major confidence issues, any advice?

[winston44]

i hope i am posting in the correct forum, i have been a member for a few years but seldom post but i am really struggling atm. so i am sorry if its a long one.

i have a stunning young horse who is rising 5 years old, i have owned him since he was 6 months old, he is very well handled and has been shown in hand to a good level in our discipline, he's always travelled well and he was very confident until about 18 months ago, he started getting a bit spooky in hand when being led down from the field, but i put it down to a phase he was going though, then we both suffered a massive trauma with the sudden loss of my older mare who had been his companion from the day he arrived, that's when the "fun" really started, he used to herd her in the field and whilst she took it, she also kept him in check, but after she died he started treating me like her and even though i handled him and re-established his respect, i had to constantly remind him that i was the leader, he got nasty in the stable, actually biting me hard on the shoulder one night, he would pin his ears right back and snake his head at me, i got to the point where i lost all my confidence, even on the ground. i am in my 50's, i have always ridden from and early age, i used to event to Intermediate and sj'd to Grade B, i am used to difficult horses, both riding and on the ground, i haven't had any falls or accidents, i have tried hypnotherapy etc inc talking t the doctors with no avail, i don't understand where this anxiety and confidence loss has come from??

He had been backed at 3 and ridden very lightly over the next couple of months before we lost my mare, after losing her i ended up sending him to the trainer who backed him as i felt i couldn't cope with him, he tried it on with her for a few days and then he settled down really well, she had no further issues with him, apart from taking him out hacking, he'd be fine in company but started to nap when ridden alone, she felt it was a lack of confidence, so got off him and led him for a while then got back on and he came back to me last month. i don't have a school but had been doing ground work in the field but its now to muddy to do much and our lane is too busy to safely lead him out in hand and i don't have anyone to help or ride out with,

things have been going well as i took the line that i would just do basic stuff with him and leave riding him until next year, which would give him time to mature and take the pressure off myself. last week we had a tree come down in the garden and have some builder bags full of wood which we have cut from the tree, he can see these through the trees when i lead him down in the evenings and he's started getting very spooky in hand, whilst he respects my space he 'forgets' I'm there and I'm nervous that he will jump sideways into me, its going downhill and very slippy which doesn't help, about the same time as the tree came down, he started pinning his ears back at me when i went into the stable, basically telling me to piss off, i have been moving him around when i go into feed him and that side has got better, I did some ground work this morning but i didn't dare ask him to trot as the ground is so slippery and i was worried he could pull a tendon or something but he was doing what i asked off him in walk with no issues.

I have been taking a natural supplement which has helped with my anxiety until today, but it started bubbling up again which has worried me, i know my feelings won't help him but they only started coming up again as he's got spookier this week, so i can confidently say that i haven't caused the spookiness but it won't help if i can't get it under control.

if it was someone else having these issues, i would tell them to find the horse a new home and buy a school master , but i dearly love him and have invested so much time and money over the last few years, i really don't want to sell him, but i need to get my issues under control so i can help him. any ideas please would be very welcome, i just feel like giving up, i also have lost trust in buying horses as the are so many dodgy people out there, i have also lost confidence in my own ability to judge a horse when looking to purchase one, i just feel like its "better the devil you know", my husbands answer is to "get rid" which doesn't really help and he's not that interested in helping, he's not horsey and tolerates them so i think it would suit him if i gave up completely maybe I'm being unfair but i just feel so alone and desperate to enjoy my boy again,

help and advise would be great, i was also wondering about trying a calmer on my boy to help him, any recommendations?
thanks for reading if you got this far

 

[McGrools]

Hi there, sorry to hear you are having a rough time. My first thoughts would be that your young gelding needs more social interaction with other young geldings. I find boy ponies need their play time much more than mares do. It is perfectly normal for a 5/6 year old gelding be a bolshy PITA.
They are just finding their strength and get bored easily and have way too much energy. Think teenage boys?
I would try to get him turned out with a herd so he can be play out his energies and maybe move him to somewhere with better facilities so you can give him a more active varied workload and have hacking buddies to ride with.
we have a few 6 year old geldings on our yard all being utter nuisances at the moment!
good luck, its not nice being pushed around by a large animal esp in the winter mud xx

 

[winston44]

Hi there, sorry to hear you are having a rough time. My first thoughts would be that your young gelding needs more social interaction with other young geldings. I find boy ponies need their play time much more than mares do. It is perfectly normal for a 5/6 year old gelding be a bolshy PITA.
They are just finding their strength and get bored easily and have way too much energy. Think teenage boys?
I would try to get him turned out with a herd so he can be play out his energies and maybe move him to somewhere with better facilities so you can give him a more active varied workload and have hacking buddies to ride with.
we have a few 6 year old geldings on our yard all being utter nuisances at the moment!
good luck, its not nice being pushed around by a large animal esp in the winter mud xx

Thanks for taking the time to reply, unfortunately moving him isn’t an option at this time, I just can’t afford to pay for livery, this would be the best idea but my business went fut due to covid so money is tight ? I was going to put a cheap Ish surface on the grass as an emergency stop gap but now the fields are so wet it would ruin them having a tractor run over them plus having the extra cost of the boiler going wrong etc plus he’s a bully and won’t leave other horses alone, even when he was away being trained they ended up separating him from the other horses as he would just move them around and round them up all the time

 

[PinkvSantaboots]

It's pretty normal for some young geldings to get a bit rough he needs to be out in a field with other horses, it can have a huge impact for some horses to have no interaction with others, it could be why his behaviour has deteriorated and until you sort that out I think it's only going to get worse.

 

[winston44]

He does have a companion who he can talk to over the fence but she’s too old to be chased about constantly, even if I could afford to put him on livery, most round here are individual turnout so it wouldn’t solve the problem

 

[be positive]

He does have a companion who he can talk to over the fence but she’s too old to be chased about constantly, even if I could afford to put him on livery, most round here are individual turnout so it wouldn’t solve the problem

The issues seem to be mainly since he has lived alone, he was not well socialised early relying on one elderly mare to show him about life and losing her has compounded his anxieties, you may be the leader while you are working with him but the other 23 hours a day he is alone, company over a fence is not the same as having another in the field to play with, learn from, to watch over you while you rest etc. some are reasonably content alone, others are gradually losing their confidence even if it is not obvious in their general behaviour, most horses living alone put on a front but inside they are a bit of a mess.

Not sure what the answer is but in my experience having the horse genuinely relaxed and happy in it's living arrangements will make a huge difference to how easy it is for the owner to deal with, I have seen horses change dramatically within my own yard just by moving field, having a different companion or even a move to a box with another view, my own horse recently moved to a yard where he is the oldest and biggest the YO has seen her own pony relax because mine is now herd leader so hers can rest a bit more, don't underestimate the benefits of company, even a mini may be enough and you could give it a safe place to escape to if it needs it.

 

[ihatework]

I hate to say it given you are obviously quite down about the whole situation but this sounds like it all stems from him not having got the horsey life skills and confidence he needed growing up, and the loss of the mare just exacerbated underlying insecurities that were already there.

If you are 100% sure you want to keep him then having him based on a professional yard and working him from there supported would be the best bet. But if finances are tight I’d send him away to herd turnout until such a time you have finances to restart him with help on hand.

A horse having a meltdown combined with a rider having a meltdown, with no facilities, no companionship for the horse is a recipe for disaster.

In all honesty selling is probably the most sensible option

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

It sounds like a lot of his issues stem from his lack of suitable turnout. I'd want a youngster out with a herd of other youngsters and maybe a few older horses so they can learn horsey social and life skills. Not only will it teach him that there are repercussions to throwing his weight around but also gets a bit of energy out of his system. Agree with what someone said above about geldings being more playful in the field. I know you said it's only individual turnout near you but is there perhaps full grass livery further afield? If you don't have to go every day and do jobs could travelling a bit further be doable?

In regards to calmer, see if your soil is magnesium deficient and if it is maybe pop him on a magnesium supplement, most calmers are magnesium based. But tbh your horse just sounds like a youngster and picking up on your nervousness and taking advantage.

To be really blunt and to the point, if you can't afford the livery/set up that will suit your horse then this isn't the horse for you. Your set up sounds ideal for a more established horse.