LOST CONFIDENCE

[zeuscleoharmony]

Hi - I am lying here recovering after collar bone surgery and feeling utterly miserable. Can anyone offer me some advice about getting my confidence back enought to 'get back in the saddle' once I recover? I am a happy hacker and have ridden for the last 30 years on and off and have owned my own for the last 3. I was totally to blame as to what happened. I was in a rush and decided to jump on my boy down the field as I have done hundreds of times before only this time he had a bucking fit and off the side I went. That was in Feburary and I had surgery about 3 weeks ago. I love my boy to death but feel physically sick when I think about getting on again (which I won't be able to do until at least October so my consultant tells me). My boy is normally laid back and a joy but he was on his toes that day. I feel such a fool for thinking I knew him 100% and disregarding the fact that he is a horse with a brain. I got complacent. However, the fact I acknowledge my incredible stupidity does not help the fact that I have lost my nerve. Is there anyone out there who can offer me some advice. I feel so foolish too cos I am only a happy hacker, not some advanced XC rider who was injured jumping a heart-stopping wall of death! I so want to get over this cos it was my dream to own my own and up till then things were absolutely perfect. Hope you can help me cheer up. xx

 

[lexiedhb]

To be fair if you cant get on him till October then really try and stop thinking about it as you will only work yourself up even more---- and thats an awful lot of worry between now and then!!
I would use the time just to be around your horse and just wait till you feel ready, and take it really slowly.....

 

[Kenzo]

[ QUOTE ]
To be fair if you cant get on him till October then really try and stop thinking about it as you will only work yourself up even more---- and thats an awful lot of worry between now and then!!
I would use the time just to be around your horse and just wait till you feel ready, and take it really slowly.....

[/ QUOTE ]

Agree, also you it may help you watch somebody else ride him for a few months, say go out with them on your bike and like the above, just spend some time with your horse to remind you of the good times rather than focusing on what happened, you can't make yourself confident, its something that comes in time and doing things a little bit at a time.

 

[A1fie]

Hi Welcome to the forum and I hope you feel better soon.

There is a lot of things that will help you to regain your confidence. Firstly because you won't be riding him for a while you will have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with him on the ground without any pressure to ride him. Spending time with him just grooming and maybe walking out with him in hand will build up your trust again.

Secondly when you are able to ride, have lessons. Start off on a leadrope or a lunge line and build up slowly. You do not have to compete against anyone so forget all the stuff that our heads can tell us, things like ''we should be doing x,y & z'' they are not helpful. It maybe that you need to tell yourself that there is no pressure to do anything.

Thirdly, try Jo Cooper. She is a brilliant confidence coach. Lots of people on here have used her, including myself, and I would throughly recommend her. Try the other things first though and good luck.

 

[KathyBB]

Hi

I did a similar silly thing last year and rode my too big for me boy in from the field, bare back with just a headcollar on him, we stood and watched next doors dogs playing for a second then my boy jumped the hedge into the field leaving me with a cracked heel. We all think we know them and I put it down to spring fever. I think you need to get used to handling your boy take him for a walk round a sandschool or a small field and just bond with him again, then you may get a mad urge to get on him. Make sure you have a knowledgable person with you just to walk beside you for your confidence and gradually it will come back. I do understand as I have a problem jumping and have hardly any nerve for that. It is harder as we get older. Good luck.

 

[ladyt25]

I broke my collar bone a couple of years ago when my horse fell on the road. I have to say I was apprehensive about getting abck on again even though I know him inside out and it was purely an accident!

Ok, so yours threw you off but as you say he wouldn't normally do this and you know really it's rider error. I would advise someone else riding him for you whilst you're off but you may just find your confidence does come back once the pain from the break subsides. You do actually sort of forget!

Don't pressure yourself into it though there is no hurry.

 

[frantyman]

Can we go through this together?? I am also 3 weeks on from surgery after breaking my back (yes - ouch) and like you it was nothing fancy - I fell off from trot in the school during a lesson when my boy spooked....just real bad luck I hope!
I have gone through all the same emotions as you but the one thing that is driving me on to get back on is watching other people ride him (as others have suggested) and seeing him having such a fun time jumping and I desperately want to get back on. (I am no hot shot rider, I just love my boy and enjoy pottering doing little bits of everything)
I am also planning to put all my safety nets in place - body protector, lead rein lesson initially, lunge rein after, company at all times and finally to not expect that I should be doing x,y,z etc after a certain time-after all it took me 18 months of having the hiphopcob to get to jumping 2'6 and even then that is top whack for me so it may well take me the same amount of time again.
In the meantime I am also finding just going up the yard is helping with the feeling that I will get back on one day, he still knows who I am, I still get involved in discussions about everyone else's neds - this reminds me of all the reasons for being involved with horses, not just for the horse but the friends and social life that surround them. For me to stay away would mean I would never go back. My hubby dragged me up there as soon as I could use my crutches to walk enough to get from car park to field!
But of course - this is how I feel today and other days I have been completely petrified, tearful and think about selling him - what I mean here is that what you are going through is entirely normal from my experience. We are both still full of painkillers, anaesthetic and a bit of trauma so recovery from that is priority and I think as long as I put all my safety nets in place, I remind myself that in all the years of riding and falls I have now had my 'biggy' so as long as I do this, chances are I have many years of happy and safe riding in front of me.
Sorry this was so long-but you just struck such a chord with me. I hope if nothing else, some reassurance you are not alone/pathetic/abnormal etc might help

 

[claireelizabeth]

Sorry to hear about your accident.

I've had a few confidence issues (and not even from falling!) I think if you take things slowly and go at your own pace you'll get there, if you want to walk for the first few months then do that, don't feel you have to start back at the same place you were before the accident.

Have some lessons and go out with an experienced friend if you can, maybe even go to a riding school on a bomb proof plod!

Just focus on the end goal and getting your dream back!! It'll be worth it in the end

Good Luck

 

[gails]

Been there done that, I broke my hand faling off Dexter, again not his fault but mine for paying little to no attention while hacking out. Due to unfornseen circumstances I have never been back on him and not sure I ever will again as he is now getting on..

However it dented my confidence sooo bad that I would not even put his rug on, would not get in the field to feed him, I would do it with a gate between him and me, so please please please do not get yourselfso wound up.

Since he went on loan ( partly becasue of all this), and now hve im back, we are great again, there is nothing I wont do with him and we even have mummy cuddles again.

So all I can suggst is focus on what was always right and not the one occasion that will more than likly never happen again, because you will not allow it

Please dont waste time, like I did

 

[Chavhorse]

Sorry about your accident.

I broke my collar bone in September last year following an accident with a loan horse who bolted.

All I can say is slowly slowly slowly it takes time but it does come back.....I started off with being led round a school on the stable plod. After a few sessions of this my instructor promoted me to the lunge line, over many weeks I finally managed to canter on the lunge and found myself enjoying it. I am still having lessons now as I find they really give me confidence.

I will not lie to you and pretend that it has all been plain sailing and I have had many "stuff this I am taking up knitting" moments. But in my heart of hearts like you riding has been a huge part of my life for over 30 years and I know I would miss it if I gave up so I have persevered. I am lucky in having a wonderful OH who has spent many hours drying my tears and bolstering my ego.

Find an instructor you trust. The confidence coach is a great idea and I would have seen one like a shot had I known of one here that would have been effective in English. Treat yourself gently and take time.

Doing groundwork with your horse is a good idea if you feel strong enough physically, I know I avoided this for a while as I was mending and knew I had no strength and did not want my horse to find this out, so I waited unitl I knew that I could handle things on the ground my trainer now has me free schooling and double lunging my youngster I get to pilot in 2 weeks and yes I am actually looking forward to it.

Best of luck and if you are in need of a shoulder who has been there feel free to PM. I could not have done any of this without the support of some very good friends (some of whom are online).

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so much for taking the time to offer your kind words of encouragement. October is a long way off and I am going to use the time till them to just sit with him, watch him, groom him and enjoy him from the ground.

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so very much for taking the time to reply to my post. I am going to take your advice. I do have someone already riding my boy and he is as he always has been, a joy to ride. He was having an off day and I ignored the signs. I am going to try to make the most of the time I have on the ground to watch him, bond with him again and groom him to within an inch of his life! x

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Hi and thank you for welcoming me to the forum. It was very kind of you to reply to my post. You are right with your advice and am going to take the time whilst crocked to spend some quality time with my boy. A couple of my friends have already offered to go back to basic with me. I have certainly found out who my friends are through all of this and have a wonderful one who has completely taken over with his care. I'm pretty much stuck getting to the yard apart from at the weekend as it is just too far and rural and she has been brilliant.

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so much for replying to my post. It was completely my fault but it was so out of character of my boy. I am going to take things slowly and make the most of my time on the ground to make a fuss of him and bond again after being absent a lot apart from the odd visit due to living so far away from the yard. When I do get there I am confident around him still so hopefully when the time comes I will be ready, willing and able. x

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so much for your reply to my post. So we belong to the same club - breaking our collar bones. I have never experienced anything so painful and 4 weeks post op am still in quite a bit of pain. I have a lot of time to think at the moment, which isn't always good but am going to take the words of all the posts to heart and take things slowly. x

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so much for replying to my post. Oh you poor thing, breaking your back. I hope you are on the road to recovery. I have had a lot of downs, reactions to meds, generally feeling low, bit of a roller coaster and am sure you are the same. I think we will both have a long road ahead for our recovery but hopefully will get back on track and enjoy our riding once more. I am going to take the advice of those who have posted and just take things slowly. Let me know how you are doing x

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thanks every so much for your reply to my post. I am terrible with confidence and in fact lost it just before I bought my boy three years ago and he restored it again so am sure he can do so again. I think also its cos I feel so stupid that I thought I knew him so well, after all I am always telling everyone, rather smugly, what a good boy he is and then I totally ignored the signs that he was on his toes that day. I was too complacent and got burnt. Am going to take things very slowly and enjoy the time I have on the ground with him. x

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so much for replying to my post. It is so horrible that nerves get the better of you, isn't it, when they can completely destroy the enjoyment we have had for such a long time in the blink of an eye. I am sure when I get up and about and spend some quality time with my boy I will start getting positive again. I have too much time to think at the moment. I am glad you are enjoying your time with your horse again and hope that one day you will find enough strength to get back in the saddle but really so long as you are happy then thats not the be all and end all, is it. x

 

[zeuscleoharmony]

Thank you so much for replying to my post. You and me sound so similar and I have certainly contemplated the knitting moments too. I have placed an ad to put my boy on loan and then retracted it, my mind is all over the place at the moment. I think, apart from feeling very foolish at what I did when all the signs were there that he was uptight (which is so out of character for him but there was a lot going on around the farm that day) it is that I thought I was so tuned into him that the moment I got on him he would settle. Clearly, I was not and I feel almost like I put my trust in him so much and he let me down. I have had three years of happy hacking with him. I got him as a recently broken 4 year old and we have had wonderful times together until my stupid error. Whenever I have ridden him I have always said a baby could ride him and I know he hasn't changed and that that day he was full of spring and I was in a rush ... I am going to take things very slowly. I love him to bits and know that I just have to get over this one but am finding it very, very hard. Are you not in the UK? Would love to know where you are. Lets make a pact ... no knitting ... ever! At the moment I can' t physically do anything and am pretty much housebound, not being able to drive, even struggle to get dressed. Recovery is going to be slow but will take yours and everyones advice to take my time and do things slowly and when I am ready, not when I think things might be expected of me. x

 

[Chavhorse]

Ok Pact no knitting ever!

I blame myself for my accident too I put it down to ego!

I had taken on a loan horse that was known to have problems with rearing and napping but had managed to ride him through them on this particular day he bolted and I had a horrific realisation that he had totally lost all consideration not only for my safety but for my own. I don't remember a thing about the actual accident but my riding companion tells me that at one stage I was actually leaning out of the saddle with the inside bit ring in my hand attempting to pull him round. Apparantly as he gathered to jump a small canal onto a main road I bailed out.

My wonderful OH spent 4 weeks having to get me downstairs surrounded with cushions I could do nothing for myself at all I have never know a break so painful I felt like I had been driven over by a large truck.

I live in Holland which in a way added to the problem, communication is not always easy especially when it comes down to sensitive subjects and feelings I started to feel pretty isolated.

I knew myself very well and was aware that if I did not get out there and buy myself a horse and left it for 6 months I would never ride again....Luckily I have a very good friend over here who was prepared to schlep all over the country looking at horses and trying them for me....God knows what the owners thought when I turned up with my arm in a sling, a walking sitck and one eye permantly closed as the head injury had caused me to see double.

I had decieded what I wanted between 8 and 15 years old, schoolmaster bombproof. We saw many I didn't like any of them. Just as I was on the verge of giving up we happened across Vardi 3.5 years old Just backed Warmblood x Appaloosa, I refused to go and see him, my friend went and raved about him "he is so cool a tractor went past the school when I was trying him and he didn't even look at it".....After a week of nagging I gave in just to prove her wrong....we picked him up the following day.

He came to me just backed with minimum schooling he had no bad histroy and was a brave boy who would accept anything. I turned him away for the winter and in May he went to a trainer who is an associate of Emiel Voest (a Dutch Horseman who has developed a form of training and riding called Freestyle which concentrates on natural communication with no force). We have taken him back to total basics and I have been working with him every step of the way.

In two weeks I will be able to get on him for the first time I implicitly trust this horse he has taken every new experience willingly and calmly to the point that when Astrid had an open day last weekend she used him in a double lunging demonstration on a windy day, and audience of 50 people and a wireless microphone system he dealt with it all like a dream and the lady sitting next to me refused to believe he was only 4. She was intending to use him in the obstacle demonstration but earlier in the week had set up a selection of flapping plastic, tarps, and a rock and roll bridge and Vardi had just poldded round she didn't use him as she said "I need a little bit of drama".

If you had asked me at the beginning of the year I would never had contemplated that in May I would have been standing in a round pen with a fit four year old free schooling him and confidently turning him and increasing and decreasing his speed using only body launguage our bond is now wonderfully close and respectful and I am looking forward to bringing him home in Mid July. We have some goals to achieve before then...... we have to hack out with another horse a number of times and then the ultimate we will hack out on our own.

For someone who used to be an instructor, competed on a regular basis and assumed she had no fear this has been a very interesting and often frustrating journey.

Apologies for the length of this post as you can tell this is a subject very dear to my heart.

 

[brighteyes]

I think you pretty much analysed what went wrong yourself! Think of it as a lesson learned and put it behind you

Wait til you are feeling more comfortable in yourself and spend that time thinking of the good stuff.

We've all had major wobbles (as I call them) and most people advise a lesson or two with an understanding instructor who isn't hell bent on giving you an hour of what they think u want and not what you know you need.

After a good session, you'll be back on top of your horse on top of the world!

I read your lovely poems and am guessing it's not Jethro you tumbled from?

 

[brighteyes]

Just re-read the post Feb til October???? No wonder you are feeling dicey about it.

Admittedly not due to a riding accident, someone I know has just had their hip done, is more than 3 score and ten, and looking forward to getting back in the saddle IN AUGUST - if they can be kept out of it for that long

Chin up, you'll get there!

 

[dianemar]

Hi. I hope you're starting to feel better . I totally understand how you are feeling. I was bolted with last August , fell off ,broke my collar bone which was then plated, got knocked out , suffered with concussion for a month etc etc. my confidence was never my strongest point however despite not having any recollection of the accident my confidence was reduced to zero. I was told I couldn't ride until January and once this date came I was pretty apprehensive , I found a fantastic instructor and spent a few weeks riding on a simulator to try to overcome my nerves and slowly was reintroduced to the real thing first on a lead rein , then lunge , then out in open spaces on safe calm horse etc etc! My instructor showed care ,compassion , understanding and a firm hand when needed to get me back on track. I'M still taking things steadily and have to recite to myself " I Can do this" each time a potential spook comes my way but I'm so glad I'm back on board again. I have to have my plate removed in July/August time so again that will put me back a little but plan to go back on the Simulator to keep me going. Good luck