Lost confidence and mojo success stories?

[Muddywellies]

Looking for some encouragement after a rubbish few months.
I have a very non conventional dressage pony who somehow I've managed to take (or she's taken me?) from coming last at unaff Intro to having BD points at elementary, training medium. All on a shoe string, with limited facilities, a real shortage of talent (me!) and around a full time job. The past few years have been pretty full on, and sometimes the focus on qualifying for Area Festivals took over and it all became quite pressured. After last year's AF I decided we needed some down time and decided to take the foot off the gas for a few months over winter. I started another new job last September (third one in 12 months due to tupe transfers - don't ask!) But then over winter we had a succession of problems with her and she became very unpredictable, causing me a massive loss of confidence. We've tried all sorts and everything to sort out the pony and hope we have now turned a corner. But then coronavirus happened, I had a close family bereavement and basically my world has fallen apart. This obviously will affect my riding and attitude to life in general. But right now I have absolutely no interest in competing and tbh my nerves are shot so I doubt I could even if I wanted to. Basically, is it possible to come back from this or do I sell my competition gear and lorry and become a happy hacker. I so wanted to get some medium points (I had bigger ambitions but now it's just to get medium points). Does confidence ever return? (I'm mid 40s) A small part of me even wants to put the pony on full livery and start having more mini breaks with my wonderful husband (tho full livery would mean we're destitute and a really would miss my time with her). We've not competed now for almost a year. Is it possible to take a couple of years out, and then pick up where you left off?

 

[Griffin]

I am only a little bit younger than you but I think it is more than possible to rediscover your love of horses and also a desire to compete (if you want to).

I lost my confidence in my abilities quite badly when I first bought my mare. She was very tricky but much of this was caused by her panicking and having had a pretty rough background. I always knew what she could become but sometimes it was very difficult to keep hold of this thought when every time I got on her we had problems.

However, we have got there slowly. It has taken a new saddle, a new bit and bridle (I obviously got out an excellent saddle fitter and a bit specialist), physio, dentist, changing feeds, and also me working on my fitness and losing weight. We were going to compete this year because I actually feel like I want to show her off now we are a proper partnership.

For me, it was getting an instructor that understands both of us and allowed us to go back to the absolute basics. I have made the decision with everything going on this year that we are not going to try a competition until next year. I think is it perfectly fine to give yourself a couple of years break, much better than rushing in.

In the meantime, I would use your lorry to go out on a few hacks or to some gallops, have some fun. You could also do online dressage, it is not the same as a 'real life' competition but it will give you something to work towards. Have you considered talking to a sports psychologist?

 

[cally23]

I cannot give you any competing advice as I am just a Happy Hacker. I just wanted to voice something that I should be telling myself. It is the weirdest of times,something that none of us has experienced before. You have come through a lot of sad times and uncertainty. Give yourself a break and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a loved one. Enjoy just being with your horse.

 

[Dyllymoo]

Oh I'm so sorry to read this and hear of your loss.

In a few words, it does absolutely come back. Please don't sell anything yet.

I have blips in my confidence and always will do, its quick to go but hard to come back, but when it does its a fantastic feeling. I find the more I ride, the more I push myself the better I am. I try not to beat myself up on the things I didn't do, more praise myself on the things I did do.

I cant answer about a few years out and then back where you left off as I would thing you would need to re-train a bit up to that level again (you and horse I should imagine) but as I have never done anything more than cross pole SJ and Prelim level unaffiliated then I'm sure someone else can answer that.

Chin up, it does get better.

 

[EarsofaSnowman]

I can't comment on the competition side but from a confidence perspective I find it can massively ebb and flow. You've had a tough time with job changes and your bereavement so I'd suggest not making any decisions at the moment, and keep hold of your competition gear and lorry if you can afford to. Next year you may feel very differently, and if not then at least it gives you the opportunity to reassess under (hopefully) more normal circumstances. In terms of livery, could you get occasional cover to enjoy a mini break or 2 with your husband? But please be reassured that confidence can return. In the meantime, celebrate every corner you turn with her.

 

[Muddywellies]

I cannot give you any competing advice as I am just a Happy Hacker. I just wanted to voice something that I should be telling myself. It is the weirdest of times,something that none of us has experienced before. You have come through a lot of sad times and uncertainty. Give yourself a break and be as kind to yourself as you would be to a loved one. Enjoy just being with your horse.

Thank you for your kind words. If you don't mind me saying though, you're not 'just', a happy hacker. You're a 'happy' hacker. Right now, the thought of being a happy hacker sounds like heaven, and I feel with where I'm at at the moment, a steady plod a couple of times a week will suit me perfectly. There's nothing better ?

 

[milliepops]

I've had losses of confidence and general mojo over the years, I think you are not human if it doesn't happen occasionally. especially when life chucks other things at you, it's hard to stay on a permanent upward trajectory and to an extent I think those downward spells are inevitable.

I think you have to try and find the thing that really grabs your heart and follow that for a bit. for me, it's lessons, I hit a bad spot during lockdown because my horse was being difficult and it was just the 2 of us stuck at home trying to find a way through it. at the moment i'm not wanting to compete even though it's generally a big part of my life, but my lessons are the reason I keep going, I feel excited to have them and I come home beaming. I can't wait for the next one and the thought of that buoys me along.

so if competing isn't that thing, find the thing that does that for you and stick with that for a while, you might then find the mojo comes back and spreads back out again.

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

Your being so hard on yourself you have achieved loads and a lot has happened to your life but I know exactly how you feel.

I had an accident on one of my horses and it really shook me 2 years on I am not where I was before but I am so much better, I went from successful showing to not being able to even school properly or even canter, I literally took a massive step back and had very basic lessons just 2 half hour lessons a week and I set myself very small goals each day, in the beginning it was sometimes just walking around the school or going for a very short hack, and I just built up from there I am slowly getting there.

You will too you just have to set your sights low do as little as you feel comfortable with and you will get there.

I am booking myself in for a rider confidence course next month at the horse combat centre, I really feel I need this push to really feel truly comfortable riding now.

 

[TPO]

In the nicest possible way this isn't the first time that you've posted a thread of this ilk.

In previous threads people have offered advice and shared their stories and successes.

Clearly this isn't helping when you are still feeling this way and stuck in your rut. Is it maybe worth going to see a professional?

I was thinking alone the lines of a equine confidence coach and/or sports psychologist. They would be better placed to get to the root of your issues and help you with a pathway out of it and to appreciate what you have and your achievements so far.

 

[GinaGeo]

I've been there. I used to Event to BE100 with my home produced horse, worked on a yard as a Working Pupil and had ambitions beyond.

I took it all quite seriously. I hacked to keep him fit to compete him. My life was scheduled around Events, fittening work and lessons.

It crept up slowly at first. Show Jumping became our bad phase and I began to dread it. So I decided to work harder at it. By the end I was aiming my poor horse at jumps in lessons unable to breathe, terrified of getting it wrong. I went for Sport Psychology Sessions and was even considering Hypnosis at one point. I drove home after one lesson where it had all gone massively wrong, he'd been stopping everywhere because I was basically pulling him up, and I was sobbing, felt like I'd totally ruined my little horse. Had to sit in the lorry to compose myself, before I could unload him and it was that day I decided enough was enough.

I didn't rejoin BE the next season, I stopped going for jump lessons, stopped jumping, didn't miss it. I rode when I wanted to, because I wanted to. Took up a completely new discipline that I'd always dreamed about doing (Side Saddle) and started having Classical Dressage Lessons. I began to enjoy it all again. Two and half years on and I am just starting to look forward to jumping again without the feeling of dread appearing in my stomach. In fact we went out last weekend XC Schooling and I jumped round the BE100 course and I've just entered an Eventer Trial and a One Day Event I enjoyed it that much.

If you want a break. Take it. If you want to enjoy hacking get booked in for some Pleasure Rides or get out a map and go and explore all of the places you haven't been able to. Go and ride on the beach. Hell, take up Side Saddle or Carriage Driving if that's been on your list. Go and do all of the things you would have loved to have done as a daydreaming kid. All of the things you've been too busy being serious to do. And if you don't enjoy it then don't do it - it's too expensive and too time consuming to torture yourself.

 

[Muddywellies]

In the nicest possible way this isn't the first time that you've posted a thread of this ilk.

In previous threads people have offered advice and shared their stories and successes.

Clearly this isn't helping when you are still feeling this way and stuck in your rut. Is it maybe worth going to see a professional?

I was thinking alone the lines of a equine confidence coach and/or sports psychologist. They would be better placed to get to the root of your issues and help you with a pathway out of it and to appreciate what you have and your achievements so far.

I've had confidence issues fairly constantly but in the past still mananged to train and compete and progress up through the levels. My competition nerves were nothing quite like this - this is a whole new situation I'm in. I've had sessions with a sports phychologist in the past for the competition nerves and the success is questionable.
As others above have said, with a break, and giving myself time, maybe this will pass. In the meantime, some nice steady hacks in the sunshine may be just what I need (or 6 months in the Bahamas!)

 

[Muddywellies]

I've been there. I used to Event to BE100 with my home produced horse, worked on a yard as a Working Pupil and had ambitions beyond.

I took it all quite seriously. I hacked to keep him fit to compete him. My life was scheduled around Events, fittening work and lessons.

It crept up slowly at first. Show Jumping became our bad phase and I began to dread it. So I decided to work harder at it. By the end I was aiming my poor horse at jumps in lessons unable to breathe, terrified of getting it wrong. I went for Sport Psychology Sessions and was even considering Hypnosis at one point. I drove home after one lesson where it had all gone massively wrong, he'd been stopping everywhere because I was basically pulling him up, and I was sobbing, felt like I'd totally ruined my little horse. Had to sit in the lorry to compose myself, before I could unload him and it was that day I decided enough was enough.

I didn't rejoin BE the next season, I stopped going for jump lessons, stopped jumping, didn't miss it. I rode when I wanted to, because I wanted to. Took up a completely new discipline that I'd always dreamed about doing (Side Saddle) and started having Classical Dressage Lessons. I began to enjoy it all again. Two and half years on and I am just starting to look forward to jumping again without the feeling of dread appearing in my stomach. In fact we went out last weekend XC Schooling and I jumped round the BE100 course and I've just entered an Eventer Trial and a One Day Event I enjoyed it that much.

If you want a break. Take it. If you want to enjoy hacking get booked in for some Pleasure Rides or get out a map and go and explore all of the places you haven't been able to. Go and ride on the beach. Hell, take up Side Saddle or Carriage Driving if that's been on your list. Go and do all of the things you would have loved to have done as a daydreaming kid. All of the things you've been too busy being serious to do. And if you don't enjoy it then don't do it - it's too expensive and too time consuming to torture yourself.

Love this. Thank you

 

[poishishikochi]

Thank you for your stories and support, this is very important to me in these difficult times!

 

[oldie48]

I think you need to be kinder to yourself, stop beating yourself up because you are not out there competing and just focus for the time being, on enjoying your horse. Don't sell any of your stuff or make any decision about the future, give yourself time to grieve and gradually you'll probably find your answer. When things are tough I always work on "one step at a time and one day at a time" it has helped me get through some difficult times. Good luck.x