Loss of trust

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SilentEcho

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Hi all,

To be brief, last sunday my horse and I had a very scary experience out hacking - she is sharp and hacks in a pelham, launched herself into the air and caught me unawares. I caught her and the sudden action of the curb chain scared her and she went from mid air to her back legs and nearly over in what felt like one movement/nano-second. I chucked the reins at her and flung my arms round her neck and all was ok. Just to stress, she has never shown any inclination of standing up before and I accept full responsibility. My instructir was with me and she said it was just one of those freaky things.

Since then I have been really nervous to ride her. She is sharp and undoubtedly picks up on this. Prior to the snow (4 weeks out) she went through a very sharp stage of shooting off which I suppose has lingered in my mind. Schooling wise she is working elem/medium and prior to the snow I was doing a lot of work on increasing engagement and getting her really sharp off my leg.

This week, due to my feeblness my instructor has been riding her for me and all is fine. When I have ridden her the last two days I am sitting passenger and barely pluck up the courage to ask her to step under more. Today I was asking for shoulder in and she resisted, I kicked her, she went to shoot forward and I tense, probably grabbed the reins and she went to fling her head up, possibly lift her front legs up - I don't know but I flung my arms round her neck, gave the reins away completely etc. I was a nervous wreck and feel I have completely destroyed her trust in me - she was tensing up at times and am I sure it was because of me. How to I repair things with her? I am so upset at what I have done to my best friend.

Ok, that was an essay and a half. Thanks to anyone who makes it to the end!
 
I hv the same sort of thing with my boy, it's so upsetting, and I really find it hard to deal with being nervous as a rider abt things as hv always been so confident! So no what ur going thru. I took the winter to go back to basics and really just spend time enjoying my horse, and spending time doing ground stuff. I find visualisation and breathing really really helps, just imagine how u want2 seem to your horse and how calm you want to be and make yourself like it. Maybe having someone else ride her sometimes might help 2?
 
It will just take time and perseverance really. I think there are lots of us on here trying to rebuild trust and confidence, I too am one of those people.
Just take it day at a time and do not pressurise yourself or your mare and you will get there, good luck x
 
As you think it was the sharp action of the curb that caused the problem, might it be worth doing some slow work in the school without one on for a little while? That way you don't have the 'trigger' to worry about, and if she does start being silly you can take a contact more confidently than you are at the moment
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I know it seems like an odd step to reduce your control when you're nervous, but sometimes these things follow a different kind of logic
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I was having trouble with my cob, we were out hacking and having a gallop when he bucked me over his head for some strange reason, ive had him since ha was 6mnths old and broke him myself been out competing and yet couldnt understand y. then every time i schooled him hed buck and because iv got a damaged leg i have to be careful so i spent few mounths on ground grooming and going for walks out( sitting in a field while he grazed round me and remembered theres more to just riding. Every 1 told me our bond had gone he doesn't respect me and i sobbed as he to is my best friend and it would of broke me to sell him. After 3,4,months i got back on and hes never respected me as much as he does now not only does he trust me but he always looks out for me. So remember what you saw in her and y you got her just stay on the ground for a bit wk or so then see how you both feel. this is what worked for us. Hope it all works out for u and her x
 
Maybe try a bit without a curb so this can't happen? There are so many options out these these days, it doesn't have to be a snaffle. pelham or gag, there are plenty of different ones to try. I tried a pelham on my pony once as he was strong. However i soon realised he did not like the curb when he stopped dead mid-gallop one day when i applied minimal pressure.

I decided to remove the curb chain and having the pelham without the curb worked fine. He had been in a dutch gag when I got him but he really backed off this so the pelhamd without curb seemed to be a happy medium for him.
 
also try a loose neckstrap too so you have something to hold onto as well as reins and should you pull its the strap and not her mouth or a balance strap on front of saddle - i have one just in case - mines in a pelham too
 
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