my sister is a cow!!

[ldlp111]

hi this is gona be long i think.
anyway for those who havnt read previous posts, basically my mum had bad fall off my sisters horse last august and passed away from her injuries. since then i have been looking after all 5 horses including 2 of my sisters with the odd day of help from my sis when i ask her which is followed by if i have to or i suppose!!

anyway found nice home for one of hers now, so txt her about her other one which is 11hh dartmoor cross which was bought for her to take to shows. she has done anything with her since accident or showed any interest, so i txt her asking her to decid if she wanted to start doing stuff with pony ie showing etc or whether she wanted to sell as she is bored in the field at present and loves attention.

she replied saying if i sell her i wont help with the others, the others being my 2 and my mums old horse which back along she was saying she wanted to start taking to shows etc.
so i assume she doesnt think hes is half hers etc, so ive been thinking about selling him as 3 is too much for me and thinking bout loaning my other horse out again.

basically point of this post is just to rant about my sister being a selfish b!tch. ive been looking after her two for 6-8 months now so is it too much to ask for her to help me out everynow and then, like when im at college in evening??

 

[louisevictoria]

how old is your sister ?

 

[ldlp111]

she is 26!!! i am the youngest at 25. spent most of saturday crying due to stress of her i think or mayb because i am tired i dont now.
just at my wits end with her.

 

[louisevictoria]

harsh as this sounds you need to put yourself first - at 26 she should be able to decide what she wants to do. If you are starting to feel that it is too much, then you need to have a sit down and chat with her about it, and if she doesn't like it best she take over the care of her horses full time or she sell them.

FWIW I find my two hard to manage sometimes and I have a lot of support.

Its not easy ((hugs))

 

[AmyMay]

Maybe she is finding the whole thing rather difficult to deal with after the death of your mum.

Perhaps you could sit down with her and have a chat about the whole thing.

 

[Stacie_and_Jed]

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe she is finding the whole thing rather difficult to deal with after the death of your mum.

Perhaps you could sit down with her and have a chat about the whole thing.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ditto this. She may blame herself/her horse and hasnt quite got the strength to start doing things with the horses yet!

I would also sit her down and have a chat (not a rant) and try to get some sense out of it.

Hugs to you both!

 

[ldlp111]

well she just annoyed with the fact i have been looking after hers for ages and because she will be selling her pony she wont help me with the ones that are left even though she wanted to ride mums old horse, she seems to think i am her groom or something.

my bf is a great help but is non-horsey i do try to talk to her but she just gets in a grump and then doesnt talk to me for days.

i just find it so annoying that if she sold her pony she wouldnt help with the 3 that are left because she doesnt consider any of them hers, its not like im asking her to drive to a yard and feed, she literally has to walk outside and give them hay etc.

thats why im considering selling my mums old horse that she apparently wanted to take sj this year hmm and loan my cob out so i am left with just my competition mare and then possibly get a diy livery in or 2.

 

[ldlp111]

it is impossible to talk to her about anything!

 

[Nosey]

Not excusing her behaviour but maybe spending time with the horses makes her feel worse about your Mum. Everyone deals with bereavement differently....just a thought?

 

[ldlp111]

she never used to help before either mum done everything

 

[Perfect_Pirouette]

I really think that you are struggling and this isn't fair on you, you must have enough on your plate. So sorry you may not like this but my advice is to sell/loan any of the horses that you don't see yourself riding etc and just keep the one or two that you do and if she doesn't want to help then that's her loss but at least you won't be stuck with so many ponies/horses on your own.

Before doing this maybe have a serious talk with her and tell her how much you're not coping and it's not fair that it's all left to you. If she still doesn't want to help much then say that you might have to sell /loan a couple to decrease your workload.

 

[brighteyes]

Yep, she's a cow. My daughter is also slipping into bovine-like behaviour and as a result I am moving her pony on.

The hardest thing is letting them go as you never know where they'll end up and their capacity for 'suffering' is vast. Which is why her pony is only offered on loan.

I'm also under stress and ours are at home

I have proper help and plenty of 'resources' I think I need a slap and to get a grip

 

[ldlp111]

thing is because i work for my dad to help him with the campsite and accounts as hes not very good at that she thinks why should she help when i dont do anything all day. all i ask for is help one night a wekk when i am at college and bit of help at weekend would be nice, at the mo im having to come back home to do horses as she goes away every weekend.

 

[ldlp111]

hi brighteyes glad to her you are trying to sort your daughter out, as in if she wants horse she should look after it.

i keep trying to tell my sister that if i wasnt here she would have to look after her pony regardless of the fact she has a full-time job.

which is what she says to me whenever i ask her to help do field etc i work all week last thing i want to do at weekend is more work, if she considers horses more of a chore than a pleasure she shouldnt have any.

 

[Fizzimyst]

I thought you were selling / loaning your Mum's horse anyway? I remember you getting offers of homes from people on here, on a post some time ago........

 

[ldlp111]

no that was my sisters horse which has found a nice new home thanks to me.

 

[Fizzimyst]

I'm confused, I thought it was your Mum's horse that she was riding and she fell off it?

Or was it your sisters horse that your mum was riding?

 

[samstar]

it was her sisters horse that her mum was riding

 

[ldlp111]

yeah sisters horse that mum was riding as amy couldnt be bothered.

 

[Fizzimyst]

Ahhhhh I see!

Was getting really confused

xx

 

[OWLIE185]

The death of your mother must have had a traumatic effect on every member of your familly especially given the very sad circumstances of the accident.

People do react in different ways and take different length of time to adjust to a tragedy.

It sounds like you all as a familly need to get together and have a chat about the situation so that you all know what each of your feelings are.

Maybe you could get an idependent third party in to help you all sort this out (such as a councillor). This may provide you with a forum in which you can discuss the issues and resolve them.