Loss of confidence after having baby :(

C

cobbycobgirl

Well-Known Member
Joined
28 October 2020
Messages
142
Visit site
Hi everyone!
I had my baby four months ago and I’m starting to get back into the swing of life.
My brother in law did the bulk of the animal care in my later months of pregnancy and my postpartum period, and I sent my mare away to start light work again.
Well, now she’s home and I’m terrified and she bloody knows it 😬

I rode her a few times at her trainers yard but now she’s home I don’t know where to start. She gets a bit joggy when taken away from her field mates (as expected) but other than that she’s perfect. IM THE PROBLEM.

It’s so impossibly weird to me because I was never ever anxious around her before. I know she won’t hurt me but it’s like my heart is racing constantly around her- which just further unsettles her!
She’s been home for two days now and I’ve managed to lead her out of the field, groom feed etc but not ride yet.
Any tips?
 
It’s so difficult, and really really common. I think it’s ok to be more anxious post kids, don’t be ashamed etc it’s very normal- your role in life is now different and you have new responsibilities. It certainly changed how I felt about riding.

Have you got anyone locally who can come and give you some lessons or friends who you can ride with for company? Just to ease you back into it.

It’s also ok to not want to ride, if you don’t want to then that’s also fine, you have to do what’s right for you and your family xx
 
Bobthecob15 said:
It’s so difficult, and really really common. I think it’s ok to be more anxious post kids, don’t be ashamed etc it’s very normal- your role in life is now different and you have new responsibilities. It certainly changed how I felt about riding.

Have you got anyone locally who can come and give you some lessons or friends who you can ride with for company? Just to ease you back into it.

It’s also ok to not want to ride, if you don’t want to then that’s also fine, you have to do what’s right for you and your family xx
Click to expand...
Thank you I really appreciate you saying that.
Funnily enough my only local riding friend just fell pregnant haha but I did meet another young man on a horse today!
I feel like I’m doing my horse such a disservice by not riding her. I know it’s silly but I can’t shake the feeling
 
As BtC has said, absolutely no shame if you don’t want to ride. If you really do want to get back riding again, I strongly recommend a confidence coach/ hypnotherapist, I’m sure you will find this a great help.xx
 
cobbycobgirl said:
Thank you I really appreciate you saying that.
Funnily enough my only local riding friend just fell pregnant haha but I did meet another young man on a horse today!
I feel like I’m doing my horse such a disservice by not riding her. I know it’s silly but I can’t shake the feeling
Click to expand...
I know, I totally understand. I didn’t have a horse for years and only got another one last year as my daughter has a pony so we could ride together. It was fun for the summer but come winter I just didn’t have time plus we had a few hairy moments which showed me my heart isn’t in it since I have had my daughter… so I did sell him on. The relief I felt after was immense! I can’t describe it, no longer having to worry about what might happen and more time for her with her pony…life just gets busier as they get older so it is really hard when you have kids!

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself xx
 
Wizpop said:
As BtC has said, absolutely no shame if you don’t want to ride. If you really do want to get back riding again, I strongly recommend a confidence coach/ hypnotherapist, I’m sure you will find this a great help.xx
Click to expand...
What a good idea. Thank you so much ♡
 
Bobthecob15 said:
I know, I totally understand. I didn’t have a horse for years and only got another one last year as my daughter has a pony so we could ride together. It was fun for the summer but come winter I just didn’t have time plus we had a few hairy moments which showed me my heart isn’t in it since I have had my daughter… so I did sell him on. The relief I felt after was immense! I can’t describe it, no longer having to worry about what might happen and more time for her with her pony…life just gets busier as they get older so it is really hard when you have kids!

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself xx
Click to expand...
I’m glad you felt so much relief! Bet that was a weight off your shoulders. Winter with horses is always tough. Thank you xx
 
I think after you have a child there is a programme running the the background of your mind while you do everything, what is my child doing and how will what I do affect my child? We like to try and forget we are animals, but really how we are made makes us a mums completely driven on keeping our child safe, and we are the best people to do that.
I didn't ride again seriously until my eldest was about two, I had little time, no safe area, but fortunately I had a schoolmaster type of horse. When I had my second, the horse was a TBx, and needed a lot more work, and I just realised trying to do things consistently was never going to happen, so I sold it and bought a just backed NF pony to train for the children to ride. Less distance to fall, and it needed a lot less work, it was just a nice nothing special easy going pony, that I didn't pay a lot of money for because the deal was I would sell the horse after I bought the pony.
If you can not get someone to ride the horse for you for a couple of weeks to take the edge off, I would move it on, its the right time of year. When the children were small I did have falls, but not very often, never on the road, and I could always get back on. Changing my priorities helped actually enjoy it more, as it was less about me.
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but you should enjoy that time together with your equine partner.
 
Have you considered how your physical strength/stability is impacting you? Did you get any abdominal separation during pregnancy, and has that recovered now? I really wouldn't underestimate the impact that the physical changes during and after pregnancy have on confidence. Your body is unlikely to be as strong as it was pre-pregnancy, including your ability to balance, and be flexible and stable at the same time. Those will all impact on your confidence levels, and improving them should improve your confidence too
 
Whatever you choose to do (or not do) - don't feel guilty! The "answer" is different for everyone, there's absolutely nothing wrong in doing whatever makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Whether that's working through it with a coach, or selling this particular horse. Or even having a break altogether for a while. You're allowed to do what you WANT.
 
Not the same but I had a massive confidence wobble when I got my mare I found having regular lessons with a sympathetic instructor very helpful. Also I second Art Noveau my last of core stability when I got back into riding definitely made me feel less secure mentally and physically.
 
honetpot said:
I think after you have a child there is a programme running the the background of your mind while you do everything, what is my child doing and how will what I do affect my child? We like to try and forget we are animals, but really how we are made makes us a mums completely driven on keeping our child safe, and we are the best people to do that.
I didn't ride again seriously until my eldest was about two, I had little time, no safe area, but fortunately I had a schoolmaster type of horse. When I had my second, the horse was a TBx, and needed a lot more work, and I just realised trying to do things consistently was never going to happen, so I sold it and bought a just backed NF pony to train for the children to ride. Less distance to fall, and it needed a lot less work, it was just a nice nothing special easy going pony, that I didn't pay a lot of money for because the deal was I would sell the horse after I bought the pony.
If you can not get someone to ride the horse for you for a couple of weeks to take the edge off, I would move it on, its the right time of year. When the children were small I did have falls, but not very often, never on the road, and I could always get back on. Changing my priorities helped actually enjoy it more, as it was less about me.
Sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but you should enjoy that time together with your equine partner.
Click to expand...
Don’t apologise, what you said was perfectly what I needed to hear!
I have huge guilt surrounding the idea of moving her on as it would absolutely kill my soul if she ended up in bad hands.
I think I’m gonna give myself some more time and hire a rider for her.
Thank you!
 
Art Nouveau said:
Have you considered how your physical strength/stability is impacting you? Did you get any abdominal separation during pregnancy, and has that recovered now? I really wouldn't underestimate the impact that the physical changes during and after pregnancy have on confidence. Your body is unlikely to be as strong as it was pre-pregnancy, including your ability to balance, and be flexible and stable at the same time. Those will all impact on your confidence levels, and improving them should improve your confidence too
Click to expand...
My friend's sister told me that after becoming a mother, she found that her balance was affected. She'd always been a daring rider, and I was surprised to hear that things had changed. I never questioned the details, I just assumed a lot of details, reasons, for her balance being affected. (Physical shape etc)
 
I’ve not had children but I know this is really common for a lot of people and a friend of mine struggled. Ignore the riding for now, just get her used to coming away from her friends for some groundwork sessions and inhand walks to get her confidence back, then see how you’re feeling. In the meantime you could try some strengthening exercises for yourself to assist you for when you’re ready to get back on. There’s lots of free yoga and Pilates videos on YouTube (I recommend Yoga with Adriene).
Also maybe a session (or more) on a mechanical horse somewhere so you can really focus on yourself without the worry of the horse.
 
First of all, congratulations on the baby!

I'll preface this by saying I'm not a mother, so not exactly speaking from experience. I think there are a few questions you need to ask yourself. Do you still want to ride? Now? In the near future? You don't have to ride just because you did before, and conversely you don't have to give up riding just because you have a baby. What do YOU want to do? The next question is how attached are you are to the horse? Would you sell if it's no longer what you want / need? Would you keep as a large pet? Consider loaning out?

If you still want to ride this horse and if suitable, perhaps consider a sharer to keep the horse ticking over and for yourself just look after it, spend time with it and one day when you feel the urge, just tack up and hop on for a walk around the arena or something. No pressure, just when you feel ready. Also perhaps consider any safety equipment that can keep you safer and feel more confident that you're prepared: new hat, body protector, air bag....
 
You are still so early in the post birth period give yourself some grace. I didn’t start riding again until 6 months after birth. I didn’t feel myself (and a new version of myself at that) for 2 years after giving birth. It’s really a life changing event no one prepares you for. Mentally everything is different. Well it was for me anyway. If you can afford to give yourself time then do that.

Even if you spend time grooming and doing in hand work having something for you is so important when you become a mum, and carving that time out especially when you go back to work is vital. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Horses don’t care if they’re ridden. I gave mine time off, that way we got for again together. Top tip is have someone you trust around, I luckily had my mum and don’t have the baby (left with my husband) so the first few times I wasn’t distracted and felt safe with mum leading me. Sad but true. The horse didn’t care. 😂 I was wobbly and like a jelly and mentally terrified but the more I did it the more normal it became again.
 
Oh one thing I wasn’t prepared for…get some tena lady! 🫢 and make sure you do your pelvic floor exercises daily!!
 
Art Nouveau said:
Have you considered how your physical strength/stability is impacting you? Did you get any abdominal separation during pregnancy, and has that recovered now? I really wouldn't underestimate the impact that the physical changes during and after pregnancy have on confidence. Your body is unlikely to be as strong as it was pre-pregnancy, including your ability to balance, and be flexible and stable at the same time. Those will all impact on your confidence levels, and improving them should improve your confidence too
Click to expand...
I did get an ab separation! And a whole bunch of pelvis issues that seem to be on the mend now. I’ve been trying to get my fitness back up to scratch as well but it’s taking a while😅
 
Wizpop said:
As BtC has said, absolutely no shame if you don’t want to ride. If you really do want to get back riding again, I strongly recommend a confidence coach/ hypnotherapist, I’m sure you will find this a great help.xx
Click to expand...
Can empathise OP and agree with Wizpop about a confidence coach, as the right one will really help you!
And be kind to yourself as being a parent is hard enough!
 
cobbycobgirl said:
Hi everyone!
I had my baby four months ago and I’m starting to get back into the swing of life.
My brother in law did the bulk of the animal care in my later months of pregnancy and my postpartum period, and I sent my mare away to start light work again.
Well, now she’s home and I’m terrified and she bloody knows it 😬

I rode her a few times at her trainers yard but now she’s home I don’t know where to start. She gets a bit joggy when taken away from her field mates (as expected) but other than that she’s perfect. IM THE PROBLEM.

It’s so impossibly weird to me because I was never ever anxious around her before. I know she won’t hurt me but it’s like my heart is racing constantly around her- which just further unsettles her!
She’s been home for two days now and I’ve managed to lead her out of the field, groom feed etc but not ride yet.
Any tips?
Click to expand...
I think it is age related and experience related, meaning any falls or time away. I never thought I would feel like this but I am fighting nerves after so many set backs in the past few years. NEVER ever thought this would be me, getting my nerves back up after they went south, hard round hear too with bridleways ruined by certain people using MOT type one on the bridle ways, which is un suitable. Mare off work, slips on road etc.
 
SpotsandBays said:
I’ve not had children but I know this is really common for a lot of people and a friend of mine struggled. Ignore the riding for now, just get her used to coming away from her friends for some groundwork sessions and inhand walks to get her confidence back, then see how you’re feeling. In the meantime you could try some strengthening exercises for yourself to assist you for when you’re ready to get back on. There’s lots of free yoga and Pilates videos on YouTube (I recommend Yoga with Adriene).
Also maybe a session (or more) on a mechanical horse somewhere so you can really focus on yourself without the worry of the horse.
Click to expand...
Great advice thank you ♡
 
Thought I’d make a little update!
I had a long hard think and I simply cannot sell that horse on. She’s a member of the family now till the day she dies.
So I put my big girl pants on and got on. I talked to her the whole time and it went PERFECTLY. She’s so so so responsive to my emotions, she knew how nervous I was the other day.
All I needed was confidence and it paid off.
Was so happy afterwards I cried hahaha thanks everyone
 
cobbycobgirl said:
Thought I’d make a little update!
I had a long hard think and I simply cannot sell that horse on. She’s a member of the family now till the day she dies.
So I put my big girl pants on and got on. I talked to her the whole time and it went PERFECTLY. She’s so so so responsive to my emotions, she knew how nervous I was the other day.
All I needed was confidence and it paid off.
Was so happy afterwards I cried hahaha thanks everyone
Click to expand...
Aww well done!!! 👏
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top