Moving on with life, without a pony to love. Long post.

[lovingponies]

I find grief comes and goes in waves.....

.....I think your grief is completely normal. But sadly there is little you can do except brush yourself off and give it time. Not suggest it’s not a big deal. But at the same time you do need to try and snap out of wallowing in grief sometimes or it becomes all consuming.

Thank you, yes I understand about the wallowing. I’m sorry for your losses too.

 

[gunnergundog]

It’s something I am already looking into. She really is a beautiful kind little dog. I have done some investigation into the assessment and the only thing that concerns me is the noise. I understand that sometimes the assessor drops a tray or makes a big noise. She isn’t scared of noises, never had issue with fireworks say, but would jump if something bangs next to her. I figured maybe just to try the assessment and see?

In my locality the assessment takes place in the local Pets at Home store where there are often other dogs around so I wouldn't worry overly about it being a loud bang. If I recall correctly, the last time it was just a clip board that the assessor dropped on the floor. You can always prep your dog a bit at home for a few days in any case! Good luck!!

 

[lovingponies]

I'm so sorry for your loss - she was a beautiful girl. The Blue Cross have a pet bereavement counselling service which might be worth a try. xx

https://www.bluecross.org.uk/pet-bereavement-and-pet-loss

I Thank you for this. I am currently talking to someone through this now and it is very helpful. X

 

[lovingponies]

I'm very sorry for your loss I lost my last boy just before Christmas and I'm going crazy trying to work out how I can still stay involved with horses despite my dodgy (mental) health.

I would say that isn't a very long time to grieve and come to terms with things. And I don't think anything helps fill that hole immediately.

Would traveling be an option if the dog comes with you? A different routine would make it less obvious what was missing.

How insightful of you to figure that my beautiful little dog has to come with us. She has been a great comfort and we are looking into booking a little break with her too.

 

[lovingponies]

We lost our beloved German Shepherd in November. He and my husband were very closely bonded; we had to PTS (no choice) and it was the first time my husband had had to agree to the decision.

I have only recently begun to appreciate how broken my husband has been by this loss. He is not coping any better than you. I gave him a beautiful canvas photo of our boy for Christmas and he dissolved into sobs. He can't look at the picture. It is hidden in our spare room with a book covering his face. I don't know how long it will be until we can put it up; it'll take as long as it takes. I go in and look at the picture sometimes; that's what works for me.

Some losses are simply overwhelming. I wish I could make some suggestions but I think everyone's experience of grief is so different, and I have been able to do very little to relieve my husband's suffering. I will continue to support him and talk about our boy as much as he wants to. Reminiscing is bittersweet but seems to help longer term; I hope you feel able to do that.

9 weeks is nothing after a lifetime shared. You're not alone in feeling so lost. If I could get my husband to consider counselling, I would. I am thinking of you.

I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to your lovely dog. Some people on here recommended the Blue Cross bereavement counselling service to me and I have taken up the suggestion. It is proving very helpful at the moment. It is free and you can do it by phone or email. Also partners of people like me and your husband can use it to help. X

 

[lovingponies]

Think I must be nuts as have just been bought a lovely 6 month old filly for my 65th birthday but I am a bit of a pragmatist after losing many pets and horses I feel that because I can give them a great life that I would be selfish not to continue to do so. Not meant to be harsh its just the way I personally cope with loss. Its not replacing the lost one but giving another a great chance of a good life that it may possibly not get. If no room for another horse then think of something else you can give wholehearted attention to that will benefit both you and your project. Maybe a cat would fill the hole a little not much work and very loving

Oh I do wish you the time of your life with your new filly xx

 

[lovingponies]

Maybe you need to have the stable removed. Give it to a rescue charity. Start to plan a pretty area where you can sit and enjoy the peace.

As others have said, Time is the healer, but you might need some help from a counsellor to set you on the right path. For me it's been music and the space to cry. That's how I got through the first losses, although I had to have my five year old ID PTS in September and I can't think about him as my brain refuses to accept it, even though I had no choice due to a birth defect that only became apparent as he matured. I've only been back to the yard to collect my stuff. Someone else kindly cleared his stable. I'd not even cleaned the lorry as couldn't bear to sweap away that last part. We all deal with grief in our own way though and I know I'll always miss him, but one day I'll be able to start thinking about him and enjoy the memories.

I've been incredibly lucky in that my OH has been so understanding and kind on each occasion. I might be misreading your words OP, but are you being supported and understood in RL?

Have a virtual hug lass.

I have a good couple of close friends who have been very kind. They are not horsey though so I don’t think they can quite see why she was so important to me. My horsey friends seem to have disappeared off the face of the earth. Nor did contact me and said it made her feel sad to think about me having lost my pony (her pony is very old) and she felt guilty she had hers and I didn’t have mine. I think they feel uncomfortable around me.
My OH is kind and will do anything in the World for me, he is practical and admits he finds it hard seeing me upset. I’ve realised though he is trying to comfort me by not talking about her. Unfortunately that hurts as it makes it feel like she never existed, but he’s trying to support me in his own way. I’ve just started using a bereavement service offered by an animal charity in the UK which is proving very helpful and comforting.
Thank you

 

[lovingponies]

Thank you for all of you who have helped me on here. I have posted a tribute to Mo on the forum. I’m hoping it will help with the healing process....

 

[J&S]

I lost a wonderful pony after having her for 25 years. I think I was more sad before she was PTS, I could see her slowly dying before my eyes. I grieved then. When the day came I was able to be with her to the last. I miss her still, but I did give her the best life I could. You did give your pony the best life too. Go forward and love another.

 

[lovingponies]

I lost a wonderful pony after having her for 25 years. I think I was more sad before she was PTS, I could see her slowly dying before my eyes. I grieved then. When the day came I was able to be with her to the last. I miss her still, but I did give her the best life I could. You did give your pony the best life too. Go forward and love another.

Thank you. I’m just not in a position to have another. I had a mare pts some years ago and like you, arranged it when we saw her deteriorating over time. I Also grieved a lot beforehand but found it easier, if that’s the right word, to deal with that loss than this.

 

[lovingponies]

A little update
Here is a link to a website that I have been making in memory of Mo. It’s 6 months today since she’s been gone. I wanted to share it with people. I hope you will get time to look at it. Please share the website too. I would love others to know how special she was and what joy she brought into my life. It’s best viewed on an iPad/tablet/pc/laptop but fine on a phone, just a little small. There is a little mention of the forum in there.
Xx Pennie
https://beautifulmo.simdif.com

 

[oldie48]

That's lovely, I really enjoyed reading about Mo. I hope it has helped you come to terms with losing her.

 

[lovingponies]

That's lovely, I really enjoyed reading about Mo. I hope it has helped you come to terms with losing her.

Thank you-it is helping. It brings the reality to the forefront, it’s nice to write down my memories. It’s hard to get through the pain so that you can remember the good things x thank you for reading about her.

 

[meleeka]

How about another animal to love if you have your own land? Even a couple of rabbits would give you something to care for and be a distraction. I know when I’m done with horses I’ll have some chickens and probably some more Kune Kune pigs, who are truly wonderful pets and great time wasters. I’m at my happiest when caring for something so I know I’d feel lost without animals. I agree with above, it’s not been that long, so I think you just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and be kind to yourself.

ETA - I’ve just seen that this thread is a few months old. I hope you are doing ok. X

 

[TheOldTrout]

Love the website. What a beautiful girl she was.

 

[Lammy]

So sorry for your loss, 34 is a great age though and sounds like she went so peacefully.

It’s been almost a month since my mare died but it feels like a lifetime without her I miss her so much. However I’m glad I’ve got my youngster to crack on with other wise I don’t know what I’d do...probably be looking for another I think as I’m the sort of person who needs to fill the gap. When my old dog died we got a new one 3 weeks later, not to replace him but because I missed having one.

So if you’re looking to take some time out if horses then I don’t really have any advice other than to take care of yourself. It took a while but now I can talk about my mare in past tense and not feel heartbroken that she’s no longer here. I’ve sent some of her mane and tail off for a bracelet & keyring, I cant wait to have her with me all the time. 😊

 

[lovingponies]

Thank you all, I’m not looking at having another pony. I am looking after my daughters rabbit, it now lives in Mojos stable. My dog has also just passed an assessment to be a therapy dog so hoping we might enjoy that. The website was part of a healing process to help me come to terms with the loss and focus on happy memories.

 

[splashgirl45]

what a lovely tribute, made me cry though..