My b****** of a father!!

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Horsey_Gal

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I'm an adult but my Dad (being fairly well off) helps me out with the horses as he's recently opened a few flash livery yard as a 2nd business. We don't get on very well at all to be honest, ever since he left my mum when i was a child. Well, about 14 months ago (we had a few months when we were getting on great) and we decided to take my main horse (which i keep at mine at home) to his new yard as she was very skinny and i wanted her to fill out for the winter so i thought it was a great idea at the time as i'd get free full livery, my mare would benefit from the lush grass plus i'd get the use of the great facilities. Well, about 2 months after we'd moved her there, everything was going fine, until myself and my Dad's partner had a huge fall out!! No one likes her as everyone believes she's just after his £!! and she's running the yard (even tho she's not actually horsey!) and i believe she sees me as a threat as she doesnt want to loose her yard. Long story but she demanded that i took my horse off her yard (even though it's my dad's yard) and i didnt come back. My Dad took her side, which i couldnt believe as im his daughter when he's only been in a relationship with her for about 4years at the time!! (he did have a go at her after i left tho
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) anyway, i was told, i cudnt go and collect my horse and that i wasnt to go anywhere near the yard. Ok, i didnt want to turn up and get my mare (as i didnt want to make the relationship between myself and my dad any worse plus i cudnt really afford to keep her at home at that point as i was struggling with my finances then). I contacted him about 5-6 times in the next few months to ask if it was ok for me to come and see her for an hour or two and he kept saying no as it would upset his gf. Anyway, it's now over a year that the mares been there and we (me and dad) havent spoken for a year (we picked up contact as i phoned him about 2 months ago for the 1st time in a year) and we've met up a few times since then for a meal or two etc. I text him the other day (just a hi, how r u sort of txt) and eventually he brought up the subject of my mare, and i plucked up the courage to ask for her back nicely) as ok he did buy me the mare as a present as i cudnt afford a horse at the price she was up for but at the end of the day she was a present to me so surely she was mine? anyway, he txt me back saying the mare was pregnant (he wanted to make a bit of money out of an expensive horse as i wasnt bothered with her so he says!!!) but back in may/june time, he phoned me up one evening to ask me if i would consider breeding with my mare and i said sorry but no... obviously moneys more important than his daughter!! anyway...i feel livid!!! but as he's just offered to pay my field rent thats overdue (before i knew about my mare being in foal) so what can i say?? I am so angry!! his bl**** gf gets my expensive horse's foal!!! grrrr!!! my mare does have a heart murmur (dont know what grade) - cud she still have the foal ok? also, wud her having a foal as a 7yo put people off when i want to sell her as a riding horse? i wanted to sell her as a potential eventer as well... guess i'll have to knock the price down a bit now!! why is he doing this to me?? I feel so upset!! Appartently, he told my brother (not horsey) that he was dreading telling me!! (my dad's not even horsey btw, he hasnt ridden for about 30 odd years, he use to own horses when he was about 14!!)
 
Sounds horrendous.
However, if I were you I would have taken my horse straight off the yard (when your Dad's partner said you had to leave the yard).
There is no way I would have left my horse in those surroundings given the situation...........and for almost 1 yr???
 
Sorry but OMG!

Yes its crap his gf wanted you off the yard, but if you really wanted the mare back you woud have just gone and got her, you said yourself you couldnt afford to keep her at home, so by the sounds of things he was doing you a favour!

You ave been going for meals with him, so it was hardly some big urgency to get her back.
It seems like perhaps you want her back now to sell her? but your dad has decided to make a bit of money out of the horse HE bought, by putting her in foal.

Sorry but my only advice is, in future pay for everything yourself, dont rely on free livery, horses bought as presents etc.
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I don't understand why you didn't just go and get your horse and sell it if you had money problems.
If it has a heart murmur then it is really not a potential eventer IMO
It may be fine pregnant, as long as the vet is aware of any heart problems.
Having a foal will not put off potential buyers, she will be a proven broodmare - in fact with a dicky ticker that may be all she is good for.
You have left the horse there for a year - what did you expect? And it seems like you still can't afford to keep it.
 
im not suprised your angry how dare he??? y did you get kicked off the yard??? is her passport in your name??? if yes then if that was me i would be straight down there to pick her up and keep the foal or if finance is that bad sell her in foal, but im sure i wouldnot let him get away with that and as for his gf well i can find no polite words for at all by the sounds of it she prob is a gold digger.if you get her back speak to your vet about the heart murmour and make them aware of when she is due just to be safe.
 
Youre an adult....either pay your way and be independent or accept that your parents still have a hold on your lifestyle.

I honestly dont understand why you didnt take the mare when you were first told to go.
 
As, i didnt have my own transport, my dad told me he would never see me again if i took her, it helped me in terms of money as i had finance problems, others told me not to and i listened to them. He still has a hold on me as he still pays my student debt from years ago!!!
I cant really take the horse while she's in foal as i dont think i cud afford it when the foal was born, as id have vets bills and god knows what else! plus, i suggested that i'd have the mare back till may/june (till the foal is due) then he cud have her back but he sent a txt saying ''no deal''. I only suggested that as when it came to may/june i wouldnt give her back but i thought he might believe me that i might!!
 
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i suggested that i'd have the mare back till may/june (till the foal is due) then he cud have her back but he sent a txt saying ''no deal''. I only suggested that as when it came to may/june i wouldnt give her back but i thought he might believe me that i might!!

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Are you seriously for real?!!
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Jesus GROW UP!

So he is paying your field rent NOW which is why you dont want to rock the boat, he is paying off your student loans, he bought you the marein question, you couldnt afford to keep her anyway....and you are the victim?

Why dont you pay all your own bills/debt, buy your own horses, pay your own livery, and have your dad as a dad, not as a bank!

I cant believe what Im reading to be honest.

If you stood on your own two feet and paid for everything yourself none of this would be happening.



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Ah, well given those circumstances I think you are just going to have to give in on this one and accept that the horse is your Fathers and not yours.

Not nice, but a small price to pay for a bit of family harmony and the repayment of your debts.
 
It all sounds really confusing. I think; you either can afford the horse (even if it's a struggle and you end up doing all the work yourself) and in that case you should have taken her straight away. If you couldn't afford the horse then that was that - you'd have to leave her I guess. But at that point I think you should have left it that way. It will be no good for the horse if it's here there and everywhere for a few months at a time. I personally think you should have taken it with you, but now I think you are going to have to accept that it's in foal and it is best to leave her put.
 
If you left her there for over a year and haven't been to see her then surely you can't think that much of her?

No way would I leave mine anywhere nor have anyone telling me I couldn't collect her, regardless of it being family or whatever.
 
I'm sorry to say this, but you sound like a whining teenager. First off, if you couldnt afford the horse and had the opportunity to stay rent free at your Fathers yard, you should of done everything to help accomodate the situation. Falling out with his GF really wasn't going to help was it?

Then you left the horse for a year? If your father bought the horse and has been responsible for its upkeep all this time, he is probably within his rights to put the mare in foal. Perhaps you should of sold the horse if you couldn't afford to keep it.

Now, i would try and make the best of a bad situation. Good luck.
 
As you're an adult... this is going to sound harsh, but I think it's time to stop taking the freebies and handouts. Either you can afford to stand on your own two feet or you can't. Similarly either you can afford to support a horse or you can't. I don't think your dad is a b*****d, I think he's been pretty generous to you in the past and maybe you won't appreciate that until you fund 100% of your life yourself.
 
To be fair SS do we actually know the full story here??!!
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I have no idea but the poster may be fairly young herself, unless you all know different?

Whatever has gone on, it sounds COMPLETELY unfair of your father to chuck you off the yard because of his gf. Now that is what sounds immature and unbelievable to me!! However we don't know the full history.

Unfortunately it sounds as though you may have lost your horse to him. Your opportunity to take her has gone (when he asked you to leave the yard) so he has clearly been paying her keep since then. For your mare's sake and his liveries, I hope they know what they are doing.
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GL
 
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To be fair SS do we actually know the full story here??!!
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I have no idea but the poster may be fairly young herself, unless you all know different?


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No but Im basing my comments on what the OP herself has said, and she sounds like a spoiled child but is obviously an adult if she has past uni debts!
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Don't know if anyone else felt the same, but I was really uncomfortable reading your original post. You are an adult, your father has a life of his own, despite the fact that you are an adult, he is still bailing you out and you don't seem at all grateful. You are more concerned about the girlfriend than your horse, and the whole thing seems to me to be a jealousy issue between you and the girlfriend.

They must know what they are doing if they have run the yard for the past few years - if your dad is a businessman, then he won't be doing it unless he is making money from it.

I suggest that you get your finances in order before you start worrying about a horse you haven't seen for over a year.
 
Can I add that OP has another post saying she can't afford a rug for another horse she has. I'm sorry, but how the hell do you think you can afford to keep an in-foal mare if you can't afford to buy a rug?
I'm, afraid I agree, you left the mare - for a year - without making much effort to get her back. After all this time I think you need to accept she is no longer yours. Save whatever money you do have to take proper care of the horse you have.
 
I am really confused. I have just looked at some of your other posts. You talk about having two horses at home and a TB at livery in one post. THen you talk about how you went up the yard where your horse is a livery when you were talking about age differences. Is this your father's yard where you are not allowed? Or do you have another horse at livery at another yard?
 
Maybe but when I first had uni debts I didn't feel/didn't act particularly grown up!
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It does sound strange but I am just saying we don't know the full story
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Op says she is an adult. Her dad brought her an expensive horse, let her have it at livery for free, is paying her uni debt (the idea is you get a job and pay it gradually yourself isn't it?) and he's also paid her overdue field rent elsewhere. I think he's earnt a foal, and hopefully they took vet's advice before proceeding, most people won't risk losing a valuable mare.
He sounds like a very generous dad to me, even by op's admission, maybe he's a bit over-generous and that's why it's taken for granted.
One more thing, if your field rent is behind and your dad has kindly bailed you out, how on earth could you take back this mare and pay for her upkeep?
I think I'm sounding really hard here, but honestly, if he's that bad a person then stop taking his money and stand on your own two feet.
 
IMO if your dad bought the horse, regardless of it being as a present then it is his to do with what he wishes. My dad bought my pony for me, but if he chose to sell him for whatever reason then by all means I can whinge and moan and sulk about it all i want but he is in every right to sell him and keep the money from him.
 
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Can I add that OP has another post saying she can't afford a rug for another horse she has. I'm sorry, but how the hell do you think you can afford to keep an in-foal mare if you can't afford to buy a rug?
I'm, afraid I agree, you left the mare - for a year - without making much effort to get her back. After all this time I think you need to accept she is no longer yours. Save whatever money you do have to take proper care of the horse you have.

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Absolutely.
 
Legally, if someone makes a gift of something, then they can't take it back. The father can however, ask for livery for a year, field rent, uni debts etc before returning the horse.
If I were the OP, I'd wish them well with the mare...get a job...pay off my debts...save up some money...and if the foal turns out well....ask the father/gf to put her in foal again for themselves.
S
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Hang on .... didn't she say way back on here, she was thinking of selling the horse as a prospective eventer? The plot thickens, can you sell a horse that was bought for you to ride and you couldn't keep it?
 
Shilasdair how would it be proved that it was bought as a gift?

EJ - I am unsure but the way I see it is that my dad paid money for the horse therefor it is his if he choses to sell it (hopefully if he ever did the money would be put towards another horse
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That was my reply but I typed out a load of waffle and then hit back because I couldn't be arsed posting it
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Actually I hadn't thought of the foal idea but that's a good plan although for this OP I would say focus on the horses you have if you do in fact have more.
 
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Shilasdair how would it be proved that it was bought as a gift?

EJ - I am unsure but the way I see it is that my dad paid money for the horse therefor it is his if he choses to sell it (hopefully if he ever did the money would be put towards another horse
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If the passport were in her name, or she registered with BSJA or whatever as the owner, perhaps.
I wouldn't advise the OP to take it back...sounds like it's much better off living in the lap of livery luxury, than slumming it in a field in donated rugs...if the other posts are an indication.
S
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