Mixed emotions - is this common?

Serephin

Serephin

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I own a 16.1 TB, have had him for 2 years - I have over the past 6 months or so lost interest in him because he is a typical TB and has chipped away at my confidence a bit - he does nothing major, is just a bit too much for me at times under saddle. I love him dearly and this has all been very hard, some days I think that I should pull myself together and crack it, other days I just don't have the energy. I find myself doubting my abilities all the time now, when before I was very confident and would ride anything and have fun.

I have been horse shopping for a while and getting more and more despondent the more horses I have seen, always finding something that is not right and all the time feeling really guilty about wanting to sell my boy. Torturing myself with is it the right thing blah blah blah.

anyway - I have just found a horse and have effectively bought it - subject to vetting. He is a little 15.1, 8 years old Irish Skewbald Gelding - he seems very sensible albeit a bit lazy in the school, hasn't done much at all over the past year, just hacking on the roads mostly, but I am told he has hunted in the past, and done xc schooling and quite a lot of dressage schooling.

I am really hoping he will give me my confidence back, as I am so close to just giving up on horses at the moment. I am suffering from mixed emotions though, big time- I am excited and I am afraid! I think my biggest fear is finding out he is a nutter or something and never riding again! Or the fear that I will turn him into a nutter!

Is this normal? do other people get these fears?

cookies for getting this far
 
Hi i think this must be common it happened to me last year. I had a beautiful coloured warmblood mare who i use to jump a lot. however i had a few falls, she was quite sharp and spooky and over 12 months my confidence edged away ( from being happy jumping round 3'6'' courses to bearly wanting to trot) I was so nervous, it didnt help i was on a yard that were not very supportive. however i sold her after alot of heart ache ( cried and cried cause she was my best friend such a lovely soft natured mare ) I then brought a big 17hh 5 year old warmblood of my friend ( everyone thought i was mad buying a youngster after how nervous i had become ) who my friend had been jumping to foxhunter level. His opposite to my old mare, a pain in the neck on the ground but he really looked after me when i rode him , I have had him just under a year now and although im not jumping again yet we have started doing dressage and are doing really well, its funny cause now he knows im a bit more confident again he does test me sometimes!! Im sure you are doing the right thing, i still regret selling my mare sometimes as we had some really good times but you have to put your feelings first or you wont want to do it any more and you will give up totally, i was so close to that and if it wasnt for my friend selling me mickey i probably wouldnt have a horse now. Follow your gut instinct
 
It happens & sometimes the little things that keep chiping away at your confidence are worse than the one big thing because you feel like you're being silly.

Do you have a horsey friend who could give you some moral support & ride out with you for a while if they're horse is sensible?And can you get a few regular lessons with your new lad with a sympathetic teacher?

I can understand your worries. I'll be breaking my 4yo this spring & I have the niggling worry that I'll turn him into a smaller version of my other horse even though common sense tells me their temperaments are totally different. Sadly worries & common sense have very little common ground!

What flavour are the cookies?!
 
thanks for your replies - I plan on getting some lessons and taking things easy - just the thought is so scary at the moment though! damn my overactive worrying mind! Just the thought of a new horse scares me a bit, at least with mine I know where I am most of the time!

the cookies are choc chip, hope you like them!
 
Absolutely doing the right thing, if that is what your gut tells you. I had a nappy horse quite a few years back who really shattered my confidence, from being a really competitive eventer, at BE novice level. I took a few years out, bought a foal, and then decided I needed a horse to ride in the meantime. This one also turned out to have a nap and I felt it was all my fault, and was scared sh1tless too!!! Long story short, my trainer practically forced me to sell him. Sounds harsh but was absolutely the best result. She knew I was too soft, and the end result is he is in a home where he isn't asked to go out of his comfort zone, and I have a chestnut mare who can be every inch the wilful redhead BUT never naps. So for me it's zero to hero - I love every inch of her, never care when she's being naughty now, and feel so much braver again. Onwards and upwards.

Don't feel you are letting your horse down, someone else will get the best out of him/her and in the end everyone will be happier. I wish I had sold the first napping horse years and years before I finally did it. Do what is right for you and you will probably find it is right for your horse too.

Good luck
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Yup been through it lots! Two horses werent suitable for me and despite owning 3 previous happy horses i thought i would turn any new horse the same way ie bucking/bolting and generally being a nightmare. Just got myself a lovely armchair of a 17 year old and am also determined to be confident at all times and not let these little insecurities in me affect my horse...so far so good.
 
This is very common. I'm going through a loss of confidence phase with my lad at the moment, so totally know where you are coming from.

If you feel this is the right course of action for you, then it is! You'll probably have loads of fun with your new one and the one you're selling will have loads of fun with his new owner! Don't beat yourself up about it. And don't write off your new one too soon if he messes about a bit when you get him!! (I think we're all convinced we've been had when we buy a new horse!!!)
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this is very common, going through the same thing at moment i cant decide whether to keep carrying on with my horse, i love him to bits but i am getting sick of fighting with him, eventually he gives in but it is taking the pleasure out of it my instructor keeps telling me we will get there eventually but he is so obnoxious when i school him
 
You are absolutely doing the right thing, even professional riders lose faith in some horses and pass them on, you will soon get over your old horse and he will be better of with someone more confident.
 
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