Never received my horses ashes - what would you do?

[Cluny]

Tragically I had to have me 10 year old gelding PTS a month ago due to severe arthritis and high grade Wobblers. We had him PTS at home via injection and my vets organised the cremation of my horse with my chosen company.

The vets told me that I would receive a wooden box with a metal panel with whatever I wanted inscribed on it, so I simply chose his name. The ashes never came, it took me a month to pluck up the courage to phone up the cremation company to find out where they were. They said that the vets never told them that we wanted a sample of the ashes back. I was shocked, I then asked my OH to phone the vets to find out what their side of the story was, as by this point I was in tears. It turns out the vets are at fault as they faxed written instructions to the cremation company and did not mention the ashes.

I am furious and deeply upset, and trying to decide what to do.

What would you do?

 

[GypsyGirl]

oh my godness! I feel so awful for you! I have no idea what I would do etc but just wanted to reply. Poor you! x

 

[Blitzen]

Gosh how awful for you, I would be horrified.
I would write a letter of complaint to the vets, specifying how devastated you are. They didn't follow your instructions, and you should let them know how disappointed in their service you are. It might not achieve anything other than to prevent it happening to someone else, but if it were me I would have to tell them how I felt, and I would expect a written apology, at least. x

 

[Marydoll]

This is so sad, and you are understandibly upset and angry.
There is nothing your vet will be able to do to rectify the situation, but someone from the practice needs to meet, apologise and discuss with you what has happened, and if there is anything that can be done to help you come to terms with it, and to make sure it doesnt happen to someone else.
If he was part of a group cremation and others have sample ashes, the company may be able to approach other owners on your behalf, who may have had their horse cremated with yours to ask if you can have, even a small amount of the groups ashes.
If he was an individual cremation i doubt very much if you have any hope of retrieving any of his ashes. Again i am so sorry to hear this you must be devastated.

 

[maresmaid]

I am so sorry for your loss, horses are such a large part of our lives and they leave such a big empty space when we lose them, it can feel much like the loss of any other family member at the time and the greiveing process is very real.

I cant imagine that there is a great deal that you can actually do about this unhappy situation, apart from perhaps asking for a refund if you have paid extra to have the ashes returned. It might help you to feel a bit better, if you write to your Vet and let them know how upset you are over this. It was most likely a genuine mistake, but I am sure that doesn't make you feel any better and there's not much the Vet can do about it now, but perhaps writing a letter expressing how you feel will help you to deal with those feelings.

 

[Cluny]

Thanks so much for your very kind words, it has been a truly horrible day and at present I cannot believe that I'm not going to get anything back, even though the ashes were more symbolic than anything, as it was a group cremation ( thank you for the idea Marydoll).

 

[brown tack]

This is so sad, and you are understandibly upset and angry.
There is nothing your vet will be able to do to rectify the situation, but someone from the practice needs to meet, apologise and discuss with you what has happened, and if there is anything that can be done to help you come to terms with it, and to make sure it doesnt happen to someone else.
If he was part of a group cremation and others have sample ashes, the company may be able to approach other owners on your behalf, who may have had their horse cremated with yours to ask if you can have, even a small amount of the groups ashes.
If he was an individual cremation i doubt very much if you have any hope of retrieving any of his ashes. Again i am so sorry to hear this you must be devastated.

Op how horrid for you, I'd be fuming.

I never knew they did group cremations! I always thought it was done individually. As the whole point of cremation is to be able to keep the ashes. I wouldn't want part of another horse that I never knew.

 

[Cluny]

Muckyshavings, I didn't know either, until it came to the day, but having spent a fortune on vets bills and it costing £275 for a group cremation or £750 for a single cremation, I had to make a decision based on cold hard cash, it wasn't a comfortable one.

 

[Luci07]

Muckyshavings, I didn't know either, until it came to the day, but having spent a fortune on vets bills and it costing £275 for a group cremation or £750 for a single cremation, I had to make a decision based on cold hard cash, it wasn't a comfortable one.

At that point its irrelevant really - your horse is not impacted by being cremated in a group as opposed to being done on his own so I would not feel bad about it. A friend had her horses ashes back and the box was really huge..

If you really want some of the ashes back then I think it was a good idea to approach some of the others. I would also write and complain to the practise for all the good reasons cited above. Finally, you should also check you have not been charged for the return of some of your horses ashes - that was an additionial cost if I remember rightly.

But regardless, so sorry you lost your horse and worse that you are sort of reliving it by having to go through this.