Manners when feeding

[Penny_lane]

I was wondering what everyone’s thoughts are on manners during feed time. How much space and respect should you expect from your horse?

Recently, I’ve started asking my horse to back up when I enter the paddock and to stay out of my space until I walk away from the feed bucket. I do this by asking him to back up each time he gets too close. He can be pushy, but not in an aggressive way toward me. However, he does become dominant and aggressive toward my mare over the fence at dinner time.

I’ve never felt unsafe around him. He doesn’t pin his ears or act threatening—he just gets completely into my space, nudges me, and tries to grab a bite from the bucket while I’m walking to his feeding spot. In the beginning, I definitely encouraged this behavior. I would let him take a bite or two on the way to where I feed him. Nothing ever escalated, and it never felt like it would, but I recently decided to start asking for more space. I didn’t want the behavior to turn into something bigger one day, especially if he gets upset with my mare and I end up caught in the middle.

I don’t think asking for manners and space during feed time is a bad thing, but I’m wondering if I’m being too strict or controlling. I’m really trying to build a relationship based on trust with my horse, and I don’t know if this helps or hurts that goal. At the same time, I know safety has to come first.

Right now, I ask for space by waving my hand in a light swatting or pushing motion and making a kissing sound. I release the pressure as soon as he is calmly standing away and giving me space. Then I walk away from the bucket and invite him in. I’m trying to keep it soft and simple because I don’t want to make it a big issue.

I do worry that using my hands this way might make him associate my hands with pressure, if that makes sense. Sometimes, when I ask with my hands, he’ll put his ears back. He still backs up and listens, but I don’t want to create negative emotions when I’m asking. I’m not sure if it’s normal for him to get frustrated when I ask him to wait, since he just wants the food. Before I started asking for space, his ears would be forward. Now, he gets a little frustrated and tense when I ask, although he still listens. I just wish I could get a slightly calmer and more positive response when I ask, if that makes sense.

I’ve seen some people use a lead rope and swing it toward the horse to ask them to back up, and others use a training stick. I just want to use the softest, simplest approach possible so that it’s not a big deal when I ask. When I ask my mare, who is very quiet and polite, to back up, she responds to minimal pressure, if any at all. With my gelding, I have to use a bit more pressure because he is more pushy and dominant. He can be a little fresh, he’ll toss his head and sometimes put his ears back, but he still listens, backs up, and waits. I don’t let him come into the space until his ears are forward and he is calm.

Am I asking in the right way, and is it okay that he reacts a little fresh or frustrated when I ask sometimes, even though he still listens? Am I creating more tension and anxiousness in him?

He also has an anticipatory personality, so I thought it might be good for him to practice patience and learn that he doesn’t have to become anxious just because food is coming. Should I be expecting this level of space and manners during feeding, and what is the best way to ask for it? I’m trying to find that balance between asking for boundaries and respect, but not being overly controlling, so that he can still feel comfortable and at ease around me. I really want him to trust me and feel comfortable around me, but I also want to know I have that communication and respect with him as well. I’m just not sure sometimes how much to expect with certain things and when it’s okay to just let him be and not expect anything at all.

 

[Nasicus]

He's angsty about it because he's previously gotten away with the grabbing behaviour because you allowed it, and now the rules have changed.
Enforcing space and boundaries when feeding is very important if even just to keep yourself safe.

You're doing the right thing method wise, releasing the pressure when he stands away calmly. He'll get the idea soon enough and you'll be able to dial down the pressure. Just make sure there's enough space between yourself and him during this transitional phase that you're not put in harms way should he lash out in frustration. Not to say he will/would, but I don't know your horse. If you need it, a stick can be used as an extension of your arm to maintain the space if he tries to crowd you or you think he might flick a front foot out in annoyance. I had one that would always resort to slapping a front foot on the floor if she was even mildly inconvenienced, so a stick was used to keep her at arm-and-sticks length whilst she was learning the routine and what was expected of her. In the end, she would happily back herself up and wait as she knew what was expected, but there were tantrums to be had initially, so I had to release at the slightest hint of the desired behaviour to start and slowly increase how much I expected of her over time so as to avoid a meltdown.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

Dex backs up when I come in with his bucket and I ask him to, I put it down and say 'wait' and he does, and then say 'good boy' and he eats. I don't go overboard with asking him to wait, probably 5 seconds.
Might seem OTT but he was a scared, BIG youngster when he arrived and I wanted to make sure we both had a very clear understanding about personal space and boundaries.
He is also not allowed to take a mouthful of hay if I am either hanging his haynet or walking through the field to put it down.

It is fair to ask for as much space as makes you comfortable, a horse will not die if they have to wait for dinner - albeit they may make out like they will! Ears back is just him being cheesed off, I would keep an eye out for anything escalating from there as over time he may get frustrated and push boundaries already established, but I wouldn't worry about it (unless they're properly pinned as this isn't being annoyed, it's a warning before escalation usually).

 

[Skib]

For years I led (and later rode) my lesson horse whom I later shared, back to the yard at lunch time. Her lunch was ready and after I dismounted, and staff took the saddle, I made sure to lead her into the box, past the food, turned her BHS fashion and took off the bridle.
When I led her, this was not casual walking. I taught her to stay at my shoulder and not to turn her head to snack, nor to pull me along.
Once a horse is used to obeying you on the ground, I find it will obey you as you lead it into the stable and even walking past food.
Even now in old age and riding an easty mare, I will take her into her box, past the hay net and circle her to face the door so that I can close it.
We dont have an argument about it. She just does what I say.
I am reminding her that her stable is in reality my territory.

I have never used my hands for this. My only horse related injury was very early on when a horse bit my hand when I offered him a treat over the stable door. But one does have to do the leading with some resolution.

 

[New Forests Rock]

My greedy NF has been taught that when I take either a feed or hay net into a stable he is told to back up and then wait until I am ready. This is done by a vocal command backed up by a hand signal if necessary. He is a quick learner and has started to do this automatically - he has worked out that doing this means praise and then he can get on with the serious business of eating!!

 

[lynz88]

Mine makes faces and flaps his lips when it is dinner time and throws his head around at the same time. I make him back up (requires a bit of pressure) and he does and waits for me to put his feed down before digging in. Feed needs to be put well inside the stable otherwise he spills it over the door. He has always taken a mouthful and then raise his head and look over the door, spilling his feed all over

 

[Korg]

I always keep a whip near the gate to horses that can be a bit too much. I also use whips a lot in training/handling (from the ground and not violently) so they know what a whip is about. I don't tolerate horses stealing hay from the bag and they will get chased away if they do that. They're allowed to be a bit upset at me not teleporting the hay to them, and I'm allowed to keep myself safe and use regular physics. If possible, I prefer not having to enter the field when feeding.

 

[Ittookawhile]

I have a very lovely mare but she can be a bit bolshy and lacking in manners so I do exactly as you do when I’m feeding, hanging hay nets or any kind of work in her stable.

 

[smolmaus]

I don’t think asking for manners and space during feed time is a bad thing, but I’m wondering if I’m being too strict or controlling. I’m really trying to build a relationship based on trust with my horse, and I don’t know if this helps or hurts that goal. At the same time, I know safety has to come first.

Am I asking in the right way, and is it okay that he reacts a little fresh or frustrated when I ask sometimes, even though he still listens? Am I creating more tension and anxiousness in him?

Being consistent is very valuable to a horse! They like knowing what they're supposed to be doing. It doesn't have to be strict or controlling unless you make it that way.

I might be the minority in this but being fresh or frustrated sometimes is fine and normal. Sometimes they will be hungry, we don't keep horses in an ideal way where they always have the resources they need or want. So long as the behaviour is what you want that is enough. You can't ask to control their feelings! If you wait for him to look "happy" about it that is actually asking for more than one thing and might be adding to frustration so as long as he is listening and steps back I would call it good no matter what his face looks like.

 

[Peglo]

I really don’t mess around at feeding times. They just want their buckets.

I set them down and walk away. If the horses are coming up to me I ask for a step back or stop them walking into me but I get the bucket on the ground and walk away to leave them to it.

If they were crowding the gate I would walk along the fence line, ask them to step back if need be and chuck the bucket over the fence away from the gate. I don’t like chaos at the gate.

 

[Red-1]

I also don't mess around at feeding time. I take the bucket, they step back for me to open the door and come in, I put the feed bucket down as long as they are standing back and then walk away. I don't particularly engage them.

That said, if one is rude for feeding, I am quite strict. Rigs, at one point, would bang the door if he thought I was taking too long to get to the stable. I would simply turn round and walk away, putting the feeds back in the feed room. Poor, polite H also had to wait for his feed. I didn't make a song and dance about it or engage in any way, it was just if the door was banged that was my signal to return to the feed room. Rigs soon learned that bashing the door was counter productive and has quit. I'd simply go and do another job in a different area before returning to my task. Long enough that he had detached from the idea of it being tea time.

When he was a bit bargey, I would make him back up. But this only continued until he was polite. Nowadays feeding is very straightforward.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

That said, if one is rude for feeding, I am quite strict. Rigs, at one point, would bang the door if he thought I was taking too long to get to the stable. I would simply turn round and walk away, putting the feeds back in the feed room. Poor, polite H also had to wait for his feed. I didn't make a song and dance about it or engage in any way, it was just if the door was banged that was my signal to return to the feed room. Rigs soon learned that bashing the door was counter productive and has quit. I'd simply go and do another job in a different area before returning to my task. Long enough that he had detached from the idea of it being tea time.

Well done for sorting it! Dex is a terrible door kicker now, he learnt it from a New Forest in the stable across initially and now if he does it in the mornings a couple of liveries have been known to put hay over his door which further reinforces it. The problem is, he doesn't want food or to go out, he likely had hay left from the night before, he wants attention He also doesn't do it when I am there so it makes it even harder to correct!

 

[Red-1]

Well done for sorting it! Dex is a terrible door kicker now, he learnt it from a New Forest in the stable across initially and now if he does it in the mornings a couple of liveries have been known to put hay over his door which further reinforces it. The problem is, he doesn't want food or to go out, he likely had hay left from the night before, he wants attention He also doesn't do it when I am there so it makes it even harder to correct!

I don't like others touching my horses TBH. It is little things like turning them loose in the field before they are compliant, head down. Soon teaches them to harden to the halter. Or showing attention when they are doing the wrong thing. Actually, vets can be bad at this, saying 'good boy' when they are being anything other than good. Clipping - people stop when the horse gets antsy, rather than pace the session so the clipping only ever stops when they are compliant.

My horses are easy but not shut down. H is the nicest, politest young man: I can wander off with his stable door open but he has been taught not to step from the rubber to the concrete and would not. He spends half his life asking if he is doing well. Bless him. He can come untrained though if someone does not attend to the details, such as standing at the mounting block not just for mounting, but also for tissue, lip salve, gloves etc. He can learn to toss his head and run off when turned out, throwing a cheeky buck as he departs to the hay station. It is soon trained right again, but it is behaviour that need not happen if attention is paid.

Rigs, however, likes to spot gaps. If you leave his door open, it is like an invitation! Hay store? Don't mind if I do! He doesn't need time to undo training. He just need an opportunity as he is opportunist no 1! But, if you pay attention and watch him, he is an angel.

It is one reason I didn't sell up and move to a smaller house with livery when my husband died. I couldn't bear the thought of people reinforcing bad behaviour. Also the borrowing of stuff, and the gossip.

When I go away, the horses go to a pro. They are not fluffy faffed round but they are handled in a way that behaviour stays constant. Other than H persuades one of them to give him a treat, and he starts performing daft things for treats! NO! No H, not what I want! The only treats he gets from me is apples when they are in season. He is kept beside our small orchard and I throw apples at him to make him less woosey. He is a total woose. He hates the apple game but loves the apples. I like the idea that he learns that stuff can touch him unexpectedly and it may be an apple.

 

[KikiDee]

I also don't mess around at feeding time. I take the bucket, they step back for me to open the door and come in, I put the feed bucket down as long as they are standing back and then walk away. I don't particularly engage them.

That said, if one is rude for feeding, I am quite strict. Rigs, at one point, would bang the door if he thought I was taking too long to get to the stable. I would simply turn round and walk away, putting the feeds back in the feed room. Poor, polite H also had to wait for his feed. I didn't make a song and dance about it or engage in any way, it was just if the door was banged that was my signal to return to the feed room. Rigs soon learned that bashing the door was counter productive and has quit. I'd simply go and do another job in a different area before returning to my task. Long enough that he had detached from the idea of it being tea time.

When he was a bit bargey, I would make him back up. But this only continued until he was polite. Nowadays feeding is very straightforward.

I was exactly the same with my youngster, the first time he ever kicked the door for his feed I turned 180' I went back in the feed room and walked off and did something else for 20 minutes. Repeated this every time he door-kicked and it took about 3 incidents of door-kicking and he never did it again in his life. I was always complimented for the fact even on a busy yard all the other horses could be fed and he'd just wait patiently (he often had to wait for me to finish work for his dinner as I'd be riding so didn't want him fed first). I detest door kickers and once it is a learned behaviour it's ridiculously hard to break so I was determined he would never pick it up in the first place.

 

[lme]

I just put feed down or bring horses into stables where food is out ready. I don't much mind where they are. They are all big compared to me but pretty obliging as they know they are getting fed and I'm not going to mess them around.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I don't like others touching my horses TBH. It is little things like turning them loose in the field before they are compliant, head down. Soon teaches them to harden to the halter. Or showing attention when they are doing the wrong thing. Actually, vets can be bad at this, saying 'good boy' when they are being anything other than good. Clipping - people stop when the horse gets antsy, rather than pace the session so the clipping only ever stops when they are compliant.

My horses are easy but not shut down. H is the nicest, politest young man: I can wander off with his stable door open but he has been taught not to step from the rubber to the concrete and would not. He spends half his life asking if he is doing well. Bless him. He can come untrained though if someone does not attend to the details, such as standing at the mounting block not just for mounting, but also for tissue, lip salve, gloves etc. He can learn to toss his head and run off when turned out, throwing a cheeky buck as he departs to the hay station. It is soon trained right again, but it is behaviour that need not happen if attention is paid.

Rigs, however, likes to spot gaps. If you leave his door open, it is like an invitation! Hay store? Don't mind if I do! He doesn't need time to undo training. He just need an opportunity as he is opportunist no 1! But, if you pay attention and watch him, he is an angel.

It is one reason I didn't sell up and move to a smaller house with livery when my husband died. I couldn't bear the thought of people reinforcing bad behaviour. Also the borrowing of stuff, and the gossip.

When I go away, the horses go to a pro. They are not fluffy faffed round but they are handled in a way that behaviour stays constant. Other than H persuades one of them to give him a treat, and he starts performing daft things for treats! NO! No H, not what I want! The only treats he gets from me is apples when they are in season. He is kept beside our small orchard and I throw apples at him to make him less woosey. He is a total woose. He hates the apple game but loves the apples. I like the idea that he learns that stuff can touch him unexpectedly and it may be an apple.

Dex sounds a lot like H! It is really difficult to delegate handling sometimes and you just have to do your best not to think too much into it. Thankfully my YM is great, clear expectations but quiet and kind with it - I have to admit that I just throw the rope over Dex's neck and he walks in the field, brings himself round the gate and stands waiting while I shut it, and then I take his headcollar off over it, stops my boots getting muddy. Same at bring in, head collar on over the gate, ask to back up, swing gate open and then he wanders out and waits for me to shut it again- I think YM is quite pleased I have taught him that one however she's not quite so pleased that I play with him while I poo pick as he now follows her around the field with his chin on her shoulder - cute to me, but quite annoying to her!

 

[Nancykitt]

I'm all for manners when feeding - we've always asked our horses to step back when I'm putting the bucket down.
This worked well until the incident where Ozzy got annoyed and bit me on the shoulder.
I'm afraid to say that I now just put the bucket down and leave him to it. This may change in the future as we get to know him more (he's had very little work over the winter due to the vile weather), but for now I'm afraid I put my own safety first!