fiwen30
Well-Known Member
*pause for people to read thread title and scoff*
I'm sorry in advance, this may be a bit long-winded, but I don't have any horsey friends to bounce my thoughts off, and I'm going round in circles!
I've had my first ever horse, Lola, on loan since May 2014, and the agreement with her owner is that I have her for a year and then owner will decide what she wants to do with her next.
My getting Lola was part of an agreement with my soon-to-be-sister-in-law who is an eventer with her own yard. The agreement being that I help her on the yard every weekday morning with chores, and groom for her at events, and in return she gives me knowledge and practical experience of horse management and ownership, pays for and trains me for my Pony Club exams, and foots the feed, hay, bedding and livery bills for a loan horse for me. Sounds pretty good, right?
It was great to start with, I was riding nearly every day after my morning's work, and Lola was just as described by her owner - safe, forgiving and utterly paitent with my novice-ness. Summer was fantastic, I learnt to jump, we went on fun rides, galloped through fields and it was great. In July, her owner took Lola's saddle back. She was reluctant to do so, but she needed it to fit another one of her horses.
While I was in saddle-limbo, I borrowed a spare from my SIL which fit Lola OK, but not me at all. We rode in it twice, and the second time I'd barely mounted when Lola took off and bucked so hard I flew over her head and landed straight on my hip. Honest to god I thought I'd broken it - I was the only person at the yard, and I lay on the floor for 10 minutes sobbing in pain. I didn't ride her again until I'd bought a new saddle 2 months later, exactly like the previous one, and had it fitted for her.
After that, one way or another, I kept coming off almost every time I rode alone in the school. Sometimes it was my fault, sometimes it was hers, other times it was accidents or unfortunate circumstances, but after each time I was so shaken that I put off riding for longer and longer, because every time I rode, I fell off.
Lola has now learnt that she can throw me off by bucking, specifically when I've just mounted and not got my other stirrup. If she moves off before I'm balanced, she can buck, I fall off, she gets out of work because I'm too shook up or too hurt to get back on. When I turn her head so she can't go forwards, she plants and bucks on the spot instead, for up to 2-3 minutes of battling with her, rather than walking on.
Now I'm at the stage where I dread the idea of riding her. Not riding in general - after a little knee-knocking I'll hop on and hack SIL's 17.2hh eventing mare because I trust her implicitly. I've just completely lost trust in Lola, and my own confidence is in tatters. I've only ridden her twice since the start of November, which is just so shameful. SIL is getting angry about it too. I guess she see's a horse getting fat off her money, while not being used, even though I'm supposed to be the one working for her keep. SIL hasn't been scared of a horse in her life, and doesn't understand my growing reluctance. Her advice for Lola's bucking, and to get me riding again, is to just 'go and do it', because she's never known that sometimes you just...can't.
I know the sensible thing to do would be to try and give Lola back to her owner, as I'm not riding or enjoying her as I should be, but her owner was explicit that it would be a full year loan, and she didn't want Lola droped on her in the middle of winter. That would disappoint SIL too, and her fiance my BIL - they're very much the 'if you quit something, you're a good-for-nothing loser who's scared of hard work' types.
I don't want to quit riding. I don't even want to quit working on the yard. I just need a horse I can trust, that I'm not constantly scared will throw me of when I've only just got on. I know no horse is 100% all the time, but I've just not got an ounce of trust left in Lola. SIL hasn't said it, but I know she doesn't hold much stock in my fear. She sees it as 'laziness' and 'shirking', like I don't care that Lola in unworked and unfit. She makes me feel like I'm being irrational and ridiculous, and I don't have anyone else to source opinions from.
Having the bills paid for a horse on loan is supposed to be my reward, a hobby, a relaxation, a fullfilment of a long-held childhood dream, but my fear is making it miserable. Not helped by SIL insisting I should be riding 3-4 times a week, when I've not ridden that in the past few *months*. Is it irrational to want a horse you have confidence in? Or are there other horse owners/loaners slogging it out with animals they're afraid of? Is this normal horse ownership, or is it acceptable to want enjoyment from what is essentially a time and money pit, disguised as a hobby?
Medals for anyone who read all that, I'm not even sure what I'm after. Any insight or thoughts from fellow horsey people whould be gratefully recieved, as I really don't have any guidence.
I'm sorry in advance, this may be a bit long-winded, but I don't have any horsey friends to bounce my thoughts off, and I'm going round in circles!
I've had my first ever horse, Lola, on loan since May 2014, and the agreement with her owner is that I have her for a year and then owner will decide what she wants to do with her next.
My getting Lola was part of an agreement with my soon-to-be-sister-in-law who is an eventer with her own yard. The agreement being that I help her on the yard every weekday morning with chores, and groom for her at events, and in return she gives me knowledge and practical experience of horse management and ownership, pays for and trains me for my Pony Club exams, and foots the feed, hay, bedding and livery bills for a loan horse for me. Sounds pretty good, right?
It was great to start with, I was riding nearly every day after my morning's work, and Lola was just as described by her owner - safe, forgiving and utterly paitent with my novice-ness. Summer was fantastic, I learnt to jump, we went on fun rides, galloped through fields and it was great. In July, her owner took Lola's saddle back. She was reluctant to do so, but she needed it to fit another one of her horses.
While I was in saddle-limbo, I borrowed a spare from my SIL which fit Lola OK, but not me at all. We rode in it twice, and the second time I'd barely mounted when Lola took off and bucked so hard I flew over her head and landed straight on my hip. Honest to god I thought I'd broken it - I was the only person at the yard, and I lay on the floor for 10 minutes sobbing in pain. I didn't ride her again until I'd bought a new saddle 2 months later, exactly like the previous one, and had it fitted for her.
After that, one way or another, I kept coming off almost every time I rode alone in the school. Sometimes it was my fault, sometimes it was hers, other times it was accidents or unfortunate circumstances, but after each time I was so shaken that I put off riding for longer and longer, because every time I rode, I fell off.
Lola has now learnt that she can throw me off by bucking, specifically when I've just mounted and not got my other stirrup. If she moves off before I'm balanced, she can buck, I fall off, she gets out of work because I'm too shook up or too hurt to get back on. When I turn her head so she can't go forwards, she plants and bucks on the spot instead, for up to 2-3 minutes of battling with her, rather than walking on.
Now I'm at the stage where I dread the idea of riding her. Not riding in general - after a little knee-knocking I'll hop on and hack SIL's 17.2hh eventing mare because I trust her implicitly. I've just completely lost trust in Lola, and my own confidence is in tatters. I've only ridden her twice since the start of November, which is just so shameful. SIL is getting angry about it too. I guess she see's a horse getting fat off her money, while not being used, even though I'm supposed to be the one working for her keep. SIL hasn't been scared of a horse in her life, and doesn't understand my growing reluctance. Her advice for Lola's bucking, and to get me riding again, is to just 'go and do it', because she's never known that sometimes you just...can't.
I know the sensible thing to do would be to try and give Lola back to her owner, as I'm not riding or enjoying her as I should be, but her owner was explicit that it would be a full year loan, and she didn't want Lola droped on her in the middle of winter. That would disappoint SIL too, and her fiance my BIL - they're very much the 'if you quit something, you're a good-for-nothing loser who's scared of hard work' types.
I don't want to quit riding. I don't even want to quit working on the yard. I just need a horse I can trust, that I'm not constantly scared will throw me of when I've only just got on. I know no horse is 100% all the time, but I've just not got an ounce of trust left in Lola. SIL hasn't said it, but I know she doesn't hold much stock in my fear. She sees it as 'laziness' and 'shirking', like I don't care that Lola in unworked and unfit. She makes me feel like I'm being irrational and ridiculous, and I don't have anyone else to source opinions from.
Having the bills paid for a horse on loan is supposed to be my reward, a hobby, a relaxation, a fullfilment of a long-held childhood dream, but my fear is making it miserable. Not helped by SIL insisting I should be riding 3-4 times a week, when I've not ridden that in the past few *months*. Is it irrational to want a horse you have confidence in? Or are there other horse owners/loaners slogging it out with animals they're afraid of? Is this normal horse ownership, or is it acceptable to want enjoyment from what is essentially a time and money pit, disguised as a hobby?
Medals for anyone who read all that, I'm not even sure what I'm after. Any insight or thoughts from fellow horsey people whould be gratefully recieved, as I really don't have any guidence.