My forever horse was PTS

[Eventing1998]

Hi all,

For the last 15 years of my life I have always had a horse, I had two full loans before getting my first owned pony; my forever horse.

I had owned her for 9 years. The last 4 years of her life she spent fully retired. When I retired her, I bought a unbroken 4 year old to produce myself to be my next competition pony. I now owned 2 horses - my 4 year old & my retired mare.

Fast forward 4 years on.
October 2020.
I made the decision to sell my fantastic pony- who was now 8 years old. She was my BD and event pony. I sold her because she was 14hh and I decided I really wanted to move onto a bigger horse. I was looking abit big on her. I sold her to a fantastic home With a lovey family to do BD youth with her, who send me weekly updates and It really makes me miss riding.

After selling her, the search for a 15/15.2hh began! I searched everyday for 3 weeks, until we unexpectedly had to have my retired mare PTS. It was absolutely heartbreaking and totally unexpected but I had to put her first and she was in a lot of pain. I stopped searching for another horse.

Overnight my life completely changed and I found my self without a horse for the first time in 15 years.
It’s now been 5 weeks since she passed & 9 weeks since I sold my other pony. I have stopped riding for other psince she passed. I havn’t stepped on a yard since that day.
My friends all have horses and are always inviting me to go down and ride or groom and I have been saying no, but I have agreed to go down this week to my friends yard.
I was wondering how long it took other people to make the first step of been around horses again or buying another one? I don’t want a life without horses but I know I’m not ready to resume searching yet.
Thanks all

pictures of my lovely ginger girls?

 

[TPO]

Sorry for your loss

 

[ycbm]

I'm sorry, it hurts so bad, doesn't it? It will fade, give yourself time. You'll know when you want to be around horses again.
.

 

[misst]

I'm so sorry. As ycbm says you will know when the time is right. Be patient with yourself x

 

[Fluffypiglet]

Sorry for your loss. It took me about 14years to come back to horses but I was at a point in life where getting another would have been difficult. I came back to just riding initially (really hate other forms of exercise it turns out!) then a share and then in 2016 I bought another horse, 16 years after old boy was PTS. It suited me to have that break for reasons other than losing my old boy but I was surprised at how it still affected me all these years on when looking again. I couldn't bring myself to buy another chestnut because even all those years later I was comparing. I got a grey which I regret from a dirt point of view but he's a wonderful horse and completely different from my old boy. I know others get back to it much quicker but I don't regret the break. It takes as long as it takes. I wasn't looking during those years but when you do feel you can start to look again, you'll find another, different friend to love.

ETA those are beautiful photos and beautiful horses.

 

[Baywonder]

I am so sorry.

There are no hard and fast rules regarding getting another horse (if at all) - everyone is different. You will know when you arrive at that point, but for now, just do what feels right for you today. Don't worry about tomorrow / next week / next month / next year until you get there. X

 

[splashgirl45]

so sorry, its never easy when we lose them. i lost my last horse to cushings at 25 and thought that was the end of horses for me as i am an older rider and had no money. after 2 weeks i realised i wasnt ready to give up and looked for a loan horse, i must admit i was surprised that i wanted another so quickly butwe are react in a different way, there is no wrong or right..

 

[Ownedby4horses]

So very sorry for your loss, I agree, you will know when it is time, don’t force it. When you meet your new four legged friend, you’ll knowx

 

[cumbriamax]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[ITPersonnage]

What lovely horses, I have a very soft spot for gingers too. I lost my girl in February and couldn't really face going to the yard for about 4 months, then had to go to move her trailer which is still up there. At the time when she was PTS I was at college doing a full time course which of course came to a grinding halt due to COVID, but we then had lots of course work which I threw myself into. The change from having a horse to not was and still is painful, I still have days when I cannot stop feeling lost but over the last couple of months since the course finished, I have been hacking a friends horse which has helped a bit, she's kept at the yard where Red was.

I sometimes look on the websites for another but, not having any income ATM, I am not in a rush to buy but will hopefully get a job soon and think about it then.

Still very raw but they leave a big hole in your life, so sorry you are having to go through it and as everyone else is saying, we are all different and cope with it in different ways but fingers crossed it will get better

 

[F&B]

I had my beloved retired 25 yo gelding whom I had owned for 21 years, living with my ridden horse. When I lost him in Jan 2019, I needed a companion for my other boy, but because of my grief was unable to choose another horse to commit to for life. So I took in a young temporary foster pony, this pony had to go back to the rescue when it was time to begin his education. This bought me some time to grieve and meant that I was in a happy place when it came to choosing my youngster. It was the best thing I could have done. Maybe in your situation a share would be a good thing until you feel ready, and you will know when that is.

 

[Jeni the dragon]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's really hard to lose them.

 

[oldie48]

We all deal with grief differently and find ourselves in completely different situations. When I lost my horse to colic in late 2018 it was just such a dreadful shock. I kept him at home with a companion pony, so I was left with just the one and not having any contact was not an option. I am also somewhat old so was afraid that if I didn't have anything to ride, I'd probably stop altogether and I knew I didn't want that to happen. I saw Rose a few days after losing Mr B and bought her whilst still in shock and for me, it was the "right thing to do". I know for many people it would have been the "wrong thing to do". Do what feels "right" for you and I am very sorry for your loss, I know how painful it is, I can still well up when thinking about the lovely horse I lost far too soon.

 

[JackFrost]

In a similar situation to yours, a few years ago, I felt the horse I had lost was irreplaceable. I couldn't even think about having any other, so I didn't look for one, and decided to make the most of being horse free, with plans to go on holiday etc.
5 months later, late one night I was idly looking at pictures of horses on a charity website, and saw one that I knew instantly was mine. She is with me still, the one in the avatar, and is everything I could have wished for, though I wasn't even looking. xxx

 

[Sir barnaby]

It’s exactly 8 years today since my horse for some unexplained reason escaped the field and was killed on the road next to the farm. Horrendous day so close to Xmas too. She was 21 yrs old and I had her from 6months old.
the YO kept my stable and paddock for me for me for 3 months. I then had a horse on loan for supposedly just the summer but he was so good I bought him and still have him. Give yourself a break go up to the yard and maybe ride groom or just poo pick and just see how you feel. It’s hard but if horses are in your blood it’s also hard to give up. I feel your pain.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I'm sorry for your loss.
My first horse was pts in an emergency just before I was due to go on holiday. It was 2 years before I started to think about buying another but I had been riding other horses by then. Every other horse that sister and I have had since has been part of a small herd and we have had to look after the others when we have had one pts. We have been known to get the next one within a couple of weeks but each circumstance is different, you have to do what is right for you.

 

[PeterNatt]

I am very sorry for your loss but you will always have lovely memories of your horse. The only advice I can give you is don't rush in to buying another horse - take it nice and slowly so that you have the time to find your net quine partner.

 

[View]

So sorry.

Time makes it all less raw, but we never forget. One day you will see another horse and know that it is meant to be. That might be in six weeks, or 16 years - there is no right time, only the time that is right for you.

 

[Griffin]

I am so sorry to read about the loss of your horse. As other posters have said, there is no time limit on when/if you will want another horse. I would take up your friends offer of just being able to be around horses, it may be really helpful for you.

 

[iknowmyvalue]

So sorry. It’s so awful to lose one. Everyone is different, and you’ll know when the time is right. Just remember you aren’t replacing the one you’ve lost, they’ll always be with you, but eventually your heart will heal enough to make room for another.

I lost my forever heart horse in a freak accident in 2016. I started going up to the yard a few weeks after I lost her, but would regularly just burst into tears because all I wanted to do was ride HER. Started looking for a new one after about 3-4months because my menta health was spiralling not having a horse of my own. Bought my boy 5 months after I lost her. I’m still not over it, but this year is the first year I can really talk about her without crying and look back on all the happy memories.

 

[Chianti]

I don't think you ever get over losing them completely. I had my first horse put to sleep nearly 30 years ago and I still miss her and think about her very often. Each horse you have is different and you love then for different things and in slightly different ways because of what you do with them and what they need from you. I've had three and they're all completely different types and personalities which I think helps.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I don't think you ever get over losing them completely. I had my first horse put to sleep nearly 30 years ago and I still miss her and think about her very often. Each horse you have is different and you love then for different things and in slightly different ways because of what you do with them and what they need from you. I've had three and they're all completely different types and personalities which I think helps.

And sadly, they do not live forever, or even as long as the average human.

 

[Spotherisk]

OP, I’m so sorry.

I am not sure I’ll get over losing Tinner in February aged just 10, I window shop for horses but haven’t seen one I’d want to try or even enquire about. Tinner and I had a very good relationship and were very close, and I’m nowhere near come to terms with his death.

I think when Harley passes I will be fine. Owned so far for 23 years, he is now retired. We have memories together, rosettes, photos etc etc, oh and scars! At the age of 28 now if he passed soon he would have lived a full life.

We are all different.

 

[Chappie]

So sorry for your loss, some wonderful advice here, be kind to yourself x

 

[Eventing1998]

Thank you all for your comments and advice, it helps a lot x

 

[Spottyappy]

Sorry for your loss.
everyone Is different with grief, and wanting to move on with a new horse.
You will know when the time is right.
I lost my homebred boy over 7 years ago, I started looking immediately and brought my heart horse 4 weeks later.
i sadly lost her last Christmas,but I couldn’t face the thought of another initially. We do have 2 others, so I was kept busy.
Then, lockdown hit. By may I was going spare, and in the middle of lockdown travelled up the m25 and came back with my new girl, who is helping my heart heal,and am (mostly!) having fun with her.