New mare - being the leader and gaining her trust

S

Spookywood

Well-Known Member
Joined
29 February 2012
Messages
167
Visit site
Hi All

I have had my new mare for 2 months and we are slowly getting to know each other. She is the boss in the field and I think she likes to think that she is the boss with me too so I'm looking for some advice on how I reaffirm or show her that I am the leader not her.

Generally she is fine and is a nice quiet mare but on occasion it does feel like she is testing me. Eg. One week she decided she wouldnt go into the field through the gate and would plant. Or wouldn't leave the yard and would try and spin round. Both of these things have now stopped. Her current thing is not to stand while I'm grooming (has been fine previously) and trying to tack up. It seems like other horses going around the yard set her off and I just can't get her to settle and she seems to work herself up. She paws the ground and constantly moves around. The other day she was doing this as I was trying to get her tacked up and the YO husband walked past and stopped to help he gave her a quick couple of yanks on her head collar and told her to stand and behave and gave her head collar a jab the next couple times she did it and she stopped and stood perfectly.

I had previously been told to ignore her when she started and let her sort herself out so this is what I had been doing (hadn't really worked) so should I now be taking the jab with the head collar route?

Sorry for the long post and probably really basic question but I know I need to be firm with her and thought I was, but clearly I'm not being the leader enough. So any help on any exercises or things I should be doing to get this established would be much appreciated.

Thanks SW :(
 
Last edited:
Spookywood said:
being the leader enough.
Click to expand...
What do you think a good leader should do or be like?

My feeling is that you should continue to handle her with firmness and consistency - discourage the behaviours you don't want and rewards the ones you do - and that in time things will come right. Patience is required. I don't believe that "instant fixes" work that well, or that there is some exercise or procedure you can just do to make your horse respect you and therefore magically behave herself from that moment forward. You have to train the behaviour and "respect" will follow, not the other way round. (In my opinion and experience.)
 
Agree with fburton entirely. Mares in particular tend to resent anyone they feel is trying to force them into respecting & I know a few who'll then constantly be looking for a way to take back control. Mine will do anything you ask her, but never anything she's told to do, gets very obtuse then fights if you insist. Daughters pony goes straight in for a fight with anyone she thinks is ordering her about.
 
Thanks guys and that's what I thought and I don't want to 'make' her respect me. I was also always told that you tell a gelding but ask a mare.

I guess it's just the finer detail of how do you discourage the bad behaviour? I don't believe in hitting a horse into submission and that's why i was unsure about the firm jabbing of the head collar. I know that I need to be the leader to enable her to trust me and she will gain confidence from me being the leader. I know it will take time and it will be months (if not a year or so) before I have a proper bond and understanding with my new mare, but I want to make sure we get off on the right foot and that I am being fair and consistent with my handling of her.

So any thoughts on the best method of discouragement? Thanks again
 
Depends on the horse. One of mine will plant, but asking her to turn and walk a small circle gets her going again. One will do anything for food, so if she's being a cowbag (can be dreadful to catch), I essentially bribe her to be good (probably not a BHS approved method :p). The third only needs me to say 'OI' and then she behaves again.
 
When you say she is the boss in the field, do you mean she is moving other horses and being a bit aggressive/overly assertive when she does it?

I agree firm (not hitting or rough btw) fair but most of all consistent handling should be the way to go. She sounds still a bit insecure to me and hasn't settled in the herd yet. I have a tb mare who took months to settle with field mates and she came over as pushy and planted etc. Lots of calm but consistent ground work helped. If you are using pressure to ask her don't forget to release as soon as she makes any effort to comply correctly. Work in small steps using p&r to build up her understanding of what you want. Some horses need longer to process stuff so wait until you ask again (re apply pressure).
Getting her leading well and precisely is a great help imo. She must stop when you stop, step back when you ask, turn in both directions especially away from you, right if you are leading from the left. I would practice lots away from other horses and don't forget lots of rewards. Teach her to 'stand' all over again with lots of rewards gradually building up the time she stands for.
The really important thing imho is for you to be consistent, don't let things slide until you have established a good 'rules'.

Have a check on her diet too. She may need magnesium for eg. with the change in grazing since the move. Do feed her salt in her feed too. Keep an eye on the herd dynamics as well, not all horses get on well together and making even one change to the herd can upset (or improve) the whole shebang.

ps.I'd add yea-sacc to her feed too. All the changes will have caused stresses which will impact on her gut.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
It is annoying when they fidget, try to do everything fairly quickly and growl at her or give a little slap on the neck if she is being a madam. As others have said a lot depends on each individual, some need really firm handling if they don't respond to mild scolding.
I am assuming you tie her up in the stable or outside the stable, some mares are so bizzie/buzzie they need to see what is going on, is she missing out on something?
I feed Feedmark Steady up [a magnesium based calmer], when in doubt, and of course she also hormones to contend with.
 
Last edited:
Spookywood said:
So any thoughts on the best method of discouragement? Thanks again
Click to expand...
It depends very much on the individual horse. One doesn't want to be either too severe on one hand, or too wimpy and ineffectual on the other. The same "act of discouragement" might be water off a duck's back for one horse and trust-destroying for another, even when perfectly timed. It's a matter of judgment (or luck).

In general, I wouldn't resort to punishment (because that's what it is in behavioural terms) to teach a horse what not to do without also being crystal clear about what I would like it to do. Too often one sees horses punished for not complying with unclear instructions, which of course is totally unfair on the horse.

However, regarding standing quietly for tacking up, you probably realize that you are dealing with a horse who, initially at least, didn't actually know what was expected of her. She may stand still for a lot of the time, but she hadn't learned that fidgeting or pawing is something you don't like. What she knows now is that these actions can lead to mildly unpleasant consequences, so she will be less likely to do it in future.

One can teach a horse to stand still, but most people opt for the telling-off when they don't, with occasional reminders. I think that's okay as long as the message gets through and isn't OTT, and you don't assume that lapses happen because of "disrespect" or lack of leadership on your part (which just leads to bad feeling). She isn't "being naughty because she knows she shouldn't do that". Rather, she has either not learned the lesson well enough, or else the motivation for fidgeting outweighs the expectation of the bad consequences, i.e. the tug or smack.

Anyway, it sounds like she is leading much better with you now, and hopefully that won't be an issue again. In my opinion that's one exercise/lesson that can't be overdone!
 
Last edited:
amandap said:
When you say she is the boss in the field, do you mean she is moving other horses and being a bit aggressive/overly assertive when she does it?

I agree firm (not hitting or rough btw) fair but most of all consistent handling should be the way to go. She sounds still a bit insecure to me and hasn't settled in the herd yet. I have a tb mare who took months to settle with field mates and she came over as pushy and planted etc. Lots of calm but consistent ground work helped. If you are using pressure to ask her don't forget to release as soon as she makes any effort to comply correctly. Work in small steps using p&r to build up her understanding of what you want. Some horses need longer to process stuff so wait until you ask again (re apply pressure).
Getting her leading well and precisely is a great help imo. She must stop when you stop, step back when you ask, turn in both directions especially away from you, right if you are leading from the left. I would practice lots away from other horses and don't forget lots of rewards. Teach her to 'stand' all over again with lots of rewards gradually building up the time she stands for.
The really important thing imho is for you to be consistent, don't let things slide until you have established a good 'rules'.

Have a check on her diet too. She may need magnesium for eg. with the change in grazing since the move. Do feed her salt in her feed too. Keep an eye on the herd dynamics as well, not all horses get on well together and making even one change to the herd can upset (or improve) the whole shebang.

ps.I'd add yea-sacc to her feed too. All the changes will have caused stresses which will impact on her gut.
Click to expand...

Useful stuff here, am getting a new mare this weekend and am not used to owning mares, so am gathering as much info as I can off this forum !
 
To a certain extent it can be a bit of trial & error to establish what works best with your mare. With the tacking up, we went through a similar thing with daughters pony earlier this year. She was broken at rising 4 last spring & in Jan our fence got broke, meaning no turnout for a fortnight when usually out 10+ hours. Hence tack= exciting, & we let her get away with fidgeting after previously being good. This mare, for good reason, does not tolerate even dominant body language well. So once turned out again she had to re learn to stand. What worked for her, was just ignoring her & praising when she did stay still, with no attention to her fidgeting whatsoever. Other mares go better if someone distracts them by doing an itchy spot, & some need you to be firmer. But once you've got a mare onside, they'll do anything for you.
 
I think that this type of mare has to respect you. As someone said, once you find the right route with a mare they're the best thing in the world. If you don't they can be a pain in the backside.

Yes you need to give her time to settle, but she should not be messing about in the stable when you're trying to do things with her. You have to firmly assert yourself. Like the YO's man who yanked her headcollar and made her stop. He didn't batter seven bells out of her, he just firmly said "Oy", and she listened. She didn't cower in a corner, she just got the message that she wasn't going to be able to push him around.. My mare used to push my husband around and play him up. He was too nice to her and she thought him totally beneath her. She got almost dangerous with him once when I was away on a trip. I came home and hid and watched. He would ask her to do something, she wouldn't and he would do something different. With her, we had to work on him moving her about in the stable, and asserting himself. It didn't take long for everything to completely settle down.
 
Thanks everyone for the great replies. Much appreciated. She was a complete angel this evening and stood snoozing while tied up! She is very well behaved from the ground 80% of the time and was one of the main reasons I bought her.

Amandap - she doesn't seem overly aggressive with the other horses in the field just puts her ears back and moves them away, no biting or swinging hind 1/4's round, although if another horse is tied up next to her she can be quite aggressive and has been known to lunge at them, ears flat black and feet stamping! The insecure bit is what YO has said and that once im established as the leader she will feel more secure but at the moment I'm being too grey and nicey nice with her. :( I'll check her feed and was thinking about the magnesium and in the form of a calmer as we have some other issues with over excitement/spookiness/misbehaving (still trying to work out which it is!) when riding with other horses. Never knew about the yea-sac will have a read and look at getting some of that too! Other than that she is out 24/7 with adlib haylage in the field.

MissLToe - she gets tied up outside some stables but still under cover. She is never consistently fidgety it only seems to be if there is stuff going on and once she starts she won't settle. Going to look into the calmer for definite.

Fburton - thanks for all the pointers, I think she is one of the ones that needs me to be quite firm. She has improved a lot with the leading, never plants and always walks on and stops with the slightest touch and always keeps her head at my shoulder. I stopped letting her nibble at the grass on the way to the field and started using the leadrope to 'encourage' her to walk on when she planted and she hasn't misbehaved while leading for a while now.

Thanks littlelegs I guess it's just going to take time to learn what works best with her. I've tried the ignoring it, no eye contact and just busying myself with other stuff while she prances around but she just seemed to get worse until I eventually manage to get a bridle on her then she behaves. A few of the girls said they wouldn't even think of getting on her after her performance but actually once I was on she was perfectly fine and settled. :o

Thanks again everyone, I suppose I just need to be firm all the time and not let things slide until the rules are set as per your advice. I'm too much of a softy! Love her to pieces though and know she will be great for me.....one day!!
 
Honey08 said:
I think that this type of mare has to respect you. As someone said, once you find the right route with a mare they're the best thing in the world. If you don't they can be a pain in the backside.

Yes you need to give her time to settle, but she should not be messing about in the stable when you're trying to do things with her. You have to firmly assert yourself. Like the YO's man who yanked her headcollar and made her stop. He didn't batter seven bells out of her, he just firmly said "Oy", and she listened. She didn't cower in a corner, she just got the message that she wasn't going to be able to push him around.. My mare used to push my husband around and play him up. He was too nice to her and she thought him totally beneath her. She got almost dangerous with him once when I was away on a trip. I came home and hid and watched. He would ask her to do something, she wouldn't and he would do something different. With her, we had to work on him moving her about in the stable, and asserting himself. It didn't take long for everything to completely settle down.
Click to expand...

Thanks honey08 yes I think I could be your husband to my mare :(. Will do some more work on the ground and moving her etc thanks this all great stuff, not feeling quite so useless now and have a plan of action!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top