My heart is torn :(

[AlDestoor]

I wonder if I get your guys perspectives and ideas.

Last year, I bought this lovely tb; he was lovely and quiet and all was well- I got my dream horse that I wanted and planned on going to camps etc.

3 months later, disaster struck- he reared and went vertical and over upon mounting. Off the vets we went.

He was diagnosed with KS and PSD. This horse was my dream horse, his personality was to die for and I was smitten. 8 months of rehab later and he came sound and worked away lovely, however; he is no longer the quiet horse I had originally bought. Hes super forward, super sensitive, super spooky, I now have to lunge before getting on, hes super sensitive to sounds and I now haven't even got the nerve to hack in case he busts a move.

I am on a yard where I get professional help, but I can't even leave him for 2 days without then having the trainer come and sit on. Yesterday, he had 2 days off, I went to get on and he spooked. I was absolutely fine over the summer but still wouldn't hack, only school through nerves.

I don't know what to do. I bought this horse to relax, have fun on, do fun rides, jump as I felt safe on viewing. I don't now and I know he is too much horse for me however, I have been through so much with him with his KS and PSD, that I feel like I couldn't rehome him safely and feel like I'm giving up. I can't afford 2 horses on full livery and neither can I go back on DIY. I feel like the trainer is my safety blanket.

I just don't know what to do. I've tried sound proof ears, I have the trainer on him AT LEAST twice a week and he's fine for him, so I know its me. Do I just admit defeat that this horse just isn't suited for me (i'm crying whilst typing this) or do I say to the trainer, can you have him on training livery and bite the bullet with the cost, and give me intense lessons...

I absolutely adore this horse, he is only 10 as well so PTS is not a justifiable option considering he is working fine for the trainer. My heart is completely torn.

 

[rabatsa]

Does your trainer know someone who he would suit if you were to sell?

 

[paddi22]

could you put him out on loan? if he has nice paces or can jump someone might take him on as a project.

there is nothing wrong with admitting the horse isn't a good fit for the job you want it to do. it's not admitting defeat at all, it's being realistic and realising the two of you aren't a good match. if he was mine I'd either loan out or retire to cheap grass livery for a few years.

 

[ihatework]

Has the vet rechecked him since he was rehabbed?

Id possibly also get him scoped, I’ve known a few go just like you describe with ulcers. Which wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility given his history

 

[AlDestoor]

could you put him out on loan? if he has nice paces or can jump someone might take him on as a project.

I would need the funds from him to get myself another- else this would be my first option.

@rabatsa- I'm not sure. I'm going to have a bit of a heart to heart with him tomorrow about what he thinks. I don't know what to do but I can't say I've not tried my heart out for this horse.

 

[AlDestoor]

Has the vet rechecked him since he was rehabbed?

Id possibly also get him scoped, I’ve known a few go just like you describe with ulcers. Which wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility given his history

I have thought about this. He's been on Equine74 for ages. It would have been my first option before anything but I'm feeling really doom and gloom after last night

 

[doodle]

Are you sure he is out of pain now? I just say as Robin dumped me 3 times. Twice with his spook spin move. It turns out his hocks we are really hurting him.

 

[HeyMich]

It sounds to me like he's still in pain. I would speak to your vet and rule out any further issues before you think about selling/rehoming/pts.

ETA - Just because the trainer rides him without issue, doesn't mean there isn't still an issue! A lot of strong/pro riders can make a horse work through the pain, and with you he is able to show his discomfort so he plays up. That speaks volumes to me to be honest. Good luck.

 

[Patterdale]

The horse isn’t for you.
Theres nothing wrong with that, doesn’t mean you or he have done anything wrong BUT - this is not fun for you. And it’s supposed to be.
Cut your losses and either loan him to someone trusted, or put him on retirement livery. Then get something more suitable.

I know that’s blunt, but I also know how heartbreaking and difficult this situation is, and how you can take yourself round in circles and what ifs for weeks. It’s not working, and you’ve given it a good shot.
Don’t beat yourself up.

 

[AlDestoor]

Are you sure he is out of pain now? I just say as Robin dumped me 3 times. Twice with his spook spin move. It turns out his hocks we are really hurting him.

Hes seen my a physio every 4-6 weeks. I do think his SI issue has come back as he's not flexing as much as he was; the osteo is coming next week so I was going to talk to her about that issue at this appt.

 

[ihatework]

I think you need to scope and get a quick orthopaedic check before you do anything else

 

[AlDestoor]

The horse isn’t for you.
Theres nothing wrong with that, doesn’t mean you or he have done anything wrong BUT - this is not fun for you. And it’s supposed to be.
Cut your losses and either loan him to someone trusted, or put him on retirement livery. Then get something more suitable.

I know that’s blunt, but I also know how heartbreaking and difficult this situation is, and how you can take yourself round in circles and what ifs for weeks. It’s not working, and you’ve given it a good shot.
Don’t beat yourself up.

I cried reading that then- it's so heartbreaking as i really have tried with him. Like given it my entire life for a year. Given him every bit of money and credit card. Physio, Ops, Equipment, New saddle, You name it, we've bought it if it could help.

I think I'm going to call the vet first, then go from there. He isn't the horse I originally bought and the thought of taking him a camp is terifying me whereas it didnt at the start.

 

[doodle]

Physio/sports massage the week before showed no issues with Robin. I’m not saying that is what the issue is just what happened with us.

 

[Patterdale]

It sounds to me like he's still in pain. I would speak to your vet and rule out any further issues before you think about selling/rehoming/pts.

He’s fine for the trainer though.
The likelihood is that he’s probably feeling the best he has in years, and this is the real him.

 

[paddi22]

realistically you probably won't get enough money from selling him to find another horse. a tricky horse with psd and KS won't be worth much on the market. if you loaned him out it would take financial pressure off you and give the horse a chance to find a rider it clicks with.

I had a similar exracer who I adored and spent a fortune trying to get right, and he just never did. I spent so much on Osteo's, vets, treatments and eventually just had to accept he was never going to be right to ride. I retired him for two years in the field with his friends and then pts. It was a tough decision to make but it was a relief when it was done. some horses just never come right no matter how hard you try. you sound like you have tried everything you could, so you know you have done your best. but the fact this horse can be ridden by a pro with no issues sounds like it could have a future.

 

[dorsetladette]

Has the vet rechecked him since he was rehabbed?

Id possibly also get him scoped, I’ve known a few go just like you describe with ulcers. Which wouldn’t be beyond the realms of possibility given his history

This was my first thought too.

 

[AlDestoor]

He’s fine for the trainer though.
The likelihood is that he’s probably feeling the best he has in years, and this is the real him.

This is what we think because he's fine for trainer- Trainer can get on him without lunging first etc. Almost like normal.

 

[HeyMich]

He’s fine for the trainer though.
The likelihood is that he’s probably feeling the best he has in years, and this is the real him.

Sorry, I edited my post shortly after to say this:

ETA - Just because the trainer rides him without issue, doesn't mean there isn't still an issue! A lot of strong/pro riders can make a horse work through the pain, and with you he is able to show his discomfort so he plays up. That speaks volumes to me to be honest. Good luck

 

[ihatework]

This is what we think because he's fine for trainer- Trainer can get on him without lunging first etc. Almost like normal.

Maybe, Maybe not.

Ive seen plenty of strong riders able to mask issues in a horse

 

[Patterdale]

I cried reading that then- it's so heartbreaking as i really have tried with him. Like given it my entire life for a year. Given him every bit of money and credit card. Physio, Ops, Equipment, New saddle, You name it, we've bought it if it could help.

I think I'm going to call the vet first, then go from there. He isn't the horse I originally bought and the thought of taking him a camp is terifying me whereas it didnt at the start.

Sorry I didn’t want to make you cry!

Sometimes you just feel you need the ‘permission’ to ‘give up.’
You don’t, and it’s not giving up.
I really do know how crap this situation is, and I think you need to be kind to yourself as you’ve not done anything wrong. S....t happens.

 

[AlDestoor]

Sorry I didn’t want to make you cry!

Sometimes you just feel you need the ‘permission’ to ‘give up.’
You don’t, and it’s not giving up.
I really do know how crap this situation is, and I think you need to be kind to yourself as you’ve not done anything wrong. S....t happens.

You didnt, I'm just not the type of person to give up on an animal and it's tearing me apart. It's just not fun- I haven't hacked since last year. I daren't take him out of the school, I daren't ride if the yard is busy else he's super spooky (like last night) and I'm too reliant on my trainer, I need to be able deal with him on my own riding. he's a saint on the ground and he's got the loveliest personality

 

[AlDestoor]

I think I'm going speak to the vet first to get him scoped. Dependent on the outcome there, I'll speak to the trainer and get him some proper retraining from him and him give me lessons intensely for a month or so. If we're still no further forward, I'll make a decision and look at options.

 

[paddi22]

You need to stop feeling like you've failed, because you haven't. You got a horse with issues and you have spent your time and money trying to get it right, that is to be commended and it was a lucky horse that you put that effort in.

We run clinics and over the years you see a lot of people with issues like you and your horse and they turn up to clinics year after year. being blunt 99% of that partnership never improve regardless of how much training they get- the horse stays spooky and unhappy and the rider gets more and more nervous. and it gets into a downward spiral and never improves and the spiral can last for years. some people stick it out and continue to look like a miserable partnership, other get a different horse and suddenly have a happy confident partnership and a smile on their face.

it's an expensive hobby and you should be looking forward to going to camps, confident the two of you will have fun. this isn't going to be the horse you do it on. you have to think of the horses side too, when he is ridden by a certain type of rider he sounds happy and settled. that's a better fit for him. something a bit more self confident and settled is a better fit for you. there's a wisdom to taking your emotions (fear of failure, guilt, worry) out of it and looking at it objectively from a distance. ask someone you trust who is knowledgable and see what they say.

On a base level you have to LOVE the traits of the horse you ride and see them as a plus - your horse having sensitivity, reactiveness and an active brain are all pluses to the right righter who likes that kind of thing. but it's not what YOU are looking for, so find a horse that has traits you like and that you can't wait to sit up on and go out and enjoy the world with.

 

[HobleytheTB]

I think I'm going speak to the vet first to get him scoped. Dependent on the outcome there, I'll speak to the trainer and get him some proper retraining from him and him give me lessons intensely for a month or so. If we're still no further forward, I'll make a decision and look at options.

That sounds like a really sensible first step my mare was excessively spooky and over reacted to everything when she had ulcers. Now they are sorted she's back to her normal self. He's been through a lot of physical issues, so ulcers would definitely be a possibility. How much turn out is he getting?

 

[AlDestoor]

You need to stop feeling like you've failed, because you haven't. You got a horse with issues and you have spent your time and money trying to get it right, that is to be commended and it was a lucky horse that you put that effort in.

We run clinics and over the years you see a lot of people with issues like you and your horse and they turn up to clinics year after year. being blunt 99% of that partnership never improve regardless of how much training they get- the horse stays spooky and unhappy and the rider gets more and more nervous. and it gets into a downward spiral and never improves and the spiral can last for years. some people stick it out and continue to look like a miserable partnership, other get a different horse and suddenly have a happy confident partnership and a smile on their face.

it's an expensive hobby and you should be looking forward to going to camps, confident the two of you will have fun. this isn't going to be the horse you do it on. you have to think of the horses side too, when he is ridden by a certain type of rider he sounds happy and settled. that's a better fit for him. something a bit more self confident and settled is a better fit for you. there's a wisdom to taking your emotions (fear of failure, guilt, worry) out of it and looking at it objectively from a distance. ask someone you trust who is knowledgable and see what they say.

This is what I'm going to talk to our trainer about tomorrow. I've come so far since April which was our first ride post surgery. I wouldn't even trot off the leadrein or without someone there. I will now do this and more, but I'm still struggling with him on my own and his sharpness. Hes still sharp with the trainer however, he's a professional event rider competing at 4* so sharp doesn't phase him.

 

[catembi]

FWIW, I could pretty much have written your post word for word iro horse of a lifetime turning into a scarey, spooky monster. I have a QHxTB who was everything that you described yours to be - super quiet, take anywhere by myself, clinics, fun rides, competing, hacking on the buckle...started getting spookier & sharper...etc etc. I ended up exactly where you are now with being scared to venture out of the arena & not liking being in it all that much either, lungeing before riding... Anyway, he turned out to have PSSM type 1 & 2 so v exercise intolerant & uncomfy, but when I was scared to ride him (before he was diagnosed), a 5* male pro eventer (a nice one, not a bully) could still get a v nice tune out of him, and a bullying dressage trainer who could push me into riding a lot more aggressively than I felt comfortable to do could also get ME to get a tune out of him. So in either situation, he LOOKED fine & was going like a horse of a lifetime, but he was very far from fine & I just felt there was underlying wrongness.

My point being to echo what others have said iro strong riding being able to paper over an issue. FWIW, mine is retired at 7 as he now collapses under saddle & he has joined my collection of field ornaments. I am saving up for horse number 5... I am too soft to shoot any of my sicknotes, so I do understand where you're coming from.

 

[maya2008]

1) He could still be in pain somewhere. Horses compensate when they have KS and move differently, there could well be arthritis somewhere as a result.
2) He could have ulcers.
3) He could be feeling well and be full of joy at finally being able to leap about without pain. If insufficient work with not enough cantering and hacking, the spooking could just be a TB need to run.

My old TB has the sweetest temperament ever. In full work you could put your beginner 90 year old granny on her. In not enough work she was scary and coming off box rest she was dangerous. She could still potter round in walk now theoretically, but with her it was either proper work or none, so retired she is!

 

[Keira 8888]

Sounds like you are doing such a great job here - please don’t be sad. I also think you should scope for ulcers. My horse was exactly the same (only bought him in June) and it turned out he had ulcers. After gastro guard he is so much happier! You are a wonderful kind owner - try not to be sad as you could be just one step away from finding the thing that is troubling him. Fair play to you for everything you have done for him. Good luck! X

 

[BBP]

I have a very hot sharp horse who has all sorts of issues, psd and back and sacroiliac pain, but the one thing that made him off the wall anxious and ever more hyper acutely noise sensitive was ulcers. I couldn’t even sniff near him without him flinching, and bird scarers in the next door village (nearly 2 miles away) would make him jump out of his skin. Once the ulcers were sorted that level of anxiety went away and he is just ‘normal’ sharp now even with all his other stuff going on.

For what it’s worth I don’t think hypersensitivity to noise is a normal happy horse thing, I think it’s a sign of the sympathetic nervous symptom being overly stressed.

 

[Trouper]

Another one here who has been where you are now. Firstly, take a deep breath and go back down the vet route. For me that vet would be Tom Beech (the Osteopathic Vet) who will give the horse an holistic examination. Have a look at his FB page to see the sort of cases he deals with.
If, after all this, there is no physical reason for his behaviour then he might be picking up vibes from you and need a different owner/rider. If he can pass a stage 2 vetting (I think this is still the case) then maybe the Thoroughbred Rehoming Centre might consider taking him and finding the right home - a better bet than just selling him on.
Good luck - and remember this is not your fault - so many of us could tell the same tale.