New mare new nightmare

Michelle1109

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Hi All

So as it reads! I’ve bought a mare and she is a diamond and headache
I’ve always had geldings and never really thought about a mare and “stories”. But ohhhhh yes how True they are!!!

Do not come to my stable
Do not ask me to work today
Mmmm ok let’s work today
Why didn’t you come to my stable and fuss me!!!!
Talk about mixed signals!!! Hahhaha

She has great talent but I’m finding it hard to harness and channel this
One day we are great then it’s 5 days of awful

Today had to be the worst she DID NOT WANT TO PLAY BALL.

Head in the air napping (which is not normal)
Fighting contact, ripping the reins out of my hands to the point I now have blisters

We are still getting to know each other it’s only been about 5 months

Any one got any tips on working with a strong minded mare?

Keep it positive please :)
Thanks in advance
 

Michelle1109

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Yes I’ve had her for 5 months known her about 9 months (got to know her before buying her)
She came in to season a few weeks ago and it came and went with no major changes she was a little sensitive and liked her own space
But since having her boy has she been a challenge.
Not that I mind, I’m just looking for tips on how to work with her
I know a lot of owners have to treat their mare a little different and sometimes train differently

Im finding it hard to build a bond and connect with her

All my geldings past have really been great some difficult but all great
She is just hard to work out :/
 

DabDab

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I think it can be easy to fall into the trap of explaining away all sorts of behaviour on a horse just being a 'typical mare'.

So forget that she's a mare and think what you would make of her behaviour is she were a gelding.....if she were a gelding you would probably think that a vet check would be in order or that you had over horsed yourself/bought a horse that you really don't get on with.

I've known a lot of very 'mareish' mares (and own one now actually), and generally, while they may be feisty and sharp tempered, their reactions are in response to fairly rationale things and perfectly understandable. They just don't suffer fools (in their eyes) gladly.
 

dogatemysalad

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This is why I love mares.It's a hard won relationship, but once you've got there, their loyalty and brillance is worth the journey. Match her excitablity with your calmness. Let her see that she doesn't faze you. Be fair, be consistent and have a routine which will help her through the early days. She needs to know that you are trustworthy or else she'll just think she needs to rely on herself.
 

Michelle1109

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I think it can be easy to fall into the trap of explaining away all sorts of behaviour on a horse just being a 'typical mare'.

So forget that she's a mare and think what you would make of her behaviour is she were a gelding.....if she were a gelding you would probably think that a vet check would be in order or that you had over horsed yourself/bought a horse that you really don't get on with.

I've known a lot of very 'mareish' mares (and own one now actually), and generally, while they may be feisty and sharp tempered, their reactions are in response to fairly rationale things and perfectly understandable. They just don't suffer fools (in their eyes) gladly.


No she does not!! I learned that today when I used a bit to much leg hahhah!!

I’ve not over horsed but yes building a working relationship is an uphill battle

With a gelding id be more firm and let them away with less but they have all been big brutes
I feel she is smaller and far more sensitive so maybe I’m being overly cautious I don’t send her the wrong message in the start of the relationship
 

DabDab

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I know, it can be hard to find the right balance, but on the plus side at least you will always know where you stand! (i like that, but it's definitely not for everyone)

Be calm and decisive, but always keep a watch out for the things that upset her, so you can start to work out what makes her tick. A daft example - if you bring my marey mare in from the field and immediately try to change her rug/pick her feet out etc then you are quite liable to get your head kicked in, whereas if you leave her for 15 mins and then do it she will be all sweetness and light. Why? Well because she doesn't like peeing in the field, so all she wants to do when she first comes in is have a nice long wee.
 

Michelle1109

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I know, it can be hard to find the right balance, but on the plus side at least you will always know where you stand! (i like that, but it's definitely not for everyone)

Be calm and decisive, but always keep a watch out for the things that upset her, so you can start to work out what makes her tick. A daft example - if you bring my marey mare in from the field and immediately try to change her rug/pick her feet out etc then you are quite liable to get your head kicked in, whereas if you leave her for 15 mins and then do it she will be all sweetness and light. Why? Well because she doesn't like peeing in the field, so all she wants to do when she first comes in is have a nice long wee.


They are funny things these mares!!!
She has few things I’m starting to see
A couple I’ve nailed and a couple of thousand I’m working on!!!
Fly spray .... show it to her and then just spray it and she will spin knock you over and trample you given the chance
Tap her before you spray that area and sing to her to stands like a statue

It’s the riding part I find super challenging with her
Today she ran through my hands
Head in the clouds, napped round the trainer, and go directly to the fence and switch off me and watch everything else ....... she had ZERO interest in me or working
Just point blank ignored me as my aids
I started to get in a fight with her and then stopped myself, sat back and “regrouped” and started again .....5 mins she was fine then pooooof!!!! All her attention went again! And it was like I didn’t exist
 

DabDab

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Haha, yes, sensitive and beautiful, but oh so frustrating when you can't figure a particular reaction out.

Hmm...tbh the ridden stuff sounds a little like she might be struggling physically. Might be worth chatting it over with a good vet to see what they think? Aside from that it kind of come down to you making yourself really engaging in the work environment. Sensitive mares like this generally love to be stimulated and engaged and they love achieving stuff. Mine lives for being told how good and clever she is (as much as she's gives the impression that she doesn't care what anyone thinks 😜), so I have taught her lots of easy 'tricks' (lowering the head, raise head, turn on forehand, step a nominated leg out to the side etc), so that if she's feeling a bit tizzy I can just get her to run through a couple so that I can justifiably tell her how great she is. Once she's 'achieved' a few things easily in a session her confidence bounces back up and she gets really into other work that I then do with her.
 

Pearlsasinger

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Don't even think about 'building a bond' with her, concentrate on building a working relationship. I would have a vet check her over and if nothing is found get a referral to a good physio. I would also strip her feed back to nothing but hay/lage at this stage, then build up to introducing soaked grassnuts/haycobs and grass chaff, maybe add in linseed after a few weeks if she needs a bit extra to maintain weight , oh and make sure that she has plenty of salt. Does she have anything at all containing alfalfa? If so cut it right out of her diet, many mares really don't get on with it.
 

vmac66

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With my mare it's patience, patience and more patience. She took an hour and a half to load today and was then a complete witch at the event we went to. I find that if I up the ante with her she will double it. When she's being nice she's a sweetheart.
 

Leo Walker

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I see people say this about mares all the time but its not what I find. Mine is an absolute delight. The easiest pony I have ever owned. The mares I had as a kid were cracking as well. MY friends mare is incredibly sweet natured. Theres one on the yard thats a bit quirky, but only in terms of being very bouncy and keen. Shes mid twenties so is allowed to be like that though.

I dont think its ok saying this behaviour is due to her being a mare. It sounds much more like a pain response to me, or an unhappy horse not being managed suitably.
 

CavaloBranco

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Errrm....why would you want a mare? Had one once, never again!! An event rider schooling her said she was the most stubborn horse she'd ever ridden!! Interestingly most of my friends have mares, maybe they love a challenge 😉
 

paddi22

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I have a very marey mare with a massive personality. She lets me know immediately if my riding isn't up to scratch. If my contact is incorrect at all, she just won't suffer it at all, she shows her displeasure immediately. Like if i use my hands too much she will react and almost be insulted that i've disrespected her with clumsy aids that she doesnt need. But as soon as I ride correctly with my seat and legs, she is sweet and goes well again. She has really taught me how to ride.

We had a bit of a nightmare start with each other, but I actually grew to respect her so much for her personality. and as soon as that happened the two of us totally bonded and now I absolutely idolise her and she wil do anything for me.

I had always had gelding before, so I really struggled with her. But you really have to work with them and not assume they will do stuff. Like if my mare comes out in a bad mood workwise, I have to do really simple stuff and TOTALLY over praise her, and then she will come on board and want to show off. It's such a different way of working than gelding.
 

paddi22

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I am a total mare convert, I love the gelding in my picture and he is a brave and willing horse who tries his heart out. But my difficult stroppy little mare is something else, I adore the bones of her and I know she would ride through fire if I asked her. We have such an amazing bond.
 

paddi22

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its funny cause i never GOt the mare thing. I had gelding for 30 years who i adored. And someone said to me 'you just haven''t had THE mare' and I never got it, but now i do!
 

Pearlsasinger

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Our first horse was a gelding, knew his job inside out and taught us a lot about horse ownership., Ever since then we have had mares, up to 5 at a time, even the 'novice ride' ones have insisted that they are shown respect and asked to do something, rather than instructed to do it. If you get it right they will work with you and do anything that you ask - get it wrong and woe betide you! Which doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be a fabulously skilled rider but you do have to be sympathetic and listen to them. Watching the Draft mare teach an adult beginner to ride was hilarious, she expected a bit more from the rider in every lesson.
 

Bellaboo18

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I love mares. Mine is sensitive, sweet and very loyal. I wouldn't pick a gelding.

She isn't mareish and is well mannered. She also appears to be the easiest horse going because I manage her. She has seperation anxiety and her own rules but no one would ever know because I stick to her rules. People will think I'm crazy but I have her for enjoyment, it's supposed to be a hobby and if she's happy, I'm happy. I don't want to deal with a stressed out horse. In return she tries her heart out and would do anything for me. Everyone's happy.

However, I wouldn't expect the behaviour you explain... I'd think she was trying to tell me something.
I find keeping a diary really helpful, then you can see a pattern of unwanted behaviour :)

Good luck, I bet she'll be worth it.
 

DabDab

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I see people say this about mares all the time but its not what I find. Mine is an absolute delight. The easiest pony I have ever owned. The mares I had as a kid were cracking as well. MY friends mare is incredibly sweet natured. Theres one on the yard thats a bit quirky, but only in terms of being very bouncy and keen. Shes mid twenties so is allowed to be like that though.

I dont think its ok saying this behaviour is due to her being a mare. It sounds much more like a pain response to me, or an unhappy horse not being managed suitably.

Oh, both my mares are absolutely a delight. And to people who don't know them they would assume they are both very straightforward and laid back to watch them about the place being handled, worked etc. But whereas Pebbles you could pretty much hand to anyone and she would be almost over generous with their handling ability or lack of, Arty is easy because she's happy and because she's being handled by me. And she is absolutely what people mean when they describe a 'mareish' mare (as much as I flipping hate that term). And it is definitely a different type of sharp and sensitive in comparison to a sharp sensitive gelding. But out of the two mares I know which one has a grip on my heart that would have me prefer to cut off a limb than be parted from her
 

Charla

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My mare is not always easy, but works beautifully when she knows what she’s being asked to do. With new things, you have to make it so clear or she becomes stroppy. You sometimes have to talk her through things before you get her to say yes. You can not argue or get impatient, or she will win hands down.
I’ve had two professional who have tapped her on the shoulder and she’s ditched them for it. Tap on the bum is however acceptable according to her. Funny things.
 

Ambers Echo

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I have had several mares. All the mares bar 1 have been angelic and that 1 had health problems. Jenny and Dolly are the sweetest, easiest ponies. Amber is very quick to let me know when she isn't happy - but every time she has communicated a problem there has been a reason like a tight back or saddle no longer fitting or something. I agree with people upthread who say you should not just assume her behaviour is because she's a mare and they are 'just like that'. I would look deeper at what she might be trying to tell you.
 

SEL

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I've got a difficult mare and we have to accommodate her quirks. If we took away the 'mare' bit in your post though I would wonder whether there is something physical going on, or a saddle fit issue.
 

oldie48

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We had a couple of mares years ago and I had no idea that they were supposed to be different and tbh they weren't. I wouldn't have known when they were in season and they were both kind and generous to ride and lovely to handle. Rose is the first mare I've had for nearly 20 years and when I posted on here about having a mare I got lots of advice but actually she just wants clear boundaries and instructions like my geldings have wanted. Recently her behaviour changed, she wouldn't stand to be tacked up, was a bit tricky in canter tbh just felt a bit unco-operative. ah I thought, the honeymoon is over and she's testing me, i had a couple of occasions when she bucked going into canter. Immediately thought she's fit and fresh but when i ended up over her head I got my physio out and she had a very sore back. Please don't assume it's mareish behaviour if your horse is being difficult it may well be pain related.
 
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