New pony for daughter and my nerves .. Help

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Polo Ponies

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I've recently bought a pony for my daughter. I have an ex polo pony but have suffered terribly from nerves over the last 2 years after a bad bolting fall so don't ride very often. My daughter who is 8 and very novice loves helping out and rides my 15.1 ex polo pony occasionally so I bought her a 12h welsh pony who was sold as a bombproof lead rein first pony. She's been with us two days and is quite nippy and bargy but my daughter sat on her bareback today and I led her around the yard. I felt horribly nervous which is something I never used to be and I am worried if I don't sort myself out I will spoil the whole experience for my daughter.
I recently went through a very bad seperation from my husband and am finding life very difficult at the moment but horses have always been my passion and my happiness but now they seem to be causing me anxiety and I find it all very upsetting. Can anyone offer some words of support or advice ?
 
Perhaps speaking to someone about your anxiety would help. Your GP should have ideas on this and will be sympathetic.
It will get better, as anyone who has gone through a separation will tell you,but you maybe need some help to get through this bit, and have fun with your ponies again.
I wish you all the best, strength and comfort from your equines, and onwards and upwards. : ) x
 
It's very early days for the new pony, just take things very slowly. You are lucky to have the experience and knowledge that many mums don't have, just don't put yourself under any pressure, take things as they come and I'm sure everything will be well. I bet by the summer, you'll look back and wonder why you were so anxious. good luck andI hope things settle down for you.
 
Thank you for your replies. This fear is so debilitating, i sometimes freeze with fear when before I would not have batted an eyelid. My marriage was abusive and so I know it has taken my confidence away but I found the strength to get out and find a home with 3 children and 2 pones so I know I am a strong person. It breaks my heart that the thing I love so much is causing me fear and anxiety. It makes me want to cry and give up but I cant, I wont. My mare is the kindest sweetest pony you could ever wish for and she is so forgiving with me, never doing anything to hurt me or being strong or naughty, and my daughter loves horses and is so keen to ride and have fun. Every time our new pony or even my mare twitches its tail, or snorts pr jumps or anything I get a rush of adrenalin and my stomach crunches up in fear its AWFUL. Then the "What if" scenarios start running riot in my head and its game over .....

Winter is hard and never as easy or as fun as summer but I really want my daughter to bond with her pony and go off and have fun together and I shall never forgive myself if I ruin that for her x
 
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Hi op for nerves highly recommend reading the chimp paradox.. It really helps with negative thoughts and the What ifs...

Also get your daughter a good instructor or friend to help just so your nerves aren't affecting the pony or your daughter:)
 
I think you would really benefit from some counselling. I'm not surprised you're on edge after enduring an abusive relationship. My bet is you've been running on adrenaline for quite some time & it's switched on permanently. Talking therapy & meditation/relaxation techniques will help you. Your daughter & her new pony are really not the issue. You know how to handle them, you just need reminding.
 
I am a mum with a very keen 11 yr old daughter and I really struggle to not show my anxiety when she rides because I don't want to put her off. I found it really helped to have an instructor come in and teach her rather than me then I couldn't interfere or get too involved and we could use exercises she was taught in between the lessons. I always get absolutely sick with nerves before she does any jumping but am just learning to not say anything...
 
what exactly happened when you had your fall? I used to go through the reasons why this and that happened when I fell, that used to help me with fear.
 
ChesnutsRoasting said:
I think you would really benefit from some counselling. I'm not surprised you're on edge after enduring an abusive relationship. My bet is you've been running on adrenaline for quite some time & it's switched on permanently. Talking therapy & meditation/relaxation techniques will help you. Your daughter & her new pony are really not the issue. You know how to handle them, you just need reminding.
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i would agree with everything here. You have had traumatic experiences and youre body and mind are on alert still.
 
It sounds exactly like you are experiencing 'burnout' caused by damaged or worn out adrenal glands. What you are suffering from is much more likely to be physical rather than mental problems. It will just be time that cures it but the more you worry about it the worse you will feel. The best thing you can do is let time pass and accept what is happening to you knowing that in time you will gradually become yourself again. Don't ever blame yourself for how you feel - honestly if you accept instead of worrying and going over it again and again in your mind your glands will calm down and VERY slowly you will begin to cope again. Try not to put yourself into difficult situations, even if you let other people down. Only you can heal your body and what it needs now is peace and possibly gentle meditation if you can do it. Above all don't give yourself a time limit - your body will heal when it is ready not before. Yes I do know quite a bit about all of this in case you are wondering.
 
Wow people thank you so much for your replies. Its so true I have lived on adrenaline and in a heightened state of anxiety for so long (22 years) that I now respond that way to anything that I perceive as slightly stressful or threatening to me. I agree these are two separate issues and I like the suggestion of a teacher for my daughter. I think to have someone else teach her without the emotional attachment I have to her would be good for her and for me. I am terribly protective of her as she witnessed the final incident between my husband and I when he threw me down the stairs and she was very upset and distressed as he threw me out of the house and locked her inside with him, even though she was screaming to come with me. I know I need to work on myself and try and learn to let go and not allow what happened in the past affect me so much. I guess time will heal which is why horses are so important to me, without them I would not have got through the last 22 years and I feel I could never let that part of me go, no matter how hard it feels at the moment.

Thank you all so much for your kind words of advice, you have no idea how great it is to know I am not alone xx
 
Poor you! So sorry for all you have been through.

I haven't had the same issues that you have, but I did get divorced when my daughter was 6, and then at 9 she said she wanted to start riding. I wasn't riding at the time but took it up again soon after - and to cut a long story short I think my nerves have really held my daughter back. She is a beautiful rider aged 19 but not at all brave.

I agree that to start with at least, your daughter may get on a lot better with a different instructor. (Don't know about you, but if my mum had seen half the things i did on ponies as a kid she would have had a nervous breakdown and locked me in my room for the next 5 years!). If you can do that, or get her out with a brave friend, go ahead - I think it will be great for you both.

Hugs and good luck x x
 
So hope you are feeling etter. All I can add is get some Rescue remedy from chemist / superdrug etc. Use that yourself when ever you need it. It takes the knot out of your tummy . It will help you stop worrying so much after all you have experienced.
 
Thank you again for all your replies. I'm going to just breathe and stop trying to force myself to do what I think I should. I'm
Very hard on myself and get frustrated with myself when things don't go as I expect them to. My daughter loved her little ride I need to look into getting someone in to help her with her pony and I will get myself sorted so I can one day join in with her and be happy again. Xxx
 
I can't really add to the lovely advice some of the other users have already given, but just wanted to add that you sound like a truly strong women, and cannot imagine what you have been through.

Take the pressure off yourself, and book an appointment with your doctor. It sounds as though you are at burn out point, and some help and support may just help you break the cycle of anxiety and worry. You have been through an absolutely huge ordeal, and I think sometimes, when you yourself have lived it, you forget what it is like to feel ok because you simply live on autopilot and adrenalin- you are constantly on high alert. You need time to allow your wounds to heal, and some support may just make that easier as you deal with recovery process. Time to put yourself first and invest on getting yourself feeling better.

In the meantime, I would invest in an instructor for your daughter. It takes the worry away from you, but means you get some time to just sit back and enjoy watching and seeing your daughter having fun.

I really wish you a speedy recovery, and wish your daughter every success with her new equine friend.

Look after yourself. x
 
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