New part loaner

[Missjones.]

Hi. I’m two months into a part loan on a 24yr old Shire X and starting to question whether I’m the right loaner for him. He is my first part loan for twenty years. I used to ride as a teenager and started lessons six months ago, I’m now 40, so it’s been a as very long break although I’ve done lots of pony treks in the meantime but nothing as hands on as a part loan. I felt ready for a part loan & confident enough to start, but now I’m not so sure whether it’s me or the horse. I feel so disheartened & ready to Jack it all in because he just isn't listening to me at all. I'm being assertive and using a firm voice, and although he will listen to his owner and his other loaner who is 9 years old and respond to them, he he completely ignores me. On Christmas Day he refused to leave his stable which he’s never done before, so he was already being stubborn and we had only just started our time together that day. Eventually he followed me out into the paddock whilst I did the chores, but when I took him out for a walk in his head collar he made a beeline for the grass verge (which is private property so he’s never been allowed to do that and he knows it’s not allowed) I told him NO! And stand still! And tried to stop him but he dragged me. When I'm riding him it takes ten attempts to get on him as he moves around, on a small hack he makes a beeline for grass verges, yanking the reins out of my hands, he turns around to go home after a few minutes down the Lane, we end up in circles and he will then stand still and refuse to move at all which completely unnerves me. Even grooming is a dance with him swinging left to right every few minutes. It’s almost like he's purposefully ignoring me when I ask him do to something. I'm starting to feel nervous around him and it's damaging my confidence as he's such a big boy (15.2) I don’t want to argue with him all the time and it does feel like everything is a battle now. Because of not being able to control him on the ground I’ve now no confidence riding him. And every time I have ridden him out on a very small hack I’ve had these napping issues and the beeline for grass. He really doesn’t listen to me at all. I don’t want to be a danger to anyone else on the road and I really worry that he’s dangerous now because he won’t do as I tell him to.
Ultimately I feel I’m letting him down. He could have a loaner who he connects with and can get more out of him as opposed to me just letting him in the paddock and only being able to walk him so far out. All I wanted was a pony I could walk, trot occasionally canter and hack out on but we can’t do this. All I can do with him without an argument is muck out, feed him and turn him out. It feels crazy to be putting myself through this and also paying for the honour! I feel like I should stop the loan and instead focus on private lessons fora while then see if there’s any other loans for a novice with a smaller horse in a few months time when I’ve got my confidence back.... or, is this par for the course and I need to grit my teeth, muster up some confidence and just work at getting him to respond and under my control. He does have a great side to him ie he will back up, he will let me tack him up and is known as the gentle giant to everyone else.... In the paddock he is good but turns himself in, but I can manage that. I’d be really appreciate of anyone’s advice and either you’ve experienced anything similar....
Thanks

 

[Starzaan]

I hate to say it but it sounds to me as if he is taking the pee out of you because he knows he can.
I would recommend getting an instructor to come and spend some time with you both on the floor and ridden to help improve your assertiveness with him.

 

[Missjones.]

Yes he is. My worry now is that I’m not going to be able to stop him from taking the piss .... There’s an instructor at the yard so I could ask her to spend some time with me. Thanks for your good advice x

 

[meleeka]

He won’t know he’s not allowed to drag you to the grass unless you show him it’s not allowed. He’s dragging you and because you aren’t stopping him he thinks it’s ok! Lead him in a bridle and you’ll have more control. I agree with getting an instructor to help you be more assertive. It’s not about shouting and screaming at him, but he clearly doesn’t see you as a leader so he’s calling the shots. He doesn’t sound rude if a 9 year old girl is able to deal with him ok and I think plenty of horses would do the same, especially dependable cobs types.

 

[SaddlePsych'D]

Yes he is. My worry now is that I’m not going to be able to stop him from taking the piss .... There’s an instructor at the yard so I could ask her to spend some time with me. Thanks for your good advice x

A really good idea. I needed a bit of help with the horse I share. His owner is fab and very helpful, but I think does let him get away with things a bit and it was impacting on my confidence (not to mention getting very frustrating at times!) I started having lessons with an instructor at the yard and asked her for a tacking up/handling lesson - not because I don't know how to tack up but because I was sure that it could be done without being pushed around! It wasn't complicated, I just needed someone to model it for me and now it's a much much easier and pleasant experience (for me and the horse I think!) Pulling to eat was another thing I've worked on with him because it's firstly annoying but also can be dangerous. His owner is/was justifying it with 'he's hungry' as the grass is lacking but to my mind it's a couple of minutes walk and we're in the stable with a haynet so he can survive that amount of time without carting me to the nearest patch of deliciousness! Again I think once you've been shown how to correct it, it's fairly straightforward to do. Now I find that a well timed 'hey!' if I sense him eyeing up the ground is enough to remind him before he actually goes to pull.

I've also had a few of my lessons out hacking with my instructor instead of in the school. If this is a possibility for you I really recommend it. I've been out hacking with riding schools but no-one's ever really taught me out hacking. I've learned a lot about how to handle/navigate situations out and about.

 

[Cloball]

Horses can be great levellers I for one have been dragged about by the smallest pony the yard. If someone tells you they have never been bestest by a Shetland is lying ?.
I am sure you want to make a good impression and I can feel from your post that you are trying really hard. Horses can sense when you're nervous/worried and children are often more fearless in that respect.

Everyone has given good advice about lessons etc. Some shares you should definitely walk away from but I think you should persevere a bit with this one FOR your confidence as I think this one is easily won if that makes sense.

Also I would recommend laughing as a sort of fake it til you make it. The more you worry about getting it right and how you look the more worried you're going to get and the horse will pick up on this. Laugh it off (even if it's fake) pop a bridle on him take a deep breath and walk with confidence. You will soon learn the warning signs and be able to hear him off at the pass ? I am sure.

 

[ownedbyaconnie]

Lots and lots of lessons is my advice for pretty much anything horse related! He’s taking the p because he knows he can and until you tell him otherwise he will keep doing it. An instructor will show you how to stop it before it even happens and hopefully instil some confidence in you. The horse will sense you are nervous and will take advantage of it.

 

[Trinket12]

He's not taking the piss as such, horses don't think that way. But he doesn't know you yet and you haven't given him firm boundaries or clear communication, when I got my mare we struggled on the ground because I wasn't firm and clear. Compared to my coach who would look at her sternly and she behaved herself

As others have said, it's confidence, follow through and consistency. Groundwork can also be fun

 

[brighteyes]

A stubborn and rude 24 yo 15.2 Shire x with another part loaner who is 9 and manages him fine... OK. I have no really helpful answers to this one.

 

[Equi]

Oh goodness i want to give him and you a bit of a shake. He is absolutely taking the pee. Are you in the back of your mind thinking "this is not my horse i don't want to be mean/too tough on him"? Have you asked the owner to shadow you at any point? They may be able to ease your mind when he is being a pee and encourage you to give him what for. I recall i was once handling someone elses stallion and being a little less firm than i probably would be with my own and they came over and said they were cringing at how soft i was being with him, crack on! Thus i did lol

 

[Missjones.]

Thank you everyone. I’m going to get the instructor to help me with this. I’m going to also step up my game and stop being so soft as obviously that’s the problem.

 

[Ownedby4horses]

as others have said, Time spent with a good instructor will get you on the right track. Good luck and dont lose hope, if a 9yr old can manage him then he sounds very easy and potentially a nice share to get you back into horses, you just need some instruction. Best of luck.

 

[Circe2]

It does sound to me like you’re being too nice, and I’m saying that as another person who is usually too nice!

I would personally start out with those small things that require manners - basically the stuff on the ground (the riding part can be sorted out with an instructor). When grooming him, tie him up. Do in-hand work (both with treats + schooling whip), so he knows that when you push him sideways/backwards, he should move over. That when you ask him to be still, he should stand still (this one gets a reward). Do this in a quiet place without distractions (including his box, courtyard etc) - and repeat until he’s reactive. Then repeat those exercises somewhere where he’s a little bit closer to a grass verge. Lead him in a bridle and always carry a stick. He doesn’t sound like an aggressive horse, so don’t be scared of him! Just stand your ground, push his shoulder if he gets pushy etc. Use your elbow on his neck if he’s pulling forward to make a beeline for the grass. It only takes a few times of asserting yourself properly until he gets the picture, and after that you need to make sure you never indulge him by rewarding those behaviours.

It takes knowing the horse and what turns him cheeky - Example: mine would never dare to dive for the grass (especially in a bridle - if he did, he’d get a yank, but thankfully we’ve never had to do that), but will get really pushy if I carry treats on me or feed him from my hands. I counter this by only giving hand-fed treats in the arena, as a direct result of his compliance (not as an all round reward). If I think he’s been a good boy that whole day and I feel like he deserves something tasty, I’ll leave it in his bucket - I don’t want him learning to harass me for treats in his box.

Think of it as assertiveness training for yourself, not as fighting between the two of you. Equate it to practicing speaking up in work meetings, asking leading questions etc. It’s all habit, that has been lost when you took a break from horses and can easily be regained.