Mother/teen share advice

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JoJoLouise

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Looking for advice…

Planning to buy my second horse after selling my last 12y ago to have kids. I’m doing some lessons, hacks and a riding holiday to get back in and aiming to buy late summer.

My dilemma is whether to go for a mother / tween / teen share that leans more towards my kids ability or mine.

My kids (12 and 10) took lessons for a couple of years and can walk / trot but aren’t massively confident or passionate about it. Part of me hopes getting the right family horse will get them to be more enthusiastic than trundling round a school.

I’m v rusty but think I’ll progress quickly as I get back fitness, skills and confidence back even if I’m older and fatter now!

If it was just for me I’d get a 16hh+ all rounder gelding that’s sensible but fun for everyday hacking, schooling, fun rides and occasional dressage tests and XC.

I’d also want him the kids to be able to ride him in the school and on accompanied backs but I worry they might mess him up for me. Also don't want to buy for them if they aren't going to ride often.

Thinking maybe if I aim for an older 10-12y+ horse (previously had 8yo warm blood and before that a 6yo Arab loaner) he might be patient and resilient enough for the kids.

Any advice or similar experiences welcome. Am I being unrealistic? Should I just buy for me? Or get a family friendly ride now and reassess in a few years?

(Also know my best laid plans are only worth so much - Im realistic and flexible but want to get my brief tight before I start viewing and wasting anyone’s time)
 
I've had friends who bought for themselves and the kids rode. It was very much NOT the kids' horse, but was a privilege for them to be able to get on. They'd mainly have a lunge ride on the arena, or a lead around the field.

Meanwhile, mums have had a brilliant time with the horse of their dreams!
 
I’ve always had my own horses to ride for myself, and I used to let my 12/13 year old daughter ride them under strict instructions…..walk and trot only when hacking and slow steady canters in selected spots only. I gave her lots of help in the school with them and she turned out to be a lovely little rider - proud mummy moments! So I bought her a beautiful lightweight cob - 100% safe and traffic proof and knew how to go nicely in the school. I never rode her for 2-3 years, I had my own and just let daughter get on with it, they had a lot of fun. When boyfriends appeared on the scene and beautiful cob got put on the back burner I thought I’d take up riding her…..she went like s*** off a shovel! I’d forgotten that teenage girls can have a ‘ride it like you stole it’ approach to riding! She’s married now and has the occasional go on one of mine, I’m pleased to say she’s calmed down a lot, enjoys the serenity of a nice collected canter and is still a lovely little rider rider. But just to say teenagers can have a more ‘enthusiastic’ approach to riding than their mums!
 
I would echo what others have said and buy for yourself as long as you have time and won't be compromised for time ferrying kids to non horsey activities etc. If you are keen for them to ride could you say to them you are thinking of buying and offer them some lessons before the end of summer to see if that sparks their interest?
 
gallopingby said:
Why not buy a native or M&M. The large breeds can do anything you want and many are ridden by adults as well as children. Grand family ponies that are easy to keep and would tack a lot of boxes.
Click to expand...

I very reluctantly jacked in my beloved ( although admittedly time consuming , extortionately expensive and somewhat risky ! ) eventing and downgraded from warmbloods to an M+M for the sake of having something my kids could ride as they got older/taller and grew out of their ' starter ' ponies . The kids became pretty competent riders but never really took to it in a commited way . Me however - well that was a different story ! I discovered ' Native Ponies ' in a BIG way , and never looked back ! I ended up with a whole string of them , did everything from showing to WH to hunting to dressage ( up to BD elementary on both Highlands and Fells ) , travelled all over the country and made loads and loads of friends ! Natives are the equine equivalent of terriers - tough , adaptaptable , can be quirky but great personalities , and comparatively cheap to keep . Natives are ace !

Nb - If you're concerned about how you'd look on a pony - for reference I am about 5'8" , Highland pony below is 13.3hh . The horse in my avatar is 16hh .
 

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I have three daughters and none of them have the horse-mad bug, sadly. I would just buy the horse you want.
 
I wouldn't buy for the kids unless they are actively asking for one.
The only thing I would do if I wanted them to have more interest is check that the riding school they are at gives plenty of options for enjoyable things eg jumping, gymkhana, camps, hacks - not just trotting around school.
If they're not begging for a horse you are likely to be disappointed. Get what you like and they can have a ride now and then.
 
If you get 16hh+ a 10 and 12 year old would be able to bumble around in the arena if the horse is a saint but wouldn’t realistically have much control. However tall the children are, they’re still growing and inexperienced. So I would say if you buy big enough for you to enjoy - forget the kids. Buy for you. If they want to join in you could probably find a share of a pony for them. Probably easier to buy something they cannot ride and then you can just say no, it isn’t safe. My ponies stay mine because both cannot stand children and are not at all safe for the kids to ride. So they don’t get stolen from me 😀.
 
If you want them to be able to ride I agree 16hh is far too big, particularly for the 10yr old. They would need more like 14-15hh, which may be too small for you unless you get a native type. Also I can’t see how all 3 of you would share one horse, if they do get into it they’ll soon find going around an arena very boring and want to be off hacking…competitions etc which is tricky with just the one.

But for yourself and if they do become interested then perhaps consider a loan or share to accompany you out hacking etc..but it doesn’t sound like they are that interested to be sharing something that suits you too x
 
It's taken me far too long to realise things work out so much better if you buy the horse that suits you now. You can change things in future if/as/when required.
So I'd say go buy the horse that suits you and then you can see if the kids show any interest in future.
 
I found mine liked being around horses because they like animals rather than because they were into riding. I gave their last pony away five or six years ago now, my son had no interest in learning to ride off the lead rein and my daughter has the occasional wander round the lanes on whatever I've got and I can't think of the last time she went out of a walk. I've only had one that she couldn't do this on (funnily enough a pony!) so during that time she rode the horse that shared the yard with me (over 17h!) At least one of them will still come to the yard with me most days.
 
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