My life has just fallen apart. Urgent advice needed

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Dexter

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Long story short, and i need to be careful how much I say as things are INCREDIBLY volatile :( but I'm having some issues with my sister. Shes had a rough time health wise over the last few months and I'm as sure as I can be that shes now suffering from a mental illness, its come on VERY quickly, over the last 3 or 4 weeks. Its causing her to behave like a lunatic :( Shes abandoned her young daughter on my mother, locked her 2 cats out of the house and disappeared. She also has a dog and no one knows for sure where that is, only that is not at the house :( She hasnt been home for at least 3 days and hasnt seen her daughter in a fortnight. I'm trying to bear in mind shes very ill, but its bloody hard!

We have 7 horses between us, my 3, her 2 riding horses, one of which is on loan but shes paying for by instalments, her youngster and the spotty pony cob. My main concern is the spotty. I bought him from York Sales on a whim and agreed to sell him to her for a token sum as she wanted him for her daughter and TBH I have no use for him other than admiring his spots :D as he is too small for me. I thought his future was secured as we kept and cared for them togther, No one could ever have forseen what is currently happening! :(

Anyway, I agreed, after much hassle! she could have him and pay me £500 in installements of £100 a month. She still owes £100 and its way over due. There was no formal agreement, shes my sister! and tbh I didnt really care if she paid or not, it was just to formalise things.

Shes already sold her youngster, I suspect to a dealer as she wont tell me where he is, and shes trying desperately hard to off load the others :( I've already contacted the owner of the riding horse who is on loan, but no idea how that will pan out as legally its a very grey area.

Where do I stand with regards to the spotty? Can I stop her selling/giving him away? As pathetic as it sounds right now I dont have the £400 to give her as I am just about to spend a couple of k on the field rent for the year. I will have at the end of the month, so I just need to stop him being passed on till then.

His passport hasn't been changed into my or her name, as he was one of the spottys caught up in the passport fiasco that happened, and its something we'd been meaning to do but never got round to.

I am making myself sick with worry and am doing everything I can for her daughter/the cats/the dog etc. I just need to stall her getting rid of him for a few weeks then I'll repay her and take him back.

Please dont slate me or the situation, I am past myself, she genuinely is ill and I am doing the best I can to sort this. My main issue here is the spotty pony cob. He 'spoke' to me at the sales, and I promised him a good future and I feel like I'm failing him.The rest is, fingers crossed, in hand.

Any constructive advice gratefully taken as most of the time I'm border line hysterical over the awfulness of it and cant seem to get my head straight to think it through logically :(
 
Do you have a sales receipt for him from the sales? In that case I would think it would stand that he belongs to you but don't quote me on that. I know passports don't stand up to much in terms of ownership but I think a receipt does so hang on to that and wave it at anyone who says they are buying the pony.

I don't know what else to suggest? perhaps CAB could help?
 
Many hugs for you and your mum, what a situation, don't let the spotty one go, unless your sister is there, as the dealer must have her phone number and have a word with her doctor if you can and explain what has happened, he may know whats wrong with her and I wouldn't let the loan horse either as that would be classed as stolen and you could be in trouble as well
 
I hope that it works out for you too. I include your sister in that. My mum did something like that years ago - took herself off for a few days, scared us all to death. It was a mental breakdown due to her hormones following a hysterectomy. She also (seriously) tried to kill herself, and ended up getting herself committed for two months. While all this was going on she was not my mum, she was someone else. It was very hard for my dad and me. She gave no thought to any of us - because in her head she was not herself. Its very hard to explain, I'm just saying that even though its REALLY hard, you have to try and work through it all. Is an illness, and one that is not spoken about much. I'm not having a go - just reading your post flashed it all back to me, even though its over 20yrs ago (and mum has been perfectly normal ever since).

In the meantime, your niece is best with your mum, and try and move the animals somewhere else. If she is getting rid of her horses it shows that she is aware that she can't cope.

Hugs to you, and best wishes.xx
 
So she owns about 90% of this horse?

What a difficult situation BUT tbh if she can't cope with these animals - then she is right to get them out of her care and if she also needs the money that's HER perogative.

If you WANT the spotty you'd have to buy him back - otherwise if she's selling him - the best I'd think you'd be able to ask for is a small percentage %, which is the stake you have left in the horse.
 
I have the sales receipt, and I'm 99% certain I have vet bills from jabs etc. Thank god for my hoarding tendencies! I also know the local dealers have declined as hes not cut yet. I planned to have him done just after I bought him, but there was a lot of flies about and no rush as hes not colty at all and lives out in a bachelor herd, then the snow came really early and I kicked myself for ages, but by god am I glad now!

The passport is worthless TBH, I cant remember all the details, but he was one of the last ones passported before the society went bust. In order to change the details it has to go to another spotty society, hence why we never got round to it.

Hes currently out with my yearling and 2 year old. The same place her 2 year old was, but hes gone now :(

I am worried to death about her, I thought she was having some sort of medication related blip, but selling her youngster confirms she means it. He was the culmination of all her hopes and dreams for the future :( and he was also very, VERY pair bonded with my 2 year old. Anytime we talked casually about me selling my 2 year old as hes sharp as hell and has grown bigger than I want, she always said NO! her youngster wouldnt survive without mine, and I agreed, as TBH I never really meant it all all, end of conversation. Thankfully mine will be ok, but hers isnt going to deal well with being moved and without Dex :( I am sick to my stomach just thinking about it :(
 
I don't have much advice but just wanted to say I really hope things work out for you all.

My mother in law has had episodes very similar to what you are describing, she was a doting mum to her kids who was fab in every way, i even chose her as my birthing partner over my own mum as she was so kind and such a natural with kids. one day she upped and left her then 7 and 9 year olds, while they were still sleeping in bed.

They then didnt see her for 6 months while she embarked on a huge drink and drugs binge and covered herself in bizarre tattoos. She cut herself off from all her family and it was awful. Eventually she was sectioned, and diagnosed with Scizophrenia (SP?) and with the right meds and therapy she is back to (almost) her old self, rebuilding relationships with her kids and getting back on track. It has been a long process but she is getting there. She will admit she cannot remember a thing about that time, its like she was someone else x
 
Does your sister have a partner? If not then your mother is her nearest relative under the Mental Health Act 1983. It sounds to me as if your sister has indeed got a mental illness at this time. I would question her capacity to make big decisions at the moment and I think you and your mum need to talk to the doctor and possibly request a mental health act assessment on your sister (if you know where she is) you can then ask the team involved to assess your sisters capacity to make decisions to sell her belongings. If you want or need any more info PM me, I am an Approved Mental Health Professional under the Mental Health Act, and a social worker.
 
YorksG said:
Does your sister have a partner? If not then your mother is her nearest relative under the Mental Health Act 1983. It sounds to me as if your sister has indeed got a mental illness at this time. I would question her capacity to make big decisions at the moment and I think you and your mum need to talk to the doctor and possibly request a mental health act assessment on your sister (if you know where she is) you can then ask the team involved to assess your sisters capacity to make decisions to sell her belongings.
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Wise words, well said.
 
YorksG said:
Does your sister have a partner? If not then your mother is her nearest relative under the Mental Health Act 1983. It sounds to me as if your sister has indeed got a mental illness at this time. I would question her capacity to make big decisions at the moment and I think you and your mum need to talk to the doctor and possibly request a mental health act assessment on your sister (if you know where she is) you can then ask the team involved to assess your sisters capacity to make decisions to sell her belongings. If you want or need any more info PM me, I am an Approved Mental Health Professional under the Mental Health Act, and a social worker.
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She did have a partner, a fab guy who worked every hour sent, to pay for the horses as she was a carer for my grandparents.

Long story short, but I work in a medium security mental heath facility, so I have no excuse for not seeing this coming :( But as someone much wiser than me once said, you never see whats closest to you :( I am as sure as I can be that she is genuinely mentally ill, BUT shes the most slick liar I've ever met! We always treated it as a quirk, and even worse laughed about it! but shes very, VERY good. Her entire personality is a 'people pleaser' AKA, say what people want to hear in a convincing tone and deal with the fall out in private! And she is soo not even prepared to consider there is a real mental health problem.

Even though she admits there are problems! she rang a friend 3 days ago, hysterically crying, saying she needed help and thought she was going mad, then when the friend asked where she was she hung up. Shes ill, no doubt about it, but I cant help her :'( Shes full time carer to my granparents and has "borrowed" thousands off them in the last few weeks :/ But with dealing with stuff like this for work I am as sure as I can be they wont take her on :(
 
Don't be too sure about them not taking this seriously and spotting the mental illness bit. You didn't say what her original illness was, but I am assuming that it, or the meds could have caused the problem. Having detained people who were mentally ill as a result of toxicity through infection, anti parkinsonian meds and a whole host of other things, we are usually pretty good at spotting when things aren't 'right'. Lying to families and those who aren't too bothered is very different from explaining irrational behaviours to a professional who is looking for the problem. Please do get in touch with the team for her area, I would also inform the children's team about her 'abondoning' her daughter. The child will be left where she is, but they will help to ensure that her future care is monitored. That might help your sister to realise that she needs help.
 
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