My pony hates me...

Equestria

Equestria

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I've had my pony, Danny for over a year now, and I am really beginning to think he hates me.

He has started running away from me in the field, he is really naughty when hacking out in company, he is strong when schooling, he never jumps anything unless I get him to sniff the jump first. (And even then it takes at least 3 tries to get him jumping.)

Okay, so I am quite stern when disciplining him, which is necessary since he was only 4 when I got him and could have developed bad and aggressive behaviour.
But apparently he doesn't do any of the above to anyone else who handles him when I can't go up the farm. My sister who sees him 2 times a week says that he lets her catch him, he behaves fine while schooling and hacking out in company etc. ...

At first I laughed about it, saying that he is only being polite and thinks her as a visitor. But all this week she has been seeing to him as I have to revise for exams coming up, which are stressing me out, and he still behaves perfectly for her.

I have tried everything with that pony, treats, tlc, join-up... The list goes on, but he still hates me.

Everytime I am with him I can't help but think that he'd rather be somewhere else, as he always stands at the stable door, head poking out, staring wistfully into the distance. Even when he isn't doing that, his head is always turned away from me, ears rolled back slightly. I know that normally means he is relaxed, but the look in his eyes suggest otherwise.

I never hit him, I sometimes give him a tap on his nose or shoulder when he used to kick and nip, but nothing else, I never carry a whip with me when riding at all.

I really love Danny more than anything, but he is really upsetting me, and I am beginning to think he'd be happier owned by someone else, as he obviously dislikes me. I did make a thread on here asking if I am too big/heavy for him, as that might of been why he dislikes me, but the majority said that I am fine, perhaps slightly tall but not heavy.
I don't know what to do anymore, it has come to the point where I dread seeing him as I know I will have to spend ages trying to catch him.

Sorry for the pathetic rant, I am just feeling really down and had to get it off my chest... Or hands... :'(
 
I'm sorry your having trouble...its hard when you just cant bond with a horse.
Without seeing you interact with him its hard to say whats going on. Horses can sometimes 'dislike' people but there's usually a reason for it. Is there anything that your sister is doing that you aren't as he obviously feels more comfortable around her. I would suggest doing lots of ground work to try and build up a bond between, it might also help to get a trainer in to work with you especially if your having trouble jumping. Remember to keep your work with him varied and fun so he doesn't associate you with jumping which it sounds like you're both finding stressful at the moment!
Hope you sort it out, in my experience its always worth persevering...some horses are just harder to connect with than others, but very rewarding when you finally do :)
 
Do you and your sister ride quite differently?

If he is the sensitive type (which it sounds like he is) he might prefer one riding style to another. I don't think its anything to do with the person per-say, just the riding technique. Could your sister come to the yard with you and watch you handle and ride? she maybe able to point out a few things that you haven't thought off.

My old share Horse (who I still ride now and then) is like this. I wouldn't say she hates anyone, but is a different ride for me and YO. But then again YO and I have a completly different technique.
 
Thanks for the reply'
I don't jump Danny much at all, only like once or twice a month, not even that! I have huge confidence issues when it comes to jumping, perhaps he picks up on that? Though when going towards a jump, all the nervousness fades, yet he still refuses. I have only jumped up to 2 foot, I won't dare doing anything more! However, with my sister he jumps more than that, but my sister is a much more confident jumper!
I don't think she does much different, i have seen her ride, if anything she just makes him work harder and longer, which I don't think is fair on such an unfit pony. :(
I could try with the groundwork, but what could I do? He hates being lunged, he fights me every time by stopping and facing me with a stubborn look in his eye.
Right now I just can't afford a trainer or instructor, my parents are struggling enough just to keep him! D:
 
sounds like you might be coming across very determined out of fear of failing and wanting the pony to like you and do things right, so try going up there for a few days with an attitude of butterflies flying above your head and the sun in the sky and just enjoying the pony and being with him and taking him for a lead out and doing some "be happy time" and see if his attitude towards you changes - don't spoil with treats just enjoy being together on a lead - not standing in a box.
 
Honestly, ponies don't 'do' hate, he probably senses that you are a bit less confident for certain things and tries it on.;) I think you are perhaps reading too much into his behaviour, it all sounds perfectly normal pony to me. :D Taking a bucket with a few pony nuts in should entice him to be caught. After that, forget about taking any of his behaviour personally and just get on and do and try to enjoy it. :)
 
You're definitely over thinking things - especially "looks" in his eye. Don't take it so personally. If your sister has better results from making him work harder and bein stricter with him, I would take that as an indication that he may not respect you and feels he can get away with being a monkey. I definitely think you should sort yourself some lessons with a good instructor and spend more time working with him and getting him fit - the more you do, the more your confidence will grow and the more his confidence in you will grow. It should be fun, you know! :)
 
That sounds exactly like my TB! I can't keep count of how many times I have cried my eyes out over telling myself that my horse loves my partner and hates me, I've had mine just over a year now too but wouldn't change a thing. I am nice as pie to mine, yet my partner is a lot firmer, but horsey just seems to want to win affection then, rather than it be handed to him on a plate like I do lol.
It's so frustrating but stick with it and you will soon discover a way to bond.
Partner can get the horse too do anything in the school (I struggle) yet he can't hack him, that's where I come in... Lol, I know it's hard but don't let it get you down, im sure you horse doesn't hate you at all!

Sorry for rambling on - but I just know the feeling all to well
 
I was the exact same. A year on with my boy we had out big time ups and HUGE time downs!
It takes time, and youngsters go through stages.
Me and my boy have clicked now, took awhile but we have a proper bond now.
Just keep the faith! Don't try to hard to force anything, it comes with time. All the best. X
 
Do you ever just to fun stuff for him? I didnt think the yellow pony liked me that much but it turns out he does and he actually trusts me. How did I find this out? by getting loads of 'scarey' stuff from the pound shop and playing silly games with him.

As for the jumping it sounds like he is picking up on your nerves which even though you say he isnt its very hard to hide your nerves from a pony. You could go back to poles with him and just work together from there untill you are both confident and wanting to do more and make sure you have a neck strap so that you can hold that so you dont touch his mouth jumping. You could also try little jumps on the ground with him or free schooling he might enjoy it.

Some ponies are just harder to get in to though so it might take some work.
 
Equestria said:
I have tried everything with that pony, treats, tlc, join-up...
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I don't think join-up is particularly noted for causing horses to like people!

Have you tried anything like clicker-training rather than just semi-random treating? Or simply rewarding friendly behaviour (without the clicker) in a targetted way? Just an idea... but maybe he isn't food oriented.

The list goes on, but he still hates me.
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Is it hate or merely indifference? Or mild dislike? I think if a horse really hated you, you'd be continually dodging bared teeth and kick attempts - or at least he'd be pulling faces all the time. If it's mild dislike, I'd be optimistic of your chances.

Everytime I am with him I can't help but think that he'd rather be somewhere else, as he always stands at the stable door, head poking out, staring wistfully into the distance. Even when he isn't doing that, his head is always turned away from me, ears rolled back slightly. I know that normally means he is relaxed, but the look in his eyes suggest otherwise.
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Does he do this with everyone, or just with you? Sometimes it's just the horse's character and not directed at specific people.

Have you found his itchy spot? I know it sounds rather mercenary, but this can be a real ice-breaker when it comes to improving relations with a standoffish horse.
 
I don't mean this to sound critical but perhaps you need to look at how you are when you're with him? Even get someone to video you if you're brave enough. lol. It amazing how much stuff we do or don't do that we don't even realize is affecting the horse and possibly telling him stuff. For example, if we are tense, tentative in our body language it can make a horse disinterested or even back off. Have a look at how you move around him, what signals/cues you are giving him. Are you consistent in your asks (cues) and have basic 'rules' you stick to?
Doing stuff like clicker might help but if he is getting mixed or muddled messages from you it might end in disaster. I have found that I have to be strict with myself sometimes to establish a good basic rapport and your post explaining he is different with others made me think perhaps you should start with yourself, like I had to. Hope that makes some sense.

Many wont agree but doing lots of very basic exercizes for eg. those in Kelly Marks's Perfect Manners book helps you focus on getting your timing right and being clear and how to be more aware of yourself.
 
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fburton said:
I don't think join-up is particularly noted for causing horses to like people!

Have you tried anything like clicker-training rather than just semi-random treating? Or simply rewarding friendly behaviour (without the clicker) in a targetted way? Just an idea... but maybe he isn't food oriented.


Is it hate or merely indifference? Or mild dislike? I think if a horse really hated you, you'd be continually dodging bared teeth and kick attempts - or at least he'd be pulling faces all the time. If it's mild dislike, I'd be optimistic of your chances.


Does he do this with everyone, or just with you? Sometimes it's just the horse's character and not directed at specific people.

Have you found his itchy spot? I know it sounds rather mercenary, but this can be a real ice-breaker when it comes to improving relations with a standoffish horse.
Click to expand...

Ha, this made me laugh. Personally I favour the mercenary approach every time.

OP,Good luck with those exams, I expect they are causing you more stress than you realise:)
 
If paying for an instructor is out of the question would either your yard owner/ manager or another experienced livery help you in exchange for some jobs? Such as mucking out, tack cleaning, poo picking etc?
 
If your sister is stricter and works him harder and he "likes" her more, I'm inclined to agree with JFTD - it could be a respect thing. My pony is often better behaved for other people :D usually the ones that are more experienced than me and take no messing from him (this is the posy described by the vet as a "drama queen" - how embarrassing!). I've had mine since he was 4 and broke him in myself - I often have found myself "babying" him even though he's now nearly 7. The times he goes the best for me is when I man up and tell him to grow a pair and get on with things! I wouldn't be nervous and think you have to creep round him and be nice to him for him to like you - if you can get someone experienced to help you out a few times on the ground and riding you might find it really helps. As someone who has just got a new instructor and "seen the light" I can't emphasise enough how much some experienced help can make a difference - even if you have to beg, borrow, ask for it for your birthday etc.
 
I would agree with the posters who have said that the issue could be one of the pony's respect for you.
We have a similar situation at home. My daughter has a young cob who she has had for getting on for 2 years. She is a novice, having come to riding in her 20's. The rest of us have ridden & had horses for many years, so we have been helping her. BUT..... he is quite horrible to her - barging, biting, bucking etc, which has resulted in her quickly losing confidence - quite understandably! I have taken over riding him to teach him some manners & to school him. I love my horses, there is nothing better than a cuddle & a horse that is happy to see you. Needless to say, this little cob is as good as gold with me, he doesn't barge, is a super hack & is easy to catch. I think he is a pony that confident handling to make him feel safe. I think that with me he knows I am in charge & that makes him feel safe. With my daughter, he is worried that HE has to be in charge & that bothers him, so he gets aggressive & quite horrible to be around. I have been riding him & handling him since early March & he has really improved with me & my other daughter & my husband, but he is still awful to his poor owner (other daughter). Do think hard about whether or not this could be the case & perhaps get your sister to handle him a little more for you, especially if you are under pressure with exams. It can be very hard to think that the problem lies with you, rather than the pony, but sometimes it is easier to change ourselves than it is the pony. I wish you loads of luck & apologise for the massive essay!!
Longdog xx
 
I really don't think your pony hates you at all.

When I was at school (in the dark ages) we had a teacher who was really soft. We all liked her but were really naughty in her class because she was too sweet to keep control.

In contrast, there was another teacher who was firm but fair. She made us work hard and we never messed about in her class. A mere 'look' from her and we sat absolutely still.

With the soft teacher we felt bad about how naughty we were, she didn't deserve it but she couldn't keep order.

With the firm but fair teacher, we felt good about ourselves and the work we'd produced that lesson.


Its a bit of a rambling way of saying, Tough Up with your pony. He knows you love him even when he has to work hard.
 
I didn't bond with my cob, truly bond, for about 4 years. Then she had an illness, and the vet suggeted that she could be walked out round the village in hand each day. We've never looked back. For about a month we toddled up and downa the village street, stopped for people to pet her, grazed the verges outside the village, watched buzards and ducks and people in their gardens.

Reading this it sounds really twee, but it worked. She's a very sensitive, scary girl - built like a buxom barmaid but with a mouse's heart - and I think she just devloped a lot of trust in me over those weeks. She'd always been quite cool with me. Now she shouts a greeting whenever she sees me from the field, and will walk anywhere with me without headcollar. Keep perservering. As another post said, horses/ponies don't really do 'Hate'. They do do 'can't be bothered' and 'you're Ok but I like that other person more' - both those can be overcome.
 
Thanks for the suggestions, they are helping' <3
I haven't been up the yard at all this week as I have been busy revising, so my sister went up. At first, she said he wasn't running away, but three days in and he started running away again. She hasn't been riding because of the rain, so I don't know if he's doing the same. I think you guys are right about it not being personal, I think all this stress is making me extremely sensitive and emotional.
I'll try all of your suggestions, though at the itching spot- how do I find it? I tried doing that a few weeks ago, I scratch and pinched at his back, withers, neck, the top of his legs... He just stood there looking bored. xD
 
You want your pony to be fun for you.................are you fun for your pony? It doesn't sound like you are. Perhaps you need to put aside your ideas of "training" or "performance" and think more about a "relationship". IMO you need to visit him without a plan or agenda. Take a pocket full of treats. Sit in the paddock and wait for him to come to you and then instead of haltering him and taking him for a schooling session give him a treat. And walk away.....it's called reverse psycology!! Then when he is confident with you halter him, give him a treat, take off the halter and let him go....!!! then halter him, take him out of the paddock and give him a treat, take him back in and let him go. If he is on "starvation" give him a bit of grazing time. Build the relationship. Let him know it's not all about WORK, but more about PLAY!! Good luck.
 
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