed than females. Having had the misfortune of being on numerous livery yards I know how brutal females can be despite claims to love their horses! However that's the problem with stereotypes and misconceptions...

I think a lot of people who are looking for a sharer would also like to be friends with that person (that might even be part of the reason for looking for a sharer) and knee jerk reaction is that a male wouldn't fulfil that role.

Part of it might also be the fear factor. I believe that the "fear" is something that every female has and that most males have absolutely no idea about the existence of. Some females might worry about being alone/in a remote location etc with a strange male.

So yeah I do think that part of the issue that you're having is that you are having to deal with a lot of preformed stereotypical misconceptions about males/male riders. I don't know how you overcome that other than trying to build a network of horse owning friends and get them to spread the word about what a good human you are.

The suggestion to join the local RC to network is a good idea. If you have the time it might be worth contacting local show venues to see if they need volunteer helpers for shows and build up acquantinces that way.

The right non-judgemental owner who is grateful for a good sharer will be out there but these things just seem to take time. If you post your general location and details of your experience in this thread and/or in the regional boards you might be able to find your match via HHO. Good luck!

 

[The Trooper]

You may be right, you may not be. At yard I am liveried on myself, my boyfriend and my dad are the only guys there - I was the first of the three of us and at the point I was the first guy in a little while. There is a teenage boy who has a share of one of the liveries (I think he shares anyway) and I do see him occasionally.

You do see a lot men doing the ride outs in the Borders during Common Riding/festival season (Basically huge fun rides) but there is very little presence on social media and forums from male riders, I have noticed that.

I'd like to hope your gender has nothing to do with the difficulty you are having finding a share/loan but I wouldn't be surprised if it is a factor to be honest.

 

[horseForce]

Where abouts are you and is there a link to your advert? Maybe one of us might know something through the grapevine?

Gloucestershire, actually here's a copy of one of my posts fyi. Just blacked names out.

I'll go against the grain but I think you're right that the fact you're male is a factor.

Immediately, as shown by responses here, people assume that you will be heavier and/or taller. I don't know if you have already but it might be worth putting your weight in the advert to alleviate that concern. I'm not 11st but plenty of people offer me their horses to ride and I'm 99.9% certain that they wouldn't offer them to a male and part of that assumption would be that males are heavy.

There are also misconceptions that men aren't as empathetic and/or are rougher and heavy handed than females. Having had the misfortune of being on numerous livery yards I know how brutal females can be despite claims to love their horses! However that's the problem with stereotypes and misconceptions...

I think a lot of people who are looking for a sharer would also like to be friends with that person (that might even be part of the reason for looking for a sharer) and knee jerk reaction is that a male wouldn't fulfil that role.

Part of it might also be the fear factor. I believe that the "fear" is something that every female has and that most males have absolutely no idea about the existence of. Some females might worry about being alone/in a remote location etc with a strange male.

So yeah I do think that part of the issue that you're having is that you are having to deal with a lot of preformed stereotypical misconceptions about males/male riders. I don't know how you overcome that other than trying to build a network of horse owning friends and get them to spread the word about what a good human you are.

The suggestion to join the local RC to network is a good idea. If you have the time it might be worth contacting local show venues to see if they need volunteer helpers for shows and build up acquantinces that way.

The right non-judgemental owner who is grateful for a good sharer will be out there but these things just seem to take time. If you post your general location and details of your experience in this thread and/or in the regional boards you might be able to find your match via HHO. Good luck!

I think you're right 100% agree based on my own experiences. Just in terms of joining a local RC, what does that involve. Is it a bit bizarre to do that whilst you don't have your own horse?

Either way I've decided to just go the local blue cross horse rescue centre route. Horse welfare is massively close to my heart plus I'd have the possibly of perhaps falling in love with one of their rescues and taking it out on loan when I'm in a position to take the commitment. If I'm honest, the other thing I massively fear about shares is having the owner turn around and decide to sell. Essentially pulling the rug out from under your feet :-(

Judging by the response to male posters on here, I'd have thought you'd have women jumping at the chance to have your masculine breeches polish their saddle

Haha, oh if only. I wish. ;-)

 

[conniegirl]

I'd specify what height of horse you are looking for or your height and weight as I do think one of those needs to be included.
You also need to include something about your experience level as without putting it in there most will assume a novice and a lot of horses are not suitable for a novice or they may not want the hassle of supervising one.

 

[Blanche]

I agree with the reasons others have given. I would add weight and height to the advert. Have you loaned/ had a share before? If so could you ask them for a reference or even tag them in the post so they can vouch for you.

 

[TPO]

I'd put more details in your advert and make it more of a "wanted" ad.

11st, 5ft10 (no idea!) experienced/competent/capable rider looking for a horse to share/part loan 2-3 days a week within 15 miles of Cheltenham.

Competent schooling/hacking/jumping/bringing on/whatever is applicable to you rider looking for a horse to hack/school/compete/whatever is applicable

Willing to help with stable chores and make a financial contribution

Previous sharing/loaning experience and can provide references

?

 

[Max123]

I think it would be unlikely that you would find a horse for fun hacking that doesn't need the sharer to school it for zero contribution. I would find the okay to contribute comment very off putting. An owner might be happy for someone to ride for free but only if it was a perfect person which won't be evident from 1st meeting.

 

[Leandy]

I wouldn't reply to your post whether you were male or female I'm afraid. If I were looking for a sharer, I would only be interested in someone who knows what they want/need and comes across as reasonably knowledgable in describing that. That doesn't come across in your post as there is no detail about what type of horse you are looking for, nor on your experience. What is it about you and what you are offering that should appeal to owners? Set that out.

 

[Ellzbellz97]

Gloucestershire, actually here's a copy of one of my posts fyi. Just blacked names out.

I'm based in Gloucestershire, what's your riding abilities like??

 

[Kat]

Sadly I think your sex is likely to be a problem. My husband rides and has been on the receiving end of some pretty unfair comments over the years. From comments about how men look in breeches which women wouldn't say about each other. To comments that a man only hangs around horses to pick up women, or worse due to an unhealthy interest in children. Some people are awful.

Don't let it put you off OP.

However having read your advert I think it could use more detail. Add information about your experience and what you can offer, and add some photos. Hopefully then you might have a bit more luck.

 

[9tails]

From your advert, I'm surprised you've received any responses! More information needed on your experience, ability, height, weight etc. What you're looking for, ie size and type (sporty, plod). If you're worried that your gender is putting people off, say in your advert that you're a friendly fun loving bloke or something so they're not put on the spot by your baritone when you call.

 

[bouncing_ball]

I had a lightweight male, over 40 sharer for my older horse for 3-4 years. It worked well. He paid to ride two days a week, and I asked him to clean tack after every third ride. He had his own rider insurance. Only ended when I lost the horse.



I have to be honest, I was unsure about an older man who didn’t want to do chores, being right for my set up and my horse. When he first phone up for my advert, I was a bit taken a back, but said come and meet me and the horse. But he was very capable, a light balanced rider, and generally kind.



I trusted him 100% to put my horse first, and be careful. If anything he underworked the horse. He had lessons on my horse, schooled a bit, hacked with me / my other sharer. We boxed to gallops and fun places to hack together. I got to know him over the years.



TBH I have found my best sharers over the years have been over 30 whether male or female. I have found younger less reliable / more competitive about sharing the horse / less in it for the long run and relationship and harder work generally.



I’d not discount a man, if I wanted future sharer. I would be more inclined to be anti-someone under 25, unless I was sure would be a good fit though.

 

[HeyMich]

I have had the complete opposite, but in an agreeing-with-the-OP confirmatory kinda way, if you see what I mean...

I am a very tall female, pushing 6ft in any shoes, and I weigh over 11 and a half stone. I have been offered shares on all types of horses, ranging from fine built 14.2hh to chunky 16.3hh. I think I look fairly slim from afar, people don't expect me to be that tall or heavy up close. If I was a bloke, they'd probably think twice about letting me ride the smaller horses!

So yes, it may be a preconception about your height and weight. Or just that they were on the back foot when you spoke on the phone - if your username on the FB group was Bernard or Graham (other typically male names are available), they may not be as surprised.

.