Mums - how important is your horse?

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Ranyhyn

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For me, it's always been very important. I was bought my first pony when I was 6 and bar a few breaks, it's been the one engaging, enjoyable hobby that I've had.

Now I'm 5 months pregnant, in theory, my horse is still that enjoyable factor. (in practise the horse is broken) It's still a huge part of my life. It's really all I want to spend my time doing. I've never been one for shopping, or lunch dates etc etc horses have been my thing!

I am finding a lot, especially due with the problems I am now facing with Clover, that people tend to expect me to all of a sudden put aside my hobby because I'm having a baby. For me that's simply unimaginable. I can't imagine those mums to be who like to meet friends, shop, go to lunch, would be told "don't bother doing that, you wont have time when the baby comes along so forget it". Yet I am finding this seems to be a lot of people's advice. Of course, I'm well aware they are very well meaning and kind (to those from here who are friends elsewhere :) ) however I'm interested to see if putting aside your hobby is a common thing? Maybe I'M the one who is missing the point! :D

So I'm wondering, horsey mums what YOU did and whether or not you had to completely sideline your hobby in order to have a baby. Or whether (as I suspect) in keeping up your hobby you kept yourself sane, happy and fit ergo - making you a happier mum?

*I would like to say at this point, MY circumstances-I don't currently work because I don't have to. I recently moved away from family, close friends so that is harder than normal and we live in a pretty isolated rural area ((in the sense I have to drive to get milk!)))*
 
My baby is due on Tuesday :p

I didn't have any horses until after the birth of my (current) youngest daughter so I've never known any different.

However, my hubby has been a complete pain in the ass since I've been pregnant. I'm not allowed to do anything. If he had his way I would just be admiring my horses from a distance or be selling them all :mad: . It's very frustrating and has been a constant cause of arguments and stress throughout my entire pregnancy. I'm really looking forward to giving birth, not just because I'll have a baby to cuddle but because life can get back to normal.

My parents keep dropping hints at me selling my horses too. What noone seems to understand is that I AM my horses!! Without my horses I would lose my identity and feel completely lost.

Babies and horses are not a problem. Other people are. Grr!
 
When i was 2 weeks pregnant with my son I sold my old mare, mainly because i wanted to enjoy the last summer being kind of free etc and not worry about her. 4 months after having him i was in a deep depression and found horses to exercise and ended up buying one of them (an untrainable wild pony), when i was pregnant with my daughter i rode until the mare was getting too strong and unsafe and got friends to ride her, i then traded her in for two unhandled colts and left them in a field for 5 months and would go up and feed them and sit in the field to gain their trust, i sold them on when Lily was 4 months old and found a horse to ride and my mum got 2 shetlands, I lost teh ride of the horse in jan 2011 but had the shetties to occupy me, then in august 2011 i went and got a youngster with the theory that when she is old enough toby will be at full time school and lily will be at preschool, i was then gifted a pony in november who is now rising 3, lily is off to preschool early in september and Toby is starting full time school. This will work out lovely, i try and spend time with the horses either when kids are at pre school or daddy is home to have them. My horses keep me sane but i dont drag my kids along every day. Lily is 2 and half and has started riding - she asked me to ride the 2 yr old lol
 
scrunchie said:
Without my horses I would lose my identity and feel completely lost.
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Thank you, I think there you have totally summed up how I feel. Even though my horses are very much here, I haven't been able to ride for 5 months and now looking at even longer, perhaps indeed indefinitely.
 
I don't have kids (only 23) so guess things could change, but I'm exactly like you, my horses are who I am, my identity. I can already hear my mum badgering me to sell them both (she's telling me to now!) and can envisage my OH getting overly paranoid about them (he is now as well! *sigh*) but no way, no how will I do it, I hope I can be back out riding soon afterwards. That's my life and no plans to change!
 
To some I may sound selfish but I NEED my horses to be able to feel like myself,my girls are 2 and 6 months, I've only been back into riding again with my mums youngster, so although I haven't been riding regulary I have my time each day to spend with my 3,which is time to just me with them, without them I'm not sure how well I would have coped with motherhood
N&F
 
I know where you're coming from. I went through divorce while I was pregnant & I think horses are what kept me sane. I sold my horse but kept my 14.2 due to finances. I couldn't afford 2 even on diy, needed the money from selling one & loved her more. I think from a practical point of view though he would have had to go though, as a single mum I couldn't have managed day to day care of a horse unless it was the sort tiny tots are safe with, which the pony is. Most of the differences now are time & money. I worked ft in the industry so at the time seemed an easy change with one on diy & riding when I wanted. Apart from the fact finances limit me, the main constriction has been the safety aspect. I've not lost my nerve in anyway, but pre baby I would ride literally anything, confirmed rearers etc were all fine by me. Whereas now i'm more careful, even a broken leg would affect my daughters life too much. But much as I love being a mum, I can't imagine life without horses. And I think being around them from days old has been fantastic for my daughter.
 
I told my OH when I became pregnant that the horse was staying and I was still riding during my pregnancy and that he had to deal with it (infact he was very good about it all), but towards the end of my pregnancy I started to panic about time and finances so sold my horse. By the time my son was 6 months old, I had took on a young rescue pony, bought a weanling and bought my old horse back! I couldn't live without the horses. I still have 3 horses now (my son is now 2), my old horse was PTS last year, but now have an ex racer. My horsey time each day keeps me sane - I love my son, but I am not one of those who emerses themselves in motherhood, my son has had to fit around my existing my life and has done so very well. Infact I think it has been very good for him - he spends a lot of his time playing outside and thoroughly enjoys it. I suffered from post natal depression and out of all the therapy and drugs they threw at me, the horses healed me better than anything else.
 
Rode until 5 months pregnant then turned my mare out with a couple of others. After birth went for long walks on foot with baby on front and mare in hand, then rode with baby on side of arena. Went back to work full time pretty quickly and rode around 9pm in the evenings. Kept me sane.
 
zoon said:
My horsey time each day keeps me sane - I love my son, but I am not one of those who emerses themselves in motherhood, my son has had to fit around my existing my life and has done so very well. Infact I think it has been very good for him - he spends a lot of his time playing outside and thoroughly enjoys it. I suffered from post natal depression and out of all the therapy and drugs they threw at me, the horses healed me better than anything else.
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That's exactly how I feel too, I am no earth mother type - who eats, sleeps and breathes babies. In fact I'm not overly keen, though obviously our child will be wonderful and much loved addition to our life. She will be just that - an addition not our whole entire lives. And while I will encourage OH to go to the gym/meet friends etc I would expect my hobby to be encouraged too. We are after all, still people.
 
My other half is a marathon runner so juggling 2 time consuming hobbies, 2 jobs and a toddler between us is hard and can put a strain on our relationship as we struggle to have quality time together. The important thing is that both of you understand the importance of each others hobbies and child-free time.
 
We are very lucky that we have an excellent support network of family who will all be clamouring to help with the baby, so that side is pretty good.

I think the poster who said, that babies aren't the problem - people are. Is very right :) Maybe I'll stop taking notice of what other people seem to think I should be doing - and do what's right for me (and that will make me happier and therefore OH and baby happier)

:)
 
When i fell pregnant 9 times out of 10 people would ask oh when are you selling the horses.

Unsupprisingly i didn't sell them! Jasper was only 2 and Jens in her 20s they spent the whole of my pregnancy turned away because i dislocated my knee at 13weeks but other than that it was business as usual from about 8weeks after Ellie was born. They live out which helps and i only go once as my friend checks the other end of the day.

I tend not to take Ellie with me so much as now shes a bit older (15months) she doesn't want to wait in the car or pushchair so if i have her i do the minimum. Other than that she goes to her nannys or i ride when her daddys home. It's hard work but doable and tbh its the horses that keep me sane!!
 
i've always had horses (apart from 10 months when i lost my old mare). after losing my mare i got pregnant and my OH bought me a horse while i was pregnant then we got a companion pony for him too. my OH helped all the time and never complained.
i don't have family so had to manage alone while OH was at work.

because my kids had been around horses from day one they settled into a routine and it wasn't a major upheavel. the only hard times (where it was frustrating) was when others went out for a hack but i couldn't/can't because i have to have the kids with me so i have to miss out on things like that but my kids help me with looking after the horses and they are all happy.
 
My horse is beyond important! Im 25, my son is now 17 months old. Im not going to lie, it has been pretty tough trying to balance to two, and i only get to excersise her when my OH has a day off work because i have nobody to watch my son. I had to give up my job at 10 weeks pregnant because i was working with horses and a few were bolshy and known to kick etc and me and OH decided it was not worth the risk. Throughout my whole pregnancy i never had one single day that i didnt waddle up to the top field to see my girl and check her water etc. I was poo picking the fields up to 39 weeks pregnant (dont recommend this to all, but i felt comfy doing it). I only had 2 weeks of not seeing my horse straight after giving birth but that was only due to the fact we got snowed in! I think i would have lost the plot a very long time ago if i didnt have the time out of the house every day :p My son is getting more and more independant every day so im hoping at some point not too far away i might be able to ride my girl more often etc.
I dont see any reason why you cant have baby and horse. I hope it works out well for you :)
Elle x
 
BoolavogueDC said:
I think the poster who said, that babies aren't the problem - people are. Is very right :) Maybe I'll stop taking notice of what other people seem to think I should be doing - and do what's right for me (and that will make me happier and therefore OH and baby happier)
:)
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absolutely hun:cool: Im 37 weeks this week, eek! I only stopped riding a few weeks ago - much to the horror of all the locals:rolleyes: My mare is a total doll and I was INCREDIBLY lucky to be able to carry on riding and with another horse things would probably have been different, in fact I put my 2 year old welsh sec A on loan as he was a pain to handle. My OH supported me 100% as did my GP and MW, who knowing me, all understood I had made the best choice for me, as as you said happy mummy = happy baby. Horses are my identity and pregnancy is a hard enough change as it is without changing what makes YOU you. I have been sick to the back teeth of comments from not only well meaning friends, one whom saw a pic of me riding at about 12 weeks and said but I thought you were having a baby?! Aaaaannnnnnndd? ?? and virtual strangers!!
Ive also been acosted in the local shop (also really small rural place) and asked if I am still riding and surely Im not taking risks etc ;) I am now so sick of people saying "but what about your horse?" when talking to them that I now meet their gaze firmly, allow a pregnant pause (no pun:p) and once they look slightly uncomfortable I say "how do you mean??"... which usually has them backtracking and changing the subject as they clearly expected to hear,oh Im selling her/giving up etc. I was told by a neighbour a few months ago I was kidding myself when I said I intented to ride as long as I could then carry on with groundwork and lunging. This person told me I would be so uncomfortbale in the last couple of months I wouldnt be able to move:rolleyes: While Im mindful I am very lucky I dont have PGP and this could be the case, Im more than able to still lunge my mare,longrein my mini and compete and train my dogs... oh and um, Im fullterm. I am also sick and fed up of the know it alls who like to tell you, just you wait until the baby is here, you wont know what hit you and you wont have time for anything. Yes life changes, its bound to! But in a good way!! Its exciting! I very firmly believe you make your own destiny and yes I know I havent had my baby yet and I know I wont just be able to get up and go for a hack whenever I want, I'l have a baby to work round, but working round is what I intend to do! I have many friends who have horses and young babies and they school and even have lessons while the baby is sleeping in a carseat after a feed. They ride when husbands are home or they have childcare for an hour or 2. I have one amazing friend with a 2 year old and a baby of a few months old and she mucks out in the morning with the baby in the pram and the 2 year old helping, is at RC lessons and doing dressage, she justs gets on with it, where there is a will there is a way.

sorry ive rambled lol, but Im right with you BoolavogueDC and do not listen to anyone who tries to undermine who you are, what your passions are and tries to tell you how things will be for you. Being pregnant seems to make people think they have a right to pass comment/judgment.... Ive found usually because in some way it makes them feel better about their own lives/selves and what they didnt achieve;)
 
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I'm sorry if you feel like I've been suggesting you should give up on Clover-that wasn't what I meant.

Two things: you are pregnant. Now I don't know personally (having never done it) but I'm pretty sure your hormones are all over the shop and therefore my suggestion that you ignore Clo's problems until you've dropped the sprog are purely so that you're thinking more 'straight'

I personally don't agree with riding whilst pregnant but it's the woman's choice ATEOTD.

However, I don't for a second think women should give up horses because they're pregnant!! What is this, the 18th century?! Honestly, I'm surprised people would suggest you would give up on your horses purely because you're gaining a baby. C
 
My horse hobby was absolutely non negotiable when I got married. It was a case of 'love me, love my horse (or at least tolerate them)'. To be fair to him, he has never begrudged the time I have spent with the horse, was quite happy for me to run 2 and also bought me my current one as I was a stay at home Mum.

I think I would go stir crazy if I didn't have my horse. She has become part of our Christmas ritual insomuch as it is the only day of the year we all go to the yard together as a family.

My husband loves having time with the girls when I'm out riding and always has done :)
 
I kept my horse throughout both my pregnancies. I had to scale riding back a bit due to bump size etc, but got back in the saddle a few weeks after the birth. I needed that 'me' time. Dont get me wrong, I love my girls but I needed time to feel less like a mummy and more like me again!
I had pressure to give up from family and friends, but horses have been my passion all my life. I even had a mother of an old boyfriend say I wouldn't have time for horses if I married her son!!! We didn't last much longer after that:)
 
scrunchie said:
Without my horses I would lose my identity and feel completely lost.
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This /\ Now, although I am not pregnant it is something I am very much thinking about within the next year as I am just turned 31 and thinking it is getting to that time to decide either way. My OH did mention upon the subject of children recently that why I had not used the natural break of losing my beloved mare to perhaps consider starting a family. But to me this would not work, I fell apart after losing my mare as you would expect, she was my lifelong friend. I realised I did not cope well not having my own horse in general let alone my lovely old girl, it is such an inherent part of me that I will cling on to it even if and when I do start a family as horses are good for my soul and keep me sane! Simples :D
 
I have to be honest and say I did not have horses when I was pregnant. However, I have seen how a good friend suffered when she sold her beloved mare when she found out she was pregnant. She already had a little boy by her ex, but shen she got married she was desperate to start a family with new hubby, and was expected to sell her lovely little mare. Soon after having the baby she regretted it and was horse shopping again and had a couple of disasters. She now has a lovely horse and would not part with him for the world.

I do think its socieity in general who expect us women when we become pregnant to think of nothing else but the baby. Yes, I agree children are precious, but dont forget you have a life as well. I am getting the point where its lets just say impossible to have any more, not that I want to have any more. However, if I did, I would be keeping my horses and getting on with it. Without them my life would be so much poorer (even though financially I would be so much richer), and it would lose so much of its meaning and richness, not to mention the fun!
 
When I was pregnant with my first, I continued riding till it felt uncomfortable, but even after that I was at the yard everyday grooming and fussing. However, the entire way through the pregnancy, I was told that i should sell, get rid, grow up, think of the baby, think of the horse's welfare if i was spending more time with the baby...you name it, I was told it. By the second pregnancy I had two horses, and managed fine :)

Everyone is different, and sometimes it can be just a bit too much for someone, but I personally just couldnt have done it. Rocket has been my one constant since the age of 12, so parting with him was impossible choice. Just choose what you feel is best for you at the end of the day :)
 
Cedars said:
I'm sorry if you feel like I've been suggesting you should give up on Clover-that wasn't what I meant.

Two things: you are pregnant. Now I don't know personally (having never done it) but I'm pretty sure your hormones are all over the shop and therefore my suggestion that you ignore Clo's problems until you've dropped the sprog are purely so that you're thinking more 'straight'

I personally don't agree with riding whilst pregnant but it's the woman's choice ATEOTD.

However, I don't for a second think women should give up horses because they're pregnant!! What is this, the 18th century?! Honestly, I'm surprised people would suggest you would give up on your horses purely because you're gaining a baby. C
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No, H not at all. On the contrary I agree with giving up on C. However there are some people implicating that Oh ho how childish to be thinking of horses when I have a baby. "don't worry about horses, why not dedicate yourself to the baby".
Dedicate myself to what exactly? baby has been very kind in the fact I'm not big or cumbersome yet, the nursery will be done but again, I don't breathe babies - it will be done on the scale that the ironing will be done. It's no more interesting than that! :)
I find and have found a lot, that unhorsey (sometimes horsey though) people will find any excuse to belittle horsey people's passions and give them a trillion reasons why not to bother.

Lets face it, if any of us horsey people had common sense, we wouldn't have had horses in the first place :D
 
NSN thank you so much. You seem to have had the same pressures put on you that I have. I don't want to or have any intention, of my hobby being sidelined or given up for the baby. Unless finances dictate, which I'm sure they wont.
I think some people cannot appreciate, when you don't work and are not into vacuous socialising that there is simply little else better to fill your hours than a horse. I was looking forward to gearing down with riding eventually (have a great friend who might take over the ride) and gearing up on messing about with the horse, prep for shows etc.

Sometimes also I think people see having a baby as this all encompassing MO that flattens all other needs/wants etc. I personally believe a baby is an addition, that you are a stronger, better mother for the pursuit of your own hobbies/interests and for me, the only way I can ever HOPE to become a rounded mum is by still enjoying the things that make me - me.
 
My husband bought me my first horse for my 30th birthday (had been riding since 6) 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant! Kept horse rode in school and on a accompanied hacks (he was an extremely nappy horse so didn't want to risk pushing him too far). My husband used to come and help me with all the jobs and even learnt to ride on Harry eventually taking over most of the riding although just in the school. Unfortunately the loan home I had organised while I was out of action so I had to make the decision to sell Harry as he was a TB who needed work.

When my son was 3 months old my husband made me go and buy another horse - he was adamant I would have something for myself to get me out of the house. He even encouraged me not to sell my horse when I ended up in hospital for 2 weeks and bed bound for 6 after a nasty riding accident despite the fact he had to work, look after our son when not at nursery and do the dogs single handedly. He is a super star but he realised I needed more in my life and he has his 4x4ing too.

I have to say though my son slept through the night from 3 months old, is a fabulous eater who is never fussy and he had his first sickness bug at the age of 4 and a half so obviously has a good immune system. He is also a very sociable confident child from spending his life chatting to all the ladies down the yard :)
 
BoolavogueDC said:
NSN thank you so much. You seem to have had the same pressures put on you that I have. I don't want to or have any intention, of my hobby being sidelined or given up for the baby. Unless finances dictate, which I'm sure they wont.
I think some people cannot appreciate, when you don't work and are not into vacuous socialising that there is simply little else better to fill your hours than a horse. I was looking forward to gearing down with riding eventually (have a great friend who might take over the ride) and gearing up on messing about with the horse, prep for shows etc.

Sometimes also I think people see having a baby as this all encompassing MO that flattens all other needs/wants etc. I personally believe a baby is an addition, that you are a stronger, better mother for the pursuit of your own hobbies/interests and for me, the only way I can ever HOPE to become a rounded mum is by still enjoying the things that make me - me.
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here here BV:D I dont work either,same as you - live rurally and have no interest in 'coffee mornings' or 'boobies and biscuit' groups..... yes there is one of those advertised near me:o I cant wait to get my baby in the sling Ive bought or the 4x4 off road pram and carry on my outdoors life with all my dogs and ponies:cool: My MW is so supportive and realistic as well and is forever telling me that babies are adaptable and you just carry on and they fit in, rather than the other way round. Hubby and I are lucky in that he is office based mon-fri and we have agreed to take turns for weekends for our hobbies as he is very into rugby and fishing. I can take the baby with me easily to dog agility tho even if its his weekend for his hobby :cool:, lots of my friends do as well, but obviously I may have to miss the odd horse thing but thats not the end of the world, its about reasonable compromise. Im not the maternal type either but Ive LOVED getting our nursery ready and I can finally say, its taken a while, but I am so excited now :D I sympathise with the stage you are at well, if you are anything like me at 5 months I was so sensitive it was unreal.My hormones were in overdrive:rolleyes: It DOES get better and Im actually stronger and more laid back feeling now than I think I was before I even got PG! I actually dont give a ***** lolol :D
 
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I had my old pony when I got pregnant so I didn't ride and as I fell off her and miscarried two years previous to that it didn't really appeal but I was mucking out until I went into labour (yes I thought it was annoying braxton hicks) she was two weeks early.

I then got back on when she was six weeks old and then my husband left and I got myself another mare on loan to play polo crosse :D (yes I know financially insane) juggling the two of them was hardwork so I loaned my pony out and my daughter used to spend time being parked in a push chair in the field whilst I played polocrosse or by the side of the school as she got older she started having her tea in the field or by the side of the school.

Had to have my polo mare PTS last year (very sad) and then somehow (not sure how) scraped money together to buy myself a little superstar (old pony came back from loan) juggling two horses again (pony got colic had to be PTS after three months :() now just playing with one horse and yes have always had a very different life from my other mummy friends, my family think I'm insane as do most of my mummy friends but a horse is me, and I go without tons of other things so I can have the life style that horses bring and I think if you want to live your life through your kids (which plenty of people do) that's fine but my daughter fits around my life that may be seen as very selfish but in the last six months (my daughter is now 5) we have started having a lot of fun, she's starting to ride and enjoys being at the stables and I would say she's one of the toughest, fittest kids I know and has the constitution of an ox its a good healthy life style. One of her friends came down to meet the horse the other day with her mother after 10 minutes was moaning about how cold it was, don't think my daughter even noticed!!! Little toughie!! :D
 
Sanity and those precious moments that you have to yourself, being yourself and enjoying time out. Time really does not stand still and in no time you will be enriching your childs life in an environment that is priceless.

Not to mention child labour......:D

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This is my youngest Amelie at 2 1/2 yrs.
 
I rode with both of my children until I physically found it too dificult but I had had both horses from 3yos and knew them inside out. Both children rode as soon as they could sit up, infact my son's pushchair was a miniature shetland as we lived a mile down a bridle path and it was easier when walking the dogs than using a pushchair. My daughter has always ridden and now runs her own rehab/fitness/breaking business. My son has moved on to rally cars but will always pinch a horse when there is a girl around that he wants to impress. They are both in their 20's now and I faced alot of opposition from the medical world and mother-in-law but I wouldn't do it any differently if I had my time again. There were times when juggling horses dogs husband children and part time work became difficult but being able to escape for half an hour or so with my horse kept me sane. Maybe if more mums had time to themselves occaisionally there would be fewer of them on anti-depressants and more children with less hangups. My advice - keep riding for as long as you feel comfortable but don't take any risks obviously and remember when it all gets too much you can go and have a natter with your horse without him interupting you, making judgements or being genarally badtempered and you will come away with a smile on your face and be a better mum for it!
 
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