Missing William dreadfully

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callyjones

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Hi. I've joined this forum as I need fellow horsey people to help me get through this very difficult time for me.

My horse passed away on Saturday as I'd just had a blood test done as he had a slight temperature and just looked so miserable. I owned my lovely boy for just over 24 years and I bought him on August 14th 1987 from the Avon Ski Centre in Churchill.

He was such a character and still kicked his door when I didn't give him his dinner straight away.

He was diagnosed with arthritis some 12 years ago and then cushings 8 years ago and I used homeopathic remedies which worked a treat and kept him going.

I miss him so dreadfully and in fact just found the bag that I used to wash his things in and it broke my heart and yet again I broke down.

I should be in work today however I cannot face it as I only work with a couple of people who love horses and the others just don't understand. My manager didn't even reply to my message offering me his sympathies until I resent my message and that really hurt.

I cannot bring myself to sort through his things as it still hurts too much and I feel so dreadfully sad that he died alone as I was out with my daughter on her little old man Spinney. I always wanted to be there at the end even if it broke my heart.

I know that he loved me and that he knew that I loved and would have done anything for him.

Someone told me that he will be waiting for me at 'Rainbow Bridge' and I burst into tears.

I cannot image life with out him and I find it hardest when I should be going to the yard to see him and know that I will never cuddle, kiss or stroke his love face again.

God I miss him dreadfully and I'm finding it so hard to cope as the pain just isn't getting any easier.

Please help me get over this awful time.
 
Not much help but didn't want to read and run.

Try to take comfort in the fact that you looked after him so well for so many years, and that he was well loved and had a good life with you.

With time, it'll get easier and you'll learn to cope..try not to dwell on the bad too much!

So sorry for your loss :(
 
Hun, its only been 3 days. Dont try and sort his stuff yet, give it time, its too soon.
But it will get easier. I lost Benson almost 2 years ago now, and I can remember thinking I couldnt get through it. But I have. I still shed tears for him, and dream of him, and wish he was still here with us. But he is now at peace.
Take strength from him not suffering now. And soon you will be able to think of him and smile. Believe me.
 
(((((Hugs)))))

What an awful time for you. Try to think of it that he loved you and saved you the pain of witnessing his passing, that he ordered it so that you didn't have to be the one to decide when he went.

Spend these days looking back on the past, accept you will be in tears a lot of the time, but look forward because although it sounds trite time IS a greet healer and what is too raw to think of now will in time become part of your history and you will be able to look back calmly. You will remember the happy times and smile, not cry because they are no longer with you.

Sadly it's those who have loved so greatly who have the greatest pain to bear.

I send you my best wishes.
 
first of all - *hugs*
it will get easier.
I, too, wasn't there when my boy passed and i felt awful.
I now know that he was in the best hands when it was his time.

is there someone you could ask to go through his things?
 
So sorry Cally. I can just feel the love you had for William from your words. It sounds like he had a perfect owner in you who loved and cared for his every need.
Please don't feel you let him down by not being there - more likely he probably timed it as to not upset you at the end.

I cannot offer you any magic words of wisdom - you are grieving your loss of your lovely William and you will do so for some time to come. I hope you can soon look at the good times you had together without the raw sadness you feel now. Rest in peace William and hugs to you.
 
My lovely little girl who is only 8 and he was the first horse she rode has offered to go with her daddy to the stables to collect his things and take them to my mum's.

She has been my rock through all of this and keeps smiling even though I know that she is heartbroken.

We have her old pony Spinney who is 21 and has been gifted to us by his owner as she could no longer afford to keep him and we are desperately trying to move him closer to us. It's not easy at this time of year as everyone has their horses/ponies stabled for the winter.

Thank you both for your kind words.
 
So sorry to hear that, the hardest thing about having critters is the letting them go. Still think about my lost beaties quite often but it has got easier. Bless your daughter for her thoughtfulness.
 
He was not alone, He passed with dignity and chose his own time to go.

I know how you are feeling and it gets better. Promise!

Do not pressure yourself into sorting anything out. You will know when it is the right time to look at it. You will think about him, and dream about him and what you are feeling is perfectly normal!

You don't have to be brave.
 
Can't really improve on the advice already given; just wanted to say that you should take things at your own pace and remember that time really is a great healer. While the pain will slowly fade, the love you have for your dear horse will never go away.
 
I think most of us on here will know how you feel. I was devastated when my pony died following an injury that should have just meant some box rest bt he went downhill and his system shut down. I felt so guilty not being there as I was at uni and I did beat myself up about it for a long time with the "what ifs?" etc.

All i can really say is what others have - it does get easier but this is the sad fact of people who own and love animals. Ultimately one day we are going to lose them. I dread that day all the time as mine are getting on now but we have to make the most of the time we had and remember the care we gave to them while they were with us.

It sounds like William had a long and happy life and for that you should congratulate yourself. Some animals are sadly never that lucky.

RIP William
 
Very sorry to hear this. I lost Catembi (in avatar) to protein losing enteropathy in 2007 & I was absolutely devastated. It is a horrible thing to happen & I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

In my experience, it *will* get better, but very, very slowly. I had to get another horse to fill the yawning chasm in my life & to give me something else to think about.

Someone on here told me that you don't get 'over' it - you only get 'through' it, & for me, that was right.

(((((hugs)))))

T x
 
*hugs*
I don't know exactly how you feel, but I lost my favourite horse at a riding stables a couple of years ago. I found out on facebook. Someone just said "Did you hear Blobby died? Sucks."
I didn't want to do anything for weeks after, I could barely drag myself to the yard and I found it hard to walk passed his stable.
Don't rush yourself, it will get easier! Even though I still get sad, I can mostly focus on all the wonderful things me and Blob did together and especially our last ride! (He was only 14 when he passed, no ill health or signs of getting tired, he went very suddenly)

I hope you're doing ok, we're here for you!
R.I.P William
 
I don't really have much to add to what everyone else has said, just wanted to say that I am very sorry for your loss, please take your time and grieve in whatever way feels right for you.

I think that people, and animals, sometimes know when they are going to go and possibly want to be alone so that you don't have to witness it. He wouldn't have felt alone, it sounds as if he passed away peacefully. Please don't blame yourself for anything, it sounds as if you gave him a wonderful life and that he knew he was very much loved.

I lost my beloved horse in October 2011, he went to equine hospital with acute colitis and was in a very bad way, he improved at first but then I got a call at 4am asking for my consent to have him put to sleep as he had deteriorated rapidly and he wasn't going to come back. It was horrible not being able to be there for him, but I couldn't make him wait in pain for 1 1/2 hours so that I could get to the hospital. It was my worst nightmare, but things have got easier. I went through his things in the first few days because I couldn't bear seeing everything hanging up in my tack room (adjoining the stable), ready to be used. I still haven't properly gone through the binbags of stuff though, I need to do that soon.

Take care, Tash
 
Sending you hugs!

Grief is totally normal, you have just lost a member of your family, albeit a furry one. Some people just don't understand the bond, but don't let them make you feel bad.
I had to put my older dog to sleep about two weeks ago, he passed away very peacefully from a painful disease. It was the right thing for him but it broke my heart. I spent the rest of the day being sick, I couldn't eat for days and still cry randomly, but I have survived thus far and feel like I will get through it, if not over it.
It has just been a few days for you, cry all you need to and only do things when you feel ready to. It will get better I promise you!
Feel free to pm me if you need to talk.
 
Oh my heart goes out to you.
So many of us know the pain you are feeling. I lost my lad in August this year and I still ache for him. The pain is unbearable, I know. However, take comfort from the fact that he had your love and care for all of those years. A special horse and a very special owner.
Time will ease the pain but the love you have for him will last forever.
Take courage and strength from your daughter, who at a young age knows you are grieving and has the foresight to be there for you. Young hearts understand so much more than we give them credit for.
I lost my 1st horse 20 years ago and I still shed a tear for him aswell as my darling Henesy who is always in the forefront of my mind.
Take your time, go through his things when you feel stronger and please be assured that you are not alone in your sadness.
I am sending a virtual hug and will listen if you ever need some support or just someone to understand.
Be brave and rejoice in the wonderful years that you had together.
xxxx
 
I'm very sorry you lost William. He must have been a fab boy. The only advice I can offer is let yourself grieve, it is going to hurt like hell because you loved him so much. I lost one of my treasured oldies and I cried for him, cried for myself and cried when I didn't know why I was crying. William did reach a cracking age and had that ultimate comfort of being in a loving and secure home. You see so many older or broken horses being pushed aside, ending up in dire circumstance, so he was indeed fortunate to have you to take very good care of him.

People sometimes don't have it in themselves to understand or sympathise with a loss, it is disappointing but that is down to them. At least on here you will be amongst people who know full well how you are feeling.

The day will come when you can remember him and smile, the tears won't be far away but rejoice in owning such a lovely horse.

*raises glass to William*
 
You said someone had mentioned the Rainbow Bridge.

Here is the poem in full, it is so lovely, but always makes me cry buckets.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It will get easier, just hang in there.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
 
Oh bless you. You so obviously loved your beautiful boy. It shines through in your words. I wish I could find the words to really make all that hurt go away, but I can't. I lost my old lad back at the end of May 2011, and I STILL miss him so much. What would I give for one more cuddle! But it does ease, bit by bit. I really feel for you, but you're not alone. So many of us here have been through this and fully understand. Treasure all the sweet memories you have, and smile because he shared your life. He'll always be with you, wherever and whatever you do. He's at peace now, like my Bob, and will always be in your head and heart forever. Big, big hugs for you xx
 
you must be devastated, I would feel exactly the same. Please try not to torture yourself with the "what ifs and should haves".
I hope you draw some small comfort from our posts and that we understand in fact many of us have been through similiar experiences..

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam..
And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belongs to our world..
But then it flies again..
And though we wish it could have stayed..
We feel lucky to have seen it..

sending hugs
 
I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind words and especially to shazzababs for the Rainbow Bridge poem.

I've just copies it and sent it to my work email so I can print if off tomorrow.

I was too tearful yesterday but today I'm feeling stronger but not forgetting my lovely horse and it gives me peace to know that he will be waiting for me when the times comes.

Thank you again and yes it has helped.

I will never forget him as he was my first love!
 
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