Massively Let Down By Sharer After Big Surgery

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Thesnowbones

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Hi lovelies.

This is mainly a ranting post.

I previously posted about having a full hysterectomy due to severe endometriosis, which I ended up having alongside a bowel resection and lots of endometriosis removed from my bladder and colon. I am in agony. I have three horses, and have sharers for all of them. I was resting well because I knew that each of them were being looked after and given lots of cuddles whilst I was recovering. I messaged one of my sharers about how my boy was doing, and what she had planned for the coming weeks. She told me that she'd been meaning to message me, but she'd actually gone on holiday and hadn't been seeing him at all. She doesn't know when she'll be back either.

I am so upset, and I kinda doubt that she would have told me if I hadn't messaged her. She knew that I was having this surgery, and reassured me that she would be going down extra days to make sure he was doing ok. He's a very sensitive and sociable boy. Luckily, he's on a yard where the full livery is amazing. He gets everything - feed, turnout, rug changes, lots of checks - but apparently he's been really unsettled and trashing his bed. I didn't understand why until now. He has lots of arthritis, and the sharer knew that, because he needs to keep moving. This sharer has been unreliable before - she would not turn up on weekends, and then only tell me late on a Sunday, when it was too late for me to go down or make alternate plans.

I feel awful. I'm 2.5 weeks surgery so I can't drive, or stand for long. I really wish that I could go down and see him. My friend is driving me down there over the weekend, which I'm really looking forward to. I just don't know how people sleep at night. I've decided to give my boy this time off, and then we can come back into work together, which will be nice, but still. I haven't bothered responding to my sharer's message, because I think my silence speaks volumes.

Sorry for the rant!
 
Thesnowbones said:
Hi lovelies.

This is mainly a ranting post.

I previously posted about having a full hysterectomy due to severe endometriosis, which I ended up having alongside a bowel resection and lots of endometriosis removed from my bladder and colon. I am in agony. I have three horses, and have sharers for all of them. I was resting well because I knew that each of them were being looked after and given lots of cuddles whilst I was recovering. I messaged one of my sharers about how my boy was doing, and what she had planned for the coming weeks. She told me that she'd been meaning to message me, but she'd actually gone on holiday and hadn't been seeing him at all. She doesn't know when she'll be back either.

I am so upset, and I kinda doubt that she would have told me if I hadn't messaged her. She knew that I was having this surgery, and reassured me that she would be going down extra days to make sure he was doing ok. He's a very sensitive and sociable boy. Luckily, he's on a yard where the full livery is amazing. He gets everything - feed, turnout, rug changes, lots of checks - but apparently he's been really unsettled and trashing his bed. I didn't understand why until now. He has lots of arthritis, and the sharer knew that, because he needs to keep moving. This sharer has been unreliable before - she would not turn up on weekends, and then only tell me late on a Sunday, when it was too late for me to go down or make alternate plans.

I feel awful. I'm 2.5 weeks surgery so I can't drive, or stand for long. I really wish that I could go down and see him. My friend is driving me down there over the weekend, which I'm really looking forward to. I just don't know how people sleep at night. I've decided to give my boy this time off, and then we can come back into work together, which will be nice, but still. I haven't bothered responding to my sharer's message, because I think my silence speaks volumes.

Sorry for the rant!
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That is horrendous. I would be incandescent, wonder if she thinks she will still be able to loan him when she gets home. I really hope she never gets near him again. Good luck with your recovery.
 
That is appalling. I'd ignore her too for a few days but then I think I'd need to terminate formally in case she just turned up one day expecting everything to be ok. She needs to know she is never to reurn to the yard apart from to collect anhthing she may have kept up there. And YO needs to know too.


Hope you feel better soon.
 
Goodness, what a selfish person. So sorry you’re having to deal with that whilst recovering.

I think I too would ignore the share for a few days and then let them know how upset and let down you are with them. Maybe remind them they weren’t being asked for money and your horse has been stressed as a consequence of their actions and you have decided that this arrangement is no longer working for you and your horse.

Hope you have a nice visit at the weekend and hope you have a very speedy recovery.
 
That is dreadful, no wonder you're feeling so awful. Thank goodness that he is on full livery but regardless, I would still be incandescent.

She isn't worth your time replying to, but I think if I were in your shoes I wouldn't be able to resist sending something along the lines of:

"Are you joking? You promised me X, how on earth do you think it's acceptable to lie in this way?

F the F off you awful, awful person"

I'd probably delete the last bit, but it might feel cathartic to type ;)

I hope you feel a lot better very soon and that you have a lovely cuddle with your boy at the weekend. Take care.
 
What a rubbish person, sharing is all about communication and she has let you down. I would let her know how disappointed you are and that she is no longer welcome near your horse.
 
That’s terrible on so many levels. I hope you’re feeling better soon. Try not to worry, as long as your horse is being looked after. Could one of the other sharers give him a brush and cuddle?
 
Where in Hampshire are you?

I could do with some gentle hacking and a nose to kiss.

Get well soon. I still remember how rotten my mum felt when she had a hysterectomy when I was child and she didn't have all the other bits to contend with like you. Sometimes, people suck.
 
Thanks lovelies.

My other sharer is going to be making a fuss of him and hand-walking him :) She's a good one - thankfully!

@Jenko109 - sadly he's a very spooky hacker, or I would take you up on your offer. He likes schooling, but he has arthritis, so we take each day as it comes. He's based in Guildford, Surrey.

Apercrumbie said:
That is dreadful, no wonder you're feeling so awful. Thank goodness that he is on full livery but regardless, I would still be incandescent.

She isn't worth your time replying to, but I think if I were in your shoes I wouldn't be able to resist sending something along the lines of:

"Are you joking? You promised me X, how on earth do you think it's acceptable to lie in this way?

F the F off you awful, awful person"

I'd probably delete the last bit, but it might feel cathartic to type ;)

I hope you feel a lot better very soon and that you have a lovely cuddle with your boy at the weekend. Take care.
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It is really bloody tempting. I can't bring myself to write a reply at the moment sadly.
 
Abacus said:
...but she can afford to go on holiday...
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To be fair, how she has afforded to go on holiday is no-one else's concern. It could have been paid for before losing the job or by someone else.

Back to the OP, I'm sorry you've been so let down. I'd terminate the contract, let YO know and focus on your recovery.
 
I’d be replying saying thanks for letting me know. As you can’t tell when you will be back I’ve found a new sharer and horse is no longer available for you. Byyyyyyye.
 
Hope you feel better soon OP! I'm sure your boy will be okay with a break and I totally understand your rage, it is 100% unacceptable.

I would terminate formally, asap, possibly wording it as acceptance of termination, since she doesn't know when she is back from holiday (who does that?), inform the yard owner and block contact. That gives you closure and allows you to focus on recovery which will be very much needed xxx
 
Goodness you didn't need this. I hope you feel reassured after your visit this weekend.

Apart from the YO, I would be spreading the word far and wide in your local horsey community how totally unreliable and unsuitable she is to be anywhere near horses!! And yes, I would formally end the arrangement with some well-chosen words so that she is left in no doubt where she stands.
 
That’s just horrid behaviour, especially if she has been sharing for free! Move on, find a new sharer - not worth your time if she’s been unreliable before as well.

Hoping you feel better soon!
 
I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this. As above ignore and block her. I hope your boy is OK and you make a good recovery x
 
Has it been 2.5 weeks, the horse has been unsettled, no-one has been coming to exercise him, and you haven't had contact with/from the full livery yard about it?

Absolutely doesn't excuse the sharer bogging off without notice/communication but surely also not great from the yard if they're aware of your circumstances with surgery. Unless I've misunderstood.

I agree with ending the share. I don't get why they wouldn't communicate about things like this. I always communicated with owners of horses I've shared, it was never an issue as long as they knew in advance when I was/wasn't going to be there. Tbh it wasn't that often but at least then they knew they needed to make arrangements.
 
As horrible as this is. I’m actually surprised how shocked people are as I have have come across more than one sharer like that. Wish you well OP
 
SaddlePsych'D said:
Has it been 2.5 weeks, the horse has been unsettled, no-one has been coming to exercise him, and you haven't had contact with/from the full livery yard about it?

Absolutely doesn't excuse the sharer bogging off without notice/communication but surely also not great from the yard if they're aware of your circumstances with surgery. Unless I've misunderstood.

I agree with ending the share. I don't get why they wouldn't communicate about things like this. I always communicated with owners of horses I've shared, it was never an issue as long as they knew in advance when I was/wasn't going to be there. Tbh it wasn't that often but at least then they knew they needed to make arrangements.
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I have actually been in contact with the livery yard, but we presumed he was unsettled because I wasn't going down. He really pines when I'm not there, bless him. It all made sense when my sharer told me that she hadn't bothered going down. Like you say, it's perfectly ok when they tell you in advance, but not communicating at all is just unforgiveable.
 
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