Mare doesn't like being touched

[Hayjay]

My lovely mare who was a heart purchase in August last year does not like being touched. She is head shy whenever I try to groom around her head or ears or wipe her eyes but with a softly softly approach she does then allow me to do what I need. If I walk up to her and smooth her face or neck she will walk away. Same with grooming. Sometimes I give her a light brush over in stable untied and she will walk away. Tonight she walked away and when i approached her again she stood with her head in the corner of the stable whilst I groomed. It felt like really submissive behaviour? If she is tied up and I groom she tolerates it. Her ears are usually back but not in an aggressive way. She has never shown or displayed any nastiness or aggression but I can tell she is not happy 😔. I believe she was hunted very hard in Ireland before arriving here at a dealers in a very poor condition. She seemed completely dead emotionally when I got her but she is very slowly showing some character. I feel that she is a very stoic mare who would put up with anything without complaint so I'm eager to make sure im not overlooking anything. I may be over thinking things but any advice would be lovely. Thank you.

 

[Tobiano]

Well, if you have not had her checked over by a vet etc then I would do.

Otherwise, have you experimented with different types of touch? I have read that some horses like a very firm flat touch just with the hand. My gelding loves a scratch just either side of his withers. Often I just get a tail brush and give him a lovely scratch with it there, as part of our grooming routine.

I would also start with the less confrontational places - withers, low down on the neck, and gradually move from there.

Sounds like you are doing a great job with her, watching out for her reactions etc and that she is lucky to be with you.

 

[ROMANY 1959]

Sasha is like that, she is ex polo pony, never shown much affection for any of us on yard, she is aloof and a bossy mare in the herd. She was real head shy two years ago, nightmare to groom ears, will not allow bridle path to be done with sizzors, but ok ish with clippers! She had never been shown any affection in her previous life as a polo pony, she gets plenty of attention now, and two years later she is better, but will still turn away from you at the stable door, has to think twice about having a carrot offered to her, dislikes polo mints! We just think it's how she has been treated being in a polo string for many years. We did have a problem with catching, but that is getting better. We found out she had only been brought in as a heard, not on her own.. Some horses just dislike too much fuss, and we have now accepted she is not a huge touchy feel horse. She likes her own space. She is a dream to handle and ride.

 

[Pearlsasinger]

My mare was very wary of people when I got her. She was head-shy but that was mostly because she had been wearing a bridle which was too small for her and pinched her ears.

She used to threaten to bite when her head was touched, she too often stood with her head in the corner and was terrified if there was more than one person in the stable with her. In fact she was very worried if the 2nd person stood just outside the stable door.

Sister and I built her up gradually to enjoying having us both in her box at the same time. She now accepts having her face brushed and is one of the most affectionate horses I have ever had.
Carry on taking things slowly with your horse and build up gradually, OP, I'm sure you'll get there with her and she will be a very rewarding horse.

 

[nellytheelephant]

I rescued my old gelding, Jasper, from a dealers when he was about to go to a knackers yard. He was really nervous and shy and hated being touched. I found that liberty worked with him. I used to lunge him round and then stop suddenly and wait for him to come over to me and slowly we built up his confidence. I would make a massive fuss over him and give him lots of hugs and kisses and treats when he let me touch him without shying away. Try and find something she likes and persuade her with that maybe? I hope this helps

 

[Hayjay]

Thank you everyone. She was checked by vet after I bought her and is as healthy physically as she can be for her age and previous life. She is such a good girl. I washed her legs yesterday and each time I went to a leg she would lift her foot as she thought I wanted to pick her feet out. She quickly realised I wanted her to keep them down bless her. I can almost feel her thinking 'what do you want'? The only time she accepts attention is if I put my hand under the neck cover of her rug and rub her. If I do the same unrugged she walks away. She is definitely more relaxed than when I got her so baby steps I think.

 

[Cobbytype]

Have you tried just sitting in her stable for a time? Grab a bale of straw/shavings or a little stool and place it along the wall, take a seat and wait and let her get to know you in her own time. Whilst you're lower down and seated, you're not so 'threatening' to her and I'm sure she'll become inquisitive and come over to you sooner or later. You can just give her a gentle rub for a couple of seconds and let things develop from there.

 

[Exploding Chestnuts]

Yes, I would tend to tie her up for grooming as long as she seems happy with that, sometimes they need to be groomed loose with their heads out of the stable , you could try tying a net just outside, or she may prefer to be outside the stable, either way I would find what she prefers and stick to that routine. Make sure you use a small soft body brush on any sensitive bits.

 

[nianya]

I had a mare like that. Came from an abuse situation. It took years and patience for her to realize that she wasn't going to be hurt. She turned into a lovely mare who everyone adored. The softy approach is the right way to do it, she just needs time to get to know you.

 

[SarahWeston]

I have found that most horses prefer a deep flat slow touch rather than a light touch. Really deep as if you are trying to reach her soul not her skin. However, when it comes to the structure of their face, they like to have their bones just traced. When grooming try different brushes and different depths of touch and forget about removing mud and think about the sensual expereince that she is having. Try gently rotating her ears in each directon - most horses love this. It may be that someone forced a headcollar on her at some stage, or did something around her head such as clipping by force, and now she just seeks to protect it all the time. Most horses hate having their muzzles tickled or played with and most people don't notice!

 

[misskk88]

Do you ride every time you groom? Some horses learn to associate that grooming means being ridden, and in turn if there is any discomfort/pain they will show the signs you have described (although not in all cases of course!), as they are then anticipating being tacked up, worked etc. You may not and this may just been learned behaviour/reaction.

My horse was very much like yours to start with (we believe she was one of many, had been worked hard in previous homes, and not really experienced fuss and tlc, although was clearly healthy and looked after). She had no personality, did not really enjoy grooms, or did not want to interact with people. It took along time for her to show some signs of life and a character, and that came about through a review of diet, a boost of her immune system with supplements, plenty of time spent just grooming and sitting with her, making sure that spending time with her didn't mean that she would always be asked to work, taking her out for grass in hand etc.

If I was concerned anything else was going on, I would perhaps get the vet, but sometimes horses require time and patience to show any real change, and hopefully your mare has found you who can enable her to do just that

 

[Dave's Mam]

Sounds like you are doing a lovely job with her. Patience & baby steps. Confidence takes time.

 

[Hayjay]

Thank you so much everyone. I forget how far we have actually come. When I first got her she felt like a giant to me! She's only 16hh but I'm 5.3" and the only horse contact I'd had for the last 15 years is our 10hh shetland. I was nervous even leading her although she really is as the dealer said, like a big dog! That's all really changed over the winter having her in at night and being around her - although I'm always wary of back legs! Now my confidence has returned she will hopefully realise I'm safe.

 

[Dave's Mam]

This relates to the Hacking thread.
After 10 months together, I think Camilla has realised that I'm not trying to kill her, just have some fun. She always loved a good pamper, but now she appears to crave it. As soon as her rug comes off, she loves the attention. As soon as tack comes out, she looks for the bit.
It's building a partnership. It takes time & you sound to me like you are doing it just right.

 

[pansymouse]

My mare has no history of abuse but is very touch sensitive - she uncomfortable with any sort of brush other than a Magic Brush so I get the worst off with than then follow it with a cactus mitt and finally a sheepskin mitt - works well for both of us. The only not working interaction she likes with me is scratching her head against the cactus mitt when I hold it up for her.

 

[Welly]

If you ever watch a group of horses in a field they will mutually groom themselves so try coping that. Just rub your fingers up and down her neck maybe round her withers along her back, Just find the places she likes. Good luck.

 

[Hayjay]

This relates to the Hacking thread.
After 10 months together, I think Camilla has realised that I'm not trying to kill her, just have some fun. She always loved a good pamper, but now she appears to crave it. As soon as her tack comes out, she looks for the bit.
It's building a partnership. It takes time & you sound to me like you are doing it just right.

Thank you. We have had a break through on the riding front with trust. She is great with all traffic but about 6 weeks after getting her, she saw a black bin bag of rubbish dumped in the hedge and freaked out. Caught me unaware and spun round and tried to head for home. I spent about 10 minutes trying to get her past with voice and legs but couldn't so we went home 😔 Was advised to ride with schooling whip and the next time she did it, we spun a few times but with light touch of stick, we flew by. She's gradually got better and better and last week we headed into the lanes and every 100 yards or so were holes, barriers and road signs - about 15 lots! She went past everyone, a little hesitant and with giraffe neck, but no stopping, spinning or even a thought of it. I was so incredibly proud of her I rode home with tears in my eyes 😊

 

[Dave's Mam]

Ah, that makes me grin. You DID IT!!!!
I got surrounded by a race of cyclists last weekend, on only our 3rd solo hacking weekend. Camilla shortened by a foot & then went up on her back legs.
Everything for the rest of that hack was a dramarama. We even met a car with a branch stuck under it. That caused all sorts of goggle eyedness. Luckily she is only 13.1, so I bob on and off as needs be.

 

[PaulnasherryRocky]

You pretty much just described my horse- no idea on past other than hunted in ireland, used to be fairly head shy but with softy softy approach would let you get on with it, dead emotionally and would put up with anything. (a lots of standing with his head in the corner of his stable while I got on with it!)

After a year and just lots of forcing my cuddles on him, polos etc and just have grooming sessions a few times a week (with a haynet for him to be eating while I groom) with no riding after grooming, he now seems to enjoy being groomed, and grooms me back! I think he was sold to me very much as a "machine" but with time more characteristics will shine through