Massively regret getting a horse, any advice?

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Emeraldmeadow

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I have recently bought a horse and I am finding it is not what I expected. I am so disappointed to find that I'm just not enjoying it and feel stressed in terms of time and finances. I've only had the horse a few weeks. Can anyone offer any advice? Will it get better? Is it just it's such a change? Or is there a chance this just isn't right for me anymore (had always previously had horses but lived abroad for last 15 years and not had a horse for that whole time). Thanks
 
Whats your routine like and other commitments? It should be relatively enjoyable to own one horse around 9-5 hours, but it depends on how you keep it etc.

Perhaps if you can elaborate a little more on the bits you're finding especially hard going we can offer some tips, also in terms of money saving to ease the financial stress a little :)
 
Have you bonded with the horse?

I loved having my horses at first the buzz was amazing and to be fair still is.... but I did start getting very stressed and worn out as time went on and I was on a DIY yard but I was worried about finances so thought I had to battle through

I first of all tried doing a loaner to take pressure off but it actually got worse and even my husband said we would work it out without. he isn't horsey but he couldn't see our boy be usettled like he was.

we actually sat down went through everything and have now put him on a part livery yard and the fun and pleasure is back there 99.9% of the time. My hubby even comes up once or twice a week sets us some jumps up and we have a nice evening as I purely just need to ride and not be chore heavy.
 
I think you need to sit and have a think. Horse ownership isn't always plain sailing, I regularly worry about my life and money etc., but when it all boils down, for me it's worth it. If it isn't for you then I agree with the above, sell the horse.
 
What is causing the stress and why do you not have time? We can't really give you any advice if we don't know what the issue is. Time won't magically appear if you don't have any now. Horses tend to take up even more time during winter IME and are more costly with more hay, feed, rugs and bedding costs. They need to be seen minimum twice a day if on DIY livery, but if on part or full livery it can be expensive if you don't have reasonably deep pockets.
 
Only you can answer the questions you've asked to be honest. It could just be that the enormity of the responsibility has hit you and it's all a bit of a shock at the moment or it could genuinely be that it's not for you. The other possibility is that this isn't the right horse for you.

I'd stick it out another few weeks at least and then make a decision - it could be that things will ease once you've found a routine that suits you and you get used to the financial obligations. Are finances genuinely tight or is it a case of realising how expensive things are these days and panicking a bit? Would a bit of help be affordable / welcome - assisted DIY or part livery?

It might be an idea if you let us know your routine / regular costs and we could suggest ways of saving time / money if that's what's bothering you.
 
I always try and double guess myself after making big decisions - "was it a good idea? what was I thinking?! I've made a mistake!" you get the idea!! Are you sure you're not overthinking teething issues?

I'd have a think about what I enjoy about horse owning and then look at how my time is split and whether I am doing those things and whether or not I actually do enjoy them! If you're finding the chores etc too much and can afford it maybe part livery would suit better than DIY but if its the tasks you thought you'd enjoy that you actually don't then I'd reassess in a couple more weeks and then perhaps sell. But I'd try and figure out why you're not loving it and fix that first!
 
We ALL get "the fear" when we buy a new one. Are you having lessons? Have you got support? If not, try those- lessons twice a week if you can afford it.

But on the other hand, if you really aren't enjoying it - I'd sell. Don't beat yourself up - what about trying a share for a bit, and seeing how you feel?

What was it that you wanted to get from ownership before you bought? What is it about the current situation that you're struggling with?
 
I think you need to tell us a bit more...do you get on with the horse? Have you ridden and did the horse go ok? Or is it just the routine that you haven't sorted out? What sort of livery are you on and do you have any help?
 
I wouldn't worry about 'bonding' with the horse. That can come months after you first buy a horse. A workmanlike relationship is a good start though. Are you ok with the horse on the ground? Ridden? Is it the yard you are keeping the horse at that's the issue?
 
Do you mean you find the horse isnt what you expected it to be?
Or is it how you keep him?
Do you have him at home or at a yard? A stabled horse at home is quite a bit of work, not just the mucking out and grooming but sourcing hay, getting shavings, organising the farrier... it all takes time.
Maybe theres an easier alternative - assisted DIY or something like that? Livery? Grass turnout in a rented field?
 
Thanks so much everyone. I have owned horses and competed up to intermediate eventing so not a novice owner for many years. I have 4 children, 2 are under 4. I just feel so torn with my time and more my head space, trying to juggle the needs of everyone. Horse is diy with a little help when needed, I can't afford anything else. Horse is nice and as expected. I'm just not getting the buzz and excitement I used to whenever I was near a stable, let alone riding. I just feel upset and feel I've made a mistake. I don't get it. For 15 years I dreamt of the time we would move back to the UK and get a horse again, I never lost touch, flew back for badminton every year etc. I don't know why I feel like this!
 
Maybe the timing is wrong as you have such young children. When they are all of school age things might be different, but you need to decide if you want to hang on and see if it gets better, or sell up and see if the desire returns in the future.
 
Things have changed for you since you last owned a horse and 4 children, especially 2 little ones, are a huge demand on your time so no wonder you feel a bit overwhelmed. If you used to compete and are now not doing this, then yes, the buzz and excitement will be missing. But, and it is a huge but, : ) the children will not be this age for long and you can use your horse time to keep your fitness and core strength ticking over, to enjoy peaceful hacking, and for thinking time, once you get familiar with him. And then you can start revving up again and do what you enjoy best.
And, if you are really not enjoying having a horse again remember that you don't have to do it -it is a choice and a privilege.
 
You might just be feeling overwhelmed by the thought of how you are going to juggle it and that is sapping any excitement out of it - especially coming into winter!

I really struggled when I had my daughter - horses didn't ahve the draw for me as they used to and it became another chore and I sold up. I don't regret it but I missed it so I now have a share as a way of getting back into it.

If I were you I'd be realistic about how much riding you might manage - what facilities does your yard have? What support do you have in terms of child care? Do you work at all? Draw up a plan of how you'll manage/when you might need help and then try and stick to that plan - your kids might have to adjust a little i.e. come and help at the yard or sit in the car watching something on the tablet while you muck out etc. Your kids won't be that small forever and it may get easier when they start school depending on whether or not you work.

Also, even if you dont feel like it, take advantage of every opportunity you get to ride/spend time with your horse. The thought of it after along day running after your kids will be tough but in reality, you'll probably enjoy some time to yourself!

Oh, and if your horse is sensible and easy enough to ride, get a sharer to take some of the burden both in terms of time and finance.

Good luck with it!
 
Don't worry about what people will think. You have to do what is right for you. Things don't always work out how we expect; try to see it not so much as making a mistake but as making a choice, trying something out, learning something about yourself or your situation in the process, and then making a different choice. I think it's a massive undertaking to have a horse when you've got young children; it was brave of you even to try it, so don't beat yourself up about it if you decide it's not something you want to continue with right now.

When I got a horse again after a long break, I remember thinking on the day he arrived, "What on earth have I done? I am never, ever going to cope." For a while, until my circumstances changed, I got a sharer and that was a fantastic solution. Good luck with whatever you choose, and no-one, no-one will or should judge you for your choice.
 
Emeraldmeadow said:
Thank you. I think also I'm stressed that I can't just sell the horse after a few weeks, what will people think?!
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People always think / have something to say! Ignore. But I do think you should consider your reasons that you will tell people, in all fairness to the horse. And are you managing to do things with it, to keep it most marketable? Maybe decide to sell or keep for the medium term, quite quickly. Just my opinion, of course
 
Clueless said:
People always think / have something to say! Ignore. But I do think you should consider your reasons that you will tell people, in all fairness to the horse. And are you managing to do things with it, to keep it most marketable? Maybe decide to sell or keep for the medium term, quite quickly. Just my opinion, of course
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Definitely agree with this - also, if you were to decide to keep for the medium term, perhaps having a fixed point in the future to reassess the situation would be quite helpful in terms of making things feel less overwhelming?
 
I think what your feeling is perfectly understandable especially given that you have two very young children, I struggle to find quality horse time and I've only got one young child, I had exactly the same feeling after acquiring my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th horse (no idea what possessed me and I'm now back down to 2) in hindsight I wish I had just looked for a share horse instead buying my first but I'll never part with him now. Could you stick it out over the winter and see how you feel then come spring when the market picks back up if you decide to sell then you should find it easier and maybe look into a share instead so time and finances won't be so daunting?
 
Emeraldmeadow said:
Thank you. I think also I'm stressed that I can't just sell the horse after a few weeks, what will people think?!
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It doesn't matter at all what people think. If it's not the right time for you to own a horse get it onto sales livery now, before winter sets in. No shame in selling if it's not for you.
 
Emeraldmeadow said:
Thank you. I think also I'm stressed that I can't just sell the horse after a few weeks, what will people think?!
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Who cares what people think .
However think about this fifteen years is a long time and you change and the way you enjoy horses changes as you age have kids and a different type of life .
You are not going to feel the same as you did when you where younger and had no kids .
Take a deep breath and let things settle almost everyone who has a horse has time pressure to deal with but you get used to it it must be a shock after 15 years to be faced with all the day to day grind of it .
Give your self a little time and see how it goes .
 
OP it sounds like you're having a similar time to me. I have just bought a 5yo warmblood mare and have two little children. My other horses were gracefully aging and great hacking partners (which is pretty much the best therapy for me). Unfortunately they aged faster than I'd hoped (lame/COPD) and I can't ride them. I'd planned to wait til the kids were at school but was gifted some money and bought another one.

Last week I have a major wobble where I thought selling her was probably the best thing. we had a harder than usual week with colic and other things that prior to children wouldn't have phased me. But... the thought of having my head kicked off by a skittish youngster when I've got two little dependants isn't great. I think when you've got little kids you don't have the headspace you had before and thinks can seem blurry.

I'm not saying keep the horse but more that it might pay to cool off for a week and see where you are.

I just came back from holiday and feel totally revived. My mare was a saint tonight to hack out after a week of no work but a turnout holiday for her too.

Pick the bits of it you enjoy most and don't stress about things you can't achieve at the mo :)
 
I might leave it for a little while, just not to rush into a decision. If you give yourself some time and you still feel it's too much then at least you'd be sure that selling is the right thing to do.
 
Some of it's down to your mindset too. When you're having a bad day the horses can be a chore, or they can be a chance to get out of the house, get some fresh air and furry cuddles, set your worries aside and take a break from everything for an hour or so. But you do have to decide to do that, it's too easy to just rush through the jobs hardly looking at the horse, with a get it done ASAP and go home mentality. It's not so enjoyable then.

My tips are get a sharer and get the yard to do one end of the day for you. Decide which is easiest, mornings or evenings, do everything then and ask the yard to either turn out or bring in for you.

If there's an additional charge for rug changes, consider whether the horse could stay in the turnout rug all the time. Accept that legs probably won't get hosed or picked out if they're bringing in and that they might not be willing to put boots on if turning out. Accept that the sharer may not do things quite like you would do them. As long as the basic care is adequate the horse will survive. It will make a big difference to only have to visit the yard once daily. The sharer's fee will pay for the yard help.

If the sharer is also going to be doing the yard chores on their days (many want to) as well as riding, then once you trust them it means you can have several days off from the yard per week, which gives you a chance to do other things. It also means you can ride less if you're too tired or short of time because the sharer will be keeping a basic fitness going.

You may not have initially planned to have a sharer and it isn't right for everyone, but you're obviously struggling at the moment, so for the first year until you find your feet it might help take the pressure off. It always takes me a year to settle into a new yard and figure out timing and a routine there that works for me/the horse, and this is with a horse I've had for years. It can be helpful if you do want to go to the occasional horse show in summer to have the sharer to go with to lend a helping hand, even if it does mean doing less classes to allow them to compete too. And although some might not want to, lots will be very pleased to have the horse to themselves for a whole week if you go on holiday, meaning you needn't pay the yard to look after him.
 
Don't be so hard on yourself, you have a lot on your plate. Your mindset definitely changes after having children, esp when they are so little too. What anyone else says/thinks is really not your problem, only you know what's right for your situation.
I have just sold my horse the other day...after my daughter dying 2 years ago (she was only 6) I then had to sell the horse I loved most in all the world as I was depressed and wildly overhorsed. I've had 2 horses since then and neither have really given me my mojo back. I have decided to take 6 months off actually owning and just concentrate on having lessons and riding for fun, then I will reassess how I feel. I will still have 2 horses to ride whenever I like that belong to friends but without the pressure of "having" to. I've had people tell me I'm wrong selling/right selling etc etc but I've done what I feel is right for me just now.
There is no harm in selling your horse if it's all too much...or get a loaner/sharer til you are a bit straighter. Good luck with your decision x
 
If you're not enjoying it in this relatively benign weather, how will you manage in the depths of winter when daylight hours are at a premium and it's freezing/bucketing down? Not to mention the added expense of pretty much everything?

Horse ownership isn't supposed to be a chore. It's too time consuming and expensive for that.
 
Goodness, four children with two under 4, back in the country (probably from somewhere were help was more cheaply available) with a horse on DIY. No wonder you feel a bit overwhelmed! Tbh this might not be the right time for you to have a horse again, particularly if you have been used to competing at a fairly high level which takes a lot of committment. I'd either put on sales livery asap or look at how I could reduce the work load by making a list of all the things that I do but could get away with not doing, both domestic and equine etc. We are not super human and when we introduce a horse into already busy lives, something has to give, make sure it's not you. Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
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