Mid life crisis or what. V V V Long

Gingerwitch

Gingerwitch

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In the last 12 months i have left my highly paid executive career with no time in the uk for a reasonable salaried job based in my local area. This job gives me everything i need financially and has given me my life back - although i am finding it difficult to adjust to life outside of a board room of a world class company. My new job is great, easy going, not much stress, but i am always having to wait for the team above me before i can crack on with my job, this is some of my resentment as just as it is time to leave work i get a phone call and they then want me to do loads of stuff i have been trying to do all day !! I have spoken to my immediate boss who is great and tells me to go at finish time, but i feel guilty about doing this as my boss then has to finish off my stuff ! If i leave at my finish time i am at the yard within 20 mins and if i dont it takes me an hour (now the next bit).....

I thought I was going to loose my old pony and I was offered a perfect confident giving horse. My old horse - who was struggling to get up had been given up on by the vets and she was collapsing. The decision was made to retire her completeley and give her one last summer before the end of her days but the little madam has now made a full recovery.

So i have ended up with 3 horses and now the nights are drawing in and rugs need doing etc i am struggling to ride the two and look after 3.

So what do i do? - Do i part loan one of the two sound ones, do i sell one of the two sound ones? 1 of them is a schoolmaster who really has taught me more in 12 months than i have learnt in years and i find him such a challange - but i am a little nervous of his power. That was the reson for getting no.3 horse. He is the most confident giving little monster you could meet - but he is so loving and giving but he is not the challange of the schoolmaster. Or as one of my friends has said - send the old pony to meet her maker !.

I know i sound like a spoilt brat reading this back before i post, but i would like some encouragement that i will get through the winter or give me a kick up the *rse and tell me to stop being a self absored pig!
 
Ok the work thing, I used to feel like you, if I didnt stay and finish I felt guilty for the next person....so I was told by one of my friends that "if they haddnt done it before you left, its not your problem" this did make me feel a touch better, because after all everyone has a life outside of work. I dont really know what to say about your horse situation though.
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Hope this sort-of helps!
 
You shouldnt feel guilty leaving work on time, you have commitments outside work and that is perfectly ok. However, if it helps, you could ask for a laptop so you could work at home. this is what i have done for the last 8 years and my company are very happy with the arrangement. I leave on time because of my horses, and if i want to work in the evening to finish stuff off i do. it just gives you abit of flexibility.

i know exactly how you feel with the horses, i have owned three horses for the last 3 years, my oldie recovered from a bad lameness so at one stage i had 3 in work, and worked full time.....it was hard work but possible. this will be my first winter with just 2 and it still feels like enough work! if you could find a helper, even just to exercise one of them a couple of times a week or hack out with you that would help, and maybe feed a couple of mornings a week to give you a lie - in? i found this sort of help was less complicated than the risks of loans etc.
 
I would not ask for a laptop to work at home. It sounds to me as if you are no longer working at the level where that sort of unpaid out-of-hours working is expected. If your boss tells you to go home and is happy about it, then go. I have been through similar to you, I also left a high-powered job to find more quality of life. It can be hard at first to let go of the feeling that everything is your responsibility. Put simply, it isn't. You are now being paid to work to the best of your ability for x number of hours a week. If inefficiency elsewhere hinders that, it is your manager's job to resolve the issue.
Anyway, with 3 horses to look after, you won't have the energy to work at home in the evenings. I would get at least one sharer if I could, charge them nothing, but ask for clearly defined help instead. You've got horses that many people would be thrilled to ride, so turnout 5 days per week, just as an example, could be a good deal.
Good luck!
 
can you get a sharer to ride one of the horses a few times a week with you, in return for doing the horses a few times a week? a lot of people would prob be over the moon with an arrangement like that, if it costs them nothing but time and effort, and they get good riding in return.
also, i know it sounds tough but if the old pony starts not enjoying the winter, rainbow bridge is always waiting...
very best of luck, sounds like a difficult position.
 
Thanks so far to everyone - just got out of the bath and expected some rotten egg type posts (lol).

I have thought long and hard about the old girl - but she has been my best mate for years and i owe her the best of care until she decides its time to leave me. Plus my husband would divorce me if i got rid of HIS girlfriend for any other reason than it was on vets advice.

No. 2 - Mr schoolmaster - i could send him off to a college - or sell him or loan him - but after nearly 2 years the shut down plod i brought has come alive! The day i got him a dog ran into him and basically bit him - he did not even move. He did not sniff me or the box he just stood head between his knees with a look in his eye that said "what now". He has come on leaps and bounds and from my opinion and my trainers he would have given everything if he had been treated in the correct manner - he now gives me loads - he could give me more but i cant cope with that power just yet ! So he isnt going nowhere and he does not like anyone else handling him and i dont like anyone else riding him - he has taken too long to trust people.

No 3 - he is a too die for little pony - he has such a "what now, what now" attitude - he is up for anything but so trusting and willing - you could put a 5 year old on him and send him hunting and as long as you were a quiet rider he would give you the ride of your life. He is the one being neglected at the min - he only needs to learn to work through, rather than into this sutffy "side rein" outline and he will be perfect.

So typing all this has made me realise i am so so lucky to have 3 such wonderful trusting animals and maybe its the adjustment from big business to medium size firm that is causing some of my trauma.

Keep the advice coming you are certainly helping me lift the fog
 
Stop being a self absorbed pig
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no only kidding, keep the 3 horses and get the lazy fekkers upstairs to do their bloody job, seems to me that you are contemplating altering your life for others slacking
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Nope, finish at finish time. You are paid to work x number of hours, so work them and then go. The people will get used to it and will know that they have to get y work to you by a certain time or it won't be done: if your manager chooses do it then that is up to the manager
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. I'd say be available it there is a true emergency, but other than that - LEAVE
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.

I work in all sorts of environments, and I have met a number of highly respected and very intense and work orientated people, who all leave on time
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. It is how they are and that is it
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.

As to horses, it sounds as though you still need the confidence giver, but this depends on what you want to do with your riding. I sometimes wish I had an 'old plod' that I could just get on and go instead of the Dizzy wizzy one, but I know deep down that it would not be right long term; plus, if I keep riding the Dizz, both of us will get a better understanding of each other and build a better partnership.

I'd loan/share/sell the quieter one (this is what I would do, I'm not saying it is what you should do) and use the funds to get some lessons and different things going with the other one. As to the old pone, I'd most definately keep him/her
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My opinion.....

Jobs come and go....

Good horses are hard to come by
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Don't let the pressures of work hours cloud your better judgement horse wise! You will get no thanks from your employers busting a gut working all hours god sends, they won't appreciate it, and they won't expect anything less from you! There's more to life then work... there's your babies!!
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It sounds like the winter blues to me! Faced with winter work and exercising, with 3 horses to juggle must be daunting! But you will cope!
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Leave work ON TIME, get into a set routine with the horses, and you will sail through fine. If you do need a little help, I would get a sharer, or offer a ride in exchange for someone turning yours out, etc...! xx
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Don't feel guilty about the work, I'd put it squarely in the manager's lap: it's your manager's problem to sort the team above to give you the work on time so YOU do it not him/her. By him/her doing it themselves, your manager isn't solving the problem, just creating more work for themselves. Ergo if your manager won't take steps to ensure the team above complete their work promtly it's nowt to do with you how he/she manages the issue!

I'd keep all 3 as you so obviously enjoy them. Maybe a couple of nights a week as others say share perhaps No 3 in return for chores or some ££ - or would you trainer know of anyone to perhaps progress with some lessons on no 3 which would school no 3 as well as give him something to do?
 
You have to remember that you left a highly paid job because it left you no time for a personal life - so why on earth work long hours for a job that pays less, when you made a decision to take a financial hit to have more work/life balance?! Plus, if you start picking up the ball when other people drop it through their own incompetence or laziness, their behaviour won't change, which, as a former manager, you know. You will end up back at square one with less money in your pocket. The horses are a seperate issue to my way of thinking and I agree with Mrs Mozart! (but then I always find myself agreeing with her posts!)
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Sounds to me like you have three equines most people only dream of and you also know what you have and love them dearly. It's a no-brainer for me. People know you are a grafter and pull your weight as far as you can 'at the office'. Maybe come the longer days (roll on summer!) you can do any payback time you might feel you owe or on grotty evenings when riding simply isn't possible.

Failing that, send them to me! I'll PM you my address in a minute
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Enjoy your new work regime guilt-free and your horses likewise. They sound as lucky as they do lovely to me
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Thanks everyone - had a heart to heart with hubby last night and the outcome is....... to enjoy them, ride them and stop being so fussy that the banks are not exactly level and then he gave me £50 quid to go and buy extra bowls and hay nets so i can put up 30 feeds on a Sunday - apart from the sugar beet and supplements and medication and put up 15 hay nets.... (he must want to go out to play on his bikes tomorrow lol)

He thought i would be too fussy to share my 3 but did think that asking my trainer to use the cheeky chap for a couple of lessons a week would be good for both me and the horse.

He also said I should pay for my trainer to lunge them a couple of days a week - i trust them implicity and to put the old pony on late turn out and early catch in throughout the winter.
I spoke to the yo this morning about the old girl (she is as mad as me and we often have chats over water buckets at 6am in a morn) and i will either pay for turnout and catch in for the oldie or do one of her horses instead at the earlier/late times and that will still let me feed her and do her rugs so she doesn;t feel left out.

So thanks everyone - just the work thing to discuss tomorrow with my boss
 
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