Loss of confidence

[eahotson]

Briefly.Haven't ridden much over the past two years.Things haven't gone smoothly and mostly it has not been my little cobs fault.She is sweet, quiet and about as spook free as it is possible for a horse to be but I didn't get the support that I needed.On top of which my husband was increasingly ill and I was his carer, assisted I may say by some wonderful carers.Non the less it all took its toll.My husband died recently.He was elderly and ill and it was expected but I am still coming to terms with it though.
Cob went to Spanish trainer who did a good job with her but didn't do much for my confidence.No malice he just does not always understand.
I have moved my lovely little cob to a new yard but one I know because my old boy is on retirement livery there and is very well looked after.They advised me to come and go to the new yard manager who has a yard within a yard.Facilities are EXCELLENT and the staff have all given me a very warm welcome.V new yard manager loves little cob and is riding her for me three times a week and I may put that up to 4.
Don't know what to do.May start having the odd lesson with V.My ambitions are modest.I may see if she is happy to compete her for me as yard also holds regular competitions and i would enjoy watching her compete.I suppose I should just give it a bit of time and get settled into the yard. Writing this down has helped.

 

[SpotsandBays]

So sorry to hear about your husband. Be kind to yourself, a lot has happened for you recently. Enjoy your pony in other ways and don’t force it if you’re not ready. Spend time grooming, maybe some inhand work in the school or some walks out and about just building the trust again. You might find you want more after that and if so, I think a lesson is a really sensible idea
Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[eahotson]

So sorry to hear about your husband. Be kind to yourself, a lot has happened for you recently. Enjoy your pony in other ways and don’t force it if you’re not ready. Spend time grooming, maybe some inhand work in the school or some walks out and about just building the trust again. You might find you want more after that and if so, I think a lesson is a really sensible idea
Good luck and keep us posted!

Thank you.

 

[greasedweasel]

I’m sorry to hear your sad news. Wee cob doesn’t care, take the time, hug the pony occasionally, you don’t need to ride. I lost my nerve a bit when Mark died, realising even if I just broke an arm or a leg there was no one to take care of me, it’s an odd feeling. I’ve bimbled on the new horse for a year, I’m sure some have rolled their eyes but today I finally felt we were good, there is no rush. If all you want to do is walk around the arena once then do that

 

[Skib]

Briefly.Haven'tden much over the past two years.

I am very sorry for your loss. I have had nothing so serious to deal with. But due to OH and me being over 80 we were locked down during Covid and I too had almost 18 months break with no riding. After your 2 year break, it might help if I report on how I resumed riding. First, riding was something I really wanted to do. Riding isnt compulsory and if it stresses you, I would stop.

I resumed riding by going on an escorted private hack round a meadow area behind the yard. . There are no roads and we went almost entirely in walk.

Hwever, I need to dismount using the left stirrup and my problem was that my ankle kept turning as I tried to dismount.
When I got home, I looked at the NHS site for ankle strengthening exercises. OH and I had done Joe Wicks exercises during lock down and had resumed walks but it was my ankles which turned out to be so essential to riding.

Sometimes it is demoralising to have someone else professional riding your horse, but I have counted it a blessing to ride or share a horse that goes out several times a day. If all I want to do is to talk to the horse, that is fine. Talking to a horse or just being close to a horse and breathing, can be a solace.

The other thing is that you dont have to be a proper rider. It doesnt ruin a horse to have a relaxed, passenger rider and amble along in the sunshine for a summer treat. If competing and winning is your scene, by all means employ a professional rider, but surely it is the job of that rider to show you the aids that your horse best responds to, so you can ride that way too?
It isnt the job of a rider to make the owner feel inferior.

 

[splashgirl45]

Losing someone close can affect you in many different ways and it’s not surprising you have lost your confidence. I would let you cob be ridden regularly to keep him a healthy weight and just take time to enjoy just grooming or making a fuss of him. If you never want to ride again it doesn’t matter, he can be a large pet. I had to give up riding and although I miss it I find the one to one horse time is what I miss the most. Just enjoy your cobs company

 

[eahotson]

I am very sorry for your loss. I have had nothing so serious to deal with. But due to OH and me being over 80 we were locked down during Covid and I too had almost 18 months break with no riding. After your 2 year break, it might help if I report on how I resumed riding. First, riding was something I really wanted to do. Riding isnt compulsory and if it stresses you, I would stop.

I resumed riding by going on an escorted private hack round a meadow area behind the yard. . There are no roads and we went almost entirely in walk.

Hwever, I need to dismount using the left stirrup and my problem was that my ankle kept turning as I tried to dismount.
When I got home, I looked at the NHS site for ankle strengthening exercises. OH and I had done Joe Wicks exercises during lock down and had resumed walks but it was my ankles which turned out to be so essential to riding.

Sometimes it is demoralising to have someone else professional riding your horse, but I have counted it a blessing to ride or share a horse that goes out several times a day. If all I want to do is to talk to the horse, that is fine. Talking to a horse or just being close to a horse and breathing, can be a solace.

The other thing is that you dont have to be a proper rider. It doesnt ruin a horse to have a relaxed, passenger rider and amble along in the sunshine for a summer treat. If competing and winning is your scene, by all means employ a professional rider, but surely it is the job of that rider to show you the aids that your horse best responds to, so you can ride that way too?
It isnt the job of a rider to make the owner feel inferior.

That is very helpful especially as I a LITTLE younger than you and it has been suggested that at my age should I be riding.

 

[eahotson]

Losing someone close can affect you in many different ways and it’s not surprising you have lost your confidence. I would let you cob be ridden regularly to keep him a healthy weight and just take time to enjoy just grooming or making a fuss of him. If you never want to ride again it doesn’t matter, he can be a large pet. I had to give up riding and although I miss it I find the one to one horse time is what I miss the most. Just enjoy your cobs company

Thank you.

 

[Trouper]

I am so sorry for your loss.

The only decision I would be making in your situation is not to make any decisions. You have been through a real life-changing event and it takes time for the boat to stop rocking. If you can let the horse side just tick over for a while it would give you the time to really find yourself and make the right long-term decision. Having said that, I am all for the visiting of your boy and pampering - horses are great healers!!

Just don't let anyone else tell you what you should be doing - they are not living your life.

 

[MereChristmas]

I am so sorry for your loss.
I can only agree with everyone else. Take care of yourself

 

[canteron]

What a lot you have been through - it changes everything.
I can only echo everyone’s thoughts, enjoy your horse in whatever way gives the horse a good life and makes you happy.
I too am younger than you - but not by that much - and went through a complete confidence loss - I have come out the other side a very happy rider but with less expectation on what I ‘should’ achieve, and that is just great. I think that it is super to have someone enjoying your horse, that can give great pleasure in itself.

 

[Skib]

it has been suggested that at my age should I be riding.

What do you think?
I think that one should feel up to riding, before getting on a horse. It is energy and capability rather than a number of years.
If your bones are weakening, then of course you may not want to risk a fall. But my doctor daughter told me riding could be beneficial in old age. That balancing on a horse involves countless small adjustments in one's body and therefore improves mobility and balance. I wear a bp and OH had an air jacket. We always took care.

My worst moment was after a serious appendix operation in 2008, but I just resumed gently. My post op. weakness improved the riding, as my cues were minimal and the horse flowed forward just at a touch,
I ride at a regular time each week. If the weather is very wet and bad, I dont ride as it seems stupid at my age to risk pneumonia. But that is my only concession to age.

 

[Red-1]

I am sorry for your loss.

My mother was ill during covid and I lost the will to ride. I sold my 'competition' horse and bought a little cob that needed nursing. That was enough for me. The fact that he needed to be brought slowly back to work after a previous lami episode was good for me, as I had to take it slowly and there was no guilt as it was for him, not me.

In 2021, I had recovered somewhat and bought a lovely youngster. That was going well until 10 months ago, when my husband died unexpectedly. I barely wanted to leave the house, let alone ride the horse. I paid Joe Midgely to come ride him once a week and the rest if the time, I just 'did' him.

It took a while for me to want to ride. I still am not back to where I was. Before David died, I was doing dressage every 2 weeks and a small jumping competition most weeks too. I was also having lessons twice a week. After he died, I have done no competing at all. I have done a few clinics but mostly just hack about. I am easy with that.

Things are looking up for me, and maybe next year I'll want to compete, maybe not. I am easy either way.

I would say to be kind to yourself. As long as the horse is seen to, that is all they need. My youngster is now not that young but resting a year has done him no harm.

 

[Peglo]

Goodness you’re been through it.

If you are currently happy having someone else ride and get pleasure from owning and cuddling her do that.

I’ve not ridden my wee horse properly this year but every day she brings me joy just seeing and attending to her.

Dont put any pressure on yourself, especially with the grief you’re going through. It sounds like a great set up you’ve got for your horse and if you want to ride her just do what you’re comfortable with and brings you enjoyment.

 

[eahotson]

What do you think?
I think that one should feel up to riding, before getting on a horse. It is energy and capability rather than a number of years.
If your bones are weakening, then of course you may not want to risk a fall. But my doctor daughter told me riding could be beneficial in old age. That balancing on a horse involves countless small adjustments in one's body and therefore improves mobility and balance. I wear a bp and OH had an air jacket. We always took care.

My worst moment was after a serious appendix operation in 2008, but I just resumed gently. My post op. weakness improved the riding, as my cues were minimal and the horse flowed forward just at a touch,
I ride at a regular time each week. If the weather is very wet and bad, I dont ride as it seems stupid at my age to risk pneumonia. But that is my only concession to age.

I actually have good bones and my doctor husband told me that riding would help my back.I agree that at our age we should only ride when circumstances dictate.The later Queen rode almost to the last and she was in her 90s.

 

[eahotson]

I am sorry for your loss.

My mother was ill during covid and I lost the will to ride. I sold my 'competition' horse and bought a little cob that needed nursing. That was enough for me. The fact that he needed to be brought slowly back to work after a previous lami episode was .good for me, as I had to take it slowly and there was no guilt as it was for him, not me.

In 2021, I had recovered somewhat and bought a lovely youngster. That was going well until 10 months ago, when my husband died unexpectedly. I barely wanted to leave the house, let alone ride the horse. I paid Joe Midgely to come ride him once a week and the rest if the time, I just 'did' him.

It took a while for me to want to ride. I still am not back to where I was. Before David died, I was doing dressage every 2 weeks and a small jumping competition most weeks too. I was also having lessons twice a week. After he died, I have done no competing at all. I have done a few clinics but mostly just hack about. I am easy with that.

Things are looking up for me, and maybe next year I'll want to compete, maybe not. I am easy either way.

I would say to be kind to yourself. As long as the horse is seen to, that is all they need. My youngster is now not that young but resting a year has done him no harm.

 

[eahotson]

I am sorry for your loss too.It was worse for you I think because it was unexpected.I hope you continue to enjoy your horse and no thr year off will have done your youngster no harm at all.

 

[Kunoichi73]

Nothing to add but just wanted to say sorry for your loss.

 

[HopOnTrot]

So I am a martyr to my nerves but Karl Greenwood’s book, either print or audio (audio is great as I put an ear bud in and listen on repeat all day whilst working etc). Combined with: https://www.confident-rider.co.uk/
Hypnosis/mediation are the absolute best way!

It’s just a programming issue, it can be fixed and you absolutely should be riding. Your whole nervous system is overwhelmed at the moment, you’ve been through a lot but reframing your thinking will do you the world of good.

 

[Wishfilly]

Sorry for your loss, as others have said now is probably not the time to make big decisions? If it would give you pleasure to see your YM show your horse, and they are happy/able to and you are able to do what is needed to facilitate it (e.g. pay entries?) then why not? Lots of people get pleasure from being an owner, even if they don't ride or compete.

Equally if you would like to get back on, then do that, and take it slow. If you just walk around the arena the first time, there is no harm in that? You should just do what you feel comfortable with, and put no pressure on yourself.

 

[eahotson]

Sorry for your loss, as others have said now is probably not the time to make big decisions? If it would give you pleasure to see your YM show your horse, and they are happy/able to and you are able to do what is needed to facilitate it (e.g. pay entries?) then why not? Lots of people get pleasure from being an owner, even if they don't ride or compete.

Equally if you would like to get back on, then do that, and take it slow. If you just walk around the arena the first time, there is no harm in that? You should just do what you feel comfortable with, and put no pressure on yourself.

Thank you.Yes I would pick up expenses and pay for her time.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

So sorry you’re having such a tough time. As others have said, there’s no rush to do anything. You must be tired. Take care.