Loosing confidence sharing horses

[kazahana]

Up until today I didn't really consider myself a complete novice or inexperienced rider - I've been riding for 15 years and can walk, trot and canter fine I just don't jump as I had a few falls a few years ago which knocked my confidence so I stopped jumping. I'm starting to relearn how to jump as I currently ride at an amazing centre where my usual lesson horse is an ex competition horse.

To gain a little more experience on the ground around horses and to learn a little more about caring for them I've been looking into sharing. As much as I'd love to own my own horse, I don't earn enough at the moment, so sharing/part loaning is the next best thing. So far I've found two people close by looking for help and honestly, they've both been a real knock to the confidence.

First pony was lovely, owned by a couple older women who needed a regular rider due to ill health. He's ridden bitless and in a treeless saddle which I'm not used to, but first time I rode him he was fine and we went on a hack together and it went well. Second hack however he started spinning in the road and playing up, he did this a few times and it was getting dangerous with cars trying to get past so I got off and walked him back. I do have a question though - the owner was cycling with me on this hack and she gave him a carrot whilst he was messing around, wouldn't that be rewarding bad behaviour? Anyway, when I got back they said they wanted someone with more experience and I was sent on my way.

Second horse was today. I turned up and got the silent treatment (despite them contacting me!), didn't really know what they wanted other than someone to come up twice a week. I asked if she's had a sharer before and she avoided the question, asked how the horse was to ride and she said amazing, really lovely to ride. Didn't get much else out of her, was kind of like talking to a brick wall. Horse was a really lovely mare though, perfect on the ground, loved being groomed and made a fuss of. I got on and we had a walk and trot around for a bit then owner asked if I wanted to move into a different field to try canter (ground was dryer) I didn't even get to canter as horse took off with me on it because their kids and dogs were running up the side of the field and spooked her. No one seemed surprised though, boyfriend was with me and said none of the women seemed surprised she'd spooked. I asked if I could get off as this knocked my confidence and she said yeah sure but you wont learn how to deal with spooks if you don't ride through them. And I was sent away, I asked if I could help untack at least and she said no and said I could just go...

So sorry for the life story I just feel like a crap rider right now. I know riding school horses are different to privately owned and I've only ever ridden riding school horses but it's got me thinking am I actually just a rubbish rider??? I understand horses spook, I've ridden spooky horses before but none that have taken completely off with me or spun around in the middle of a road.

Is it even worth looking to share anymore? Its even knocked my confidence for owning my own horse in the future because I just don't feel good enough. Any advice for dealing with feeling a bit useless would be great

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Would it be an option to do a bit of helping out at the centre where you ride each week? Do they let you do any grooming/tacking up etc when you ride? Might be trickier with Covid restrictions but worth finding out about as a potential starting point for learning a bit more about care.

I started sharing this year, I got back into riding after a long break at the beginning of the year and had ridden for about 12 years before that. After a few months of regular private lessons I started looking for a share and have landed on my feet with an owner who was very patient with me in the beginning and others on the yard around to support/supervise and ride out with. The key thing I think was I was brutally honest about my experience and confidence levels at all stages (on ad, at viewings, during first weeks of share).

Finding a share is tricky because you have to find a balance between the fit of the horse, the owner, and the yard. And trickier when it's a first share/as a novice so don't feel too disheartened!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

TBH, OP it sounds as if you have had 2 lucky escapes. Those owners were a couple of right numpties. No, 1st owner should not have rewarded horse with a carrot, rather she should have got hold of it and made it walk on with her. 2nd owner should have kept her kids/dogs/ whatever well out of the way until she knew more about your standard of riding. It's not you, it's them.

 

[shortstuff99]

From reading this it seems like these were horses with problems that they were hoping an experienced rider would share. If I were you I would still look for a share but be much more specific in what you are after and I would definitely take an experienced horse friend with you. Finally make sure the owner/rider rides the horse before you just incase.

 

[kazahana]

From reading this it seems like these were horses with problems that they were hoping an experienced rider would share. If I were you I would still look for a share but be much more specific in what you are after and I would definitely take an experienced horse friend with you. Finally make sure the owner/rider rides the horse before you just incase.

I think you're right - I made them well aware of my riding before though how I don't jump, only ridden riding school horses etc I sent them videos before meeting them so they could see my riding too
It didn't even cross my mind to see the owners riding beforehand, will definitely make sure that happens in the future! Could be a dangerous mistake otherwise

 

[shortstuff99]

I think you're right - I made them well aware of my riding before though how I don't jump, only ridden riding school horses etc I sent them videos before meeting them so they could see my riding too
It didn't even cross my mind to see the owners riding beforehand, will definitely make sure that happens in the future! Could be a dangerous mistake otherwise

Yes please make sure to always have them ride first! Do you have a friend or instructor who knows your riding skill well? It might be worth having them ride the horse before you and say whether they think they would be suitable for you before you try. I've done that for a few novice buyers and it does help to stop some disasters.

 

[Cloball]

I think you're right - I made them well aware of my riding before though how I don't jump, only ridden riding school horses etc I sent them videos before meeting them so they could see my riding too
It didn't even cross my mind to see the owners riding beforehand, will definitely make sure that happens in the future! Could be a dangerous mistake otherwise

I made this mistake before turns out no one would ride it as it bolted and had put one of the owners in hospital.

I have had some lovely shares too though but I am quite wary now I have found you need to be quite pushy to try a horse as if you were buying as some people do seem to want either a crash test dummy or you to just be eternally grateful they have given you something to ride (which in essence they have but that doesn't men you have to say yes to everything).

Do you have a horsey friend you could take with you?

 

[DabDab]

As above, two lucky escapes there. I would be mortified if those situations were the outcome of someone looking to share a horse of mine.

Keep looking. Tbh I think where sharing is concerned, the owner of a potential share horse is as important as the horse.

Hope you find a nice share in the end

 

[SOS]

I agree it sounds like the horses are unsuitable. I often find people share their horses as they are too scared to ride them or are over horsed yet happily describe them as a novice ride.

If possible please try and take someone experienced with you, even a freelance instructor to ask all the right questions and assess you and the horse. Always make the owner ride first and if they won’t walk away as a horse suitable for a novice should be able to be shown off by someone!

I made a very lucky but stupid mistake when younger which has made me very cautious in trusting anymore than what you can see and judge with your own eyes. 17 year old me did casual riding for people and was asked to take on a new horse to hack. I always made a point of saying ‘I’m not a professional but happy to exercise your horse providing you disclose any vices and the horse is fundamentally safe’. O showed horse off in the school but wouldn’t hack it. Horse was fine for me to hack at first. A few weeks in it napped and reared, I smacked the horse behind the leg when it landed to send it forward and it went. When I got back the owner was very shocked by this and said ‘oh wow the last professional I sent him too did that and he flipped over backwards and broke her pelvis’. I walked away and never came back. The owner was happy to lie to a young girl and not disclose the horse had been sent back from several local professionals for trying to flip over hacking, including the one it had injured. So never ever trust people too much!

 

[Kat]

Trying to find suitable shares is really tough. It can be great if you can find a good one but there are a lot of unsuitable ones out there.

Continue with your riding school lessons. Try some lessons elsewhere to broaden your experiences, look at going to places where you can hack out too. Try to go to a few places regularly this won't just help your riding but it will help you make the right contacts.

Put the word out that you are looking for a share. Someone known to an instructor who knows your riding would be ideal as the instructor would hopefully have an idea about the standard of the rider and safety of the horse. Look at loan/share schemes at riding schools and trekking centres too, they can be expensive and aren't always very flexible but they can be a good way to get more experience.

Look at doing your BHS stage 1 in the meantime as this will improve your knowledge and give you a benchmark when you are talking to owners.

Personally I took a decision not to bother with another share after a couple and just spent my money on lessons and competing school horses until I could afford my own as I found sharing too frustrating.