Needing a virtual hug and some happy stories :)

C

Carrots&Mints

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Hi all, as some of you might know, my prince Alfie was put to sleep on Monday and im not dealing with it very well :(

I'm okay whilst im doing something but as soon as I stop doing something I get very very upset. Especially when im going to bed :( I just keep looking at photos and thinking I wish I could just cuddle him or speak to him or just look at him just once more. I hope he's okay up there.

For those people who have lost horses, please could you give me a few tips or a few stories on what you did to get over them or what helped you.... Not forget about him just to stop getting all upset when I think about him.

I feel like I'm lost, like I'm invisible or something and that no one really understands what it's like.

Sorry for being soppy or whatever I would just like some happy stories please :)
 
You should try and fill your time with something else at the moment. That isn't to say stop looking at pics or anything. But do something non horsey that you enjoy, even if it's just reading a book or watching a dvd boxset of something which gets you hooked!

Nothing will take away the hurt at the moment, but the more you can distract yourself the more you will find each day becomes easier. :)
 
It's never easy and everyone handles loss differently. It's only been a short time so I'm not surprised you are still so emotional, let your grief out and eventually you'll start to remember all the good times rather than losing him.

I'm sure people really feel for you although quite often they are never quite sure what to say to help so sometimes say nothing.

(((hugs)))
 
I think you're right that people who don't have horses don't understand the massive hole they leave when you lose them.

It does get better. It takes a while, so hang in there and keep going, but it will ease. Like Moomince Pie says, do lots of things to distract you, stuff you enjoy or that makes you concentrate. Be nice to yourself, it's never easy to lose a friend.
 
I struggled lots, couldn't even look at a photo of him without bursting into tears for a good few months. Couldn't concentrate, couldn't bond with my new horse, felt numb and completely closed off :(
It's been 4 years now and I still miss him loads but I can look at photos and smile now :) and remember all the good times!
 
Hi. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I lost my milieu in April, he was my first horse and I'd only had him for 18 months. He went very suddenly aged only 12 and the shock and grief was horrific. I was like a zombie for two weeks and my family took turns to be with me so I never had to be alone. It was a very hard time.
I made a book of memories, had a special piece of jewellery made, had his name tattooed by my heart and I slowly started to heal. It doesn't go away all at once but it does ease - I still cry over him but more often I will tell stories about him and laugh and smile.
I couldn't look at other horses at first, it made me feel sick but at the same time I hated being without one in my life. So in June I got Deano and I can honestly say nothing could have healed my heart better. I don't resent him for not being meels (i was worried I would) I love him just for himself. I tell him about his 'big brother' often and it feels like I still have a bit of milieu when I let Deano use something that used to be his. Don't be afraid to give your heart to another horse, I think it is a lovely legacy.
I found this poem very comforting - love the idea that you were chosen to show them the love they deserve on earth.

http://allpoetry.com/poem/2696702-My_Grandest_Foal-by-Brokenheart3S

Hope the link works. Huge hugs xxx
 
Thanks everyone :) that poem was lovley :) my friend sent me a poem over Facebook I'll try and copy it over. I think it's just the realisation that he's never coming back which upsets me loads and then I think to myself I'll see him again one day though :) I don't ever want to forget him xxxx
 
RAINBOW BRIDGE

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...
 
When I had my boy PTS in April 2011 I was heart broken, bereft - after 17 years - one day he was there, next he was gone. I really couldn't cope at all. I had loads more time and loads to do but didn't feel like doing anything.... also being in my late 40s felt that life was over somehow. Couldn't bare the thought of no more countryside, no more riding, no more smelling of horse wee. I boxed away all the rosettes I had up as I couldn't look at them, couldn't look at horses, couldn't look at countryside without blubbing. It took me over 2 months to go to the yard and see my friends there and when I did, I blubbed more. By the end of July, I couldn't take any more, and to cut a very long story short, bought a new young green horse and so the new relationship began. I was really difficult at first and I cried when I looked at the photos of my new horse in the old horse's stable because it wasn't my old horse. Very gradually, we have bonded, the new horse and me, and I realise how fantastic the new horse is, and have to admit he is a better horse all round than the last. I can now look at old horse's photos and smile - over 18 months on. I still cry from time to time - someone at the yard was asking about what happened with the old horse, and I told them the story and blubbed. I was lucky to share my life with such a wonderful boy for 17 years, and feel blessed to have found another wonderful one who I hope will be with me till we are both too old to ride together.
 
Having other horses really helped me, I was so lucky that the day paddy went my mum stayed with him and then cleaned up his stable and put one of My other horses in his stable as I couldn't of looked at his empty stable. I made a little memory box that contained his shoe, tail hair, pics, pack of polos (his fav) and his lead rope etc.

It is so hard you will never forget but time will help.

Hugs xxxxxxx
 
My experience is with my dog rather than a horse. I spent a lot of time with our other dog, because although people may not know what you're going through, you can share your deepest thoughts and feelings with an animal and I think they understand. Also if they are your animal you pay their keep so they have to listen and have enforced hugs. After my dog had been gone about a month, I made a photobook of some of our favourite photos. We scattered his ashes in his favourite spot and true to form as we did that the wind changed and OH and I got a gobful of Charly. I think he would have found that hilarious. You will see Alfie again, I have no doubt.

Talking about him might help too. If you struggle a bit because of a history of depression, don't be afraid to ask the doc for help, as the loss of a pet is to many people (and definitely me) as devastating as the loss of a family member or friend. You might find as we did that over the next few weeks, some of the funny things he did come back to you in the saddest of moments, those always cheered me up and felt like a little wave from him. I wish you all the best. Xx
 
I went out and bought another horse. I know some think it's wrong, but it was the best thing for me. I had an empty stable and heart that needed filling. I wasn't replacing him, I could never do that. I have my new boy, but not a day goes by when I don't think about the ones I've lost. Time really is a healer. And a ((( big hug ))) from me xx
 
I found pottering around the yard helping other people with their yard jobs very comforting. I couldn't look at photos for a year but was OK with his actual things. Everyone is different - go with what feels right for you; people who matter will understand and the others can poke it.
 
my experience of grief was loosing my dad two years ago. I live away from my family, no one here knows my dad and none of my friends had lost either of their parents. Earlier this year i met a new friend who had also lost her dad. We share dad stories and laugh and cry together (its two years on now so the tears are quite rare)
loosing a much loved pet is just as traumatic, and maybe if you knew someone else who had also lost a special horse it would be a big help to you. I think its easier to talk to someone who understands your situation if they have been there.
Two years on my grief has given me a new depth of understanding..and also a new friend who i love to bits.
So sorry to hear how you are feeling and when the time comes i hope you find a new horse to help you on your way!
 
I think of some other poor sod up there putting up with my horse empty his wheelbarrow but only when its full. pinging someone else bra strap for a change. Having his big fat bum pushed in their face because he must have it rubbed right now and all the funny things hes probaley doing up there as he did in his real life but free from pain thats what i think of
 
I found it very difficult to cope with losing my mare. I slept with her rug on my bed for ages, I found the smell comforting and some lovey friends got me a beautiful portrait of her which hangs above my bed. I also found getting all my photos together in one book nice as they were all in one place for me to look at.
Really though time is the only thing that helps. That and getting my new boy. I found it hard to bond with him at first despite him being a perfect angel but he really has helped me see I still have a lot of love to give and that life moves on. Big hugs to you, it's such a difficult thing to go through and I hope you find a way of coping x
 
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